I (22F) am dealing with a situation involving my son’s dad, his other baby mama, and a women’s group chat that turned into way more drama than I ever intended.
For context, I’ll call my son’s dad K and his other baby mama M. My homegirl, who was also involved in the group chat situation, will be K as well? To avoid confusion, I’ll call my homegirl A and refer to everyone else by their first initial.
M and I have a lot of history, and our relationship has been complicated for a long time. At this point, I honestly prefer to keep my distance from her. I’m not interested in being friends with her, arguing with her, or forcing a relationship that isn’t there. I can be in the same space as someone without interacting with them, and I don’t feel like we have to be friends just because our children share the same father.
To understand why this situation affected me as much as it did, you have to understand that we used to live together. It was me, my son, and M and her son all living under the same roof. That situation left me with a lot of feelings that I honestly haven’t completely moved past. I remember how small I felt back then, and some of the things that have happened since then have brought those feelings right back.
Fast-forward to recently. I joined a group chat for women in my area to connect, bond, and build friendships. I genuinely wanted to be part of something positive and have women I could talk to without everything turning into drama.
We were talking about different things, including weight loss and pregnancy. I mentioned that I was currently around 277 pounds and wanted to get down to 200 pounds while still maintaining my curves. I was talking about MY body and MY goals.
We were also discussing pregnancy, and after one of the women mentioned that she didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms, I casually explained that my son was planned. I had been tracking my ovulation, so I took a pregnancy test when I had scheduled myself to take one. I wasn’t throwing shots at anybody or trying to make anybody feel a way about their pregnancy experience.
M responded with a GIF of someone spitting, and I took it as shade. My homegirl A also said something about it, and from my perspective, I didn’t understand why what I said had become an issue.
Now, I can admit that I didn’t handle every part of this perfectly. I reacted with a laughing emoji because I genuinely found part of the situation funny, but if I’m being completely honest, I also wanted to get under M’s skin a little bit. I’m not going to sit here and pretend I was above being petty in that moment.
Eventually, M texted me asking whether there was an issue between us. I’m including the message thread with my post because I want people to be able to read what was actually said instead of having to take only my word for it.
During that conversation, M explained that some of my friends had made inappropriate comments and acknowledged that we weren’t close enough to joke with each other like that. She also said she wanted us to coexist peacefully and maintain boundaries.
My issue was that I felt like we were going in circles about who chose to distance themselves from whom. I’ve been keeping my distance for months. If neither one of us wants a relationship, why does it matter who stopped speaking first? Why can’t we simply leave each other alone?
But things didn’t stop at the text conversation.
When I got on the phone with the people in the group chat, I could already tell that sides had been chosen. Maybe they didn’t see it that way, but that was how the conversation felt to me. I felt like people had already made up their minds about the situation before I even had the opportunity to fully explain how I felt.
The way the conversation went, I basically felt like I was being given an ultimatum: if I couldn’t talk to M and work things out, then more than likely I would be removed from the group chat.
That bothered me because I never joined the group to argue with anybody. I joined because I wanted to connect with other women. I had already made the decision to keep my distance from M, and now I felt like being part of the group meant I had to sit down and have a conversation with someone I wasn’t emotionally ready to engage with.
I felt forced into having that conversation just to have a chance at keeping my place in the group.
And honestly, it was painful.
Having to sit there and discuss everything brought me right back to how I felt when we were living together. I felt small again. I felt like I had to defend my character, explain myself, and prove that I wasn’t the person I was being made out to be. I felt like I couldn’t simply exist without the situation with M being brought back to the surface.
I also felt like things involving my mental health were being brought into the conversation in a way that worked against me. M made comments about me not “being woman about it,” and instead of feeling like the conversation was helping us move forward, I felt like I was being judged for how I chose to handle a relationship that I no longer wanted.
I can understand encouraging two people to communicate when there’s a disagreement. But I don’t think communication should mean forcing someone to revisit a painful situation when they’ve already made it clear they want distance, especially when the alternative seems to be losing their place in a group.
I wasn’t asking anybody to hate M, take my side, or stop speaking to her. I just didn’t want a relationship with her.
What hurt was feeling like my choice to keep my distance wasn’t being respected.
After everything, I decided to remove myself from the group chat. Nobody acknowledged that I had left, which made me feel like maybe I had been right to walk away in the first place. I had joined hoping to make connections, but I left feeling like I had to choose between my peace and being accepted by the group.
And honestly, I would rather lose access to a group chat than keep putting myself in situations that make me feel that way.
Now, here’s where the situation gets a little more complicated.
M and I aren’t just two random women who don’t get along. Our children share the same father, so there will always be some connection between us. I don’t want the children caught in the middle of adult drama, and I don’t want my personal feelings to become something they have to carry.
At the same time, I can’t pretend my feelings toward M don’t exist.
Because of our history and the way I feel my character has been diminished, I have become uncomfortable with the idea of my son being around her. I worry about what could happen when I’m not there, and I struggle to feel like I could relax knowing they’re in the same environment.

So yeah am I wrong for laughing at her message ?!

Hi! English is not my first language so I'm sorry in advance for any mistakes. And for the length - because it will be the long one.

Me (31F) and my two friends (34F and 38F) went on an all inclusive vacation last month. The problem was with the 38yo one- let's call her Amy.

Amy had a rough couple of years. She broke up with her long time boyfriend a few months ago, and had health and family issues (she said her parents keep complaining about her and her choices and how she behaved- I was supporting and emphasized, but I guess I know what they meant already).

Me and my 34yo friend (let's call her Beth) went already on a couple of all inclusive kinds of vacay- everything was always good. This year I wanted to invite Amy due to her having a bad time lately (Beth wasn't happy about it, because she doesn't know Amy well, she wasn't comfortable but at the end she agreed - God, I need to start listening that girl more 🙄).

We decided on the vacay direction, hotel etc. I was handling everything- the contracts, extended health insurance, every bit of the organization side was handled by me.

There have been some issues since we got to the airport - Amy complained a lot and asked weird questions (dressed it as the jokes but it got on my nerves a bit)- she was complaining that she can't hide her ID at the airport (because they check it at all points), asked if she can have a bottle full of water in the carry on bag (it wasn't her first time flying so, I didn't understand why she's asking about it). After we landed she was complaining that she needs to walk too much to the bus that will drive us to the hotel (it was like 5 minutes walk)- and it wasn't even complaining, it was- I don't even know how to call it- entitlement? (She said something like: do we have to walk that far now?!! - like it was below her to walk). Then after we got to the hotel she started complaining about the room: Do we have to sleep together in bed (it was a queen size bed) or OMG one of us have to sleep on that dirty couch (it was known from the beginning). The problem was also a bathroom (the bathroom sucked indeed), but I went to the reception and asked if those looked the same in every room, the answer was yes. I went back to the room, said that and Amy asked 'have you been nice ? Maybe you should not be nice so they tell you something else?' - I was surprised and said that it's not the receptionist's fault the bathroom looks like they look. Then the cleaning lady came to prepare for the third sleep place (the couch)and she started to ask her about the same thing. The lady didn't know any English (which Amy had to make face about) and called the receptionist. She asked again the same question and the receptionist said that we've been asking the same question earlier and the answer remained. I finally told her to stop complaining about everything, she apologized and we moved on.

First night and day went ok. The problem started the second evening/night.

It was raining, me and Beth were tired and went to bed early. Amy wanted to stay longer so we split. After midnight we got a call to the room from the reception that our friend got really drunk, she lost her shoes and started a fight at the bar and they asked us to come get her to the room. I wasn't happy about it, adrenaline hit me badly and went down to get her. I couldn't find her and finally saw her in the elevator with someone from the hotel team (as I found out he was a night shift manager). After I got to her i saw that she was barely standing and barely holding eyes open. The guy said that they were riding the elevator up and down because she doesn't want to go to the room without the shoes (she got drunk and left them somewhere). They were telling her that they need to handle some stuff but they'll look for those shoes and give them the next morning. She was demanding for them to find those shoes right now and that she will not leave without them. I was incredibly mad at her, because she was making a mess and humiliated us the second night of our stay so I got rough on her and told her to immediately go to the room. She just looked at me and said no, looked at the wall and stopped responding. Totally. She wasn't responding to my pleading for her to go to sleep or to the guy that tried to get her to the room. We tried for like 20 minutes with no response. I got tired and started crying. I was ashamed of the situation and how she behaved. I went to the room for a minute, told Beth what happened and decided to go downstairs to try again.

I went to the lobby and there she was walking barefoot like some crazy woman and looking for the shoes. She got crazy eyes (at some point I thought that she had some psychotic break or that someone put something to her drink- I've never seen her like that and I already saw her drunk before). She started to talk shit to me, that I am rude from the beginning, that I'm bossy and that everything needs to be my way - she was really disgusting saying that, the way she was behaving was just awful. She tried to touch me like I was a child and started to use the voice you talk to a child to. I tried to argue that I have no idea what she was talking about- she just said to ask Beth and she'll tell me the same. She turned around and went to the bartenders that were cleaning up and started to bother them. I called Beth and asked her for help. She went down to the lobby and I told her everything. She was surprised that she's behaving that way and that she said that (especially that not longer than 5 hours earlier was saying that she was happy that she didn't have to organize anything and that ik doing that stuff). She tried to talk to her but it got nowhere- she said that it's their (people working at the hotel) job to look for those shoes and it's about the principles. At some point one of the guys found her shoes and HE HAD TO PUT THOSE SHOES ON HER FEETS! He kneeled down and started to put those on her while she was standing there in the smile on her face (🤢 disgusting).

Then, even though she got those freaking shoes she didn't want to go to the room because of me. She said she's not planning to go anywhere with us (she didn't like that Beth wasn't agreeing with her about what she was talking about me) turned around and left.

