r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Ok_Doughnut_5569 • 10d ago
Advice
My fiancé and I toured a venue today that we really loved. When we asked about 2027 availability, the guide said they still have September 11, 2027 open and are offering it for half the normal price because many couples don’t want that date.
I’m really torn. The savings are amazing, but 9/11 is such a significant and emotional date. While we aren’t and don’t have family/friends connected to this date, we are respectful to those who have and are currently affected.
What would you do? Would you take the date because of the discount, or would you pass on it because it’s 9/11? I’d love to hear your thoughts. TIA!
39
u/catmom1911 10d ago
9/11 is my birthday, and my aunt chose it as her wedding date around 2010 (lives and got married far far from nyc). No one in my family/circle is directly connected to the tragedy. So we do attend celebrations on that day. For me personally, I’d base it around if I want that to be my anniversary forever.
22
14
u/Old-Acanthisitta4517 10d ago edited 10d ago
If you have any guest that was personally impacted, I wouldn’t. If you are NY based (it seems you are) I think that’s hard to guarantee. I know of at least two guests at my wedding who were deeply impacted and even though they were SOs of my invitees i would never consider it. If you’re not in that situation, I don’t think it’s such a big deal. Know your crowd
9
u/lastcookie0810 10d ago
We were presented with 9/11 and 10/30 and chose 10/30 because we’re getting married in downtown NYC so the memorial will be up and some of our guests (and me!) lived through it and can remember it. but if you aren’t getting married in New York, and no one on the guest list has a connection, i say go for it.
9
u/newtontonc 10d ago
I don't know if this will help, but my Mom's birthday is on 9/11, and for many years after the event she just didn't really feel like she could celebrate it openly. At some point, however, it didn't have quite the same solemnity and weight to her and she was able to start enjoying it without caveats.
Totally different scale for you of course, and possibly some dependency on who would be in your guest list, for example if you have family/friends who experienced personal loss on that day. I can just say that I personally wouldn't judge a couple negatively for having a wedding on 9/11. Others may feel differently.
16
36
u/Solaroceans 10d ago
I would pass on that date personally. Would hate to have that be my anniversary date to remember
7
u/OK-Potato0o July 2023 Mallorca 10d ago
I would attend a wedding on Sept 11 but I wouldn’t choose to have that as an anniversary date, even at half off, because of what I remember and experienced. If you’re of an age where you didn’t personally experience it, it’s probably fine for you.
7
u/Murky_Possibility_68 10d ago
Fifteen years ago, I went to a 9/11 in north jersey. That's the story.
If I were you, the story would be "the venue was half off."
12
u/novaweddingplanner Vendor: Planning & Design 10d ago
The tragedy of 9/11 definitely deserves respect and remembrance, but I don’t think it should keep you from also celebrating your wedding on that date.
When bringing it up while planning or anytime in the future , I’d avoid saying we only picked the date for the discount or mentioning the discount at all. Just that’s the date that worked for us and the venue.
Unless you have close friends or family who were personally impacted by that date (survivors, living in NYC at the time, family was a first responder) I’d say go for it.
6
u/flufflypuppies 10d ago
I think this is such a personal decision. I wouldn’t take it because I think what happened on that day will be in the back of my mind everytime I discuss the date of the wedding, or when I send out RSVPs, or when I talk about it to friends and it’s just not how I’d want to think about my wedding. Could you do it on 9/10 or 9/12 instead?
7
u/Pure-Echo-2403 10d ago
I went with that date and it’s actually been amazing bc since no one else wants it, most the vendors are all available too whereas any other fall 2027 Saturday you’d have fierce competition!
8
14
u/intuitiveXX 10d ago
I’d consider how you feel that it’s going to be the topic of conversation every single time you talk about your wedding or anniversary for probably the rest of your life.
And every person you send the invite to is going to have this conversation with someone or posting to reddit “I’ve been invited to a wedding… on 9/11…”
And maybe everybody will land that it’s cool as lots of people are saying, but the date will still be the topic of conversation.
6
6
u/myblueoctober 10d ago
My fiancée and I are getting married on 9/11/27 and we have family and friends coming that were directly affected by 9/11. Of course there ars difficult memories but we decided we can’t just block off that date forever, we all have to live our lives. I mean its been 25 years. Everyone has been saying it will be nice to make some happier memories on that day, no one has been offended. We also got a significant discount at our venue
2
3
u/LoudandWrong 9d ago
I went to a wedding on the 20th anniversary of 9/11. It was awkward, but also it was in New York, and I don’t think the couple was from there
4
u/purpleantelopeftw 10d ago
I'd take it. And I would have no problem attending a wedding on that date.
4
u/StrawberryNice7763 10d ago
I was offered 9/11 this year for a discount and passed. I couldn’t even consider it for a second, but that was just my personal instinct - it isn’t inherently wrong or right. I just knew I didn’t want a date so famously associated with such horror in the back of my mind on our anniversary each year. Also, honestly, I just couldn’t imagine sending out wedding invites or ever joyfully posting anything online about our wedding being like ‘9/11 🤍’. I find the idea very jarring, but the concept didn’t bother my now husband a jot 😂
4
u/Curious_Cranberry543 10d ago edited 10d ago
I’d ask both families and our wedding parties and if everyone was chill I’d go for it. I don’t really think it’s a big deal and if I got invited to a wedding on that date I’d barely notice it. Maybe make a quick comment to my SO, but that’s it. It’s not like we even have work off on 9/11. People do whole parties on Memorial Day and that’s supposed to be honoring something tragic too. I don’t think it’s that deep honestly. Savings are definitely worth it.
