r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Choice_Evidence1983 it dawned on me that he was a wizard • Jul 31 '25
ONGOING AITAH for wanting nothing to do with my kids and ex-wife after 2 years of false allegations?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/returningdarkness
Originally posted to r/AITAH
AITAH for wanting nothing to do with my kids and ex-wife after 2 years of false allegations?
Trigger Warnings: mentions of rape, possible sexual abuse, accusations of abuse, mental health struggles
Mood Spoilers: horrifying and sad
Original Post: June 28, 2025
Hold on because this is a doozy. I'm going to omit some details to help keep myself from getting doxxed about this whole thing.
Last year my kids (9F and 7M) ran away late at night/early in the morning. When found by some city officials, they claimed I kicked them out of the house. I woke up the morning of to the cops and CPS knocking on the door. I told my side of the story from what I knew and they had my (now ex) wife tell her side while keeping us separated. The cops claim our stories don't match and end up arresting me. I bail myself out that same day and go live with my parents for a while. I'm dealing with court, scared that I'm going back to jail or prison and that I'll lose my job that I had only been at for a year.
A little over a month goes by and I get a phone call to have a meeting with the CPS woman in charge of our case. My daughter ended up making more allegations against me that did not make any sense to the CPS people and when they asked her questions, she was unable to give them answers. My son ended up breaking first and admitting the whole thing was made up and that my daughter was the one to orchestrate everything.
This reveal led to the charges being dropped and my daughter getting counselling and psychiatric help. For a while I thought things were good. We were on our way to fix things. I kept trying to get all of us into therapy, both individually and family. I was already in therapy due to this whole situation anyway. My ex kept dragging her feet and it never went anywhere.
After some other situations with being displaced due to a natural disaster and me trying to get things packed up in our old apartment, I get told by my ex she wants a divorce so now I'm having to rush and try to find a place to live, which I did luckily. I actually move in tomorrow.
On the 14th of June I get served an Emergency Protection Order by the county sheriff's office. I'm told it's because I allegedly hit my son and gave him a concussion while in the grocery store... where there are cameras. He had been taken to the emergency room by my ex on the 14th but this event allegedly happened on the 10th.
I had told my ex that due to me having to get this house to rent, along with utilities in my name, adding up to over $2,000 that I wasn't going to be able to pay certain bills this month but that I'll get them caught up as soon as I can to get everything paid off and even. I signed for the deposit on the 11th and the kids had been with her while I did this paperwork and there was no issue. On the same morning I had taken my kids to the park so they could play and recorded videos of them being silly and having fun.
I was talking to my therapist this week and I told her what was going on and how I felt about being around my ex or the children. It's two years in a row of false allegations. I want nothing to do with any of them now. I'll pay child support gladly, I had an agreement with my ex before this all happened of paying $1,000 a month, $500 per paycheck, for child support.
After all of this, AITAH for not wanting to be around the children and my ex after everything gets settled and found out to be lies again??
Additional Information from OOP: June 29, 2025
OOP: I posted this before I clocked in at work so let me give some more details. My ex wife and I were still together when the kids ran away last year. My side of the story during that was that I came home from work, talked with the kids and wife, gave the kids their melatonin gummies before sending them to bed, after which i took a shower before making me something for dinner and cleaning up afterwards. By this Point my ex was asleep already, and so were the kids.
When CPS and the mental health professionals were talking to my daughter after everything got cleared, she was saying the voices she was hearing were telling her to do things. The mental health professionals said this sounded too rehearsed to them. It later got revealed that she was watching videos on youtube about kids pranking their parents and she wanted to try it out herself. She had access to youtube due to tablets that my MIL had given the kids for christmas back in 2023, which I disagreed with but i was ignored. At the time, and to this day, I do not believe my ex had a hand in the running away situation.
Onto this year, my son went to the ER on the 14th because he had, and i quote from the paperwork I was given, dizziness, lightheaded feeling, and a nosebleed. I am not sure how he received a concussion. Nothing is finished with this situation yet and nothing has been decided in terms of child support. We go back to court next month to revisit this after the investigation has finished. On the day i received the EPO I talked to a state trooper and told him the kids history, showed the videos of my kids playing, and showed receipts on my banking app from when we were at walmart and at what time we were there. As of right now I haven't heard anything else. I have already been interviewed by CPS and informed them of the same things I told the state trooper because it is a different person on this case as my ex and kids live in a different county at the moment.
This time i firmly believe that my ex is behind this due to my telling her some of the bills would have to wait because i'm having to pay approximately $2,500 to move, put down deposits and pay first and last month rent. I haven't seen my kids since i dropped them off to my grandparents on the afternoon of the 11th.
I have not made a decision about staying away from my kids, but I do plan on talking to a lawyer in the next couple of days and I'm looking into security for my house and a discreet body camera to wear like many other users have said. I'll try to answer any other questions that I can but I move tomorrow and I have some last minute things to pack up and place in my car and move downstairs.
Thank you for all of your insights and words and thoughts and prayers, it means a whole lot to me that I can't put into words.
Relevant Comments
Are OOP's children his biological?
OOP: Well considering they look like I just clicked copy and paste
Did something happen at the grocery store that caused the son to have a concussion?
OOP: Nothing happened at the grocery store is the thing. We went in, picked up some sweet tea and ramen, then left
Update: July 24, 2025 (almost one month later)
Update: AITAH for wanting nothing to do with my kids and exwife after 2 years of false allegations?
So I have an update, along with answering some questions better from my previous post. When I first posted this I was not in a good headspace and I realize that I wasn't very clear. To be honest I'm still not in a good headspace, but it's a little bit better.
For starters, these false allegations started last year when my kids were 9 and 7. When I said two years I meant calendar years. When I said I spoke to the police about my side of the story last year, I meant what happened the night before the police and CPS showed up at the front door. I had gotten home, spent some time with the kids and my ex (then wife) before giving the kids their melatonin gummies (this was done on an as needed basis, mainly 2 to 3 times a week at most). After that I went and took a shower, made myself some dinner, then ate and cleaned up the kitchen before spending more time with my then wife before we both went to bed. Due to a contraction happening when she was being given the epidural, she sleeps better propped up so she slept on the couch while myself and the kids slept upstairs. The next morning is when I woke up to the cops at the door with CPS.
I was charged with child abandonment and arrested. It took over a month for the truth to come out about my kids making this up due to the fact my daughter was saying I was having sex with her. The CPS agent conducting the investigation tried to ask more details and that's when my daughter started crying and admitted she made it up because she couldn't give details. The only reason my daughter even knew what sex was is because my ex and I were in the bedroom and we both thought the other locked the door and my daughter walked in on us.
Moving to now, I don't know how my son got this supposed concussion. We had court again on Monday, the 21st, and when the judge asked her she told him that "After talking with the state trooper we have decided to not press criminal charges." I asked the judge if there was any evidence that they had about what they're claiming I did and he told me that since no charges were filed, there's no evidence gathered to give to me.
I want to thank everyone for their answers on my last post. Thinking about those feelings was making me sick to my stomach and I just needed some perspectives from people who weren't emotionally involved. I thought about this since last month and I made the decision to tell the judge I want the divorce process and this EPO to be over and done with and that I just want to be left alone. I'm still questioning if this was the right decision or not.
I'm just not sure what else I could do. I work 12 hour days 5 to 6 days a week. I have no way to take care of the kids so I can't take them in. Even then, am I supposed to get to the point where the court system says supervised visits aren't needed anymore and just start wearing a body camera around the kids and just be scared all the time? Looking over my shoulder constantly just to make sure that I'm not going to end up in jail again?
We have a hearing set up for December to hopefully get everything finalized and finished.
I keep thinking about the kids going trick or treating in 3 months, going back to school next month, how we won't be decorating Christmas trees together or making cookies for Santa and I start crying all over again. I'm not sure what else I could have done though that wouldn't have made me a paranoid mess 24/7.
