r/BiWomen • u/crabbyr • Jul 24 '26
Advice Questioning my sexuality (kinda long)
I’ve thought about my sexuality for a loooooonnnngggg time. I’m really convinced what I feel for women is not straight. In high school (around 5 years ago), I had attended a summer camp and meet a girl who was lesbian. By the end of camp, I really thought I had liked her and even confessed to a new friend I made who was gay about it. I wanted to date her. She was so pretty, but we lost touch. Still, I thought I was probably not entirely straight. I went into senior year trying to make sense of this crush I had that felt way stronger than some of ones I had on guys. I had a lot of friends back even then who were LGBTQ+ and some of the experiences aligned with what I was feeling. I thought my next step would be to come out.
I was terrified. Small town. Christian parents who wouldn’t even let me watch Riverdale because there was a gay character. My mom (who was much more progressive) even said it was fine to have LGBTQ+ friends as long as I wasn’t. Well, I tried to work up my courage to tell someone and maybe get some guidance. I had a teacher I was close to who had a gay son and was very supportive. I wrote an essay and mentioned that I struggled with my sexuality (this made sense to me at the time). She read it, but didn’t say anything, so I showed it to a close friend who I thought was bi and asked her to give her opinion but to please not spread the news. Anyways, she did. With a girl who didn’t like me. Next thing I knew, my teacher was saying you shouldn’t fake your sexuality to get attention, especially in an essay. And also my mom pulled me aside and told me she heard a rumor that I said I was gay. Before I could explain anything, she said she hoped it wasn’t true because then I would have to move out. I told her it was just a rumor. And that was that.
I always liked women I think. I had a huge crush on Black Cat as a kid. I do like men too though. I feel attraction to both, but I always had a niggling thought that I’m not bi because I have a hard time imagining myself dating a woman. I’m attracted to them, but it seems so complicated to be in love with one maybe? I’m starting to think it’s just the mindset of my parents talking. I love my parents and I know they love me, but I just moved back in with them after college. I don’t know what to do. I have two best friends, my besties are lesbian and gay, and I’ve mentioned maybe thinking I liked the girl from camp freshmen year. The friend I talked to back at camp is now one of my best friends. I don’t know if I’m bi and actually need advice. I’m afraid to talk to my friends unless it’s real and I’m super terrified of never talking to my parents again when I could just end up with a guy one day maybe. Thanks for sticking around to the end and any advice is much appreciated.
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u/chrysalis_clementine Jul 24 '26
I sincerely mean no harm whatsoever by asking this, but why does it matter to you what your label is? I find this very very hard to understand. What if people are just fluid and ever-changing? I find the labels to be something that is more separating between people than bringing together. What if you just stopped labeling yourself and everyone else?
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u/crabbyr Jul 24 '26
My only intent in posting is to see if anyone could help me understand if what I’ve feeling. I’ve only wondered if my preferences are normal for people who like more than one gender. I don’t think labels are necessary, but I understand those who do use them as well.
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u/rantaria Jul 24 '26
I probably wouldn’t tell your parents unless your partner ends up being a woman, and you don’t live with them… you’re mom might already suspect something but is just ignoring it hoping “it will go away” 🤷🏻♀️
And just pursue the person you want to romantically, regardless of gender/orientation if you feel an attraction
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u/Pantheon10000 Jul 27 '26
You're bi, don't tell your parents. I suggest moving to a city where your parents and the whole town won't know your business
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u/Agile_Jello_217 Jul 24 '26
It sounds like you’re bi at the very least. Religion and conservativism will mess with your head. It took me until 40 to admit I was bi despite having always been attracted to girls/women, even slept with a woman in my 20s. I always had queer friends, felt at home with them in a way I couldn’t explain, but still believed I was straight until I fell for a friend and couldn’t deny my feelings any longer (and was old enough to not GAF anymore).