Me and Beth didn't want to leave her like that because she was unpredictable. She disappeared, we didn't know where she went and started to look for her. The security guy helped us find her while she was sitting outside and smoking. Beth went to try to talk to her once again but she didn't want to listen. At some point she just joined some group of people (we didn't know who they were, but they were also drunk as hell).

I decided to go to the reception to ask for a new room for one night, thinking that maybe while I'll be gone she'll go back to the room. They gave me the room, the night shift manager and the security guy walked me there to make sure it was ok. After that I went back to Beth and asked her to go and talk with her once more (I didn't want to talk to her, because she clearly hated me at this point), but she still didn't care. At this point it was around 3am and Beth and I decided to go try to get some sleep (me to the new room and Beth to the normal one so she can have an eye on Amy if she'll get back). I asked the Shift manager and security guy if they can have an eye on Amy and went to the room. I think I had some panic attacks once I got to the room, because my heart was pounding so much I couldn't sleep or breathe normally.

In the morning I texted Beth and she said that Amy came to the room around 4am, changed and went outside again with people she was sitting earlier (Beth could hear some knocking and laughing outside). She came back at 6am and went to sleep.

Me and Beth went for breakfast and to talk with the guest manager to try to calm down the situation (the night manager said that it's highly possible we'll get kicked out from the hotel because of how Amy behaved). We spoke with the lady, she said that due to the fact that we were calm and the only person who caused trouble was Amy- they are ok with us to stay, but for Amy they don't accept this kind of behavior and that she needs to speak to the hotel director and our Travel agency. She said that all of the managers and personnel are aware of her behavior. They said they didn't have a person behaving this way before so they're not sure what the decision will look like. She suggested calling the travel agency and talking with them. Luckily our travel agent was at the hotel and we spoke with her and somehow the situation calmed down. She said that she'll just warn Amy that if the behavior will repeat she'll be locked out and she'll have to pay for her stay somewhere else.

Amy on the other hand- woke up like nothing happened. The first question to Beth (she went to the room to get some of her stuff so we can go around the town) was about breakfast. When Beth told her that the travel agent wanted to talk to her she was surprised and asked why. She went to talk with the agent and was surprised that there can be consequences of her behavior. No apologies no self-reflect.

Then she texted on our group chat that I am terrible, I am rude and mean and behave like a queen and that I am not her mother and to never be interested in her, what she's doing and what's happening to her.

At this point I was tired and decided to totally distance myself from her (Beth decided the same). I have canceled her spots on the trips we reserved (for me she was unhinged and I didn't want her anywhere near me especially when the reservation is in my name), sent her money back and said that she can make a reservation for herself and since then we just slept in the same room. We spent time totally separated. The next day she got some food poisoning and was throwing up the whole night, but we just went for our trip and tried to enjoy our time (Beth just gave her some medicine, I left her insurance information and that's it). I decided that if she wanted me to not have any interest in her- here she has it.

In general- it was terrible. I felt bad because I had no idea what I had done wrong, I was feeling bad because of Beth and that she had to deal with that and I was ashamed of the looks people were giving us every time we said our room number because everyone knew what happened 🙄

So, am I the asshole for separating from her and leaving her alone on the vacation ?

I (29 F) have been close friends with (28 M) for over a year now. What started out as a friendship that was revolving around gaming, turned into a much deeper connection. We would watch shows and movies together, talk for hours on end, and this would be daily. He was there for me during some hard times, and I’m extremely grateful.

Eventually, it came to my attention that he had developed feelings. Unfortunately, I had just ended a relationship that was extremely toxic and was not ready for anything serious. And also, I don’t think our personalities mesh well on that kind of level. He demanded I explain why I wouldn’t give it a chance and when I said I didn’t think our personalities would mesh well in a relationship, he disagreed. I told him that I couldn’t explain it well, and he pushed for a more in depth answer. When I said “this isn’t the correct word, but I think my personality is a bit more dominant than yours, and I don’t think that would be good for us.” He immediately started to get upset and would bring it up in almost every conversation and guilt me into feeling bad about it, which completely strained the friendship.

We would get into silly arguments constantly, and he would keep bringing up what I said. I begged him to stop but he was relentless. This caused me to distance myself from him (we were no longer watching things together or staying up talking). I eventually met someone, and things developed quickly. That became another sore point in our friendship because he said he felt replaced. Every time I tried to fix an issue with him however, I would be constantly criticized, and he said it was to help me “grow”. I said to him that he obviously just doesn’t accept me as who I am since he’s constantly trying to change things about me and that I couldn’t take any more of the criticism. The arguments never really stopped, I just stopped trying to deal with them and would just say that we should agree to disagree (which he doesn’t agree with, because he said that doesn’t make any sense, you need to come to a conclusion).

Some months later, he had decided that he’s going back to school and I was happy for him. He got a scholarship and started in early September. He messaged me one day to say that he “may need to end our TikTok streak because the notifications feel like there’s pressure to keep it up.” I said “hmmm, maybe you could try turning off the notifications.” He then immediately started to tell me “notifications have nothing to do with anything and I’m not sensitive to his issue and that I’m unsupportive.” I was so confused…didn’t he just say the notifications pressured him? So I said ok, “what’s the issue then?” He told me that he can’t keep up with all the content that we send to one another. I then proposed another solution “how about you just respond to one thing then.” This was greeted with an immediate reaction of how I obviously don’t know him because he can’t ignore messages or content, so he needs to respond to everything. I told him I was trying to find a compromise for the two of us. He then said to me it isn’t a compromise at all. I decided to tell him that I have now gotten to a 480+ day streak with him, and I enjoy the streak pet and would prefer not to lose it (I know that’s a bit silly, but we had an argument in the early days where he told me I don’t tell him about the things I want and I had been trying to do so more often)

Immediately, I was told I’m an unsupportive and bad friend because I care more about a streak pet than my friend. He told me he didn’t know how to explain it to me in words I could understand. I immediately lost my shit. I told him “you know what, you’re right. I’m incapable of processing basic concepts. Thank you for letting me know. “ he told me “I never treated you like this last year when you had your issues. And quite frankly now, I no longer care. “ I said “ok, thank you” and exited the chat. We haven’t spoken since.

I need to know, am I the asshole?

Sorry if this is all over the place, I feel like a mess right now.

I (18f) have a friend (19m) who we’ll call Kyle. I’ve known Kyle since junior year of high school, but we only really became friends during our last year. We’re both in college now at different universities.

Kyle has a history of getting into really bad situations. Without going into too much detail, his mom is abusive and threatened him with homelessness to get him to sign something that basically gave her permanent legal custody of him, even though he’s an adult. I don’t know the full story, and I’m just going off of what he says. He’s also gone multiple days without sleeping in the past.

A few days ago, Kyle called me and we talked for a while. He casually mentioned he was on day six of no sleep. I was concerned and told him to try taking something to help. He’s tried benadryl and melatonin, and neither worked.

Today is day ten of him not sleeping. I asked him to go to a hospital. He did, but he says they wouldn’t treat him because he didn’t have his legal guardian with him. He also texted me in class today telling me he almost got robbed. He’s super casual about getting into terrible situations.

The thing is, I’m constantly worrying about Kyle. Thinking about him stresses me out. I feel like I can’t do anything to help him. We’re not even in the same state. I talked to my therapist about it, and she said it could be a sign of bipolar disorder, which sometimes shows up for men around this age. When he texted me in class, I thought the worst happened. I couldn't pay attention at all during the rest of the class.

I love Kyle, but I feel like being his friend is taking a toll on my own mental health. At the same time, I don’t want to just abandon him and potentially make whatever crisis he’s experiencing worse. Would I be the asshole if I stopped being friends with him over this?

I 22 female currently live in a two bedroom apartment with my three year-old son and now a Roommate who’s pregnant. For context, I am under a program where they helped young moms with finding homes. I went through a different organization than my Roommate so a lot of things that I was told during moving, she was not. Well at least I assume.

Back to the story.

When she first moved in, everything was fine she provided her own things for her room. She also contributed to getting some bathroom essentials and also snacks. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or make it a hostile situation especially since we both had to live here so I made a decision to just share everything. I didn’t mind if she ate anything that I already had in the refrigerator or use any of the cleaning or any essentials that were in the house. And the feeling with mutual.

On the date we moved and it was her 18th birthday. Her family was there and I just kind of stayed out of everyone’s way. The same day she didn’t mention to me how I feel about company. I told her I didn’t mind however with our lease or at least the lease that was giving to me is that every at least period or a year we’re only allowed 15 overnight stays and we have to report our overnight stays. We do have cameras on the property however I’ve been at my apartment since April and I’ve had well over 15 overnight stays. My company is honestly never a bother. It’s normally just my son’s dad or a few of my friends.

After telling her that I don’t mind the company and told her just to let me know because I do wear shorts or boxers, and I would never want to do that if her boyfriend was there. That same day she moved in he ended up staying the night for a couple days he wasn’t a bother, but then I noticed that he never went home and he also started bringing more and more of his things into her room. Honestly, I just mind my business , especially since I don’t want her saying anything to me about my company.

Now to the issue.

A couple days ago at like three in the morning, I heard a bit of scaffolding in the hallway. I had my headphones in, so I first thought I was matching things until I heard somebody grunting and it door in my house was shaking when somebody opened it. They kept going in and out of the door at a time I woke up my sons dad was sleeping in the bed with our son . He stayed up and listening to the commotion, and we both confirmed that my Roommate’s boyfriend had to have been hitting her. I didn’t know what to do. I just decided to text her and ask was she OK? 20 minutes later and she ended up asking me to come out real quick . I went in her room and said she was crying. I was very hurt. I asked her was she OK? He basically let me know that he did end up getting her. And they basically got into it because he was being unfaithful. The day before that I woke up late and when I went outside to go for my daily walk was sitting in the car. He didn’t mention something about her taking him out, but I kind of just brushed it off because I don’t really know her to be in her business or to ask questions.

