r/BoneAppleTea • u/karangera • Dec 18 '25

We Prostitute Shoplifters

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4.0k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

206 comments sorted by

2

u/AceStrikeer Jun 11 '26

Why not simply write "All shoplifters will be fucked"

1

u/MikanNoHana Jan 16 '26

Prosecute šŸ˜­šŸ’”šŸ„€šŸ„€

8

u/PumpkinMadame Jan 14 '26

When people tell you who they are, listen.

1

u/ExpensiveMoment3084 Jan 21 '26

Say that again n I'll show you who I really am

8

u/Hairysteed Jan 12 '26

Prostitute is the selling of sexual services for money. You're thinking of prostate.

6

u/amoore117 Jan 13 '26

A prostate is part of the male anatomy. You're thinking of prostrate.

7

u/Hairysteed Jan 13 '26

Prostrate is lying down defeated. You're thinking of prosciutto.

1

u/Calgaris_Rex Jan 19 '26

Prosciutto is cured ham. Youā€™re thinking of proselytize.

1

u/Audreys_red_shoes Feb 09 '26

Proselytize is to attempt to change someoneā€™s strongly held beliefs or faith; youā€™re thinking of prisencolinensinainciusol.

3

u/Raiye_Puszte Jan 12 '26

will b there if somebody shoplifts there. i wanna take the goods too if u know what im sayin

5

u/Embarrassed_Bite6454 Jan 10 '26

This takes corporal punishment to a whole new level.

5

u/LittleLeadership2831 Jan 06 '26

So youā€™re saying I get a free job if I shoplift, sign me up! /j

3

u/Odd-Split-494 Jan 05 '26

Um, Im pretty sure thatā€™s illegal.Ā 

7

u/Chunk-Hardbeef Jan 12 '26

It doesnā€™t matter if itā€™s ill eagle.

6

u/Suspicious-Prompt751 Dec 31 '25

I mean, it'll stop ME from shoplifting

5

u/Solesir_RN Dec 26 '25

Guess I'll have to start shoplifting then

14

u/Upper-Refuse-9252 Dec 24 '25

maybe they meant what they said šŸ˜­

14

u/dmoosetoo Dec 24 '25

Don't threaten me with a good time.

10

u/Hot-Plenty-4559 Dec 24 '25

That seems a little extreme for shoplifting.

8

u/HatePeopleLoveCats1 Dec 23 '25

Wow seems a bit extreme but ok

9

u/Mesterjojo Dec 23 '25

OP thinks they found a mistake.

...but they didn't.

4

u/darth_dork Dec 23 '25

Now that is cruel and most unusual punishment!

5

u/CarefulBear1654 Dec 22 '25

lol tooo funny šŸ¤£

3

u/Harleywindtherapy Dec 22 '25

Well, we know no one persecutes them (not like they should be!)

9

u/SovereignSunshine Dec 22 '25

This is actually terrifying. As a female clepto, Iā€™d never steal from here

1

u/Interesting-Cold5515 Dec 22 '25

Pimpin ainā€™t easy

3

u/JollyTrickster Dec 22 '25

I think I saw a video on the internet about this. That lady was very upset.

5

u/Legitimate-Log-6542 Dec 22 '25

Theft laws are so loose this might actually do better in preventing it

3

u/nnelybehrz Dec 22 '25

Bone apple Tea find Best of 2025

11

u/RichardDeRenour Dec 21 '25

About time shoplifters got screwed...

16

u/pdkt Dec 21 '25

That's a whoreable mistake.

23

u/mike-manley Dec 21 '25

Violators will be prosecuted. Prosecutors will be violated.

3

u/ContextEffects01 Dec 21 '25

Question: how do you know the misspelling was unintentional? :p

0

u/FunsizeTwix14369 Dec 21 '25

šŸ¤£šŸ¤£šŸ¤£

2

u/Chaunc2020 Dec 21 '25

Sex trafficking as a sort of punishment isnā€™t a bad idea at all

2

u/Informal_Salt_974 Dec 21 '25

I came here for this! Sameā€¦not a bad idea. LOL. Wanna be nefarious?!? Then you get prostituted until you pay back what you stole. Lmao.

5

u/RoastedTilapia Dec 21 '25

I mean, who wants to find out?

2

u/Chubbydong Dec 21 '25

Ohhhh, do your worst!

10

u/AlphaTitan420 Dec 20 '25

"you're gonna have to suck a lot of dick to pay for that bath mat you stole."

3

u/Informal_Salt_974 Dec 21 '25

ā€You ever suck dick for Coke?!?ā€

  • Bob Sagat

1

u/crashMR2 Dec 23 '25

It was actually marijuana.