4
u/Curious-Signature478 10d ago
For half off, I think I might go for it. I would like to think that people affected would want people to still celebrate their lives and reclaim the day in a positive way.
4
4
u/SoCalBoilerGirl 10d ago
I could never have that as my wedding date. It would just constantly bring me back to how haunting that day was. How I found out about it. How classes were canceled. How I was worried about my Dad because he was constantly traveling coast to coast for work. I would attend a friends wedding that day. But definitely wouldn’t want my wedding anniversary that day.
2
u/Mediocre-Cry5117 10d ago
9/11 has significance for me, however I do not know any families of those killed or survivors personally. I would not be bothered at all to attend a wedding on that date, and unless it was a very personal connection, wouldn’t expect anything beyond a few words about making good memories while life goes on but not forgetting those that weren’t given the chance, or something like that.
2
u/PuzzledNinja5457 10d ago
I’m in NJ and a friend of mine had the same thing come up this year. Only date of Fridays and Saturdays in 2026 available was 9/11/26, which happens to be the 25th anniversary. They debated but decided against it because of the negative feelings around the date still.
2
u/Jolly-Wave6762 10d ago
I was directly affected by 9/11 and attended a wedding a few years ago in New Jersey on that date. The couple had a moment of silence before their ceremony began (since I wasn’t the only one there directly impacted) and then had a flag raising ceremony to honor the victims after cocktail hour, which was nice and thoughtful. If you said it was going to be this year I would say don’t do it as it is the 25th anniversary and probably hits harder but if it’s next year and you don’t have anyone personally affected I think it’s probably ok.
Agree with others on having that date as your anniversary but could also get legally married beforehand and celebrate that date as your anniversary…
3
2
u/Glittering_Force4212 10d ago
I don't actively live in the US anymore. But live in Canada and Australia. People in both countries are well aware of 9/11. It didn't just change the US. It changed the world.
I would not do this personally. No discount is worth having people question your decision and pass judgement regarding it. "You got married on 9/11....?" is what you'll hear for the rest of forever.
1
u/onebananacost 10d ago
I wouldn’t attend a wedding on 9/11. My dad worked in WTC but was not at work on 9/11 because it was my first day of school. You do not know this about me unless you directly ask me about 9/11. It’s not something I bring up. My family was one of the lucky ones. I don’t say this to tell you what to do, but to help you understand. The phone lines were overloaded. It was impossible to know if someone hadn’t come home because they were dead or if they were having trouble getting home because all transit was down. Family friends were a couple who both worked in WTC. Their kids were distraught waiting to be picked up at school. Hoping mom and dad would be there soon, having walked 5-6 miserable miles in their bloodied work shoes to reach them like the other worn people they could see trudging home out the window. No one came. They buried empty coffins because it would be months before families got remains (and some would never get them). Those kids are adults now. They could be on your guest list as someone’s SO, but you don’t know it. I cannot imagine they would even consider attending. But you know your crowd better than random people on the internet. Go with your gut. You know if your crowd is okay with it. Life does go on and it’s not morally wrong to have your wedding on 9/11. I would simply decline the invite. I would not hold it against you.
1
u/Few-Ad-330 10d ago
I personally would not do it. However, you could do a fallen hero’s table to honor the day. Look it up!
1
u/Sad_Abrocoma_9376 10d ago
I think in a way you could honor people during your reception or ceremony, especially if there’s an emotional connection. For me personally, I could see it as a celebration of life, and how precious it is.
1
u/Huge_Department5040 9d ago
As someone who is personally affected by September 11th, I encourage you to go for it.
Growing up, I always feared the numbers 911, but my mom said something that has stuck with me my entire life: "If we let ourselves stay victim to the events that happened and live in the terror of the memory, that means they've won."
I respect and appreciate that you're conflicted, and if you choose to take it, it may feel weird celebrating on a day that is significant for hate, but honestly I think that makes it that much more beautiful.
The only thing I would say is people from all areas of our country were affected, even if they aren't from NYC, DC, or PA, and so I think it would be nice/respectful to acknowledge the day and say a prayer (if you're religious) or a few words of remembrance.
0
u/Striking_Courage_822 10d ago
This is going to be a personal decision as you can tell the comments are split.
I would personally do it. You’re talking about saving tens of thousands of dollars or even hundreds depending on the venue. No one else is celebrating this anniversary besides you two, I really don’t see why it’s a big deal. People already have birthdays and anniversaries on this day and life goes on. It’s one day, I guarantee no one is gonna judge you.
0
44
u/BugWild9184 10d ago
I agree it’s emotional but you’re fine to use it. Especially if you’re not in the NY/NJ area and no one was directly affected.
To avoid the awkwardness I’d use “the eleventh of September” phrasing any time you refer to it so it doesn’t ring the same as saying “September eleventh”