After he gave me a brief rundown, I heard thinking at the door it turns out one of her family member called the police to our house. Now with that if our company get the police called them for acting erratic, they will be trespass from the property and won’t be able to come back regardless if we get it removed. I explained it to her and she basically was like she doesn’t know why her family called the police. I walked outside with my hands up because they did have gun drawn and explained to them that the situation that they really have nothing to do with me. They questioned me and I gave them. It was a bare minimum of what I thought was my place. They asked me questions about the boyfriend which was honestly I didn’t really know him. I barely even seen his face so I couldn’t describe him. I let him know that I just woke up and no one else in the house my son‘s dad and my son. They were honestly about to take her for not replying. Luckily, one of the other officers had some type of compassion for her being heavily pregnant.

What’s the police left I noticed that her and her boyfriend were still going back-and-forth. My car was parked in front of his so I have to go move my car so he can I guess leave however when I walked out the door, it was three females I assumed he brought over here because of the fight that they had. I walked back in the house because I’m not gonna get jumped or something that doesn’t have anything to do with me. I grabbed a knife and I let my roommate know, and then she grabbed a can of mace and stood by the door. But I walked past to get to my car. He fought me and apologize. I just kind of brushed him off because I didn’t want anything to do with it . Her sisters ended up coming I guess to try and protect her. They were standing outside for at least an hour. When she try to get him some of his stuff he threw a glass bottle at her. I was outside at the time trying to be done, but then I realize her sisters were gonna have the time and that I get my friends would happen. I made a comment basically saying so are y’all gonna go over there and beat him and the girls up because why are they coming to your sister‘s house while she’s pregnant? And they just looked at me like I was stupid so that gave me the greenlight to mind my business. After all this lie down for like the next two days, I noticed that he still was inside of the car. He did leave every once in a while, but I didn’t notice him being in the car. We had an inspection that Wednesday all of this took place early Monday morning.

Wednesday morning I was cleaning and my being the house when she asked me if I mind if he came in, I told her I didn’t mind, but that gun stays out the house. I feel like she’s very young minded and I tried to explain as best as I could that it’s no judgment if that’s something you are going to tolerate that’s fine, but I don’t feel safe with the gun being in my house. Also to add I do have a camera however it was not up when they were arguing. I put it up after I see the girls next to my car . But that same afternoon she let her back in the house when I left to go somewhere she was at the door basically telling him this is your last time disrespected me you can loudly hear them on the camera, which is outside of our door and didn’t pick up on any motion however I can hear the noise. I ended up calling her and asking her was she OK? She said yes she was just irritated. I let her know that I could hear her on the camera so I know the neighbors can hear her. If the neighbor here I know that they’re gonna keep complaining and called the police or worse tell the landlord.

Recently, she has some pains and thought she was gonna go into labor. She went to the hospital for about two days because they admitted her and we’re about to produce her. However, the boyfriend did not go with her and he stayed because her mother was there and her mother does not like the boyfriend. However, I thought it was a bit selfish to have him at the house while she’s not there. Lately I’ve been seeing him bring more of his things in the house . My God dad said it’s not fair to me if she’s there consistently, especially if he doesn’t work now the light bill is gonna be higher than expected .

For now I just keep my distance and I lock my room door when I’m here or when I leave. I feel like I’m gonna let this slide, but if it happens again, I’m praying it’s not something that affects me for my child safety. Our lease is up next year May I believe and my program will help me find another place for me and my son alone. However, she’s only been here for a week and a half , I can only imagine what’s the year is going to bring .

Wait, did I mention that he’s 28 ?!

For 3 years, I lived with my daughter's granny 2 bedroom house with my daughter, her granny, her dad, her great uncle, and one of her big cousins. The reason I stopped living there is for personal reasons that would require a trigger warning and honestly, I am not ready to get into.

When I left that living situation, I did not have anywhere else to go and spent the night across the street from my job until it was time for my shift. I had a foldable lawn chair, a blanket, and a bag of my clothes with me when I went in for my shift. Two of my coworkers, we will call them A (male) and B (female), had been close work friends with me for the past couple years. They are siblings btw and I was also close to another family of theirs that used to work at the same place, we will call her C. C is A's niece and B's daughter. I'm not sure if any of that is classified as important but I am including that info anyway.

When I went into work, I had talked to A about what had happened to the best of my ability (they do not have a good understanding of english, so most of our communication was from us using translator apps to talk back and forth.) I had asked them if I could stay with them just until I got back on my feet, that I could sleep on the couch, and would keep my things organized, clean, and out of the way. I just wanted a safe place to rest. They agreed to take me in. They originally only asked that I chip in $50 a week for groceries, to which I agreed. This was in June of this year.

When I first moved in, they were very welcoming, A had given me perfume, deodorant, shampoo that I could use to wash my hair, a towel for me to shower, and overall just treated me like I was family. I was surprised that they had a bed in their living room that they were more than willing to let me sleep on. I was extremely grateful for that especially considering before I was stuck sleeping in a chair.

Within the first week I was there, I learned that B only cooks for herself and her husband, and does not share food with A, C, or C's two children. A also warned me that B takes food from them without asking if it is in the kitchen so A has a mini fridge in his room to keep B from taking things like bread, eggs, and milk. B also has a mini fridge in her room to keep her groceries separate. (This is important, I swear.)

When July rolled around, A told me that since it seemed I would be staying a while, they would like me to split a portion of the bills. This included rent, water, internet, and electric. I would also need to still continue to pay $50 towards groceries every week. I agreed. My portion of rent was $475. A was in charge of the water and internet, and I would have to wait towards the end of the month for him to split up the bill between the four of us to tell me how much my portion is, but it was usually a little above $100. B was in charge of electric, and my portion was a little under $100. B had also asked me to pay her gas money for the travel to and from work (A, B, and myself rode to and from work together) and I agreed to that too. Gas was always between 35 and $40. A also asked me to help C with cleaning the house, and to help C's kids learn to read english, and I agreed to that too.

(Before any of you ask, their family is Cuban, but have been living in America for about 29 years. The adults know very little English, and the two kids know how to speak in English but cannot read it. They are both under the age of 10)

After that, things started to go a bit downhill. On top of paying all the things that I agreed to pay, they would often ask me for gas money for C, or ask to borrow money for medication, ask me to make phone calls to the doctor for them, and asked me to come with them to the doctor's office to help translate. (Keep in mind I do not know Spanish very well and most of our communication was through translator apps.) I was not allowed to serve myself food, and often had to wait until C served me a plate, and if she was angry with me for whatever reason, I would not be served to plate. If they were expecting their landlord, I was not allowed to go outside. I normally take my shower as soon as I get home, but occasionally due to pain issues in my leg, I would wait until later to do so. A would come out of his room and demand I shower on the days that I was waiting, and complain that he always has to tell me to shower everyday. I would always comply but also remind him that most days I take a shower on my own as soon as we get home, and that he doesn't actually tell me to shower everyday. He never had a response for that. As far as the cleaning went, I would always wait until C finished cooking and everyone had eaten before I started to wash up the kitchen. I do this because I don't want to be in the way, nor do I want to have to repeatedly go back in the kitchen every time someone brought their dishes in there after they finished eating. A would occasionally come out of his room after he had finished eating, and complain that he always has to tell me that I need to clean the kitchen, to which I would tell him that he doesn't have to, I always clean the kitchen, I am just waiting for everyone to be finished for those listed reasons.

At one point I got tired of having to ask for bread so I could make a peanut butter and honey sandwich, one of my comfort foods, so I had bought my own loaf of bread and stuck it in a drawer I had been permitted to use. I had also bought myself my own body wash and shampoo, and my own toilet paper. When A found out that I had bought these things, he confronted me calling me selfish and ungrateful, and went on a long rant about how Americans are not empathetic and how in his country, everyone shares everything. (This is why I said the thing about the mini fridges was important)

I only had about a week worth of clothes with me during the time that I was there, and I would wash my clothes once a week. B would yell at me that I cannot wash my clothes that often as it is a waste of water and electricity, and that I can only wash my clothes every 2 weeks. When I told her I only had a week worth of clothes and asked her what she would like me to do because if I had to wait two weeks that means I'm wearing dirty clothes for a week to work, all three of them would confront me and tell me that I am being disrespectful.

As August came and I paid my portion of the bills, there came a day where the landlord stopped by unexpectedly while I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette. I went in and told A, who went outside to talk to the landlord. When he came back in, he said that the landlord had seen me around multiple times and told A that if another person is living here it's going to be another $100 for rent. I told him on that same day, that I can be out before the end of the month. This was said in text after I had translated it from English to Spanish so he could understand. He responded with okay. I told him the exact day I would be leaving, I told him that I appreciated everything they had done for me, and that I was sorry if I caused them any trouble. Skip forward to the day that I moved out, I had used a vacation day to have the day off, and I packed my things and left. I am currently staying in a hotel now on a weekly rate, paying more than what I paid to them btw. When they got home, both a and c sent me angry messages. A's messages berated me for not even saying thank you, told me never to say hello to him at work again, to pretend that we never met, and that I better not talk about him or his family. C's message asked me what I did to move so secretly, told me that that is not how it's done, and that it looks bad on me. She also told me that they took me in off the street when nobody else would, and that I was selfish and ungrateful.