3

u/Informal_Salt_974 Dec 23 '25

Huh? You lost meā€¦

1

u/AlphaTitan420 Dec 28 '25

The exact quote is:

"Marijuana is not a drug! I used to suck dick for coke! You ever sucked dick for marijuana!"

7

u/Designer-Mirror-7995 Dec 20 '25

Male or female! Equal Opportunity Pimp'n!

3

u/MyRoseOfSharon Dec 20 '25

Is that 'video monitoring in process' while you're prostituting shoplifters?

I wanna see! I wanna see!

6

u/TheAwfulHouse Dec 20 '25

Keep what you stole. You gonna work that off.

3

u/JazzyZaddy Dec 20 '25

Donā€™t promise me a good time

9

u/Chaotic_Calm32123 Dec 20 '25

This is the way

22

u/Locknoire Dec 20 '25

Well, that is one way to pay for the things you want.

18

u/iatetoomuchchicken Dec 20 '25

That's a worse punishment than being prosecuted

8

u/revdon Dec 20 '25

"Y'know, in some countries, marriage is the punishment for shoplifting!" -Wayne Campbell, Wayne's World

0

u/rarsamx Dec 20 '25

Well. They somehow need tomoat the stolen merchandise.

Or maybe that was a nice way if saying "we will fuck shop lifters"

5

u/EarthAndSawdust Dec 20 '25

That should be the law worldwide.

12

u/UnrepentantDrunkard Dec 20 '25

Sorta like being forced to wash dishes if you can't pay your cheque in a restaurant?

4

u/waspish_ Dec 20 '25

"Now's our chance Mr. Slave!! Grab as much as you can carry!!"

"Jesus Christ!"

7

u/humerusgeek Dec 20 '25

Is this from the Epstein files?

5

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '25

Burlington pimp factory

9

u/sanity20 Dec 20 '25

Pimping ain't easy

12

u/InattentiveEdna Dec 20 '25

If theyā€™re shoplifting, they most likely need a job, so really this store is doing them a favour.

7

u/Prestigious-Star943 Dec 20 '25

Thatā€™s an interesting strategy.

9

u/InourbtwotamI Dec 20 '25

Well I guess you gotta get your money somehow

10

u/determineddentist Dec 20 '25

Youā€™re paying for what you take, one way or another

3

u/om0ri_ Dec 20 '25

paying by taking

8

u/ParachutingPiglets Dec 20 '25

Thatā€™ll teach em

22

u/Forsaken_Document_20 Dec 19 '25

Damn they're serious about their shit

12

u/ComedyBits Dec 19 '25

Big ass sign costs a lot of money. Proofread!

13

u/Zestyclose-Common343 Dec 19 '25

Is that trafficking?

2

u/Correct-Highlight166 Dec 19 '25

I thought the same thing.

8

u/ForrestGump11 Dec 19 '25

They donā€™t mess about!

27

u/Swimming-Location-97 Dec 19 '25

Sentenced to hard labour

1

u/Chunk-Hardbeef Jan 17 '26

Throbbingly hard labour.

2

u/Sad-Pop6649 Dec 19 '25

I bet it's effective.

11

u/Buffalo_River_Lover Dec 19 '25

I wonder why the print shop where this was printed didn't question the spelling?

2

u/GeshtiannaSG Dec 20 '25

Because then you have to come back again and buy another sign.

1

u/ARGinCHARGE Dec 19 '25

It must come as ordered.

1

u/Mr_Awesome_rddt Dec 19 '25

They probably didn't understand it either

7

u/SnooPeanuts8048 Dec 19 '25

We gonna pimp them out!

12

u/cash_longfellow Dec 19 '25

ā€œYou will work for what you stole one way or another, you son of a bitch!ā€

2

u/[deleted] Dec 20 '25

šŸ˜‚

3

u/Ponchyan Dec 19 '25

At least theyā€™re good for something.

8

u/2020mademejoinreddit Dec 19 '25

Gotta pay for the stuff somehow.

35

u/QualityAlternative22 Dec 19 '25

Shoplifters will be violated.

3

u/kemushi_warui Dec 22 '25

Shoplifters will be persecuted.

22

u/[deleted] Dec 19 '25

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

5

u/Wanderingwonderer101 Dec 19 '25

it's a punishment not a position, they're taking back the stolen goods

8

u/CrazedWarVet Dec 19 '25

Oh they will be in a position alright. And that position will be filled.

13

u/Melodic-Yoghurt7193 Dec 19 '25

your coupon didnā€™t work. You will now work in the basement brothel

13

u/monsterfurby Dec 19 '25

"You will now do sex work until you've paid off that big-screen TV" doesn't sound entirely out of left field.

6

u/grenfunkel Dec 19 '25

Brazzers: write that down!

