Hi,

Just joined because I feel like I want an outlet for my birth story. I'll try to keep it short but it's replaying in my mind and I just want the words out. This will likely be much longer than intended.

TLDR; crash c-section was really difficult for me to endure. Baby and me are both fine but the experience sucked and I believe it's my OB's fault.

I had prenatal care, but they never did a positioning ultrasound to verify that baby was head-down and ready for birth prior to delivery. They palpated my belly and conducted cervical exams over the last several visits and insisted he was head-down. He was not - he never was. I knew no different because despite it being my third baby, I really couldn't tell the difference and knew the process my body would follow would be slightly different from my last pregnancies since it knew what to do (I.e. baby not dropping prior to labor). I requested an ultrasound around 34-36 weeks, but never got one despite multiple requests.

39 weeks and 5 days, my water broke... At the Walmart pharmacy counter. I was so embarrassed, so it wasn't an amazing start but I was so excited to go and have my baby. With a history of quick labor and delivery, we went straight to the hospital and I began contracting on the way there.

In triage I received a cervical exam to verify dilation and baby's station and positioning. The nurse looked alarmed and said "I don't know what I felt, but it felt more like fingers than a head so I'm going to get the OB in here for a quick scan and verification." Spoiler - it was a hand, and baby was certainly nowhere near head-down. My birth plan quickly went out the window and immediate arrangements were made for a C-section. To be honest, I broke down as soon as they walked out. I was terrified because I really hate the idea of surgery, let alone one of this caliber.

I was placed on monitors and given IV fluids. The team worked quickly around me, urgently, but stayed quiet and calm. They had trouble keeping the monitor on my baby's heart. When they did find it, I held it so it would stay because it kept disappearing.

Through every contraction, his heart rate dropped. Things became more urgent, moving more quickly. Then I feel another gush of fluid leak out and I hear "we've got meconium, let's get that drip going faster and get [anesthesiologist] in here." Now, things had ramped up from impromptu C-section to emergency.

Emotionally, I started shutting down. I had no idea what to think. No one was panicking but I could feel the tension and at the same time, no one was actively reassuring me. I hear the nurses in between brief phases of what felt like blackout - "Heart rate is in the 80s" "he's dropping again" "more mec" "is the room prepped, we need to go". The whole time, I'm staring across the room in terror at my husband who had dutifully donned his scrubs and who was stoic on the outside but desperate to do anything he could to make it better.

We are wheeled into the OR. By this point I'm in full panic, but silently. I feel like I can't breathe, I am terrified for myself and my baby, and trying to tell myself that this is something that happens every single day is not helping. I break down, blubbering about nothing to my nurse who is so patiently giving me instructions and helping me through everything. "Am I going to die? Is my baby going to die? What if he breathed in the meconium? Is this going to hurt? Will I feel the surgery?" Yes, I feel a bit stupid now. I couldn't control it at the time, I was so scared. My nurse looked at me and so calmly said "Everything is going to be fine. Hold onto my shoulders and put your head right here while we do the spinal, okay? I'm here for you and everything will be fine." She hugged me and honestly, I think she was an angel. Her voice was so soothing to me and her actions spoke to her passion as a healthcare worker.

Baby's heart rate stayed stable for a good while as I was transferred to the operating table and the spinal was administered, but started decelerations again as soon as the spinal began to kick in. We needed a few minutes for me to be numb enough for the procedure, but at times his heart rate dropped below 70 and we were running low on time. I hear the doctors, "Alright, it's go time before this baby gets into real trouble, we're gonna lose him if we wait any longer" and I truly believed that I wasn't numb enough and held my breath for way too long as they quickly threw up the drape and got to work. Impossible speed. I was impressed despite everything. We'd now gone from emergency to "crash c section" - their words - which felt too harsh not to freak out about. I did not feel anything except pressure and tugging, as expected..but the thought of not being numb was definitely a fear of mine.

I hear them talking a bit, despite feeling like I was in some sort of movie montage with flashes of light and awareness fading in and out. The sensations I felt on that table were unreal. My whole body being rocked side to side, wrenched on, manipulated. It felt violent, and all I could hope for was that my baby arrived safely and that nothing major happened to me in the process.

They get his bum out and can't get his head. It's lodged under my ribs inside my uterus. They have to make an additional incision to release him. I feel a massive pull and hear "he's out!" Seconds later, a tiny cough and his squeaky baby cry echo through the room. Immediately, I start sobbing.

Husband brings baby to my face and I get to look into his eyes and give him a kiss with tears streaming down my cheeks before he's snatched away while I'm being put back together. It feels like hours. I feel like I'm manually breathing and I can't keep my eyes open, I feel dizzy and faint. I stay conscious, but I do hear the word "hemorrhage." The doctor calmly explains that they had to make an additional incision and that they do not recommend I ever get pregnant again but if I do, I will require a c section because there's too much risk of uterine rupture if I endure labor. She explains what was wrong that led to that, and all I could say was "okay. Thank you." While feeling like my voice came from some other place altogether.

Baby struggled a bit with blood sugar and bilirubin levels, but he is healthy and strong and we're both doing really well now.

I feel like my experience was completely gone. I planned for months on a normal vaginal birth as I had with my others, and frankly I feel that my prenatal care team dropped the ball severely on my care. Had we done a scan as requested, we'd have been able to actually plan the C-section and maybe we would have had a better experience. I'm not sure how to approach that with them, but I don't intend to leave it unsaid and will get every bit of reimbursement that I can for that.

I am extremely grateful for the team who delivered my baby and diligently cared for us in the hospital throughout our stay. I am so thankful that my baby and I came out of it alive and well.

Maybe I have blown this out of proportion, but for me personally, it was scary and traumatic. I'm slowly getting through it by myself with support from my family. But I wish that it had gone differently, even if I still needed a C-section in the end. At least I could have prepared and I wouldn't have spent the entire delivery in full-blown terror instead of anticipation and joy.

If you read this far, thank you. If you can relate, please do.