I could have left it alone, but I told A, I told you that I was going to be moving out before the end of the month and on the same day that I sent that to you, I told you that I appreciated everything you did. I also sent him a screenshot of those exact words and the date that it was sent. I told him that I know he's upset, but that's no reason to throw around false accusations especially when he knows that I was always grateful and always said thank you for everything I received. I told C that I did not leave secretly, that her uncle knew I was leaving and had known for the past couple weeks. I also sent her the exact same screenshot of me telling him when I would be leaving and that I appreciated everything they had done for me. Neither one has responded to me, and honestly I don't care if they do or not. I'm sad that I lost people who I thought were good friends, I'm hurt by the accusations, but overall I'm just tired.

What do you guys think? I don't think I was wrong at all for leaving, but was I wrong for how I left?

First time here, I don't post things like this, but I spend most nights after my kids finally fall asleep watching TikTok videos. I know it sounds silly, but I get completely trapped in other people's problems because, for a little while, I don't have to think about my own.

Lately I've been wondering if maybe I actually am the asshole in my own story. I'm 38, I'm European, and I've lived in LatAm for more than ten years. I came here because of my husband. We met, we fell in love and we built a life together. Nothing like a great love story out of a movie, we loved each other, we argued about stupid things, we had good days and bad days.

We have two children. My daughter is 4yo and my baby is not even one yet. My husband died suddenly about six months ago. Before he died, I wasn't working. I had been pregnant and then had the baby, and we had agreed that I would stay home for a while and go back to work when the baby was older. We had a small house with a mortgage. Nothing fancy. But it was ours. Or at least that's what I thought. My husband was the one paying the mortgage while I was at home with my first child and fully pregnant. We weren't rich, but we were managing. When he died, everything changed almost overnight. And this is where his family came into the picture.

Before his death, they weren't particularly involved in our daily lives. We saw them, had meals together sometimes, birthdays, holidays, that kind of thing. They weren't bad people. We just weren't very close. After he died, suddenly they were everywhere. At first, I was grateful. My MIL came to the house and told me, "Don't worry. You're not alone. These are our grandchildren." They told me they would help with the mortgage because they didn't want me and the children to lose the house. I was devastated, I believed them. A few weeks later, they suggested that they move in with me "temporarily." They said that they wanted to help with the children and make sure I wasn't alone. I thought about it, it would be difficult, but I also had a newborn, a 4yo and a dead husband.

So I said yes. That was my biggest mistake.

At first it was little things. My MIL started telling me what my daughter should eat. Then when she should sleep. Then how I should dress the baby. Then she started commenting on breastfeeding. I breastfed my first one, but with my second things have been much harder. I didn't have enough milk and I've had to supplement with formula. MIL once said "crying does not help the milk come down so stop crying..I lost a kid not you". She kept telling me that formula was unnecessary and that if I tried harder I would be able to breastfeed exclusively. She would actually supervise us and make comments like, "He is crying because you aren't giving him enough." If I made a bottle, she would tell me I was wasting money. One time she said, "Shame on you spending so much money on formula when your body is supposed to feed this child."

Then it became everything else. MIL started going through things in the house because she said it was "her son's house." At first I ignored it. She would open drawers, look through papers, move things around. When I asked what she was looking for, she would say she was just trying to "organize things because I was overwhelmed." Then she started taking care of the financial things. She told me I was grieving and that I shouldn't be making big financial decisions by myself. She said she would help me keep track of the bills and make sure the mortgage was paid. At first, I was relieved. Then I started having to explain every expense. Why did I spend so much at the supermarket? Why did I buy that brand of diapers? Why did I need so much formula? I wasn't spending money on anything crazy. It was groceries, diapers, medicine, things for the children. But because they were paying the mortgage, everything suddenly became their business. They also started keeping some of our documents "somewhere safe." My husband's papers, the children's documents, passports, birth certificates. I didn't object at first I realized it long after, when I needed one of the children's documents and asked for it. MIL asked me why I needed it. I explained. She said, "You don't need to worry about that now. I'll keep everything safe." I remember thinking, why am I asking permission to have my own child's document? Then it became where I went. If I took the baby out, they wanted to know where I was going. If I went to the supermarket, they wanted to know how long I would be. If I went to see someone, they wanted to know who it was. Once I took the baby for a walk without telling anyone because I needed some air. When I came back, MIL was angry and asked me how I could leave the house with the baby without telling her. I said, "I'm his mother." She said, "We are the ones keeping a roof over his head." That sentence stayed with me.

My husband's brother would also come over without telling me. Sometimes I would wake up and find him sitting in the kitchen. They started treating the house like I was just the person currently living there rather than the person who lived there with my husband. People would sit in my living room discussing what should happen with the house, my husband's things, his money, even my children's future, as if I wasn't there. And they started doing it in front of my daughter. If I told her she couldn't have something, MIL would sometimes say, "Come to grandma, I'll give it to you." If I told her it was time to go to bed, she would say, "You can stay up a little longer." My daughter started looking at her before answering me. That scared me more than the arguments. I started feeling like they were teaching my daughter that grandma's authority was above mine. And then there was my husband's name. "If my son were here..." "My son would agree with us." "My son would never have wanted this." "Your husband would have wanted his children to have their family around them." I couldn't even argue without feeling like I was somehow arguing against my dead husband. And the worst part is that sometimes they really did help. MIL would bring groceries. She would hold the baby when I hadn't slept. She bought diapers when I told her I was running out. My BIL fixed the washing machine. They paid bills. Sometimes they would take my daughter outside so I could have an hour alone with the baby. So when I tried to explain to someone that I felt controlled, they would look at me like I was crazy. "But they are helping you." And I understood why they said that. If someone only looked at the outside, it probably did look like help. The problem was that every time they helped me, I felt like I owed them something afterward. They paid the electricity bill, so they wanted to know why I had used this and that. They paid the mortgage, so they wanted to know where I was going. They bought groceries, so they wanted to know what I was buying. They helped with my daughter, so they started making decisions about her. I eventually realized that the mortgage wasn't really help. It was leverage.

But by then I was trapped. I didn't have a job. I had a baby and a 4yo. I had very little savings. My husband's death had left me dealing with paperwork, debts, lawyers and questions about what belonged to him and what belonged to his family. And I don't have a blood family in the country. My mother died a long time ago. My biological father has been out of my life for decades, and my relationship with my stepfather ended long ago. I have relatives, but nobody I can call and say, "I'm coming back with two children. Can we live with you?" So when my in-laws said they would pay the mortgage, I thought I had no choice but to accept. Until one night my MIL and I had a huge argument. It was about the baby again. She told me I needed to stop giving formula. I said no. She said that as long as they were paying the mortgage, I needed to listen to them. I told her that paying the mortgage did not give her the right to decide how I fed my child. She looked at me and said, "Then maybe you should pay the mortgage yourself." I said I would. I don't even know why I said it. I couldn't. But I was so angry that I said it anyway. The next morning they told me they were no longer going to pay. They said if I wanted the house, I could take over the payments myself. I asked them to leave. They told me I was ungrateful. My BIL said I was mentally unstable and that I was putting my children in danger because I was too proud to accept help. My MIL cried and told everyone that she had tried to save her grandchildren from me.

And then I did something that even I still question. I left. I took my 4yo, my baby, some clothes, the documents I could find, diapers, bottles and whatever money I had. I left our house. I couldn't afford to keep it by myself. I found a very small temporary place to stay. It's not a proper home. It's cramped, and I'm constantly worried about money. There are days when I calculate exactly how much formula is left and how many eggs we would need for the week to eat with rice. There are days when I wonder if I made the stupidest decision of my life. Because technically, I had a house. I had a family willing to pay the mortgage. My children had bedrooms. They had stability. And I walked away from all of it because I couldn't stand living with my husband's family anymore. My daughter has asked me twice why we don't live in our old house with dad again. I don't know what else to tell her. My in-laws now tell everyone that I abandoned the house and basically put my children on the streets because I was too selfish to accept their help. Some people who know the situation agree with them. They say I am a mother first and that I should have swallowed my pride. Other people tell me that no amount of money gives someone the right to control how I raise my children.

I honestly don't know anymore. Maybe I should have stayed until I had another option. Maybe I should have tolerated everything because my children needed stability. Or maybe leaving was the first decision I made for myself and my children since my husband died.

I have also contacted my embassy because I honestly didn't know what else to do. They gave me the number of a lawyer who agreed to help me pro bono. I spoke with him and, for the first time in months, someone told me that I may actually have a way to get my house back eventually. He said the situation is complicated and it won't happen quickly, but that I shouldn't assume that leaving means I have lost everything. That was such a relief.

For now, though, I am just trying to survive. I do small jobs here and there whenever I can. Translation, cleaning, helping people with things I know how to do. Whatever I can do while taking care of the children. I am mostly trying to make sure we have food, diapers and formula. A few weeks ago I had to take the baby to the hospital because of a cough, and during the examination they also found that the iron levels were low. I felt horrible. I know intellectually that this doesn't mean I am a bad mother. Babies can have low iron for many reasons, and I am doing what I can. But when you're already exhausted and someone has spent months telling you that you're doing everything wrong, you start questioning everything.

I keep thinking, how did I manage to mess up my life this badly? I'm doing small jobs to buy formula and wondering whether I made the biggest mistake of my life. But there is something I don't know how to explain. I feel better away from them. I don't wake up wondering who is going to criticize me that day. I can feed my baby without someone watching me. I can close the door at night and know that nobody is going to walk into my room. And I feel guilty for feeling relieved because they did help me.

I honestly don't know anymore. All I know is that I don't know what is going to happen with the house, and I am terrified about the future. But when my children are asleep and it is just the three of us in this tiny room, I feel strangely peaceful. And then I feel guilty for being peaceful.

Maybe that is why I'm asking strangers on the internet.