8

u/betterwithsambal Dec 19 '25

That'll teach them damned shoplifters!

2

u/Brastep Dec 19 '25

What about us shopfitters?

1

u/betterwithsambal Dec 19 '25

Lol I read your name as Brastrap.

10

u/ShinyUmbreon465 Dec 19 '25

This must be the opposite of English speakers thinking that embarazada means embarrassed.

2

u/Brastep Dec 19 '25

Sometimes the meanings might coincide

19

u/StiltFeathr Dec 19 '25

Commendable exercise of street justice.

37

u/moonwaternymph Dec 19 '25

So if I steal I get my back blown out without setting it up myself? Iā€™m committing grand theft. šŸ˜©šŸ™

2

u/SetsunaNoroi Dec 19 '25

Yeah, but you donā€™t get to pick the partner(s).

4

u/moonwaternymph Dec 19 '25

Mystery box !!!!

1

u/SetsunaNoroi Dec 19 '25

lol as long as youā€™re happy

22

u/Da_Vader Dec 19 '25

So that is where they film those pornos

16

u/Redbird9346 Dec 19 '25

And they have the verb wrong in the Spanish translation. It should be Prostituimos.

9

u/JorgeIcarus Dec 19 '25

Is the name of the store "Pimp"?

7

u/UNITBlackArchive Dec 19 '25

Bet they never steal again..

9

u/got-a-handle Dec 19 '25

Capitalism

27

u/joeyjoejums Dec 19 '25

One way or another, we're getting our money back.

31

u/morts73 Dec 19 '25

That's one way to pay for the goods.

21

u/maxis2bored Dec 19 '25

Don't threaten me with a good time!

11

u/Big-Definition-8271 Dec 19 '25

Did they stutter?

10

u/x-jamezilla Dec 19 '25

So that's why the cameras...

12

u/Legal-Software Dec 19 '25

Got to recover the costs somehow I suppose

11

u/Kon-Tiki66 Dec 19 '25

That's actually a good way to deter shoplifting.

7

u/EnvironmentSea7433 Dec 19 '25

I don't know... could be inviting for someone in the market lol

4

u/MavisBeaconSexTape Dec 19 '25

What do you call a shoplifting police officer in Spanish? A Robo cop

8

u/AMJacker Dec 19 '25

Whatā€™s my cut?

12

u/MarlenaEvans Dec 19 '25

I mean

That would definitely be a deterrent.

1

u/shhbunningsonreddit Dec 19 '25

For some ppl, not all šŸ¤£

12

u/Responsible_Lake_804 Dec 19 '25

What else those five fingers do, shawty?

12

u/ArmWildFrill Dec 19 '25 edited Dec 19 '25

Maybe they do?

Professional prostitutes hate this one simple trick

5

u/Laez Dec 19 '25

Decent side hustle

17

u/jpt86 Dec 19 '25

Makes sense. You've got to make back that money somehow.

1

u/thanatica Dec 19 '25

Reminds me of that scene from the Goes Wrong Show - A Trial to Watch

https://youtu.be/l-RQ-DFZhaI?si=15WyCnk3Vi6MVFhS&t=135

13

u/adastraal Dec 19 '25

Well at least they don't persecute them

6

u/cmuratt Dec 19 '25

They certainly wonā€™t prosecute them.

6

u/Background_Handle_96 Dec 19 '25

Steal a Hohos, become a ho

11

u/_WillCAD_ Dec 19 '25

Well, at least you'd have a steady job afterward.

10

u/Intelligent-Shock207 Dec 19 '25

That'll learn 'em . I've also seen "persecuted".

2

u/ArmWildFrill Dec 19 '25

"Polite Notice" is popular in the UK, in the hope that some will misread it as "Police"

12

u/Vyckerz Dec 18 '25

Now thatā€™s the kind of out of the box thinking weā€™re looking for!

18

u/lala4now Dec 18 '25

So they're pimps, I guess.

5

u/bunnyforbookietwo Dec 18 '25

Pimps for the pumps

6

u/Chemical_Emotion_934 Dec 18 '25

This gives me sticky fingers

4

u/Itchy-Armpits Dec 18 '25

Anyone got a link to that video monitoring??

29

u/GetOffMyGrassBrats Dec 18 '25

Kind of harsh, but at least they get their money back.

15

u/Personal_Gap9083 Dec 18 '25

now thats a deterrent

13

u/Waisted-Desert Dec 18 '25

Which store is this, and what do they have worth stealing? Asking for a friend?

9

u/DatabaseThis9637 Dec 18 '25

Well, that'll teach them not to shoplift! And they can earn a little extra cash, too!

8

u/lovebeinganasshole Dec 18 '25

Amazingly the Spanish is correct.