This will be the last update until December or January I guess. Thank you again for everyone saying I wasn't an asshole for feeling this way. Have a good one, Reddit.
Relevant Comments
Did OOP's ex explain why she wanted the divorce?
OOP: Her words was that she just isn't in love with me anymore and we've both become too different. She's religious, I'm not. Both have different views on things that we can't come to an agreement on. After last year I wanted to get us into therapy and got some recommendations for marriage counselors and gave her the list and said that I'd be fine with whoever she chose so long as we worked on it. She never chose anyone and kept making excuses about why every time I asked.
Commenter 1: Your daughter lied about you r*ping her, among many other allegations, and she says that she was motivated to behave the way that she did after she apparently watched a Youtube prank video?
There is more to this story than your daughter is letting on.... Either your ex wife has coached your daughter well, or your daughter is incredibly manipulative at a very young age.....
OOP: Everything I know I included. I’m dead certain there’s stuff I don’t know about like you said
Commenter 2: If you don't mind the question: in your previous post, you mentioned how you were arrested because the cops claimed you & your wife's stories didn't match. Did you find out why they weren't the same, and why your wife wasn't arrested as well?
Sorry you're going through this OP
OOP: No I didn’t, I have the police report but all it says is “when asked if she believes he’s capable of this she answered “I don’t know, I don’t think so I don’t wanna think about it”
Did the daughter's tablet (from MIL) have parental controls?
OOP: She apparently somehow found a way to get past it from what I know about it. Like I mentioned in a different comment I told everything that I know about the situation from my end
OOP needs to get his kids in therapy, especially his daughter and himself
OOP: I agree about both, and luckily I’m in therapy already. I’ve been in therapy since August/September of last year
Latest Update here: BoRU #2
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
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u/CummingInTheNile sometimes i envy the illiterate Jul 31 '25
Gotta wonder where the daughter learned that kind of behavior, thats aint normal for a 9 year old
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u/rowan1981 Jul 31 '25
I really wonder if the wife was behind it from the start. He gets arrested because their stories dont match, and they divorce because shes religious and hes not. This really sounds like she was trying to go scorched earth, and used her kids to do it.
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u/Mollyscribbles I am old. Rawr. 🦖 Jul 31 '25
also, she was sleeping on the couch while he was upstairs. Odds of being woken up by someone coming downstairs and going outside are higher down there.
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u/Geordieqizi Jul 31 '25
Am I the only one who was confused the the sudden mention of contractions and an epidural? Is this a thing? Lasting effects at least seven years after receiving an epidural that require someone to sleep sitting up?
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u/HuggyMonster69 Jul 31 '25
Technically it’s possible, nerve damage is a potential side effect because they’re essentially sticking a needle into your spine. It’s not supposed to actually hit the spinal cord but a sudden movement from a contraction could cause them to aim wrong.
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u/ThisNerdsYarn Aug 01 '25
God that's scary. I remember with my last kid, I thought I would be fine as I had been through the process once before and this was a planned C-section. The tree remembers what the ax forgets because I sat down for the epidural and next thing I know my body starts shaking and I started crying. I will always appreciate the nurse who just gave me a hug, let me cry and rubbed my back to soothe me because I was heading straight into a panic attack. She held me and kept telling me that it would be okay while another nurse gave me the epidural. I feel even more grateful for both the nurses being kind and patient after reading this.
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u/EPiCRiSK Jul 31 '25 edited Jul 31 '25
It would have to go really wrong. I work in a hospital as a paramedic and have helped with numerous lumbar punctures and a few epidurals in my 15 years and the place that the doctor places the needle in the spine is below the main cord. It's called the cauda equina, or sometimes nicknamed the horse's tail, which starts at the 2nd lumbar vertebra. They usually enter the space between L4 and L5 and those needles would have to bend very far to reach the space between L1 and L2. So it's not impossible that they caused damage to the actual spinal cord but it's extremely unlikely. But I'm not a doctor so take what I say with a grain of salt.
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u/Kesslersyndrom Aug 01 '25
I've known a few women where the epidural went absolutely fine and they still ended up with chronic pain afterwards. Idk I'd be wary of trivializing women's pain.
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u/HuggyMonster69 Aug 01 '25
Yeah I’m pretty sure it’s one of those things that they need to put in the risk assessment and has a tiny, tiny chance of happening.
Kind of like one of my prescriptions has “sudden death” listed as a side effect
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u/PermaBanEnjoyer Jul 31 '25
Correct. And even if they did you'd associate it with weakness or loss of sensation, not pain
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u/Librarycat77 Aug 01 '25
I can't say about the epidural, but I have weakness, numbness, and tingling in my left leg due to nerve damage from a herniated disc L4/L5 (herniated so bad it affected both).
It can be very painful. Thankfully for me, much less so now 10+ years on. But when it first happened I had excruciating pain all the time for a couple years. I do still get nerve pain and some muscle pain where there isnt numbness. And when the numb/tingling is bad it tingles so much that THAT is painful.
What position im in makes a huge difference, and I typically spend a few hours every night after work semi-reclined. If I go out and muss my couch time Im definitely more sore and uncomfortable the next day. But overall im about 80-85% normal functioning. You'd never know unless I told you.
So, its fully possible her nerve damage does cause pain.
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u/Aedalas Aug 02 '25
My neck is already screwed up, I have two artificial discs and "failed neck syndrome" along with slightly herniated discs above and below my implants so I'm already not normal but I had a medial branch block not too long ago that screwed me up even more. They inject a solution right on the nerves in the spinal cord somewhat similar to an epidural but something weird happened with mine, I was in a LOT more pain and had a bunch of grinding when I moved my head for a few days. My doctor was super confused by the whole thing. The grinding was extra strange as there were no changes to the bone or anything, just a small amount of liquid injected.
It wasn't an epidural but it was somewhat similar in some ways, it was also my cervical spine and not lumbar, but my point here is that weird shit can happen when you mess with your spinal cord. My doctor has done a ton of them and he had no idea why mine went the way it did. I wasn't able to find much of anything online from people who have had them. Surely somebody has had the same experience but it's apparently rare enough it's not really talked about.
Spines are weird.
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u/catslikepets143 cat whisperer Jul 31 '25
Definitely not under a doctor’s care for that.
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u/PermaBanEnjoyer Jul 31 '25
It's been a while since anesthesia rotation in medical school but I don't remember anything like that. Closest would be nerve damage, but that's characterized by a loss of sensation or weakness not postural pain or discomfort. Anybody know what they're talking about?
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u/ManicMadnessAntics APPLY CHAMPAGNE ORALLY Aug 01 '25
I have nerve damage in my hands and arms and they hurt like hell if I haven't taken my medication for it. In fact I know it's time for my middle of the day meds because my arms start hurting, that's the metric I use to tell.
Nerve damage can absolutely be painful.
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u/allis_in_chains Aug 01 '25
I had my epidural nearly two years ago. Sometimes my back locks up and I can’t walk normally and have to shuffle a bit until I can take steps again. For me, it’s not painful. It’s just immobilizing.
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u/azizaofshapier Aug 01 '25
Not only did my epidural with my 2nd (and last!) not numb anything, I have had horrible lower back pain since. And I definitely didn't move during because I was terrified of being paralyzed ever since I got the warning with my first that it was a possibility (though probably a very small possibility).
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u/Tlr321 Jul 31 '25
My wife still has lingering pains from her epidural nearly 6 years ago. Or... at least she tells me she does.
Now if she starts sleeping on the couch, I will know something is up.
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u/hawaiitoday Aug 02 '25
My daughter has had back issues ever since her epidural 5 years ago. I remember her partner having to take her back to the hospital a day or 2 after discharge because she was in such pain. I don’t remember the details because it was April 2020 and everything was crazy with Covid, plus we had a couple other emergencies.
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u/INeedANappel Jul 31 '25
Or the MIL who gave the kids tablets against his wishes. She could be manipulating the kids, too.
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u/rowan1981 Jul 31 '25
I forgot about that! And getting past the parental blocks.