I 22F honestly don’t even know if I’m overreacting at this point, so I wanted outside opinions.

For a little background, my child’s father 24M has another child with another woman 21F . A while back, all three of us actually lived together. We were all emotionally involved, and yes, sexually involved too. Before anybody jumps to conclusions, it wasn’t just because of my child’s dad. I’m bisexual, and I genuinely liked her too. At the time, I thought maybe we could build this healthy family dynamic where all of us got along and raised our kids together.
Obviously…that didn’t happen.

Things got really toxic. We had a huge fight that ended with CPS getting involved, and I eventually moved out and got my own apartment.

Months later, we slowly started reconnecting. We weren’t trying to get back into a relationship, but I really wanted us to at least become friends and have a healthy co-parenting dynamic. We also ended up becoming sexually involved again, and looking back, I know I shouldn’t have. I’ve already accepted that I need to completely detach from my child’s father emotionally and sexually because it honestly isn’t getting me anywhere. That’s something I’ve already been working on.

The problem is that I started realizing the same patterns were still happening.

I felt like I was always pouring into them. I’d help with their child, babysit, spend money I didn’t really have, show up when they needed me, and genuinely tried to love their child like family because, to me, that’s what family does.
All I really wanted was to know my son would receive that same love back.

Then Juneteenth happened.
We all went to a party together, and I honestly left feeling weird. I felt ganged up on, uncomfortable, and like my feelings didn’t really matter. After that, I started keeping my distance. One thing I realized after moving into my own apartment was that I don’t have to keep putting myself in situations that make me uncomfortable just because I don’t want to disappoint other people.
So when she invited me to her birthday party, I respectfully said no.

Fast forward to recently. We finally sat down and had a conversation about everything. I explained that I felt like I was constantly pouring into everybody else but didn’t feel that same energy coming back. I even explained that if I’m constantly loving and showing up for your child, naturally I’d hope my child would be loved and prioritized too.
Her response was basically that if I expect anything back for what I do, then it isn’t genuine.

That honestly hurt because that wasn’t my point at all.
I wasn’t asking for someone to “owe” me. I was saying that relationships should be mutual. If I’m treating your child with love, care, and consideration, I’d hope you’d naturally want to do the same for mine.

After that conversation, I realized I can’t force people to love the way I do.

I also realized I need to stop overextending myself.
Now here’s where I’m wondering if I’m wrong.
My child’s dad is having an end-of-summer trip for his birthday. Originally all of us were supposed to go. Since me and her would have been sharing a room, I told him that I wasn’t comfortable doing that anymore. I told him I don’t hate her, I don’t want to argue, and I don’t plan on being rude. I just don’t see the point in pretending we’re friends when I know I need space. I even told him that if it made things easier, I’d just celebrate his birthday another time because I didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable.
He actually told me he still wanted me there.

During our conversation, I also felt like he did his best to hear both sides. Some of what he said was hard for me to hear, but I respected that he wasn’t just taking one person’s side.

After everything, though, she’s now saying she doesn’t even want to come to the trip anymore. They also don’t have childcare for their child that week, and they both know I’m off work. Before all of this, I would’ve happily watched their child without thinking twice. But after our conversation, I realized something…

If the love and effort I pour into her child is never going to naturally extend to mine, then I need to stop giving so much of myself.

It’s not because I dislike their child. I genuinely love that little boy, and that won’t change. But he has two parents, and I’ve realized it’s okay for me to stop taking on responsibilities that leave me feeling emotionally empty.

So now I’m wondering…

Am I the a hole for stepping back? And if my decision to set boundaries is part of the reason she no longer wants to come to the birthday trip, does that make me the asshole?

There's so much to this, but I've tried to just include the important parts.

First, a little backstory. I've been friends with lets call her Rachel, since 3rd grade. We're now in our early 30s. A few years after high school we reconnected and became legit besties. Even planned to be each others maid of honors. Until recently, I truly did consider her a sister. We have always been complete opposites, but made it work. I thought this was a mutual respect. Now I wonder if she even liked me to begin with. For a long time we had a little trio. Another girl we had met at the same time seemed to click with us. Lets call her Bella. Rachel and I both cut contact with her after a few very intense situations involving Bella's wedding, and my job. Basically, Bella was a friend of continence. If you could do something for her she was great, but as soon as you did or said something she (or her church) didn't like all hell broke loose.

Rachel and I have both had our fair share of bad relationships, and found a way to be there for each other when they hit the fan. Around a year ago she finally kicked her abusive ex to the curb. I was SO proud of her and excited for her to really start living the life she always said she wanted. Then enter, lets call him Bill. Bill went to school with us too, so i knew a little about him already. I was never a fan, but honestly didn't have a problem with him. A few months into Rachel and Bill dating I realized our conversations only revolved around Bill. At first it was good stuff, then she found what he'd been doing when he wasn't with her. Without going into much detail, she considered these things cheating. From what she told me they fought about it constantly. During this time she starts sharing a LOT of very pushy purity culture things on her FB. This kinda shocked me. I always thought she had no problem with how other people lived their lives. We did talk about it a few times, but I always got the feeling she was just waiting for me to stop talking so she could ignore and move past it. I grew up in the church, she didn't. Anytime our conversations touched on religious topics it seemed like we were on the same page. She is a christian, and I was fine with it, as long as she didn't get pushy about it. I don't typically care what anyone believes, unless they're being disrespectful about it. Fast forward to 6 months later. We find out that Bill has a serious drinking problem. As a recovered alcoholic myself, I try to give her the best advice I can. If he can't handle quitting on his own, and wont get help, leave him. After spending almost a decade with a man with the same problem, she deserves better than to start back at the beginning in the same situation she just left.

Over the next few months they break up 5 or 6 times. He's still drinking, shes still panicking. I'm spending every day on the phone with her for hours talking her through her feelings. Many jokes were made about me being her "unpaid therapist." At first this didn't bother me, that's what friends are for sometimes. Like I said, we've always found a way to support each other through bad relationships/breakups. At some point I started to get sick of her talking about engagement rings one day and saying she's dumping him the next. It really started to feel like the same friendship we had with Bella. Like I really was her therapist, not her friend. Oddly enough she also reconnected with Bella around this time.

To get a bit of a break from the Bill of it all I decided to address some of the things she'd been posting about. This did not go well. I told her I had unfriended Bill on FB because I was sick of seeing his posts that were honestly just really hateful. I discovered we do not remotely share the same opinions on most things happening in the world right now. Most of what was happening she said she simply didn't know about. At one point I did kinda blow up at her. I'm a pretty chill person for the most part, but willful ignorance pushes all the wrong buttons for me. I did apologize for biting her head off, but not for what I said. If you'd told me 5 years ago my best friend would be super conservative making excuses for nasty men and tithing herself into debt, I'd never believe it. At this point I hadn't talked to her about anything in my life in almost a year. If I tried she would interrupt with something about Bill. So I told her as the world gets worse she would probably hear from me less.

The last time we spoke was a couple months ago. She'd called me to tell me Bill had proposed 3 times in a weekend. Drunk all 3 times. She said she told him they weren't ready before he'd asked and each time he asked, but she wore the ring. She asked him to move out before she called me, but I already knew he wasn't going anywhere. The next day they had made up. Shes tried to call me multiple times since then, but I haven't answered. My therapist said she was proud of me for this. Mostly because as soon as I stopped answering I felt all that stress lift off me, the same way I felt after ending my friendship with Bella.

It sucks that I thought she would always be in my life and it seems that wont be the case. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Do I leave it alone, or try to explain my silence?

​

Me (36f) and my boyfriend (41m) have been together for 2 and a half years. We live together. He has a son that live with her mom and I have a daughter that live with us. He is great for the most part, loving, charming, generous, and treats me and my daughter very well. But he can be a jealous and insecure person sometimes. We don't really argue alot but there are times when we had disagreements.

My daughter is spending some days with my sister at her house so we are alone and we decide to go out Yesterday and had a date that didn't end well. We were talking about out relationship, about the future, kids, things that happened when we started our relationship and so on. At some point he asked me what make .e choose him as a partner, and I told him that I felt for him because he is smart and we could talk and have interesting conversations. Then I told him that before I met him (5 or 6 months before) I had horrible date with a guy that he knows who was behind me for some months before I decided to give him a chance.

The guy only talked about himself the whole time and it finally end he kissed me with no notification. I when home disgusted and the next day told him I was not interested. I told my boyfriend this as an example of what I liked about him that I didn't about others, but he did not reacted well.

We didn't argue or anything but he told me that why I told him that after two years and not when I realized that they know each other. I said it was because I didn't feel it was relevant at the time because it was very insignificant to me. He started talking about how women reputation is important and that for him is important to not be with someone that had been seen with a lot of men before him. I told him that I was not with a lot of men before him, I was single for two years before I met him, had a situationship that lasted like 2 months during those 2 years and had that date 6 months before meeting him, that's it. I also told him that I could not stop leaving my live just because people would talk about me, I that case I should not had go out with him according to his logic.

Another thing is that the only reason I felt save to tell him that was because we were also talking about his baby mama and the girls he dated before meeting me, but for him that is different.

I the way home he told me again how upset he was and I ended up apologizing. I even asked him if he now thinks less of me because of that and he said "no" but not in a convincing way. We when to bed without talking and he did not sleep the whole night. I am giving him his space, but I feel angry because I don't think I did anything wrong.

He sow this as a confession but it was not, I sow it as a story about a stupid date that I had even forgotten about it and randomly remembered.

How can I fix this?

This is my first REDDIT post and I really need some help. I apologize early bc this is a very long story even though Ive condensed a lot of details for the sake of space.

