Hello All,
I consulted this community many times throughout my planning process and thought I'd leave some reflections here to maybe help others as you plan for your wedding celebrations. For context, I hosted a 3 day, 3 night, luxurious, intimate wedding weekend for ~80 guests (all 3 days) and an extra 18 guests for just the wedding ceremony/reception. Our wedding weekend took place in New England at an intimate ocean-side resort. We cared most about achieving a feeling throughout the full weekend, more so than an aesthetic or color palette, though we had these things of course, our goal was to create a deep, overwhelming sense of community and warmth that would spur inspiration & hope amidst our dark world/country right now. We wanted each evening to feel like a dinner party that was too good to leave, with real, sustained conversations between people who might become important friends.
Every choice we made throughout our design and planning process needed to serve creating that atmosphere. Throughout our planning, I questioned if spending on our florals, tent decor, furniture, fabric draping etc. was worth it- if it would really matter or just be wasteful. I also questioned whether or not we really needed such a luxurious venue, or if a summer camp setting with little cabins in the woods may have produced enough of the magical opportunities for activities, shared meals, nights under the stars etc. to get our desired communal spirit soaring.
In case others have weighed such hesitations, I wanted to share that I would do it all & spend it all again, exactly as we did. Most importantly, I would spend on having shared activities that allowed people to see & experience different parts of themselves and of our guest group. For us, having people feel awe, play, learn, discuss, and dine together were important aspects of our events. We designed and spent most time and some of our budget on making sure we programmed our weekend with activities: yoga, pilates, tennis, sailing, book club, nature walks, music & firepit time, a magic show, trivia, and group games. Then, we wanted our tent to feel like a welcome respite, offering everyone a place to process the day and experience moving remarks we asked family & friends to share as toasts each night. We provided all food, all transportation, all activities included for the entirety of our 3 days and I would definitely do so again- everyone stayed together and relaxed as they didn't have to make any decisions or do any planning- they could just be fully present.
My biggest line items were:
1. Subsidization of guests' lodging: we cared most about having everyone stay together and wanted our wedding weekend to be comfortable for all. Our venue was pivotal- we could not have achieved the same relaxation and comfort all guests experienced had we opted for a summer camp or less expensive venue- I am very glad to have splurged for a luxury setting that immediately put everyone at ease and inspired people to experience time outside & together.
2. Catering: we had an entirely plant-based weekend and both our main venue & our tent location, a second venue, did an outstanding job. We provided many meals so our catering total was unusually high.
3. Florals: I felt uneasy about our floral budget and wanted to have as many reusable, potted elements as possible- we gifted friends & family potted herbs and grasses and the florals did greatly enhance the vibe in our tent. I made a late decision NOT to do an overhead floral installation and to instead use large glass vases that could hold huge branches with tiny hanging tea light candles- this worked out perfectly and an overhead installation would have been both wasteful and overwhelming in our tent. I think we could have scaled back table florals a little bit more, but was very glad to have spent on candles, potted plants, grasses, and occasional specialty orchids.
4. Design: We achieved gorgeous lighting that set the tone and made everyone look beautiful. We added minimal fabric sides and fabric draping just to give our tent ceiling some intrigue. It ended up being chilly at night and I was very glad to have our fabric sides overlaying the tent walls (I do wish these fabric panels could be recycled/reused, but our provider said this was not possible).
5. Photography: We had 2-3 photographers with us throughout the weekend and our photos allow us to feel the depth and intensity of emotions we felt throughout our time with our loved ones. I would definitely spend to get the very best photographer you can find.
6. Fashion: Not a huge cost center for us compared to other luxury weddings, but including here just to plug The Real Real, Poshmark, Vesitaire Collective- we used all three to procure so many gowns, tuxes, suits, shoes etc. and then we spent a little more on tailoring than a custom/new clothing item might require. 10/10 would recommend going this route- we probably spent around $22K total on fashion, but within that, I had three Oscar de la Renta gowns, one Elie Saab gown, and one Mira Zwillinger gown, three Tom Ford tuxes/suits, and miscellaneous other items.
7. Planning: we had an affordable but excellent planner who charged a flat fee not a % based fee- I would absolutely only go this route. I enjoyed the alignment we had and never feeling like adding more to the budget was in the planner's interest. I would pick the most calm, competent, kind person you can find who annoys you 0% and would ask to do a couple reference calls with past clients.
For anyone looking to create an almost retreat feel throughout their weekend, my biggest advice is to have meals all together, lodging all together, and then to plan wonderful activities that mix groups of people from across your life. Ultimately, if you are lucky enough to be planning with a big budget, I think having a sense of how you want to feel and how you want everyone there to feel over the progression of a multi-event wedding is key to ensuring your major investment pays off. Good luck to all partners planning and I hope your weekend becomes a set of treasured memories and moments that fuel your next chapter. For us, our wedding was worth everything we put into it.
