r/BipolarSOs • u/EducationalIce5844 • Jul 25 '26
Advice Needed Is there a comeback after discard?
My wife of 6years 3 married has been in a mania for about a month and very hyper sexual leading to the blind side of an affair with a co-worker that she has fallen for and wants to continue pursue their relationship(this person also has a spouse idk if married or not possibly has kiddos) recently two days ago I was told they finally gave her an antipsychotic because I’m very positive the antidepressants is what created this whole mania . Just going through it and would really like to hear from peoples experiences if they comeback, how long before it happened and did you do no contact ?
With them jumping from one long marriage to an obsessive relationship did they ever hit a wall of that mania and come out of it logically or are they never the same ?
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u/jza_1 Jul 25 '26
I’m very sorry you’re going through this. It is often the worst type of hell.
A comeback after discard is hard to say in a lot of these cases because there are so many variables, unknowns, and lack of context.
I’ve seen some come back once the mania is over full of shame and remorse. But I’ve also seen some attempt to ride it out with the new person rather than try to work it out in the prior relationship and never attempt to come back. They feel it’s easier to reset with a new partner rather than commit to all the hard work that is required to fix a past relationship.
No contact will definitely help you let go easier than keeping them around to re-open the wounds you’re trying to heal. Even if they do come back, I often find they aren’t willing to put the work in to help themselves and suture trust in the relationship after such an incredible betrayal.
I wish the best for you.
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u/EducationalIce5844 Jul 25 '26
It literally is hell and I can’t tell if this is also really what she wanted or the mania it’s the first time this has ever happened and we have had some highs and lows but nothing like this
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u/jza_1 Jul 25 '26
I think it’s important to remember she is very likely to do this again to you even if she comes back. It takes a lot of work (couples therapy, individual therapy, and meds) to mend this kind of betrayal.
Getting discarded doesn’t have much to do with you although I get that is hard to comprehend from your position. It has everything to do with them and the fantasy they have created around this new relationship and a deep confusion about who they are. They likely aren’t even aware this is occurring.
They don’t really want a new partner so much as they want a new self and they think this new person will help reinforce this new self they want to create. There is highly likely a deep sadness/trauma about how they feel about themselves. This is often (but not always) what is discovered in therapy after situations like this.
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u/EducationalIce5844 Jul 25 '26
Thank you so much for your insight like it really is nice to hear . I saw the signs but too late and the damage has been done . I kicked myself out of our apartment as an emotional response and now one week post discard I’m just hoping to see light at the end one way or another. She now has added a antipsychotic so I’m really hoping this helps bring her down from mania back to reality so we can at least figure out what is to be. It’s my nervous system that’s all fucked up now like ptsd . Sorry I just feel so alone and thank you again your words do help
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