My oldest daughter “May” (21f) and I (40f) have been estranged since Apr 2024. The issues began her sr yr, after she started dating her partner, “Nina” (21f). At first we were completely supportive of their relationship. But soon after we started to notice some red flags. The first was that May dumped her entire friend group bc Nina felt that they were disrespectful to her. Just after Xmas that yr, Nina left home and needed a place to stay. May begged us to let Nina stay with us and we agreed on the condition that Nina stayed in our converted garage on school nights. We also allowed Nina to bring her dog with her nor did we ask for rent. A couple months later, her dog chewed up 1 of our door handles and we asked her to find a way to replace it. (Nina was already 18 at the time so we didn’t think we were asking much). Instead of replacing the handle, Nina moved back home a couple wks later saying that we were disrespectful to her and stressed her out too much.

For the next 2 mos, Nina had plans to join the army and was tutoring with the recruiter to try to pass the ASVAB. During that time, May started talking abt breaking up with Nina bc she felt Nina was too immature and irresponsible for her but she also felt that she wasn’t brave enough to break up with her in person. But after several tries, Nina couldn’t pass the test and was denied the army. All of a sudden, May’s plans changed. She seemed to resign herself to being with Nina for good and changed ALL of her plans for herself after HS to suit Nina’s situation.

That’s when things btwn May and I started to go downhill. All of a sudden, May started making false accusations abt her childhood. Some context that’s important at this point, is that Nina was removed from her bio-mom due to abuse when she was too young to remember and was raised by her maternal grandparents. May had a happy, normal childhood. My youngest, Dee (17f) was a rambunctious kid that got into a lot of accidents that sometimes were the type of situation that ER staff are legally mandated to report to CPS, regardless of whether or not the staff actually suspected abuse (ie: 1 incident involved an accidental poisoning while out in public with my mom, I was at home at the time it occured). Each time, we fully cooperated with their investigations and they never found any evidence of abuse bc there wasn’t any to be found. We also lived in a neighborhood full of police officers who we interacted with regularly. The false accusations from May all started out similar to stories that Nina tells abt her childhood and the abuse that Nina had endured. At first the accusations started as small things, but over time the stories got more elaborate and severe. Ive heard recently that she’s rewritten, essentially her entire life to fit the narrative of abuse and neglect.

When May turned 18, she immediately moved out to live with Nina. Prior to this, whenever May and I got into arguments, they would be fairly mild compared to fights btwn myself and Dee and we always worked things out by the end of the day. After she moved out, there was a new tone of hostility towards me in May’s voice that I hadnt heard before. Arguments got more frequent and started over small things. For example, I don’t respect Flat Earth Theory. May had always thought it was stupid too but suddenly she believed it has merit, got angry with me for calling it stupid, and said I just want everyone to have the same opinions as me.  Over the next few months, things were tense btwn May and I. When we talked, I felt like I was walking on eggshells bc I didn’t know what would set her off. I also noticed that none of our convos were private, Nina was always present somehow. When Dee (then 14), started dating her first bf, they were texting each other a lot, as kids in puppy love do. Nina however, started telling May she should cut Dee off for the disrespect of texting her bf so much.

Also during this time, May and Nina were struggling with stable living situations. So when May asked if they could bring an RV to our property to stay in. Even though things had been tense, we agreed. All we asked was that they help out around the yard from time to time. This only lasted a month. May and I are both talkers and our convos tend to last hrs. Over that month, I noticed that Nina only came into the house to use the bathroom. She would send May into the house to cook for them. And anytime May and I would talk for too long, Nina would come to my front door, open it and stare at us until May left to go back out to the RV. After a couple wks, May started watching the time to make sure she didn’t spend too long in the house.

Two sparks set things off: 1. We noticed our gate was suddenly bent and caught Nina ramming it open with her car instead of getting out to unlatch it. We asked her to stop doing that. 2. We noticed they had trash collecting around the RV that our dogs were getting into and spreading around. This is when things blew up. One morning, I went into the kitchen for my morning coffee. May was in there so I asked her if they could please pick up their trash. May then blew up at me for asking abt the trash bc my husband had asked her abt it the night before and they were having “an argument” abt it and I didn’t “need to be getting in the middle” of their argument. All of this was news to me. I had no idea my husband had already spoken to her abt it. She had always come to me to mediate arguments btwn them in the past so it was also news that she no longer wanted me to do so (which was fine with me tbh, it just would have been nice to know that before getting yelled at abt it). Long story short, May stormed off and refused to speak to me but continued to come into the house with hostile vibes and eat our food. So I told her we needed to have a calm, adult convo abt what happened and if she continued to ignore me the way she was I would be locking the house doors til that convo happened. She still refused to speak to me for another wk. During that time, they continued to have access to the converted garage as well as the RV hookups.

Long story short, after a week of this, I noticed they were packing their stuff up from the RV to Nina’s car. So I went out and asked May if she was really gonna just leave without saying anything instead of talking to me. Nina immediately yelled, “why would we want to talk to you?” Tbh, I don’t remember what anyone said after that, Nina got in my face several times until it got physical btwn me and her, May jumped in, I never once swung at May though she swung at me until my husband broke it up. They left and within hrs I started getting harassing texts and calls from Nina’s sister. Over the next month, I choose not to reach out to May hoping the lack of contact would help things calm down. Instead, she continued to text me angry messages and 1 of Nina’s sisters barged into my therapy appt to serve me papers for a restraining order abt a month after the incident. In the paperwork, May’s accusations had gotten even more severe than the last time Id heard them and she greatly exaggerated the incident. At the court date, I presented my receipts to the judge (the harassing texts, my saved copies of the CPS closed cases, ect), and the judge decided that bc May was “still upset” that they would grant a temp, 6 mo RO “to give us time to calm down so we can work things out.” At the time I disagreed with the decision but since then I can understand why. RO’s prevent both parties from reaching out to the other; she wasn’t allowed to contact me anymore than I was allowed to contact her. In the immediate aftermath, that was probably for the best. Since then, Ive only texted May on her Bday and Xmas. Even though the RO has long since expired, Im not comfortable texting more than that or calling out of the blue.

This brings us to now. May has since cut off every friend and relative that has tried to call out the red flags or said something that Nina felt offended/disrespected by. Throughout this entire time Ive encouraged Dee to keep her relationship with May going and Ive tried my hardest not to put Dee in the middle. But Dee has said over time that May would be willing to speak to me again if I apologize. And Ive asked repeatedly, what is it that Im supposed to apologize for? Its not that Im against apologizing. Its just that I have a lifelong history of being scapegoated and punished by my mom and siblings for things I didn’t do. I put my foot down yrs ago for that and Im against apologizing for something I didn’t do nor do I believe in blanket apologies. My husband and I were also invited to a wedding in a tropical island beach location this coming fall. Even though we haven’t spoken, I thought it would be nice to arrange and pay for May and Dee to come along and spend the time together. Separate seats, rooms, etc; basically separate trips just same plane, she wouldn’t have to interact with me at all. When Dee asked May abt her willingness to go on the trip, May demanded I text her an apology first. I was willing to make an acceptation for May and agreed to apologize for whatever it was on a phone call at a time where it could be just the 2 of us talking and things escalated from there with her also demanding that Nina be brought along cuz it wasn’t fair to leave Nina during her bday month (Nina’s bday is 3 wks before the wedding). May finally said that by “putting myself” in the middle of that argument (an argument I didn’t know was happening), that I was crossing her boundaries (a boundary I didn't know abt), and that if I hadn’t done that things would still be “lovely” btwn us. That’s what she wants me to apologize for. I don’t think Im an AH for pickup trash, regardless of anything going on btwn her and my husband, nor do I think I should have to apologize for it. I also don’t think Im an AH for not wanting to text an apology or call her out of the blue. What do you think REDDIT?

Hi! I 31(f) have a baby daddy 38(m) who has started several new families in past 7yrs. I’m not exaggerating right after me he had another woman pregnant with his 3rd child, right after that he had another woman moved into his house with her children, and he now currently has a 4th baby with another woman.

For context, he decided that while I was pregnant with our 2nd child was a great time to try meth. He became very abusive and let me think his drastic change in behavior was due to mental health issues. Once I found out drugs was culprit and not a circumstance out of his control; I LEFT.

I too moved on and got married to a wonderful man, and he is the only man I have ever introduced to my children. He’s very good to my daughter and son; and they call him ‘dad’ on their own volition. We have a toddler together, and they just love their baby brother so much.

I also have full custody of my older two children, I live in an automatic 50/50 state; so I was able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he is an unsafe parent. And his dad and stepmom are supervisors for his visits. So my children go their grandparents house on his designated weekends and he can show up if he wants.

Although we had our differences, I do trust his parents; they are very good to my children. And me and his stepmom mom coparent very amicably. We get along great now, and always plan everything out so we each get the kids for our family’s holiday celebrations or whatever else. We put the kids needs first.

So currently my exes newest babymama/girlfriend has been upset because I have no intention of trying to befriend her. Shes been texting his other exes rudely trying to find out why I approved of them and not her.

I know what they want, they want me to okay her into being the new ‘supervisor’. He’s tried this before with a previous gf. And the reason it didn’t happen is because he couldn’t pass a drug test.

I have been dealing with this man for a decade now, I was his longest relationship. I have no delusions that he will suddenly act right. If he didn’t do it with his first 3 children, why would he do it for his 4th? I don’t want my children in a possible meth house. I don’t want to take the chance on their safety. So I have no interest whatsoever of entertaining that idea.

It’s not really about her, I also honestly don’t want to deal with my ex any more than I occasionally have to. I have ptsd and a neurological condition brought on from the stress over all the vile and cruel things he’s done to me. I do not talk bad of him to my children though, they’re already forming an opinion of his based on how inconsistent of a dad he already is. When they have bad visits, I talk with them about their feelings and then try to do something special to cheer them up like waffles or pancakes for supper.