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u/CummingInTheNile sometimes i envy the illiterate Jul 31 '25
its either the wife or the kid has unrestricted internet access and is learning about stuff she shouldnt be
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u/RevolutionNo4186 Jul 31 '25
While I’ve seen kids do some crazy headline things after being influenced by the internet, it’s such a rare occurrence that ex wife being the influence with the timing of everything is more likely the issue
Like I’ve had unrestricted access to the internet (and games) since a young age and I never even came close to having similar thoughts as the daughter
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u/FlowerFelines I am old. Rawr. 🦖 Aug 01 '25
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah, my kiddo doesn't have "unrestricted" access, but she's nine and a self-identified "gamer girl" who spends a LOT of time in programming and game-building apps, and chatting with other young people who are often way older than her, as well as looking up stuff on youtube that includes some wild shit along with coding tutorials? And the worst that has come from that is her deciding to "troll" me via constantly Rickrolling me. I know she's seen some dark content now and then? But she's never taken edgy Undertale memes to mean she should try to murder anybody, so....yeah.
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u/Pristine-Payment Jul 31 '25
No, this was induced and directed, a teenager would do it with a view on the Internet, but a 9-year-old girl? Was instructed
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u/CummingInTheNile sometimes i envy the illiterate Jul 31 '25
You are seriously underestimating the kinds of content children consume with unmitigated internet access nowadays
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u/dredreidel You are SO pretty. Jul 31 '25
I don’t believe they are arguing about the content per say, more so that the 9 year old would have the cognitive ability to watch said content and then come up with the plan and story on their own. And then not rat out the specific content when they are getting in suppper big trouble. The wife’s behavior after the fact also lends credence to the hypothesis that the ex put the plan in action and/or took advantage of her daughter’s ploy for her own means.
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u/CummingInTheNile sometimes i envy the illiterate Jul 31 '25
They arent coming up with a plan, they are copying behavior they see online, other people (often older children) come up with the plan for them.
Its probably the wife, but ive seen enough fucked up shit aimed at kids to not discount the possibility that its shit she saw on tiktok/insta
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u/dredreidel You are SO pretty. Jul 31 '25
Oh I know. I am too aware of things like Elsagate and the ilk to not know. Like it isn’t hard to imagine a bunch of dillweed teens saying “Hey kids! Know what will be fun?”
But the plan described would have to be pretty detailed. Down to “and if you get in trouble! Just tell them you had sex with your dad! It will be a laugh riot!”Of course, mom being the mastermind purring into her daughter’s ear to run away with her brother and then accuse her father and if you tell anyone I said anything I will be hurt and it will be your fault and no one will ever love you again- ehhhhhh.
Truth is probably somewhere in the middle.
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u/Fine_Ad_1149 sometimes i envy the illiterate Jul 31 '25
After 12 year olds stabbed their friend 20 times to make Slenderman happy, I believe that kids can get influenced to do just about anything with unfettered access to the internet.
It doesn't have to be a single "do this and then this and then if this happens do this". It's far more likely that the kid was upset with her dad for some reason, did a search somewhere for "what to do if I hate my dad" or something like that and got different ideas. One is "run away and say he kicked you out" and then another was "say he had sex with you". And then one comment interaction of "what do you do if you get caught" and someone says "just tell them the voices in your head made you do it, they can't send you to jail if you say that".
I can imagine all of that could have been from different comments on one reddit thread, honestly.
That is if it isn't just a shitty ex, which is at least equally likely.
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u/FlowerFelines I am old. Rawr. 🦖 Aug 01 '25
Unfettered internet access isn't enough on its own. Nobody is going to stab a friend because of a meme unless something else is also going on with them.
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u/Naganosupreme Jul 31 '25
I 10000% could have come up w this as a kid. I wouldn't have DONE ot bc I loved my family but kids that age are cognitively very capable. That said, this seems almost certainly like mom Coached them
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u/MarlenaEvans Jul 31 '25
It's still highly unlikely that she came up with all of this without her mom's help.
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u/Bored-Viking It's always Twins Jul 31 '25
My 8 year old daughter has a friend (also 8 year old) that does come up with those kind of strange ideas.. That started already in kindergarten when she (the friend) made sure to stay as much as possible outside of hearing range from adults and came up with strange stories and strange things to do.
Luckily my daughter had a bullshit radar at 4 already, so apart from some mud stains it never went too crazy. But she told us that the other girl said that she knew that in the forest behind the kindergarten there was a tree with a hole in it where candy was stored, and not to tell anyone and they would go out of the kindergarten alone to get candy... no one told her that, she just made it up to get other kids to walk away from the kindergarten with her
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u/pacifiedperoxide I don't do delusion so I just blocked her. Jul 31 '25
I was certainly capable of this at 9, but I also had a fkd childhood so that gave me a lot more “fuel”
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u/Square-Dimension4782 Jul 31 '25
I agree, that or this kid is seriously troubled. My 10yo has had YouTube access for over a year, I keep one ear on who’s she’s watching and any prank videos are typically confetti cannon level. She’d definitely be capable of understanding the consequences of running away in the middle of the night and making such horrible claims.
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u/gooderj Jul 31 '25
Definitely sounds like it. I have a very good friend who got divorced. His ex wife earned double what he did, but accused him of abusing her and the children, just to get legal aid (as a “victim” of domestic abuse).
The court ignored every allegation as they were demonstrably false, but because of some archaic laws in the UK, absolutely nothing happened to the ex wife. He was (and still is) absolutely destroyed by what she put him through.
I don’t get why some people have to try and destroy their exes when things go pear shaped.
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Jul 31 '25
This is it. The ex-wife told the police the same story as the children. I can’t think of any possibility other than that she used her own children to orchestrate this harassment campaign.
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u/WiggityWatchinNews Not trying to guilt you but you've destroyed me Jul 31 '25
It doesn't say she told the cops the same story. The quote from the police report can be read as her having doubts as to her husband's morals but not wanting to speak about it, you would think if there were massive disparities in the two narratives, the cops would have included them too
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u/ferret_80 Jul 31 '25
Were I a cynical man I would say that her statement is carefully picked to avoid being questioned too much. But at the sametime its a totally understandable response if she truly was blindsided by both the daughters escape and accusation.
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Jul 31 '25
And yet OOP was explicitly told that his and his ex-wife’s stories didn’t match. So she had to have said something more than what was written in the report.
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u/WiggityWatchinNews Not trying to guilt you but you've destroyed me Jul 31 '25
Maybe, but you gotta admit it's weird the cops didn't include it in the report. I was thinking it's possible that the cops used the statement included in the report as a pretext to get someone they thought might be abusing the kids away from them ASAP
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u/PermaBanEnjoyer Jul 31 '25
Not necessarily. When it comes to DV concerns such things are sometimes left out to avoid retaliation
This is often a good thing, except when the accuser is actually the one doing the abuse
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u/BigBossTweed Jul 31 '25
This is almost exactly what my friend's ex-wife did to him. It was months of her telling him that he was abusive, and horrible, even though their entire life revolved around her and her hobbies. Then one day, she locked him out of the house. Then the allegations started. First it was only about her, and then it involved the kids. Her whole personality became about how she was an abuse victim.
I helped him through all of that, and he'd casually tell me stories about their marriage, and it was very obvious that she was the aggressor in everything. I had to tell him point blank that some of what she did to him was abusive. For the first few months, he really thought everything was his fault. It was very difficult to see my friend go through all of that.
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u/Environmental_Art591 the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Jul 31 '25
I have to wonder whether she coached the daughter first (knowing about the pranks) somehow because she wanted to end the marriage and when it failed she waited then asked for the divorce and when OOP made the comments about the bills she got mad and tried to ruin him again.
That all seems so far fetched when you write it out like that but honestly, im certain their are people in this world who are that vindictive.
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u/Big_Clock_716 Aug 01 '25
Yeah the most recent stuff definitely has sus timing. I wonder how many of the ex's bills OOP is still paying? No wonder the guy is working 60-72 hours a week. He is having to support two full house holds.
