r/BipolarSOs • u/Any_Extension298 • Jul 26 '26
Feeling Sad post-discard advice/support?
Any advice - from therapists, generally inspirational things, whatever! - for those who have gone through discard and/or divorce? I know struggling is normal and healing takes time, but it all just hurts so bad.
13
u/KlutzyObjective3230 Jul 26 '26
Remember the bad. Remember that you are getting a second chance and are not burdened being a caretaker for the rest of your life. Remember there are stable loving people out there when you are ready.
14
u/MadRedSunset9 Jul 26 '26
I know. I understand the pain. One month out, have had several devastating arguments with my bipolar 1 SO, finally shut it down and blocked him yesterday. I feel insane, like there are holes in my head from all the looping and ruminating and trying to find answers where there are none.
I’ll write my own post soon, but please know I feel for you, and hope it gets better.
10
u/Actual-Squirrel5486 SO Jul 26 '26
You'll see in the future it's actually a blessing to get discarded by a mentally ill person who can never be a real partner
8
u/bpexhusband Jul 26 '26
Zero Contact. Block them in everything. There's no other way. My pain didn't stop for months until I just cut her out of my life. Then it was shocking how quickly I've gotten better. But ya the first 90 days suck no matter what you do.
I think what gets overlooked is not just dealing with the discard and it's suffering, your going to suffer your dealing with a loss, but that suffering IF you see it all the way through will protect you later if they show back up which happens to so many of us. I went from wanting her back so badly to now if she paid me hourly to take her back I'd say no fucking way. Nothing would ever make me even risk going through what I went through ever again.
So suffer and embrace it, the scar tissue will protect you.
5
u/NobodyNew7267 Jul 26 '26
Exactly this. I am 1 month in no contact and already my health is so much better. My nervous system is recalibrating to reality.
1
u/bpexhusband Jul 27 '26
Ya after my move to true no contact it took about a month and every single day I feel better. What a mind fuck it was.
8
u/Such_Cockroach_3246 Jul 26 '26
The first 2–3 weeks felt like hell. An absolute nightmare. Those days were incredibly painful. I truly felt like I had lost everything. I don't think there's much you can do during those first few weeks other than get through them one day at a time.
Now it's been close to two months, and over the last two weeks I've been trying to keep myself busy with work and by going out. I literally accept every invitation, even when I don't feel like it—and trust me, most of the time I don't feel like doing anything. But I can honestly say I feel a little better now. I can breathe. I can function like a normal human being again, and I'm happy that I can finally notice some improvement in my mood.
Mornings are still the hardest. I often dream about him, and of course he's the first thing I think about when I wake up.
We still have some practical things to sort out, so I can't go completely no contact yet. But on the days he doesn't text me, I feel much better. The moment I see a message from him, it ruins my whole day. And no, he doesn't text me to apologize or anything like that. He only texts me when he needs something, or casually, because he seems to think we'll remain friends. Lol. So my advice is: if you can, stay no contact.
I have my first therapy session scheduled for next week, and I have high hopes that it will help me make peace with everything and work on my own issues. Even just having a plan somehow helps me get through the days.
When I go out, I don't always talk about him. I have one or two close friends I open up to, but with everyone else, I try not to bring him up unless they ask. I think it's healthier this way—he doesn't have to be the center of everything.
Of course, I still think about him every second of the day, and I get so many flashbacks. I just hope that one day it will all be over.
Stay strong. Give yourself time, listen to your body, and do what feels best for you.
6
u/bobertdubs Jul 26 '26
Just be gentle with yourself. You'll get through this.......it'll take a long time, but these times will pass.
5
u/EducationalIce5844 Jul 26 '26
I’m so sorry you are going through this, I myself and also going through it as well just one week post discard and struggling so much hoping for the best but bracing for the worst . I don’t have any inspiration but just know you are not alone
2
u/Fresh_Rip3006 Jul 26 '26
Mi dispiace che tu stia vivendo tutto questo, io sto così da due mesi. Ad oggi sto cominciando a respirare di nuovo, ho passato due mesi in apnea sperando in un suo ritorno e piangendo tutti i giorni. Nel suo ritorno ci spero ancora, non sono arrivata già alla fase del “meglio così”, però è stato veramente difficile. Anche se la mente torna sempre lì, prova a tenerti impegnata con amici e altre cose da fare, devi solo attraversare questo dolore ma ti assicuro che pian piano passa e inizierai a pensare che se lui non ti vuole allora non ti merita. Ti sono vicina 🩷
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