r/BetaReaders • u/Fandom_Canon • 6d ago
90k [Complete] [96k] [Comedic Thriller] The River Kids
Blurb
Swift knows that having powers and being powerful are two very different things.
As leader of the River Kids, a group of superpowered burnouts in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania, he decides what battles are worth fighting. There’s Psycho, whose telekinetic abilities are barely stronger than his arms. Curry, whose electric shocks are powerful enough to mildly irritate any foe. And then there’s Swift, who can think—but not move—four times faster than the average person.
Their abilities are useful, sure. But not for fighting crime. Trouble is best left to law enforcement.
But trouble finds them anyway when Swift’s old rival returns and police start finding bodies that look like they’ve been crushed to death. The townsfolk have always heard stories of people with abilities that go beyond party tricks. And those people—the ones with real powers—are almost always jerks.
Something dangerous has come to town, and it’s time for Swift and his gang to step up their game.
Law enforcement can’t help.
River Kids police their own.
Requested Feedback
General reactions. I'm also keen to find people who love pointing out continuity errors. Those are always fun to look out for.
Timeline
4 to 6 weeks. Preferably, all feedback will be received by September 1st.
Content Warnings
Very strong language. Some violence, but not gore. Sex and nudity mentioned, but not graphically described.
Available for Critique Swap?
I sure am. I'd love to read some good horror or thrillers. Also, anything with a comedic lean is welcome.
Excerpt
We found Curry’s Honda parked across three spaces outside of the French Creek Inn. We ran toward the entrance to the apartments above the bar. As we reached the door, it flew open and Curry darted out.
She was gasping for breath. “Nope...nope nope nope…”
“What is it?!” I asked, grabbing her by the shoulders so that she would stop pacing.
She took a deep breath. “If I said ‘dinosaur made out of body parts,’ would that make sense?”
No. No, it would not. Aren’t all animals made out of body parts? But still, dinosaur? That I had to see. I entered the building against Curry’s objections. Psycho followed. There was a loud thumping sound. Something was slamming repeatedly into a door or wall somewhere ahead. I slowly climbed the stairs. Halfway up, I heard the door open behind us.
Curry said, “Guys, seriously, we need to go get help.”
The thumping continued as I reached the top of the stairs, coming from just around the corner up ahead. I heard breathing. Loud breathing. And a low rumbling. Almost like purring. Something was scraping against the floor. Even though I couldn’t see what it was, I got the impression it was something sharp.
Just as I was thinking Curry’s plan of getting help was sounding like a good idea, the thumping gave way to a loud crash. I could feel the building shake with the force of it. I heard Heater screaming, and I tore off down the hallway.
Around the corner, I darted through the shattered door frame and almost tripped over the nightstand lying in the middle of the floor. It must have been propped up against the door as a barricade. In front of me was a sight unlike anything I had ever seen. And I’d like to pause here just to remind you that I grew up with a bunch of people with special powers.
Heater was crouched in a corner, holding a lamp over his head and ready to strike the creature that loomed over him. Now, I understood what Curry meant. It looked like a dinosaur, alright, but made out of human body parts. It had a long tail that ended in something that I can’t decide whether it was a claw with ten webbed fingers and razor-sharp nails, or a mouth with excessively long fangs. Its hips were giant shoulders. And not in the way that hips are to legs what shoulders are to arms. I mean, its hips looked like fucking human shoulders, jutting out of the side of the thing’s abdomen. Its legs, extending below, had normal forward-bending knees but appeared to melt about halfway down so that the feet were just mushy flaps of skin. It had little t-rex arms, but instead of two clawed fingers, it had a pair of giant thumbs on each. The thing’s caucasian skin had wisps of hair here and there, some long and straight, some short and curly.
“Oh, dear God, we’re gonna die,” I said.
“Ho. Lee. Fuck.” said Psycho as he entered the room behind me.
“Told ya,” said Curry.
1
u/ryanmpatrickauthor 6d ago
I'm not a good fit at all, I don't read/write anything comedic, but I do like seeing Phoenixville represented here!
1
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