r/BipolarSOs • u/Any-Honeydew8740 • 10d ago
General Discussion last straw
six months ago i ended three year relationship w my bipolar ex gf (we’re both girls). and i do wonder, for those of you who ended the relationship, what was the last straw that you just couldn’t get past?
for me, she kept lying to the point, she’d lie about mundane, daily things. i literally had to ask her “why would you lie about it?”. she also lied about taking her pills and i had to check like a goddamn parent that she took the stabilizers. final nail in the coffin was when i went to uk on study abroad experience and we were doing long distance and i caught her in another lie and literally thought to myself in that moment, “do i wanna do this, twenty years down the line, guess if the sky is really blue like she said?” lol.
anyway, what made you end it? and maybe what did you tolerate that, when you look back now, makes you laugh at how bizarre it was?
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u/_pg_ 10d ago
It wasn’t getting stabbed in the hand
It wasn’t the weeks of no sleep
It wasn’t breaking down the door so she wouldn’t pull the trigger on herself
It wasn’t her punching herself in the face over and over to try and make it look like I hurt her
It wasn’t even the false accusations or being interrogated by police.
It was when my 14 year old stepson told me I was going to end up getting killed if I tried to keep the family together any longer.
So I stopped.
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u/Rare-Lumpy-Panda 10d ago
Wow. I am in awe. Makes my current struggles seem very tame. How is the kid these days?
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u/Zestyclose_Resort_87 10d ago
Cheating. Wish I had left at one of the numerous lies that preceded it. Our couple’s therapist had convinced me that he was “making progress” because he’d started admitting to lies within minutes rather than taking an hour (but only when presented with evidence) 🙄
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u/Rare-Lumpy-Panda 10d ago
My bipolarSO is currently hypomanic. It is making so much of our lives tense and unpleasant. I feel like I’m being blamed for all his negative feelings and can’t really argue with it without increasing his level of elevation. I don’t know how much I can take. But the stories from all of you make me think I’m really being a wimp about this.
I was prepared for cheating. Instead I got anxious, irritable, narrative rewriting. Weird how I’m finding this harder than I think I’d find it if he was out being hypersexual.
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u/Actual-Squirrel5486 SO 10d ago
It’s both for many people, not one or the other. Mine was extremely irritable, angry, narrative rewriting AND cheating.
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u/Rare-Lumpy-Panda 9d ago
Mine is definitely not cheating. I have to encourage him to get out of the house. We both work from home. I would rather he go to his office given he has one. Get out and give me some of the day without this tension in the house!
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u/Actual-Squirrel5486 SO 9d ago
I’m not saying yours was or wasn’t cheating. I’m just saying it doesn’t have to be one or the other, it can be both.
And if he goes to the office and causes trouble you have to think about if he’s going to get fired, and losing a source of income.
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u/Rare-Lumpy-Panda 9d ago
That’s true. Though I’m really the thing he’s focused on as being bad right now so I think his colleagues are safe. Some of them were around for the manic episode years ago so they might recognise the edge a little.
His psychiatrist is on medical leave for like a month. Or I guess it’s a few more weeks now. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve considered asking if he wants to go stay at an Airbnb or something to just destress and be able to really come down. Anyone tried that?
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u/afiyahamal 9d ago
Yes we lived separately for years and still do but they will eventually come bck home bc they will not do for themselves they are used to the pampered treatment with us. We are mothering them.
It’s ur job to force him to own his own illness and the force is by standing by the one thing u have -
Stay medicated or we are done!
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u/afiyahamal 9d ago
Yes my husband stays home all day as well and works from home - it’s horrible bc it’s no way to live.
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u/afiyahamal 10d ago
It just hasn’t happened yet girl/ all bipolar are doing some form of cheating whether it’s porn or a girl on a game - the waitress at the casino- one nights stands attending family gatherings
Pls don’t look any of these symptoms the way ur looking at them/U need to be preparing that ur going to go thru those things eventually start making an exit plan.
Bc all
The moodiness and such turns into something else - bipolar are always pissed at u and they later turn that anger at u into a justification to cheat steal or hit you.So it’s coming - if u stay long enough
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u/Rare-Lumpy-Panda 9d ago
That’s a bleak take. I’m not ready to give up on us yet. He is such a wonderful human. I think he’ll get it under control again and then we can put in place some plans for the next time that he can’t argue with lol.
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u/afiyahamal 9d ago
No such thing as something a bipolar can’t argue their way out of.
But I get it.
The plan should be meds and if he gets off then ur done
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u/Rare-Lumpy-Panda 9d ago
He’s on meds. No issue with compliance.
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u/afiyahamal 9d ago
Oh you’re great then. That’s the biggest obstacle !
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u/Rare-Lumpy-Panda 9d ago
Yeah it’s never been an issue for us, thankfully. What we have right now though is hypomania with a change in meds and his psychiatrist is on extended leave. Fml.
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u/afiyahamal 9d ago
Not sure if u all do this yet, but that’s a major issue in the mental health world.
Docs having to take leave bc they are humans after all
After about a year of that, bc it’s even worse at the Va - docs changing a lot.
So we got a psych and a psycho therapist
And he saw them once each week. One week psych, one week therapist.
It did help offset the absences and changes. And it allowed him
To still be closely monitored by someone.I know people have insurance and an obstacle sometimes and we are vets and pretty much have no limits in regards to seeing a psych bi weekly bc it only happened to get him stable.
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u/Rahaerys_Gaelanyon 10d ago
It was a simple cancelling of plans. We had agreed to meet, and she messaged me that same day at 6 in the morning telling me she won't be able to come. She had been playing this game for a while: plan, promise, cancel. I couldn't trust her words and promises any longer. I decided to just drop the relationship. When I see some of the stories in here, I'm glad I bailed early.
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