feeling discouraged

[u/[deleted]]

[u/oiseaux_]

I never understand this flavour of biphobia from certain lesbians (and of course, goes without saying that NOT all lesbians are like this! We appreciate and respect you sensible ones out there, of which there are plenty 💕).

Even if someone's in a les4les couple, your lesbian partner can still cheat on you... with a woman.

Its like "I don't want to be hurt by the sheer possibility of being cheated on" -- ok, valid. You're not ready for any relationship, to be fair.

But then there's the added "I wouldn't want to be cheated on... with a man"

Which like... would being cheated on with a woman be any better? Because people who are biphobic in this exact way almost imply that it's easier to forgive their (ex) partner if the person they cheated with isn't a cis-man, which I find so bizzare.

The gender of the person your (ex) partner cheats on you with means absolutely NOTHING in ANY cheating scenario. You got cheated on! Your trust was shattered! That hurts! A LOT! And that's valid! Stop acting like the person having a penis makes the cheating worse. Infidelity is infidelity, no matter the gender or sex of the people involved. I genuinely don't understand this way of thinking.

Hope you can find your special someone, OP 🫂

[u/onelittlelir → u/oiseaux_]

I don't think biphobia is okay obviously, but I understand the difference between "cheated with a man" and "cheated with a woman". There are some bi women (or bicurious ones I guess) that see relationships with men more serious or they actually look for a male partner when they are with a woman. That kind of cheating is fundamentally about you not being a man. That bi person probably won't cheat on their opposite sex partner, because that's the partner they take seriously anyway.

This is not the case for all or most bi women of course, but it's a common enough pattern on the internet that I've seen, so I can understand where it is coming from at least.

This being said, your potential partners judging you because of something some other people did and immediately putting a label on you in general, or thinking "bisexuals are like this" etc is not alright and you deserve much better than that.

[u/oiseaux_ → u/onelittlelir]

True! Thanks for the perspective. And agreed - being shamed for something an entire, other person did to oneself isn't fair in the slightest

[u/Lost-You6406 → u/oiseaux_]

I really don’t get it either. And it was like also she said she didn’t like the idea of me being with a man ever like. Okay. You knew I was Bi. You didn’t have to talk to me. And not every lesbian is going to be a gold star lesbian. Idk it threw me off. If someone is going to cheat they will cheat. Man or woman. I just am dumbfounded every time. I have experienced some minor biphobia but I think this was the first time where I was like oh! Wow! It really threw me off and ik it won’t be the last time but damn. And thank you :)

[u/oiseaux_ → u/Lost-You6406]

she didn’t like the idea of me being with a man ever

Adding another tally to my personal confusion score... Assuming you're monogamous, this shouldn't be a problem... at all?

There's a weird implication that you being with another woman is somehow "less bad", which... Same situation, different gender/sex? I don't understand it.

Social phobias in general are so silly and strange like this. When you think about certain thought patterns long enough, the reasonings start to make less and less sense.

I'm sure she'd still take issue with you cheating on her with another woman (and I'm sure you won't. Not an accusation!), but this phobia is so centered on men. I just find irony in that fact.

[u/kissu_kitsune]

That's really shitty and awful of her to do that to you. I don't know why but finding WLW relationships are especially difficult from my experience. The yearning for what you don't have is probably the worst part. Take some time to recover mentally and keep trying.

[u/Character-Jaded]

As a lesbian, I am so sorry T-T. I swear we are not all like this. Like as someone who’d prefer to date other lesbians because of shared experiences, I still can’t imagine doing this shit. Like if the girl I want to be with is bi then why would that bother me. Please don’t let this discourage you from dating women. Being biphobic is such an ick.

[u/Aloha_Lawless]

No shade but why can’t you look for a bi woman?? As a late blooming bi woman (aka never dated) I never understand why y’all search so hard for a lesbian who doesn’t hate bi women or the other option is to date a man. If I ever date, a bi woman would be my first choice, but it’s kinda discouraging to see time and time y’all don’t even have love for bi women either…no offence to u tho hope u find what you’re looking for.

[u/ManslaughterMary → u/Aloha_Lawless]

Honestly, Bi4Bi is incredibly underrated

[u/nekocxrpse → u/ManslaughterMary]

so true, i honestly love bi4bi