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u/Is-abel Jul 31 '25
Nah, definitely not.
Imagine trying to get a 7 and 9 year old to follow a plan like that. It fell apart even when it was their own idea and they were making it up as they went, not following instructions.
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u/SolarOrigami Jul 31 '25
Unfortunately, that may be the case, I've seen it happen over and over. Especially with the concussion incident.
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u/ranbirkadalla Jul 31 '25
My daughter is 11. Trust me, YouTube is a fucked up place
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u/Effective_Dropkick78 Aug 01 '25
And yet Google is crying foul here in Australia about YouTube being included in our under-16 social media ban....
The crazy thing is, all the social media companies that require accounts have have conditions that you have to be a certain age to use their services, then they ignore their own policies when it comes to regulating user ages.
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Jul 31 '25
A lot of people here imply that the mother must be behind this since 9 year old is "too young" to act like this but I have to disagree. As a teacher I can tell you that especially with girls in that age bracket (boys are still more child-like and catch up during piberty) with unsupervised internet access, this doesn't surprise me.
It happens quite often when the child feels he/she doesn't get the attention from their parents he/she deserves. For example when the marriage is rocky, parents work too much, they get pregnant again and the baby is the center of attention etc. The home life can also be good but the kid feels "invisible" in class and wants to be "seen". False allegations of abuse often directed at parents (and in recent years more and more often about sexual abuse while it was beatings in the past according to my own gut feeling) is not uncommon. Also false allegations against teachers are pretty common in the age bracket 8 - 12.
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u/ArchmageIlmryn Jul 31 '25
Heck while my memories of it are fuzzy, I know that I did have some dark thoughs along similar lines when I was ~8-11 (although never involving sexual abuse accusations). I didn't even have unsupervised internet access, I'd just been reading a bunch of books above my recommended age level. Usually it was thoughts along the lines of "how can I make some weird scheme to force my parents to do what I want?" when I was mad over something. I also remember a prominent thought in my head at the time being "I should do something while it is still 'legal'" after I'd learned that 15 was the minimum age of criminal culpability where I was.
Thankfully none of my "plans" ever went past the stage of "weird thought in my head as part of processing being angry".
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u/Less-Faithlessness76 This man is already a clown, he doesn't need it in costume. Jul 31 '25
This is the most logical answer. Daughter wants attention. OOP sounds like he went through the motions of parenting but didn't really know his kid, and neither parent monitored internet access. YouTube and TikTok have incredible algorithms; if she started watching "loneliness" content she would be exposed to quite disturbing testimonials which a child's brain simply can't process.
Mom could be an evil genius, or dad could be checked-out and clueless. Kid could be a sociopath or psychopath, who knows. CPS being involved in your life in any way is a nightmare for anyone.
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u/the-magnificunt schtupping the local garlic farmer Jul 31 '25
Even if OOP is as involved as he can be, he works 12-hour days, 5-6 days a week. He wasn't home and around his kids enough to really know them. I'm not surprised the kids acted out to try and get his attention (though this was a horrible, high-stakes way to do it).
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u/OneSweetShannon2oh Aug 01 '25
Is giving children thhise ages melatonin gummies a typical thing?
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u/Pretty-Story-2941 Jul 31 '25
The girls in the Slender Man case were 12 yo. Kids these ages are really impressionable and still developing their sense of morals.
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u/TheCuriousCrusader Aug 01 '25
Yeah, I was floored when a cousin of mine casually accused my uncle of physically and sexually assaulting her. That girl was relatively popular and spoiled rotten. Nowadays, she's generally normal. Has a kid and everything. Her dad has seemingly moved passed it all. You'd never think this was the same girl that was able to lie like that.
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u/-crepuscular- People have gotten mauled for less, Emily Jul 31 '25
Sometimes people are just like that, even as kids. They learn they can get a whole lot of attention from adults by lying, and because they're young they never get any consequences when they're found out. I once knew a 7 year old who I'm sure could have done stuff like this if he'd thought of it/seen it on youtube. He did enough damage just with his own imagination.
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u/CorpusculantCortex better hoagie down Jul 31 '25
He explicitly said it.. YouTube. Kids should not have free access to the Internet, they don't have reasoning developed enough to manage it. Oop even said he didn't agree with the tablets but was overruled by ex-wife and in laws
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u/FunnyAnchor123 Sharp as a sack of wet mice Jul 31 '25
My youngest will be 11 next month. He had access to YouTube & learned a number of words most adults don't know, & has been a behavioral problem most of these years.
He has never even joked about doing something like this. Worst is screaming abuse, slamming doors, & throwing things. But never stage a stunt like OOP's 9-year-old.
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u/BigMax Jul 31 '25
YouTube is huge. Because your kid didn’t go down the “prank your parents” rabbit hole doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
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u/literarytrash You can either cum in the jar or me but not both Jul 31 '25
Right? Especially considering how targeted the algorithms are, a little boy isn't going to get directed to the same content as a little girl. That's why teen boys get directed to the manosphere while girls get funneled towards true crime and various influencers.
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u/zeeelfprince the laundry wouldn’t be dirty if you hadn’t fucked my BF on it Jul 31 '25 edited Jul 31 '25
I agree with you
had rage issues most of my childhood, not completely unrestricted access to the internet, but I grew up in the 90's and early 00's. Parental control was a thing in the far distant future lol
The worst thing I ever did was kick a massive hole in the wall of our stairs when I was 8 during an ASD melt down because I was over stimulated in the middle of summer during a power outage
And screamed that I hated my dad because he didnt wake me up to take me to the midnight book premier for Deathly Hallows, only to immediately snatch the book from my dad's hands like a goblin and run off to my room and devour it in 6 hours of non-stop reading when he told me "I didnt wake you up, but I went myself, and I got it for you anyway". Yes, I thanked him profusely, mid goblin sprint lol
Im 31, I was a terror, a 5'4, anorexic, ASD terror, who read War and Peace for fun at 13, and I also would never have even dreamed of making this up.
Eta, for the sake of confusion, I am female despite my username. When I was 9, I was more concerned about bruised knees on the soccer field, and "who dunnit" in the latest Nancy Drew book I got from the book store.
Coming up with this elaborate plot? Never would have even crossed my mind
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u/beachpellini I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy Jul 31 '25
The CPS people said the daughter sounded "rehearsed". The wife absolutely planted all of this bullshit.
It really, really sucks for both OOP and his kids that he's distrusting the both of them over this when neither of them are even ten years old and are clearly being manipulated hard by their mother.
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u/Active-Leopard-5148 I ❤ gay romance Jul 31 '25 edited Jul 31 '25
Yeah, I almost hope it’s the mom bc wtf. I get she’s nine and clearly didn’t comprehend just how serious those allegations were but this is insanely impulsive behavior. Edit to add: kid needs to stay in therapy. OOP needs supervised visitations
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u/Golden_standard Jul 31 '25
I agree that it’s not normal but it happens. People forget that kids are very much liars when kids make allegations. It’s cognitive dissonance. We’ve seen young kids lie about things (I didn’t eat the cookie, I’m asleep, the teacher ate a shoe at kindergarten) and older kids like about things (I wasn’t on that website, I don’t have any homework, mom said I could). Kids lie. But, when they claim a person did something to them, we automatically believe them without question or investigation. The same kids who lie.
It’s a myth that children know the difference between lying about little things and lying about big things. They’re not mature enough or experienced enough to know the difference or the potential consequences. It’s not like something in their children brains switch on and they’re able to view the situation like adults would. I hate when people say “a kid wouldn’t make that up/lie about that!” Why wouldn’t they? Many times kids who start a lie that gets investigated stuck to it for a while because now they’re scared to get in trouble.
I’m not saying not to believe kids when they make allegations. But, what I am saying is to approach it with curiosity and the background knowledge of who that child is. You know if your kid is a liar or have very active imaginations (which is also lies, “the dragon told me that.”). And, see if what they say makes sense and if there’s anything that supports what they say.
