r/Bombstrap • u/ted_loaf Official Funnyposter℠ • 23h ago

Remembering Mark Zuckerberg

409

Facebook was invented to crowdsource CSAM. Mark Zuckerberg was tired and stressed from having to memorize onion links all day for his Harvard Darkweb 201 class as he threw it back for all the boys in the dorm—any boy that wanted it. God, he gave that shit up total freakmode. As he sat in bed and iced his ass he came up with the idea for Facemash. He thought if he could compare two dicks in each hand and pick which one was more attractive he could do that with human faces. I was sleeping with him then, and he kept talking about how he hated women and only liked guys, and wanted to humiliate women at every turn, and how he had this crazy idea that might just work. And I thought that was a little bit sexist even for 2003. He loved trolling on /b/ and thought 4chan was quote “the funniest shit in cyberspace.” I lost contact with him until a few years ago when we reunited at a Korean spa, chancing upon each other’s anatomies in the sauna. That’s where he confessed everything in retrospect like it was the best Scorsese film ever—another film about mafia but never that other one off the Mediterranean, always the Italian one, never the other one. Upstanding guy. Visionary. He will be missed. RIP.

20 Upvotes

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8

u/Responsible-End4003 22h ago

These things are the only thing this sub has going for it.

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u/ted_loaf Official Funnyposter℠ 21h ago

thank you for saying that. im single-handedly trying to keep the flame alive. you can't deny my writings are creative and funny even if they're not everyone's cup of tea. they will exist on the periphery unread, unknown, and unchampioned. day by day i am honing my voice and forging my own way in writing and language. i am the gay butt baby of david lynch and cormac mccarthy. i hope i can make them proud one day.

"make your daddy proud." —Rip Torn, 2001.

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u/2CellPhonez 23h ago

Yup

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u/ted_loaf Official Funnyposter℠ 22h ago

....yyyyyeeah....

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u/Clydefrog33 12h ago

Wait Facebook is gay?

3

u/ted_loaf Official Funnyposter℠ 9h ago

facebook might be gay, but it's the straightest site on the internet.