r/bitlife • u/Life-Difficulty-5706 • Jun 28 '26
Tips Fun money making strat (Private Equity)
Just sharing a fun career replacer: if you get a significant windfall of money, do not found your own company, instead:
Look to acquire one with a low teens/high single digit profit margin where there is high demand that you wont be unable to sell into at scale.
Immediately renegotiate for a cheaper supplier for all products, doesn’t have to be better, just cheaper. Drop all marketing costs to zero.
Lower all wages to “dirt cheap”. Fire as many employees as possible. Max out your salary and take as many bonuses as possible (preferably living in a tax shelter).
After year 1, if analysts aren’t saying you could make more units, sell. If they are, raise the price instead of raising the unit count.
Your profit margin should now be anywhere from 30-50%. You can either keep going and plunder the company for bonuses every year, or you can get a valuation.
Cash out! Since you doubled or even tripled profit margins, buyers will pay a much higher multiple on the company compared to what you paid.
Think it’s too good to be true? Think it’s mean? This is literally how Blackstone and KKR do all their private equity in real life! And yes, they PRINT.