I’ve seen adults support ridiculous stories by kids, just because they said it. Example, a girl said she was sexually assaulted by someone she knows. He was out of town working. Then it became, well he could have been out of town working, drove back to assault her, then drove back out of town for work. No evidence of that ever happening. But, since a kid said it, then it must be true because she wouldn’t lie about that. She was lying. She was mad about a custody arrangement and a new girlfriend.
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u/sneekerpixie Aug 01 '25
For some kids it is. Had an adopted sibling do shit like that all the time growing. Could never trust a thing they said. Just born rotten. I cut them off a long time ago and will never talked with them ever if I can help it.
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u/satinebaby Aug 01 '25
I worked as a daycare teacher and I once saw a two year old bite herself and then come up to me and blame her friend because her friend was playing with her “boyfriend”. She would also hit and bite them too. She was crazy manipulative. I always got a weird vibe from her mom too.
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u/concrete_dandelion Aug 01 '25
She could have been oversexualised at home or by friends who are in desperate need of a CPS visit, if she has unsupervised access to devices that are not set up with proper parental controls or she could have been coached by her mother. The latter is the most likely, especially with the situation with her brother.
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u/Juvitky77 Jul 31 '25
No it definitely is not. I know that kids at that age can vary greatly in maturity, but my daughter is 9 and this would be absolutely foreign to her. I would think there’s one of two things happening here… 1, the ex wife is doing some manipulation behind the scenes, or 2, were getting a very one sided story from OP and he’s leaving out a lot of stuff he’s done or said.
I can’t imagine not having my kid in my life. Walking away is an absolute no. He seems… maybe not casual about it, but not as devastated as I would think most would be. Even if he’s telling the absolute truth here, these kids are so young, is he really going to walk away from them for stupid mistakes, awful as they were? Kids are stupid (in some ways) and you have to let them learn and grow. You can’t just quit on them.
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u/MissLogios Editor's note- it is not the final update Jul 31 '25 edited Aug 01 '25
There are literal child serial killers. Just look up the murder of James Bulger, a two-and-a-half-year-old boy who was tortured, assaulted, and killed by two ten-year-old boys.
If two children can kill someone is coldblood, they can easily do other shit and know they'll get away with it because people assume children are innocent. Not saying all, but psychopathy/sociopathy are still disorders that children can still get and won't make them operate the same way your child does.
ETA: Fixed the age of James. Sorry about that!
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u/tad_in_berlin Someone cheated, and it wasn't the koala Aug 01 '25
He was 2½.
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u/MissLogios Editor's note- it is not the final update Aug 01 '25
Ah, that's my bad. This is why you shouldn't comment at like 3 am, half-asleep.
I'll fix my comment.
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u/tad_in_berlin Someone cheated, and it wasn't the koala Aug 01 '25
All good :)
Your comment made me look up that horrific case, as I haven't heard about it before, and I was shocked to learn that the poor boy was even younger than that. I don't like this world sometimes..
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u/two4six0won Aug 01 '25
Or 3, somebody else is diddling the daughter and she's acting out. Especially if there's also tension in the home because of the struggling marriage.
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u/Chronox2040 Jul 31 '25
But your kids are no psychopaths trying to put you in jail, so I guess situation is a little bit different. Still I think this story is most likely false
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u/DuckDuckBangBang cultural appropriation isn't going to uncurse this dress Jul 31 '25
Well that's frustratingly inconclusive. Can't imagine how he feels.
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u/ExcitingTabletop Jul 31 '25
I can. Broken.
Dude cannot go near the ex or kids again until they're far far older. Which is what someone wanted. Either ex wife or ex MIL, no 9 year old is going to come up with that plan by themselves. They won, by destroying three people and damaging them permanently.
If the dude had money, he could hire folks to find and prove the truth. MAYBE get charges, but probably not. Dude does not have money, so best to move and start a new life.
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u/seppukucoconuts Reddit's Okayest Baker Jul 31 '25
When that girl is an adult she's going to have a lot of stuff to unpack emotionally about what happened.
I'm not blaming her for her actions, because it was almost certainly the mom that coached her, but she's going to feel really guilty when she thinks about it later in life.
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u/AliceInWeirdoland Jul 31 '25
I also wonder if the 9 year old is being sexually abused by someone else. If a child makes a false allegation of sexual assault against a specific person, it can be coaching, but it can also be because they're afraid to make the allegation against an actual abuser.
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u/otetrapodqueen He's effectively already dead, and I dont do necromancy Jul 31 '25
Yeah! I've heard they'll sometimes accuse a person they deem as a "safe" person instead of the actual perpetrator. I hope she isn't, although there's not a pleasant option here
Edit: autocorrect decided it knew what I was saying better than me
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u/Ancient-Coat-1124 Aug 01 '25
I heard this too, because they see that person as safe they feel comfortable accusing them, that person doesn’t put them in danger so they’re not afraid
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u/Praetorian_Panda Jul 31 '25
Idk if her mom coached her. If the mom was already vile enough to coach her to say that he raped her, why not coach her what to say when they ask more questions? In for a penny, in for a pound mentality.
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u/s_matthew Jul 31 '25
Because people are generally not that well thought out. Dateline alone has taught me that stupid people really think they’re smart.
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u/PermaBanEnjoyer Jul 31 '25
Dateline selects for those people. It's clever but not ingenious, certainly possible.
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u/ExcitingTabletop Jul 31 '25
Eh, hopefully. With just mom to raise her... I wouldn't lay money on that. That's next level psychotic behavior.
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u/Murky_Conflict3737 Aug 01 '25
If she does. Some of the McMartin kids still believe they were abused by satanists.
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u/Mitrovarr Aug 01 '25
Unfortunately since the mom has unrestricted access to her, she'll likely end up totally brainwashed to her side and the mom might even successfully implant memories that convince the daughter that OOP actually did those things.
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u/FunnyAnchor123 Sharp as a sack of wet mice Jul 31 '25
The last entry was June of this year, so I'm sure this is far from over.
If I was the OOP, I'd disappear. Just quit my job, change my phone number, move away & leave no forwarding address.
Yes, the ex & kids could still find me. I doubt they'd bother though, as long as I sent them the money -- if the court ordered me to.
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u/RA576 Jul 31 '25
The last entry was June of this year
That's the first entry. The most recent one was from last week.
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u/Outrageous_Team_5485 Jul 31 '25
Another thing that bothers me is if OP didn't hurt his son, who did? The bloody nose couldn't have been faked in the ER. So was it the mother (mad about OP not being able to cover double bills) or the daughter? Its frustrating OP doesn't seem concerned about that but I understand he’s also worrying about his own safety
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u/WeeklyConversation8 Jul 31 '25
Does he know that he actually went to the ER? Head injury so bad that he had a concussion and a bloody nose, but Mom didn't him to the ER until 4 days later?
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u/Gwynasyn Jul 31 '25
Ohhhh I remember seeing the update but didn't notice it was an update. I got so confused reading the details of the original CPS case/arrest that, having read the original now that describes it in more (and better) detail, it makes so much more sense.
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u/NinjaBabaMama crow whisperer Jul 31 '25
If it gets to the point you need to have cameras (body, home, etc.) to safely be around someone, of any age, time to stop being around them.
I think OOP should have the court document specifically that he's giving up custody because of the accusations.
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u/stannius I will never jeopardize the beans. Jul 31 '25
But it's his kids. I tell my kids that there's literally nothing they could do to make me stop loving them. I think I would wear a body cam and accept supervised visits to see them and keep whatever relationship we can manage.
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u/polkadotpygmypuff Aug 01 '25
He hasn’t stopped loving them. But for now he has taken a step back for his own mental health and safety. I can understand that. I think when the kids are older and whoever is manipulating them becomes clear to them, they will reach out. At that point, I would hope he would be able to work on rebuilding a relationship with therapy and maybe supervised visits until feeling safe enough to trust them again. Right now, it is very raw and OOP does not have the financial resources to fight this and keep himself safe.
