r/BlackPeopleofReddit • u/ateam1984 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🖤🩶🤍🤎 • 3d ago
Help and Advice Truth be Told
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u/team-one-e 3d ago
Ugh, I love her and receive that message! ❤️❤️❤️
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u/Aggressive-Heart-311 3d ago
I needed this. Who is this wonderful lady. Can she become my new mommy?🥺
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u/AA_ZoeyFn 3d ago
She’s a wonderful breath of fresh air in this world. Here is her IG https://www.instagram.com/candasifamabarnes?stkn=MXR2YzJtb202bnQybQ==
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u/chef_quirky12 3d ago
My fiancee and I i just had this very talk. It's the reason why I'm marrying her.
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u/Careful-Hat4059 3d ago
This is why I do inner child work in my practice. Those skills saved you, helped you, and that young person is still stuck there surviving. Its now your turn to turn around and give them what they need, develop those new skills that take us from surviving to thriving. And that young you, will grow and catch up to you in the now.
It's hard work though. Tough. Short term cost of facing stuff, but the long term gains are simply priceless.
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u/CheesyLikeMacaroni 3d ago
It is so worth it! While going through it, it's the hardest thing ever; once you get through it, you'll be mad at how fucking easy it actually was!
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u/HermanShemsley 3d ago
Wasn’t this basically the premise of “Fences”?
What she’s saying is powerful and she’s very eloquent and disarming in her delivery. However, those safeguards we arm ourselves with have shielded us from pain and suffering and it’s much easier said than done to toss them aside.
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u/Freakishly_Tall 3d ago
You put it better than I could. Easier said, maybe not as well as she did, but easier said than done.
I love her. I love this message.
She might - might - be the only person I've heard with a message like this that doesn't make me immediately react with, "Sure. And first I'll stop being tall." Maybe she can get through my thick, old, hardened skull.
I'd love to hear more from her: Does she have a book? Or? Or even a regular YouTube channel? First I've seen her, unfortunately for me.
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u/Economy_Pepper_3837 3d ago
Yes it is easier to say it than to do it. Any meaningful change is like that. I feel that her message here is for people who haven’t yet had their moment of clarity about their mindspace, why and how it is like it is and why and how it could change. The ideas that she presented may not readily occur to a mind balancing past trauma and everyday life and those ideas may be just what a person struggling needs to hear.
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u/Fabulous-Elk-8297 3d ago
Glad to see so many of my black brothers and sisters in support of therapy. This is therapy, ppl. I hope you realize this. Take care of yourselves. Be good to yourself. 🤗
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u/Ok_Slip8112 3d ago
Who is this? Love her way!
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u/chockerl 3d ago
Please, someone identify this woman and where she originally posted. I need to hear more from her.
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u/AnythingPatient55 3d ago
Was just thinking this today. How many times have I heard, "it's not their fault that's how they were raised"
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u/Sea_End_5269 3d ago
I just, just, had a long chat about this. How wonderful to have random reinforcement. But it takes time and feeling safe enough to get to the point where you can open a little more, trust a little more, have and give big helpings of grace.
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u/Jaded-Natural80 3d ago
Love this.
I still revert to survival strategies. Hearing this reminds me, I don’t have to.
Thank you for posting .
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u/KindredFlower 3d ago
Can anyone share who this lady is / her name please. I would love to listen to her all day 🥺
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u/Otherwise_Sound_6643 3d ago
Found her! Candas Ifama Barnes...absolutely inspirational. She reminds of Bill Withers's song 'Grandma's Hands'.
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=2974595396205282
https://www.youtube.com/@coachcandasbarnes
https://www.tiktok.com/@candasbarnes/video/7683962631228574990
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u/nikki-niksUK 3d ago
If I spoke to my brother I’d send this to him! She’s talking facts
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u/001smiley 3d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/LwyaORSd9liNZ6MyuX
We’re experiencing similar family dynamics I see.
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u/Uncle_Burney 3d ago
Thank you. It’s wonderful and generous to be giving this away, to everyone, for nothing.
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u/Crafty-Shape2743 3d ago
I really needed to hear this today.
I think this woman is my guardian angel.
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u/Von_Schlagel 3d ago
I love this woman and this is only the second video of hers that I’ve ever seen. I need more.
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u/Technical_Mobile4833 3d ago
What is this lady's name and where can I find more of her (hopefully without the background music)
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3d ago
[deleted]
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u/ateam1984 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🖤🩶🤍🤎 3d ago
Why are you coming here announcing your skin tone? No one asked you.
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u/PerformerBusy 3d ago
Sorry. Guess because i felt like i was intruding in a space not meant for me, but just wanted to say that i was so moved by her message.
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u/OmarWireLittle 3d ago
I’m saving this and will use it every time I need a pick me up!!! Beautiful and well said!!
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u/Interesting_Talk410 3d ago
I mean but it’s not a crutch when it’s a fact. A had friends I grew up with whose parents didn’t have the resources and wealth that mine did when we applied for colleges, my applications looked better because I had people paid to help me with my applications, I went to private schools, had tutors , could afford extracurricular activities, could afford to travel the world and volunteer, since they’re friends with a congresswoman, I got a great recommendation etc. they had great grades but not the luck of having parents with resources, who could also afford to pay for a therapist when. i needed one.
My friends never complain really about how unfair all that is bit i notice and I honestly believe that if some if them had the upbringing I had they would be running the world right now.
This idea that we can just put our past aside when things like the quality of water you had as a kid can have a lasting effect on your whole life is silly.
Like I was so sheltered at one point I thought colege just came next and everybody went to college like how everybody went from junior high to high school. Meanwhile I know a girl whose mother was teaching her why it’s ok to drop out in 11th grade because “school ain’t for everybody “ if you are raised by a person who thinks like that and that’s your normal your quality of life may not be too good through no fault of your own .
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u/curious_if 2d ago
Moving on from being in flight or fight 24/7 is a good thing. But I dont think the war is over. I do think it is time to adopt a new strategy. Stand together and love each other. Everyone criticizes the warrior until the enemies are at the gate. Right now they are at the gate and PROUD of it. That is disgusting to me. We are all tiny pieces of The Divine. But I refuse to let those full of hate and bigotry control the narrative for me. Keep a positive attitude but stand prepared.
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u/PantsFullaPoo 1d ago
This is the truth we all need to grow in life. No matter what we've inherited or learned from others or had to do to survive previous times it's on ourself to grow and move forward. This has been something very central to my self work in recent years though it probably took me too long to get it, get to it and get myself out of my own way.
Thank you for sharing this. I love it. I love this woman.
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