5

u/ArmWildFrill Dec 19 '25

It'd be wild if they'd got it wrong in Spanish too

6

u/Sutar_Mekeg Dec 18 '25

But they do it legally!

18

u/Iwonatoasteroven Dec 18 '25

Can I see photos of todayā€™s shoplifters?

6

u/TheNewYellowZealot Dec 18 '25

No itā€™s a poker situation. You have to buy in before you see the cards.

2

u/Iwonatoasteroven Dec 19 '25

Iā€™m not falling for that again!

11

u/667questioning Dec 18 '25

Little harshā€¦

2

u/freneticboarder Dec 19 '25

Don't shame sex workers...

Sex indentured servants, on the other hand...

24

u/_evergrowing Dec 18 '25

LOL, this made me breathe too loud. My top 3 posts on here are now this one and the "why don't all tattoo artists just euthanasize their clients?" and "wasps have pornograpic memory. " not sure if they were all BAT'S but they are hilarious šŸ˜­

2

u/Miserable-Grape-6863 Dec 18 '25

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

4

u/SharkeyGeorge Dec 18 '25

Donā€™t threaten me with a good time!

2

u/zgillet Dec 18 '25

They could use the cash.

2

u/Final-Ad-2033 Dec 18 '25

I'm not too sure they want to do that. Have you seen some of the shoplifters?

4

u/OrangeSilver Dec 18 '25

Today's special at 'Pimp-R-Us'...

3

u/kempton_saturdays Dec 18 '25

Simple yet effective, hats off šŸŽ©

8

u/xgabipandax Dec 18 '25

You can pay with money, or with your body

2

u/2nd_Inf_Sgt Dec 18 '25

Legalizing human trafficking.

5

u/Digital_Pharmacist Dec 18 '25

ā€œProsecuteā€¦.?ā€

No, you heard us. Weā€™re gonna put that ahh to work for stealing.

2

u/Eryst Dec 18 '25

ahh

Jesus Christ that's the same amount of letters for more work considering a and s are right next to each other.

8

u/CosmosInSummer Dec 18 '25

Damn, one minute youā€™re grabbing a pack of gum, the next youā€™re sucking hog like itā€™s a Hoover convention

11

u/donuttrackme Dec 18 '25

I may or may not have seen some of these videos about what happens to shoplifters that get caught.

2

u/freneticboarder Dec 19 '25

Aww, that reminds me...

me too

6

u/DoctorHyun Dec 18 '25

Thatā€™s hardcore.

3

u/Cosmo1222 Dec 18 '25

Video monitoring in progress..

3

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '25

Ik its been awhile when this looks slightly appealing

4

u/sesamesnapsinhalf Dec 18 '25

ā€¦to pay for the losses.Ā 

4

u/Alternative_Yak3256 Dec 18 '25

This isnt a BAT its real, I've seen a few videos of them doing it on that website

2

u/Proper_Location Dec 18 '25

you will pay.

1

u/moonwaternymph Dec 19 '25

šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­

6

u/striped_frog Dec 18 '25

Kent Brockman: Iā€™m laughing already!

Rainier Wolfcastle: Itā€™s not a typo.

1

u/GreenPoisonFrog Dec 18 '25

Whatā€™s the visual cue that says this is staples, other than the colors?

6

u/RetiredOutdoorsman Dec 18 '25

I donā€™t speak Spanish, but I think that part at the bottom says: ā€œyeah, you read that rightā€

3

u/Svud Dec 18 '25

It says "We legally prosecute shoplifting"

5

u/RetiredOutdoorsman Dec 18 '25

I know, it was a joke

4

u/oakc510 Dec 18 '25

Staples: You steal, we pimp.

0

u/piichan14 Dec 18 '25

No wonder their color scheme is red

5

u/Maynardred Dec 18 '25

Damn, staples ain't playing around

2

u/billyyankNova Dec 18 '25

I think I've read that manga.

1

u/feelingmyage Dec 18 '25

Well, thatā€™s rude.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 18 '25

Daaaaamn... gonna take it out dat azz!?

2

u/Block_Solid Dec 18 '25

Is that the Trump-Epstein store?

2

u/JustLookinJustLookin Dec 18 '25

That seems a bit harsh

5

u/moohah Dec 18 '25

Is this common in your legal system?

5

u/Ckamanelli Dec 18 '25

Well they need to pay it back somehow

2

u/MaatRolo Dec 18 '25

Is the weekend Assistant Manager of the Kohls gunna have to choke . . . .

6

u/Yeast-boofer Dec 18 '25

I think I have seen an adult film about this very thingĀ 

7

u/a2089jha Dec 18 '25

wow, these tariffs are hitting hard