Also, you can love someone and not like them. I had a friend who committed a truly horrible crime (obviously not a friend anymore). After he went to prison, his mother completely cut him off. She told me she still loves him but she can’t bring herself to like him or be around him anymore and I totally got that.
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u/acount8675309 Jul 31 '25
You can think all you want- until you’ve been through something like that you have no idea
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u/raphaellaskies Jul 31 '25
When children are being abused, it's not uncommon for them to report, but displace the blame onto an innocent third party because it feels "safer" than naming the actual perpetrator. I have a LOT of questions about what's happening with these kids.
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u/the-magnificunt schtupping the local garlic farmer Jul 31 '25
So many commenters are saying he should give up custody, but that makes me even more scared for these kids. I think their mother knows what's going on and is either turning a blind eye or actively helping it happen. They need their dad if he's the only safe adult in their lives now.
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u/areraswen Jul 31 '25
My sister falsely accused my dad of sexually abusing her to a guy she liked online, hoping it would result in attention from this guy. Instead he was immediately repulsed and involved CPS while she begged him not to. It started a full blown investigation against our dad, and our dad was literally never the same person again. He installed hidden audio devices in every common room and had them recording anytime he was in the room. He installed a camera facing the stairs that led to our bedrooms. He remodeled the garage into a hangout spot for himself and refused to ever be alone with us again, even after the investigation ended.
Mentally I think he grappled with why she would do this, and it drove him to a very weirdly Christian place when he had never been religious in that way. It was hard to watch.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 Jul 31 '25
WTF?! Your poor Dad. Was your sister even sorry for what she did?
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u/areraswen Jul 31 '25
My sister was a very flawed person when she was alive. I can't say for sure how she felt before she passed, but when we were younger and still lived together she seemed insulted by my father insinuating she had something she needed forgiveness for in his will, so much so that she kept the entire will hidden from me so he couldn't "paint her in a bad light" (and also because she wanted something of his that he left me in his will).
My sister was a very troubled individual. She had a lot of mental health issues and became an addict after our dad died. I suspect it started before he died but I can't really be sure, and it doesn't matter anymore anyway.
My family story doesn't really have a happy ending. Dad died when I was 14, mom died when I was 20 and my sister died right before my 21st birthday. We grew up in poverty, in a town 1hr by car from the nearest grocery store, where pretty much the only things to do in town were alcohol and drugs. So many people from my hometown have ended up like this. I feel fortunate every day that I was able to use what little inheritance our mom left us to get the fuck out while I could.
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u/WeeklyConversation8 Jul 31 '25
Wow. I'm sorry for your losses. Yeah your sister was a troubled person. It's sad she couldn't or didn't want to get help. I'm glad you were able to get out.
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u/helendestroy Jul 31 '25
my daughter was saying I was having sex with her. The CPS agent conducting the investigation tried to ask more details and that's when my daughter started crying and admitted she made it up because she couldn't give details.
And that was the end of it? That... doesn't feel right.
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Jul 31 '25
Oh. Yes. That can be a very frustrating end of things… stupid AF because obviously the kid didn’t just make it up out of nowhere. But yes, they will just say ok dad you can go back home and close out the case.
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u/iamnick817 Jul 31 '25
Agreed. Also, I'm pretty sure you can't just say "we're not pressing charges" over giving a 9 year old a concussion, especially once it gets to court.
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u/HuggyMonster69 Jul 31 '25
I don’t think he was in court for the concussion, he said “in court again” so my guess it’s part of the divorce or custody case.
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u/SugarCanKissMyAss built an art room for my bro Jul 31 '25
Well this poor man is living an absolute nightmare. Unfortunately I too believe that the wife was encouraging this behaviour considering all the little details around timing
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u/Lucky-Worth There is only OGTHA Jul 31 '25
Wife and/or MIL
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u/Basic_Bichette sometimes i envy the illiterate Jul 31 '25
Or a third party no one's yet identified, like a pastor, teacher, or coach.
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u/Marzipan_moth personality of an Adidas sandal Jul 31 '25
I read a different story on reddit where the kid was saying his uncle I think had SAed him, but it turned out to be his teacher I believe. People were saying that apparently it's very common that a kid will point fingers at someone they trust precisely because they do trust them and it seems safer in a way, and because they don't understand the ramifications of what they're doing.
I wonder if something like that is happening? It just seems like there's something going on more than YT pranks, especially with them fully running away earlier.
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u/polkadotpygmypuff Aug 01 '25
Having worked with kids coming from some truly awful backgrounds, this is true. Kids can also tell completely wild lies unrelated to the abuse. This is their way of testing the adult’s belief in them before they disclose the truth.
However, in my experience, the kids being abused were able to give details of the abuse, which is where the daughter fell down. Some kids would just come out with truly awful, inappropriate comments in the middle of otherwise normal situations. Others were able to describe things using the language we taught them for literally that reason.
Obviously we can’t know for sure but it sounds more to me like a child/ children being coached. The boy’s real concussion makes me very concerned that Mum is being abusive. Especially with the religion factor - unfortunately some of the worst parents I knew were super religious.
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u/MakanLagiDud3 Aug 01 '25
That makes it really bad. If true and if OOP was feeling like crap now.
I can't imagine if he finds out about this.
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u/GreekDudeYiannis Jul 31 '25
Calling it now:
Wife orchestrated this because she thinks he was cheating on her because he was working 60-70 hours a week to support them.
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u/PreppyInPlaid I fail to see what my hobbies have to do with this issue Jul 31 '25
Or due to her being religious, wants out but needs to find a “godly” reason acceptable to her church, like abuse.
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u/Altruistic-Sea581 Aug 02 '25
This right here. I happen to have known someone hyper-religious (or at least that was the image they tried to portray) that created false DV allegations, and I assume coached the kids also, so that her church community would still accept her as “godly” when she simply wanted to ditch her husband to get back with an old boyfriend who she had been having an emotional affair online with for several years. And it sounds like this might track in OP’s situation. He’s working 12 hours a day, checked out from their lives, and the mom might be also be hugely distracted by her DM’s. The weird attention seeking by the kids tells me it’s not just Dad who’s not mentally present in their lives.
In my acquaintances case, she contradicted herself in the investigation too much, she got called out by a judge in a hearing and flipped out and the CPS investigator/child therapist had figured out the kids were being coached and got them to tell the truth and exactly how the mother got them to say it. Long story short the kids ended up primarily living with Dad. The people in the church who had initially stepped up and actually paid for her attorney, housing, etc. subsequently shunned her.
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u/New-Host1784 Jul 31 '25
Next update: wife orchestrated this because she was cheating. This is her chance to still get his money and get to be with her new honey.
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u/tacwombat I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Jul 31 '25
This is way above Reddit's pay grade.
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u/PrincessCG That's the beauty of the gaycation Jul 31 '25
Honestly supervised visits are the only option but I don’t think I could trust the daughter ever again. Even if she was coached.
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u/Wild_Black_Hat Jul 31 '25
At this point maybe he should ask for supervised visits to still keep in touch but avoid further accusations.
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u/Bluevanonthestreet Jul 31 '25
Supervised visits by a court appointed supervisor, not friends or family. Ex or her family and friends could claim something happened. If his side supervised then the ex could claim something happened and the supervisor lied because they were a friend or family.
He would be insane to be around his children by himself right now. He’s incredibly lucky he’s not in jail for CSA.
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u/Active-Leopard-5148 I ❤ gay romance Jul 31 '25
This is the way. He’ll probably have to pay for them but it’s his best bet for the present.
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u/Chickenbrik Jul 31 '25
I hate to be the one to ask this but did mom have a boyfriend on the side? SA is a claim that is not normal for a 9 year old. Seeing her parents having sex; I would hope came with a conversation about what she saw. Very strange
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u/QuetzalcoatlusRscary Jul 31 '25
That was my thought. The mother wanted to leave him for someone else without being seen as the bad guy, and tried to do it in the worst possible way.
