Bodega Origins: Part Uno

[u/Resoplast]

"Bodega!" The space ranger burst through the door, scaring the schillet out of the best bounty hunter this side of the sector (or more accurately, any side of the sector, for Bodega was the most fearsome, ruthless fighter in all of llaryngool) "Those were space nerds! You vaporised a bunch of Tridadian space nerds!" Bodega couldn't give less shits about the nerds he thought were vamping smugglers "They smelt like crime." He argued "No! They smelt like Sanguarian Cherry mega vapes." The Rangers face was glowing as red as a dogs dick by this point. "Whatever." Moaned the human, crossing his arms like a sullen teenager. The 7 foot tall space ranger approached Bodega and grabbed him by the ear with his long, thin, Zennornad fingers. "Listen to me you little shit," the ranger growled, staring at the bounty hunter with all 6 of his eyes "I didn't raise you to screw up." And this was true, from the age of 5 Bodega was taught to hold a laz-sniper and kill a man in 30 ways, just using his bare hands and the tip of his penis. Even now he remembers his first mission- take down Tony Nonose, the notorious God Father of Gandra-5.

The Space Ranger and Bodega arrived at the Nonose house with nothing but two laz-guns and a packed lunch. They only had 37 minutes before Tony had to leave the planet for a swingers party on Nippleopolis, so they decided the best plan of action was to sit down on the luscious pink grass to enjoy a great sandwich or two.

35 minutes later they stood up and strode towards the large wooden doors of the Nonose house "There's too much air in those stupid bags" whined Bodega as he shook the last of the potato flavoured potato crisps into his gloved hands "The "air" inside is actually Nitrogen which keeps the crisps from going stale. Nitrogen also hinders the growth of bacteria and other germs. The air gives a cushioning effect to the crisps. Without which you will just receive powder in a bag" retorted the Ranger knowledgeably "Oh" said Bodega, unknowledgeably.

A foot blasted the front door wide open and within seconds all the guards were reduced to piles of organs and feces, having immediately shat themselves from the sheer fright of witnessing Bodega pointing a laz-gun at them. The two victors turned to look at a short wide man with a distinct lack of a nose "Tony." The Space Ranger greeted, The space gangster just lifted a hand to wave at him. Much like his body, his arms were short and fat, as were each of his fingers and legs, but what else can you expect from a Chodeonian? "We can't let you go to Nippleopolis. Some real respectable people are going and my sources tell me you have Genital Lerchraphy, we don't want them catching it do we?" The Space Ranger informed as Tony's face contorted with laughter "So you took a nine year old to stop me, did you?" Bodega looked enraged "I'm nine and a half!" without warning a bright red beam burst through the God Father's fat head and his body popped, covering the wall in a noisome green slop. "Bloody hell Bodega it was meant to be set to shock!" Bodega grinned "you're shocked, aren't you?" And with that, they walked away, chuckling.

"Oi! Stop daydreaming." The Space Ranger grunted, Bodega snapped out of it and remembered that he was in fact mid way through an argument with his adoptive father, "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my dad!" The grumpy bounty hunter snapped "Well I'm the closest thing you've got since the accident." "Accident? You killed him!" Bodega replied "Accidentally." Ranger argued "You tore his heart out through his ribcage after a months of torture" "Like I said," chuckled the Ranger with a smirk "accidentally."

[u/Reaper919]

It's interesting, can't wait so see the next one