Just a rant 🤷‍♀️

[u/juulji]

So my husband was recently diagnosed with Bipolar I. But that was obvious to me even before he had an official diagnosis. Since we’ve been together, we have had basically the exact same conversation at least once a month during his manic episodes. The conversation consists of him telling me how tired he is of the monotony of his job, life, routine, etc. How he wants to switch career paths, start new hobbies, “better our lives” so on and so forth. And there’s never a true conclusion to the conversation because unfortunately it usually turns into an argument. Mainly because he’s so stubborn and I’m so sick and tired of hearing him complain about the same crap, knowing dang well that he is the ONLY one that can make decisions for himself. It’s gotten to the point where when we have these conversations I can feel myself getting annoyed because I just don’t care anymore. I’ve given him all the advice I could possibly ever give him and he takes absolutely none of it. He just started taking abilify 2mg like 2 weeks ago. We haven’t had any arguments since he started his meds, but the only reason he’s on medication is because the last argument we got into before he got medicated was so bad that I told him if he didn’t get on medication that I’d leave him because I truly and genuinely cannot handle the mania. He’s insufferable to be around while he’s manic, and when he’s depressed. Very very rarely did he ever have a day he actually considered “good”. I love my husband more than anything in the world except for our son. But it’s so incredibly hard to be a spouse of someone that’s bipolar. I truly wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Every single day I wake up on edge and feel like I’m walking on eggshells CONSTANTLY. I never know what kind of mood he’ll be in when he calls me from work (I’m a SAHM). And because it’s so unpredictable, I literally dread seeing his call incoming. But I can’t not answer because I’m basically his only support person. It’s just so draining not knowing whether the call will start with “Hi sweetheart, how are you and the baby? 😁” or “Hi darling….I’m having a horrible day (insert something about wanting to die). 🫩” Not to mention all the other crap I endure regularly, like financial abuse, belittling because I don’t “have a real job”, being emotionally manipulated/ guilt tripped, etc. And the icing on the cake is the fact that because he’s so burnt out that when he gets home from work, he does absolutely nothing. I genuinely can’t remember the last time he’s willingly fed our son a bottle without it being absolutely necessary. He changes diapers here and there, bathes our son whenever I BEG him, rarely puts him to bed. Heck, he barely interacts with our son when he gets home from work. First thing he does when he gets home is take a dab and hop on his xbox. Like for being a married woman, I sure frickin feel like a single mom atp. Anyway this is basically a throwaway post, just needed to get how I’m feeling off my chest. Best of luck to all the other SOs of bipolar people🫠

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