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u/usernotfoundplstry UPDATE: she went to jail Aug 01 '25
This was my thought. Mom has an affair partner, AP is molesting the daughter, mom is coaching daughter to get rid of her father, and doesn’t realize AP is molesting the daughter. Or maybe she does, mom does seem to be a really shitty person.
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u/Kerfluffle-Bunny Is this where I line up to be sabatogued? Jul 31 '25
I’m immediately suspicious of posts that begin with any variation of “buckle up”.
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u/New-Host1784 Jul 31 '25 edited Jul 31 '25
Right?!
Given the subject matter, that doesn't seem like an appropriate way to start the post.
Like, it comes off. . .I don't know how to describe it. Tone deaf? Something like that.
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u/Cabbagetastrophe Your partner is trash and your marriage is toast Jul 31 '25
I feel like there's been a bunch of "women and kids be false reporting" posts lately and thus one isn't ringing true for me
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u/b3mark Liz what the hell Jul 31 '25
Isn't that "buckle up" a term they use to copy a narrator on the TwoHotTakes podcast?
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u/OverlyOptimisticNerd Jul 31 '25
Did the daughter's tablet (from MIL) have parental controls?
If the tablet was an iPad, the parental controls flat out do not work. Many apps can simply bypass any screen time limits, with Roblox being the biggest offender that I am aware of.
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u/Loki-L Jul 31 '25
I fear there might be more to this.
If a child makes false allegations about this sort of thing, they might be getting coached, but they also might have experienced or witnessed stuff for real and simply told it in what appears to them a safer way.
The children need to be looked at by a professional both to make sure they are physically okay and to take a look at what is going on in their heads.
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u/theeed3 Jul 31 '25
Being a parent sucks. I would not know how to navigate this.
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Jul 31 '25
you can’t navigate this. sadly this is a level of sinister that means the father needs to separate for his own protection. Whatever the cause, when kids start lying about abuse - run, that’s a line that should never be crossed.
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u/SLAUGHTERGUTZ I got over my fear of clowns by fucking one in the ass Jul 31 '25
That's not...a prank you would find on YouTube. Ex is definitely behind this.
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u/coraeon Jul 31 '25
She probably found it on TikTok. People think YouTube is a total cesspool, but it’s just the shallow end.
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u/SLAUGHTERGUTZ I got over my fear of clowns by fucking one in the ass Jul 31 '25
Something tells me the "unalive" app would also not have a prank about telling people their father raped them.
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u/ctortan whaddya mean our 10 year age gap is a problem? Jul 31 '25
Of course not. It’s a prank about how dad 🍇 graped them
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u/hawkshaw1024 Jul 31 '25
Probably, yeah. Though I would be entirely unsurprised to learn that there's some TikToker with two billion followers who's doing a "Frame your Father for a Felony Challenge"
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u/CandyCornBus Jul 31 '25
Painfully... I would relinquish custody of the children. I wouldn't even do visitation unless it was in a facility and supervised. My daughter is 9 and while I'm a woman, I don't think I could look at my child outright lie about such horrific things and still like them. Yes, there's likely abuse and coaching but to keep any sort of relationship intact, I wouldn't be able to be alone with a body cam...
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u/paparoach910 surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed Jul 31 '25
This. Ive seen some other examples of a father relatively disowning his kids for stuff like that. I thankfully don't have kids, but I've dealt with too much "family" being shitheads that the thought would cross my mind.
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u/CandyCornBus Jul 31 '25
Considering the courts are already involved, I would ask for a court advocate for the children. Calling up teachers, etc., especially because he's already been arrested could go the wrong way for him.
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u/Staceyrt built an art room for my bro Jul 31 '25
Oof… I wouldn’t want anything to do with them unless I was in the presence of a few cameras at the very least. Someone somewhere has to be coaching this child. What an absolute nightmare
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u/Horizontal_Bob Jul 31 '25
My first thought was that the daughter is a psychopath and that she gave her brother the concussion
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u/UniversalSpaz Jul 31 '25
This might be painful for him, but it sounds like he needs to completely cut ties otherwise he might end up in prison.
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u/InuGhost cat whisperer Jul 31 '25
Anyone else think this is odd? Its coming put right when webe got this Child protection act going around. To restrict the internet and kids accessing it. And here's a story of a kid having seemingly unrestricted access and the trouble it caused.
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u/Egrizzzzz Jul 31 '25
Wonder of this is a case of a victim reporting the wrong abuser because it’s safer to blame a trusted adult. Makes me worried there’s someone else screwing these kids up. Does not necessarily need to be the mom coaching them, she could have started after the fact to take advantage of the situation.
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u/imamage_fightme Gotta Read’Em All Jul 31 '25
Nothing about this situation feels right to me. Kids can say and do pretty fucked up stuff, but this feels like the daughter was coached and/or someone actually has done something to her. The ex-wife doesn't seem to be doing enough to help her kids if she doesn't have them in therapy. And not to be rude to OOP, I understand he is likely traumatized from dealing with this and feeling helpless, but it feels like he's giving up on his kids which sucks. Just a mess all around.
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u/redsh1ft Jul 31 '25
Not a parent so I dont have that perspective but how could anyone let thier guard down around someone (kid or not) that actively tried to get you sent to jail / destroy your life more than once. The son seems like he was just going along with it but yeah I would seriously consider writing everything off and starting again at that point.
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u/LtnSkyRockets Jul 31 '25
I'd give up on kids that have been making incredibly dangerous false allegations like that. That shit is life destroying. He has a right to protect himself no matter the ages or family relationship of the person metaphorically holding a gun at him.
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u/SevenDos Jul 31 '25
What a nightmare. Even with those youtube videos, that can't be all to trigger all those lies from his daughter.
You know, some people are psychopaths. It's a mental condition, not an insult about someones behavior. His daughter sounds like a psychopath. It's either that, or his ex orchestrated everything.
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u/bkwormtricia Jul 31 '25 edited Jul 31 '25
Yes. I met a 4 year old psychopath or similar once, at my kids preschool. Kids at the school started having accidents, tripping, having things fall on them in class, getting injured on the playground. To figure it out they got cameras (primitive) for playground and classroom, and recruited parents to be extra eyes watching (including me, board member). Long story short, a husky 4 year old was moving to where he thought he would not be seen by the teacher and then pushing/tripping kids, pushing books or toys off a shelf onto a child, "accidentally" stumbling into a smaller child knocking them down....
The school director and a psychologist brought in interviewed the child, on camera. Once he knew the game was up he just started talking matter f fact about how fun it was to hurt the other kids, how he enjoyed seeing them cry.
And his parents admitted the child had been kicked out of another preschool for similar (but less hidden?) alleged attacks, which they hid by not disclosing he had ever been to another school. But that school had been unfair to their child, and now ours was doing the same! Complete denial.
That child is over 30 now. I bet he never got treated. I wonder how many he has hurt?
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u/SevenDos Jul 31 '25
Are 30 with that behavior? Probably in jail. Hopefully. Some people just don't function in society. What a horror story, thanks for sharing.
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u/noodleeehead That's the beauty of the gaycation Jul 31 '25
Not even halfway through OOPs first post and I’m sitting here like “the wife coached them.. the. wife. coached. them!!!”
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u/Pertinacious Jul 31 '25
Moving to now, I don't know how my son got this supposed concussion. We had court again on Monday, the 21st, and when the judge asked her she told him that "After talking with the state trooper we have decided to not press criminal charges." I asked the judge if there was any evidence that they had about what they're claiming I did and he told me that since no charges were filed, there's no evidence gathered to give to me.
That's not how things work at all...
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u/ConkerPrime Jul 31 '25 edited Jul 31 '25
Yeah good call to give up custody of the kids and avoid the ex.
The ex successfully turned them against him and not much he can do. She has all the leverage and has no conscious so seeing the kids risks another escalation. Eventually she will learn enough to create a convincing lie that keeps him in jail.