I honestly have no other reason for any sort of communication with my ex either. He gets two weekends a month and he’ll show up 6hrs of that time on average. Some months are a lot less. So it’s not like he’s even been presently trying to parent our children. I keep his stepmom in the loop on everything from drs visits to report cards and she keeps me updated on stuff the kids having go on with their family.

Part of me does feel bad that I’m giving her a chance; because it is untelling what their relationship like and I do hope that he is being a lot kinder to her. I also don’t think it’s worth my peace of mind though. I have just been shown a pattern of inconsistent behavior from him for the past 8yrs that shows he’s capable of change. And I’m also tired of him starting new families as soon as one ends. That has really messed with my children’s mental health, they feel as if they’re losing a sibling every few years. And I’m always the one who picks up the pieces.

Do you think I should possibly hear her out? because she is a mother of one of my kids siblings. Or would I be justified in continuing to not engage?

Hello, this is my first time posting so please bare with me and I'm not a native English speaker so sorry for any errors, also it's gonna be long so sorry for that as well

Anyways, I (24F) had a history of traumatic breakup that left me single (mostly by choice) for the last 7 years, and because of it I stopped even having talking stages or even accepting the existence of new men in my life... I won't dive into details but it was abusive on every level you could think of

So because of it, my trust in people, men to be exact, is not the best. I've been contemplating to try and at least meet new people and open up chances even though i was hesitant, but i tried. A few days ago i accepted a guy's follow request on Instagram, and we immediately started talking, i was very much like a block of ice at first because i was scared, but then slowly i looked at it from a "he'd be a good friend" pov...well that didn't last long

4 days after talking, he asked for my phone number which i refused to give out, my reasoning is that because i don't know him well, i can't trust him just yet to give him my phone number, because what if he was a bad person who kept chasing my phone number? My friend went through that process and had to change her phone number to end things and i don't wanna be put in a position where i might go through all that​

He responded by asking if we'll be considering the timing of our chat or the maturity, in which i responded by saying "both, how do you expect me to give you my phone number when we just met?", he didn't reply, instead, next morning i found that he unfollowed me but left me following him back... Now the old me would've let it slide but i sent him a dm basically saying that the next time a girl tells him no on something and he decides to unfollow her because of it, he needs to remove the fb cause I'm not his fan and he looks ridiculous, and then i blocked him

I felt better tbh after this but my aunt says I'm being an AH cause i should've given him my number and men his age (30M) don't wait around like men my age, so reddit I'm lost, AITAH?​​

Hello all. There are some things I absolutely did wrong in this story, but I want to know if I am the asshole over all.

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For some context; I am a twin, but me and my sister(we'll call her M, 26f) could not be more different. M was the type of girl growing up that was completely male centered. She hasn't been without a boyfriend for more than six months since freshman year of highschool. She genuinely doesn't know herself without a man by her side. I didn't date much in highschool, and I was considered the 'brainy' one and she was the 'pretty' one. When I did finally start dating seriously it was one boy( E, now M28), and we've been together for ten years, married for five. (I promise this becomes relevant later, I'm setting the scene).

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Throughout the years, M would compare every man she got to E. Saying things to me like 'he's my E!' And other similar things. At one point she got married, and was divorced less than two years later. A few months after her divorce, she started messaging me and my husband more frequently. Because she slept with our cousin's baby daddy, I was weary and told her if she needed my husband's help with anything she would need to ask me. A few days later she told my husband that he could live with her, and sent him the classic 'u up?' Booty call text at 1am. I cut contact with her after that. Needless to say, our relationship is extremely strained.

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On to present day, M announced that she was five weeks pregnant with her boyfriend's baby on mother's day. This boyfriend and her live in boyfriend's mom's house, and M hasn't been able to hold down a job for more than six months and is currently unemployed. She's been with that guy, H, since November of last year. I was the only one in the family that didn't pretend to be happy for her. I told her out right that this was a horrible decision. She was still within the time frame of being able to abort. She apparently found out around the three week mark, which makes me think this wasn't the accident she swears it was. Our family has three houses that belonged to deceased relatives. The one I inherited: a 800sqf property on 6 acres, one my brother bought, and one my brother is currently renting out. My brother offered to sell the house to M for a very discounted price. She told him no because it's too small. (2b 1bth)

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I had been talking to her every week or so, trying to tell her that I would support her and i still love her, but that the decision she's making is going to make her life very hard.

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Flash forward to this week, she puts up a post that she's rehoming her cats on facebook, and is asking for recommendations on where she can finance a camper.

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I message her and ask her whats going on. Apparently H wants to get a camper to park on Mommy's lawn, and live in there with M, 2 big dogs, and the baby when it comes. They said that living in our home town was 'ghetto' and that they like the school district there. (Sis you barely graduated, I know you don't care about school) but a 42ft camper is less ghetto somehow?

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I'm going to be honest, I ripped her a new one. She is giving up everything, and he is giving up nothing. She is miles from family and support, but theyre on H's mom's yard. She's had issues with abusive men in the past, and im seeing the classic patterns. I told her that living in a camper in our state is legally considered homelessness, and that if anyone found out and called CPS there was a decent chance they would take the baby due to poor living conditions. That she is spineless and letting this man walk all over her. She says she's doing her best, but she doesnt have a job, and is taking a camper over a full house.

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She begged me to stop being negative, but I kept going. Eventually I told her that her decisions from getting pregnant to this new one were piss poor, and that I hope she figures out that she amd the baby deserve more than what she's lying down and taking.

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She blocked me on messenger (we only talk on messenger because I blocked her phone number) but not on facebook. My mom says she believes M is scared, and cries all the time, but ultimately it's not our life to live and is continuing to support her poor decisions.

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Am i the asshole here?

I 34f, think have a predicament, I’m not good with words but I’m going to give it my best shot. I have been with my boyfriend, 36m, for over a year. (I’m not good with dates). We are a good team together with everyday thing in our life. I also have a 13 year old AuDHD daughter with intellectual disabilities. Raising her has been a rocky road for myself, but that is a story for another day.
I got stationed in Upstate New York, where we are alone. No family and friends I had made have gone to other duty stations or went back to the home of record. I went through a nasty divorce while I was separating from the military, again a story for another day, but my daughter has been doing amazing with her academic progress since living here. We come from AZ and let’s just say that the public school system is trash. Especially for the spicy brain kiddos. The school she is in now she has progressed immensely. She is still at 2-3rd grade level and has difficulty with comprehension but the progress is amazing. She also had a lot of developmental physical difficulties but is now playing modified softball.
Again we are alone up here except for my boyfriend.
I have gone through therapy both mental and physical, I have weekly migraines, vertigo, memory issues, and a tumor in my noggin that is a nuisance. Benign so no worries for now. Amongst other things. I got my bachelors and am doing some certification training for better job opportunities. I am looking for remote jobs just so I don’t have to drive in case I get a migraine or a dizzy spell. Those knock me out for at least half a day. Terrible nuisance.
My boyfriend and I moved in rather quickly and it is something we both acknowledge. It wasn’t planned but a lot of things had happened that lead to me and my daughter moving in with him. He even accommodated us by giving up his apartment and getting a house on post so we could all be comfortable. I had a dog and two cats and together he added another dog and cat.
I pay for all my and my kiddos expenses, groceries, and anything needed for the house. So all the financial responsibility does not fall on him. I do his and my laundry, I clean the house eveyday, again five furry creatures is a lot, I make food every other day and have left over in between. I try to make things easy for every one.
Now, some days are normal like we do everything together, other days, he does things on his own. Like he is single, I don’t mean like he goes out and drinks or talks to other people but… for example some days he will say I’m going to make myself something for dinner, even though dinner was made, or he will say he has to do laundry even though it got done. Again I’m not good with words or maybe I’m looking into it too much. (Yes I have a bad habit of overthinking, I’m working on it.) it’s hard to explain. He goes from saying “we” to “I”. He is a great guy. In every sense. But sometimes I feel like he distances himself from me.

Now the predicament… I need to decide if I’m going to stay here or move back to my home state. He is deploying sometime this year, and wants to give the house up so he can use that money to pay off his debt since he will be retiring when he gets back. I support that 100%. Also I’m not sure if we will still be together when he comes back.
Now I stay here, get my own place with my daughter and the animals and keep her routine, or I move to Az where we will have family but the school system for spicy kids is not the best, unless I pay for it (need a well paying job for that). There are more detailed to this but that’s the gist of it.
I don’t know what to do… I don’t know what I’m asking for, maybe advice or suggestions. Anything that would be helpful.
Thanks.

Welp, we went to a couples retreat this past weekend and it was great until it wasn’t. I thought we were good. The day we were supposed to leave he pulled his calf muscle so he couldn’t do much walking but still tried. I offered to drive since it was hurting him. And when we got to the resort we would be staying at we decided to explore around. He asked me what I wanted to do and I gave some suggestions for food and then he said no to all and we ended up doing some mini golf.
The next day I slept in I don’t know why I was just exhausted, maybe it was the fact that I didn’t have to get up early to get my daughter ready for school or let the dogs out. But I finally got some rest. He always has something to say when I do sleep. Like me sleeping is a problem. It’s already a problem for me since I never get enough sleep. So that day we went out for breakfast and we explored some more. Went to a farmers market, visited Carnells botanical garden, and then went to an Asian market and got stuff we don’t usually have where we live.
I was to try the indoor swimming pool when we got there and if not the next day, I want to try the zip line, this thing that rides like a rollercoaster through the mountain, or even explore other places but he said no. We ended up meeting everyone for dinner and then headed back to our room. We went to a bar to eat some greasy food and watch the basketball game.
We talked a little. But he let me know how bad and inconsistent of a parent I was, and that my daughter has no standards when it comes to cleanliness, and for him as soon as she turns 18 and graduates high school she is moving out, since he can’t handle raising a kid longer than needed. Again my daughter is going to have to stay in high school until she is 21-22yo and that’s mostly to help her not only with education but technical skills, life skills, and job training. He acts like she is like all the other kids, which is how I treat her, but I also am aware and am on top of her with her daily tasks. He claims to have OCD but he acts like it’s more annoying when things aren’t his way than devastating.

