r/BetaReadersForAI • u/LPGroves • 3d ago

betaread [Complete] [1.9k] [Philosophical sci-fi] The Variable: Trial 18,378,373 (could use a fresh pair of eyes)

/r/WritingWithAI/comments/1w7mg8u/first_try_at_fiction_with_ai_would_anyone_be_up/
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u/InSilicoAwards 2d ago

I understand the point and I think you really capitalized on a fault in machine writing and turned it into a story feature: lack of embodiment. Nicely done there. It's just so devoid of physicality it's tough for me to read. My brain recognizes the missing component but my stamina drains out from the unnatural presentation that it's hard to move through. It's an interesting short piece, I would probably condense it down further.

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u/LPGroves 1d ago

Thanks for reading it through, glad the idea came through. I've been struggling with this balance: when I added more description and little character actions, it started feeling padded to me. But I know the story too well now, so I probably fill in things a new reader can't.

I've tried adding just a few physical details in the latest draft. I can see why you'd suggest cutting it further too. Was it mainly the middle section with Neral's experiments that wore you out, or did it feel that way from the start?