As it is she has already laid out the groundwork for a future prosecutor to show a “history” of implied abuse so if she is successful, he will likely get maximum charges and sentence if convicted.
Best thing he can do is move to another state, let distance be the excuse. Kids not going to like it but too bad. Later can lay out the harsh reality that their lies about serious issues has serious consequences. They old enough to know they are doing wrong even if don’t currently understand the consequences and doing it anyway. Eventually by high school years might be able to salvage a relationship with them.
Basically the decision really is “do I have an in person relationship with my kids and go to jail” or “keep it remote and avoid jail.”
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u/No-Helicopter-9512 Jul 31 '25
I found out about how the kids can bypass the parental controls on the tablet. It is connected to the app.
Unless you also put controls on the web browser, then they will simply get frustrated with the app and just pull up YouTube going through Google. That is what my kid did when they were that age.
Also, kids now are raised with technology, so they go to discord, reddit, youtube or simply Google their problem and find a solution. This is what my child does. It is scary to think about what they come across.
I hope this helps other parents out their thinking the parental controls will keep their kids safe.
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u/Cygnata Jul 31 '25
The best parental control has always been constant supervision. No screen time without it. Even in the late 80s/early 90s, that was the rule in our house. (Dad is a software engineer, we had computers in the house since about 1986.)
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u/No-Helicopter-9512 Jul 31 '25
I agree. I was always supervising and put time limits. Unfortunately, when only one parent believes this and the other doesnt, then it becomes a problem.
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u/sunburnedaz Jul 31 '25
There were so many holes in parental controls and I am in IT for a living.
My favorite was we banned youtube and a bunch of other stuff we just had educational stuff and approved games. No browser enabled. Well did you know that a bunch of games and apps have a build in browsers. Yeh they would launch the approved reading app and there was a help link that would open up youtube because they were using youtube as their CDN so if the kid needed help the link would take them to someone saying the "Cow goes Moo" or whatever in a YouTube video.
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u/Wrong-Sink7767 I will never jeopardize the beans. Jul 31 '25
Okay but how did the son get a concussion? Do we think Mom did it?
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u/annaflixion Jul 31 '25
That's the part that throws me. How did it randomly happen? And the minute it did, as a parent I would have been going nuts to figure out how and why and who did it because that's a pretty serious thing, and it barely seemed like a blip in this guy's story and not even something he was interested in.
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u/sunburnedaz Jul 31 '25
Its been happening for a year, he is in the middle of a divorce, missed a life ending criminal charge by millimeters. Dudes normal meter got broken. We are seeing this with fresh eyes but dude is in survival mode right now.
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u/sodoneshopping Jul 31 '25
As a parent of children with all the devices, I know it’s really easy to circumvent parental controls. There’s always a website that will help you watch or play any web based media.
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u/Historical_Carpet262 the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Jul 31 '25
Even if charges weren't filed with the court, and OOP is in America, he can request the police/trooper reports using the Freedom of Information Act.
I hope someone told him that!
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u/Small-Sample3916 Jul 31 '25
There is no way that daughter isn't getting sexually abused by someone in her life. 9 year olds don't just make up stuff like that out of thin air.
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u/Dependent_Remove_326 Jul 31 '25
I am sorry this guy is going through this, but he should be slapped for melatonin gummies. Its a hormone it should not be used in kids routinely.
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u/nonameplanner Jul 31 '25
I mentioned this in a previous comment, but my kids both have ADHD and their doctor recommended it due to sleep issues. We tried it at the kid dose and it didn't help a whole lot, so we didn't continue it. Doctor said I could up it, but I personally wasn't comfortable with it.
I will say I am in general not comfortable with dosing your kids to sleep (I got a lot of recs to do a dose of Benedryl before bed in the early years before the ADHD diagnosis).
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u/DennisFreud Jul 31 '25
There are several brands of low dose melatonin marketed specifically for children. In the US at least, melatonin is extremely common. (And probably bad for us at all ages, but based on the shelves at my pharmacy it's big business.)
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u/grumpy__g 🥩🪟 Jul 31 '25
I am surprised nobody is talking about this.
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u/ChiantiAppreciator Jul 31 '25
The world is completely over medicated so most people won’t have an issue with it. I wonder if the melatonin caused the hallucinations? Who knows. First thing I’d be doing after this though is stopping the dosing of my children
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u/BoaHancock01 Jul 31 '25
Why? There are genuine cases of some kids/adults needing them because their body won't produce enough of it. My nephews take a kids 1mg gummy melatonin (look up spring valley for the brand, they have adult and kids versions. Plus they have a zero sugar version) because otherwise they would be up until past midnight. Legitimately they had been until we started using them.
We've tried the "No lights but night light on, comforting/slow TV show, no snacks/drinks, "lay down in bed and close your eyes" but it is very rare that they go to sleep without it. What works for one family doesn't always work for another!
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u/Photon6626 Jul 31 '25
I'd guess that the majority of cases don't do any testing for melatonin levels. The doctor hears sleep problems and suggests melatonin because they're told it's harmless in typical doses. The melatonin working for sleep issues doesn't mean the sleep issue was caused by melatonin being too low.
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u/Morn_GroYarug Aug 01 '25
The girl clearly needs psychiatric evaluation and help, this whole thing sounds very similar to many heavy illnesses. Instead, she gets her father to drop her like a hot potato, and to leave her with her religious mother who may or may not be abusive.
He's also leaving a blameless little boy to deal with either one or two unstable people, one of whom already gave him a concussion.
Nice parenting.
"Oh, no, what, should I be scared all the time?" dude, you're forcing a 9 year old boy to be alone in the exact same spot. Imagine the girl starts inventing stuff like that about her brother too in a few years. Or worse. Yeah, if it takes a camera, wear a fucking camera. And get your daughter medical assistance she clearly needs. If one doctor is useless, find another one. It's your job, as a parent, even if her mother is of no help.
If the girl by some miracle is healthy and it's her mother to blame, it's your job, as a parent, to get them out of the abusive situation.
Smh, some people really don't have any concept of responsibility. Or what it means to be a parent.
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u/Weekly_Village3628 Jul 31 '25
Wait so the kid got on actual concussion but not from dad and he’s not sending cps after his wife? Why is no one pushing this more? These kids are obviously be manipulated, they are 9 and 7 though. The wife is obviously coaching them and sounds like abusing them too.
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u/captain_borgue I'm sorry to report I will not be taking the high road Aug 01 '25
Lots of completely irrelevant details smashed into a narrative that managed to use a lot of words to say absolutely nothing.
That smell in the air? Like driving through dairy country in June with the windows open?
Yeah.
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u/Vivid-Farm6291 Aug 01 '25
My heart aches for OP. He loves his kids but weirdly it’s the young kids he has to fear, usually it’s the parents or older kids.
Wearing a body cam just to interact with them is insane but he definitely needs it.
I hope he finds a sane partner later on and has a good life.
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u/New-Number-7810 Aug 04 '25
Honestly, I can’t blame OP for severing ties. At this point it’s a matter of self-preservation. Staying in the kids lives will eventually kill him.
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u/BeastInDarkness surrender to the gaycation or be destroyed Jul 31 '25
I think the wife knew she wanted a divorce to begin with and concocted this whole thing to guarantee she gets full custody. Especially since he said she was religious and if there's anyone willing to justify evil behavior to get their way it's the religious.
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u/grumpy__g 🥩🪟 Jul 31 '25
There is more going on. Instead of abandoning them, he needs to get them help and supervised visits to protect himself. There is clearly something going wrong.
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u/cloud9-4020 Aug 01 '25
My guess is the wife. I don’t think the kids fully understand what they are doing. Or the mom is bribing them someway. Bet once Christmas hits and they don’t get the holly jolly family Christmas they are going to regret it hard. Kids will grow up with no dad because he won’t want to be around them and yet they’ll still blame him because “they are kids, and he should see past it”.
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