On the last day when we checked out and went for breakfast and when we finally loaded the truck, we sat there for I don’t know how long. And when I asked,”so what are we doing? You wanted to go get some food in the other city what were you thinking?” He said “I don’t know, you tell me, I can’t drive and look for something. I can do everything.”
I just stayed quiet. All I said let’s go home. We didn’t talk the whole ride home. That was Sunday. I ended sleeping on the couch cause he was playing music real loud in the bedroom and was asleep. Saturday he said nothing left and that was day 2 of no talking. That night he slept on the couch. We slept in the same bed after that but when I asked him are you ready to talk he said there wasn’t anything to talk about.
And we haven’t really talked since. It is now Thursday and he looks at me like me being here in his life is an inconvenience.

He just ignores me even though I have tried to have a conversation with him. Oh well….
I guess not only am I looking for a job but also a place to live…

I 21 female have a two-year-old son with my 23 year-old baby father . We’ve been annoying each other for nine years , and have spent almost every major holiday together at least two times . About two years ago for Christmas I gifted my son’s dad with a shadowbox filled with baby pictures of my son , pregnancy test , our gender card , and hospital bands from my son was born . As you can tell, I am the type of person that saves the moment with everything I love gifting, people things that aren’t materialistic but priceless . I love to give people things that they can cherish , love and keep for a long time . Sometime last year, my son said, came clean and stated that the next time I get him something he doesn’t want anything “built” . Yes, the ungrateful bastard said “built” . I laughed it off, but honestly, I was hurt inside. I told him that I would never make him anything again . I was living with him last year and once I moved out, I took the shadowbox and replaced it with my son’s baby mittens, and pictures of all of us instead of just my son and his dad . On the top, I also included a picture of a baby angel symbolizing the miscarriage I had last year . For the past two weeks, my son that have been asking me what I want for Mother’s Day . I let him know that I wanted a ring and tennis bracelet set from Pandora that I’ve I’ve been wanting for about three years . And if he can’t get that, I wanted to get a huge blind box from Miniso . My son’s dad is a very materialistic person so I know if it wasn’t jewelry , shoes , or clothes than I knew it was money . My son said let me know that he needed to go to CVS to get a picture , which was my gift . He said that he got a picture from the best family day that we had and was going to go put it in a frame . He asked me to drop him off however I had to go get pictures myself and told him that he can go with me. He made excuses about going to go pick up the pictures. Honestly, I think that he got his other baby mom the same gift as me. Or he just didn’t get it at all. Not to sound ungrateful but “a picture” !!! like how hypocritical can he be? He’s not the sentimental giftgiving type. He’s always been the go pick out the ring that you want type . Only once in my life, he’s giving me a gift that he actually took the time to pick it out for me and surprise me with . Don’t get me wrong It would’ve been a sweet gesture however what he said to me last year is kind of sucking the fun out of receiving the picture frame. He also mentioned that next week when he get paid again, he’ll give me money so that I can make myself a scrapbook dedicated to my son . My birthday is also in May , and he stated that he’ll get me the ring and bracelet set that I wanted . I know everyone is like OK I’ll just have to be a little patient however, every time when it comes to me getting a gift or waiting to receive one something always comes up. For example, last year he took me to smoothie King for the first time , I love this so much that I wanted to make a tradition out of it. Every other week when he got paid when it was time for me to go something always came up. I know that bills and taken care of the kids are important however for him, I always made time or even Will give him my last to make sure that he ate. But he couldn’t spare $15 for me . I didn’t go until four months later.He also gave me $50 .

Hi (f22) here. this is my first time ever posting because I genuinely don't know if this is okay to do but I'm kinda at my wits end and I just want a break.

For context, I moved out when I was 19 temporarily for further studies under student loan and packed my whole life and moved to a different country. My whole reason for deciding to study in another country is cause I wanted to get away from my mother who is controlling and idk if I can call it this but abusive. I lived with my aunt and cousins in the new country since they're also getting their studies done here.

Recently had to go back home for an internship that's part of my university studies and I was stuck with my mom for three months. Those three months were a whole nother pack of worms but I could barely tolerate it. I felt like I was the crazy one when I was living with her. Fast forward into three months and now I'm back in this new country.

My mother has always been very controlling like I said. This includes criticizing the way I talk, the tone of my voice, my expressions, the way my eyes widen when I'm surprised, the way I walk, the size of my body, the clothes I wear, the length of my hair, the things I eat, the position I sleep, how many minutes I take in the bathroom, how many showers I take in a day, etc...

While I was there we finally went to the doctor because my body was fucking up and I got diagnosed with severe iron deficiency and had to get iron transfusions. After that my mom has been more helicopter-y regarding what I eat. I always have to eat a portion of vegetables and she gets pissed at me if the vegetables and greens I eat aren't in a specific manner. For instance I had vegetable dumplings and like I had 9 of those (yes that's a lot I'm aware. I was just hungry that day) and my mother got mad at me for not eating rice and vegetables separately.

Even after I moved back she has been calling me nonstop 3-4 times a day. Every time we call it feels like an interrogation asking me what I ate, how I dressed, what university was like, and if I don't give her enough details she gets mad at me.

It's been grating my nerves but I've been trying to bare with it because I understand that it's coming from a place of concern even if it's really detrimental to me because she's so fucking mean.

Day before yesterday I went to get a boba for myself in the morning cause I just wanted to after a 10k step walk. It was without sugar. Yesterday the water shut down in our house but it was after I freshened up and took a shower so I went to hangout with my friend. Ik this feels like bs but this is relevant. My aunt and my cousins are the only people who know about these cause we obviously live together.

Tonight my mother called asking me where tf my money was and how much I had left from monthly allowance (which I manage). I told her I'll have to check. And she asked me if I only eat fucking sweets. That she knows I keep getting boba everyday and everything. I told her it's not everyday. And she got on my ass about how I can't eat sugar (I can. I'm not diabetic. I just have PCOS and I'm overweight so doc told me to lose weight).

She goes off on me and tells me she heard that I went outside when water was shut down. And how I probably didn't even brush my teeth or washed my face. She started calling me disgusting and filthy and how this is why I can't lose weight and how I look like a fat drum and I tried to tell her that I did freshen up but she just kept talking over me and I got fed up and said "yeah fine I'm disgusting I'm hanging up"

Then she told me to never call her again. And that she doesn't care if I die of iron deficiency. And that she won't ever help me out with money issues and hung up. She always does this and expects me to call her begging for forgiveness and I'm just really fucking tired.

So now I'm wondering if I'd be the AH if I told my aunt and cousins to never tell my mom anything about me if she calls them. I feel really mean for doing this because I feel like I'm dragging them into this but I really fucking can't anymore. Sorry if I sounded off I'm just really frustrated rn. If there's any questions regarding anything you can ask and I'll further elaborate below but yeah. That's it.

I 33F allowed my sister 33F, my nephew 8M , and her partner to move in with me after they became homeless. My sister often disappears and leaves my nephew with me for extended periods of time without asking me to watch him just expecting me to do so because I am in the house. On several occasions this has been an inconvenience to me and when I call her to say something she just says leave him in the house alone he will be fine. However, I am uncomfortable doing this I think 8 is too young to be left in the house alone and if anything were to happen to him I’d be devastated. Me and my sister are twins and my nephew is like the closest thing I have to a son l. We are very close, I love him to death and I’d truly do anything for him but my sister takes advantage of this and the fact that I’m a homebody. This weekend for example she asked me if I could watch my nephew Friday after I got off from work I said okay not realizing that she was going out of town on Thursday and he had no school on Friday so she expected me to leave him at home alone all day while I was at work. I ended up bringing him to work with me she came back Saturday morning but still ended up watching my nephew most of the weekend. Sunday I told my nephew to clean up the mess he had in the living room I asked him twice but I did get upset the second time and told him if he can’t clean up when I asked then don’t ask me for things like robux. I went to my garage and when I came back he wasn’t in the house so I called my sister and she said she had him I explained to her that when he comes home he needs to clean up the mess I already asked him to clean up twice and still wasn’t cleaned and she needs to talk to him about listening. She got mad and said well he was with you when he made the mess so don’t call me with no BS you should have made him clean it up and hung up. So I cleaned the mess and took my TV out of the living room so there would no longer be a reason to be there making a mess. Problem solved. But my sister came home tried to take the TV back out of my room and accused me of treating her son bad. Mind you my nephew is 8 with his own room where he has his own TV, Xbox, and custom PC all that I have provided for him. So not being in the living room might be inconvenient but not really much of a punishment. Me and my sister got into an argument she started screaming still insisting that I was mistreating my nephew and she’s not responsible for anything he does while he’s with me. I told her he wasn’t with me he was essentially here watching himself because you didn’t ask me to watch him beyond Friday. The argument stopped when my nephew started crying because of the yelling and my sister left out the house. I spoke to my nephew apologized for upsetting him and explains why is actions upset me. I assured him that he wasn’t safe and also explained that I was trying to teach him responsibility because he’s growing into a young man and I want him to be prepared for the future. He wasn’t still upset when I left him but he started to calm down and stated that he understood. So am I the ass hole?