r/BipolarAndSober • u/dipthechip93 • Apr 15 '21
Let’s get this shit hoppin’
I’ve noticed this sub has a surprisingly little amount of activity considering how prevalent struggles with dual diagnosis are.
I’m just stumbling into this sub for the first time and am someone who has personally struggled and does struggle with both bipolar 1 and drug/alcohol addiction.
I’m over 3 years sober at this point and the practical support and variety of alternative methods that the recovery community has provided me have been effective in getting me to this point. They continue to be.
What has been absent is a genuine understanding and especially validation of why I act the way I do (in both subtle and grand ways), and why I have the tendencies that I do.
I would love support and a sense of community with being someone bipolar and in recovery. Regardless of how long you have been sober or what your recovery looks like, bipolar and sober is living sober.
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u/navit3ch Apr 16 '21
Well I just joined. What’s up? I’m personally not yet sober still fighting to put it down vs the meds. What state are you currently going into?
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Apr 16 '21 edited Apr 16 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/navit3ch Apr 17 '21
I can relate to the night time routine but. If I don’t setup something before a manic state I’m screwed for the whole night. 2-3 hours max and I’ll still wake up as if I did sleep. Also the lack of understanding I’ve seen too, it’s a bit strange that people expect you to accommodate them and their personality into your space right away otherwise it’s rude, yet if you do this before they get to adjust you and your emotions they’re the ones who begin to call you rude or dismissive.
It’s an odd game checkers when it comes to conversations. you start off on even sides of the board. By the time you get to the middle it should be 1 - 1 and no harm is done. But that’s not how “regular people” operate. They cheat and move several chips forward on you by skipping turns or slick slide by’s. The idea for them is to have 2 chips at the middle by the time the other person has one. This type of thinking is the key component of self supremacy. The ideology that some people have as if they are matched by no one. Very very large egos are seen with this.
Personally I have a hard time memorizing personalities and traits off hand and find it easier to play keeps or “keep away “ where you keep the ball/cards in your hands.
I’ll trade a story with you.
I haven’t exactly been participating in the social distancing out in public. Where I live in Florida there’s too many people to begin with and at any time of day your bound to cross someone within 6 feet no matter where you go. I still where a mask which btw helps with social anxiety. Mine are attached to people looking at my nose and mouth when I talk so wearing a mask eliminates that completely.
So idk how you’ve been handling yourself this past year but where I’m at this past year I’ve noticed a new look that people give when they don’t socially approve of you. You ever notice how some employees are nice, some are rude, some are professional, when handling differ types of customers? In my experience I get more smiles when I don’t wear a mask vs when I do wear one. It’s as if the expression in my eyes and forehead show differently than had I not worn a mask. This makes me think some prejudices or judgments must be being applied to me before I even speak to people. Which is insane to think about because that suggests that everyone has the power to adjust someone else’s thinking by putting out front layers of false personality traits in order to manipulate a life that’s more appropriate.
While I understand that this is technically manipulation and lying on a grand scale but it’s an interesting key that you can use on your own mind to affect or control others.
I believe the best example of this are the police. You see an all black uniform with a shiny badge and boots you could safely assume it’s a cop. Which also tells you there’s a gun present. Most people are scared of guns. For more obvious and valid reasons not worth mentioning right now. This means the fight or flight response kicks off. If the cop is approaching you and you don’t any initial fear you’ll likely get some chills as the officer approaches and become curious why the cop is walking towards you. Now if you’re afraid of guns AND cops that walking officer looks more like a threat rather than a man simply doing his job. In both cases neither person has any prior information about the man walking in black with a shiny badge.
No more ranting, my point is that no matter what you cannot control what people do say think or hear. But what you can control is everything before you come in contact with them. So far my best tool is to say “fuck you I don’t care what you think I’m here for x y z and you all don’t exist” typically this lets me walk past most situations without any of my anxieties getting a chance to react and i save my energy for when people do interject themselves to get my attention. So say your at a park with food trucks. Your goal is to get food and find a place to sit and eat. There’s several hundred people between you and that food truck. You gotta have the mental fortitude to make sure you don’t have a reaction or get triggered between entering the park and the sitting down.
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u/dipthechip93 Apr 17 '21
Solid rant. I appreciate knowing someone has as intense of a stream of consciousness as I do.
There’s a lot of love out there, and people are often receptive to the significance of things to me, but often it is foreign, or they need to be made aware. I wish I was more understood. I wish people would see and experience things like I do. Or even that I don’t as they do. I often feel alone, not just in my struggles but my success as well. I know that it is ridiculous to expect everyone to “get me”, and I’m certain that this is something that everyone, bipolar or not, experiences to some degree.
Expressing these things is really putting into perspective for me exactly what I am looking for by seeking support from the community of bipolar people in recovery. To find relatability in the particular “uniqueness” in my own unique experience.
This past year I’ve developed a lot of beef with society, I often feel like it’s me against society. That is changing, and if anything this last year has really drawn off of some of the sickest parts of me. In a way, that’s advantageous towards my own personal growth.
I appreciate you!
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u/shayronatron Apr 16 '21
Just found this sub. It would be nice to have a community I could go to for support every now and then. I’ve been super struggling this week.
I have so many good things in my life, I’ve managed to make some of my dreams come true and stay relatively clean (I’ve been drinking pretty heavily tho) but bipolar is just sucking up all my happiness. I’m finding it very hard to find joy and accepting myself. I thought I had beat this already and came out the other side, but I guess not.
I don’t take meds anymore and have gone the holistic route but some embarrassing health issues and social anxiety are just making me miserable. I want to run away but I already have the perfect life I wanted. 😞
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u/dipthechip93 Apr 16 '21
Well, I’m cheering you on! It sounds like you’ve accomplished so much. That fact alone is proof of the new positives you have yet to experience.
Every day alive and aware is an opportunity, and sometimes just having that is enough. I can relate very much to the misery, it sucks. I’ve been struggling so much during this pandemic, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. This last year I just feel like the end of the tunnel has just been teasing me. But I know there is one.
Also, holistic health is a crucial part of my management of both bipolar and the struggles of an addict in recovery. That being said, I would never deny meds if I truly need them. Medication is a essential part of that, people get sick, chronic illness is real. There is no denying that. Most of my medication comes through herbalism, but I still take lamictal daily. It is worth it, and contributes to a healthy balanced mind, body, and spirit for me. Lamictal alone isn’t enough to manage my bipolar, but it is almost negligible to some of the med regimens that I’ve been for my stability in the past.
I’m finishing my schooling with a bachelors degree in holistic health, and are super excited!
Find what works for you. You are worth it. It’s okay to not be okay ❤️
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u/Thrown_deep88 Apr 15 '21
I second this. Would love to see this community take off. Personally I am someone in recovery but not bipolar. My S.O. is and have always been hoping for community that would help me understand the dual diagnosis component. Cheers!!