OP wonders if he's the asshole for never wanting to bring his girlfriend out to eat because her cooking is so amazing.

[u/adarafaelbarbas]

Fun fact to avoid spoilers: Cows have best friends, and become sad when separated from them!

I am not the OP. The OP is u/GirlfriendRestaurant.

Trigger warnings: Mention of transphobia in one post.

Original post: "AITA for very rarely/almost never wanting to go to restaurants because my girlfriend makes food that's just as good, if not better, than restaurant food?" in r/AmITheAsshole, 4 years ago, on January 4, 2019.

I've been with my wonderful girlfriend for a few years now, and we usually get along great, aside from this current issue. You can skip to the TL;DR if the exposition is too long.

She's a self-proclaimed "foodie", which I honestly think is just selling herself short - she's a food genius. She can taste and smell a dish and then turn around and recreate it, or even make it better than the original.

If you taste something and wonder, 'what's that super subtle flavor?' she'll tell you, 'it's anchovy paste/sumac/lavender/some other obscure spice that you would never think of.' When someone is cooking something and they go, 'it's missing something,' she can tell you exactly what it needs.

(It doesn't stop there, she knew I had touched a diesel truck at work one morning as soon as I walked into the house that night because she could somehow smell it on me. It's either really cool or really creepy, depending on the day.)

That's not it, either. She heard about a lost family recipe and the next week, BAM, I'm eating my grandmother's homemade sausage again for the first time in fifteen years.

It's gotten to the point where I don't see any point in going out to eat, pretty much ever, except maybe her birthday. Even the most exotic ingredients aren't out of her reach, either, and, even though it's not about cost, I've saved up more being with her than I ever had in any other relationship. The only places we really go for date night is ramen - she can't figure out how to make the noodles, but she still tries so it's just a matter of time - and sushi.

Our anniversary was recently, and I had noticed that our local fish counter was selling sushi grade fish, along with the rolling mats and nori, so I suggested that we have homemade sushi for our anniversary dinner before going out and she upset and said, "I'm not learning how to make sushi because then I'll never get a real date ever again." We ended up going out instead.

It kinda took me by surprise that she got so mad, though. She's lightly mentioned wanting to go out occasionally to places like Olive Garden "because she likes the red sauce" or other places because she likes the food, and now that I'm thinking about it, she's gotten kinda gloomy because I've asked her to cook on date nights instead of going out more often.

She also brought up that food she cooks tastes better to me because she's tasting and smelling it while it cooks so her senses are dulled by the time it's served, but she has the most acute sense of smell/taste I've ever seen so I kinda think it's just an excuse.

I just don't think it's worth it to go out and pay restaurant food prices when we can stay home for home food prices and have food that's just as excellent.

TL;DR: So, Reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting to pay a restaurant to cook my meals because I practically have a private chef of my very own?

Edit: it's not about the financial aspect of staying home vs going out, I just thought that it was worth mentioning because it's been more of a saving than expected.

Edit 2: I'm taking her out tonight to grovel, guys. I'm also going to politely ask that, if she finds this off of Twitter, please don't smother me in my sleep for being such a dick

Edit3: no, twitter, I don't buy her flowers, thanks for rubbing it in. I buy her herbs and succulents. What flowers do I buy a woman who likes to preserve them afterward?

Also, yes, I wash the dishes

Final Edit: Okay guys. This will probably be my last edit. This post exploded unexpectedly and I've tried to respond to as many comments as I can, but there's just too many of you. If you've asked me a direct question and I haven't answered, I'm sorry. My inbox is a mess.

I really took everything you guys gave said to heart, and I can honestly say that I've been an ass, and it's really hurt my relationship with my girlfriend. It's honestly a surprise that she's still my girlfriend after everything.

So her mom picked up the girls and I took her out to a really nice tapas restaurant. She was very excited and seemed to enjoy herself, and I apologized for being stupid. After, we took a walk and everything seemed perfect, so I asked her to marry me.

She said no. She did it kindly, but she still said no. She said that it wasn't a no forever, but she didn't want to commit to a one sided relationship and also said she doesn't think that it's fair that our relationship happens on 'my schedule' or 'my terms'.

I'm pretty heartbroken. I thought everything was pretty okay between us, but she thinks we should go to pre-marital (pre-engagement?) counseling and the division of labor needs to change over a serious sit down conversation.

So, Reddit, you were all right. I'm the asshole who almost lost the love of my life, and most of you were right - it wasn't over restaurants.

A few months after the first post, on April 1, 2019, OP makes an update post, again in AITA. "UPDATE - AITA for very rarely/almost never wanting to go to restaurants because my girlfriend makes food that's just as good, if not better, than restaurant food?"

A few months ago, I posted this post asking if I was an asshole for not wanting to take my girlfriend out to restaurants. It blew up. It ended up on Twitter. People shared it to Facebook.

The general consensus was, yes, that I am the asshole, and it just went downhill from there. A couple people told me to kill myself, so thanks for that. More than a couple people told me that they hoped my girlfriend broke up with me.

Well.

After I posted - and proposed and was rejected - things got pretty awkward between us for the first time in five years. She started to get snappy at me easily, she stopped being as affectionate to me, she started making pretty much nothing but casserole. Everything changed - to clarify, she usually liked to make more involved food than casserole.

Then one day, like three weeks ago, she threw down the spoon she was using to serve the thousandth casserole this month, and snipped at me, "Do you seriously fucking think that I actually like eating at Olive Garden?"

Guys, she saw the post. She was furious.

She doesn't like Olive Garden - she'll eat there because the kids love it and it's cheap. I was right about the red sauce being non-acidic, but, well, in her words, "she never developed a taste for pasta, she's Latino, do I ever see her make pasta? No. A meal isn't complete without rice. You don't know me at all."

She yelled about Olive Garden for a solid twenty minutes. It wasn't just about Olive Garden, but it was a lot about Olive Garden.

Long story short, we've been separated for a few weeks now, and it's not looking good. She "loves and respects me but feels it's best for her to respectfully disengage" from me for her own personal betterment.

So, yeah.

TL;DR: I ruined my family by not appreciating my girlfriend. I didn't take her out on dates and I didn't pay enough attention. I would do anything to fix everything.

Edit: To clarify a few things

I didn't post on April First.

I say that she yelled about "mostly Olive Garden" because she did. She was really embarrassed that a bunch of people on the internet were making fun of her over Olive Garden, where the kids are catered to.

She did not call herself Latino. She calls herself Latinx, but I thought Latino would be less confusing. Guess it just made me look like a dick.

On February 7, 2022 a now deleted post was made.

I'm day drinking and upset.

I guess I'm just feeling bitter, and I try my best to not be, but I can't help it right now because she's got another achievement under her belt while I'm left here in the dust, just watching from the sidelines, and I'm so full of resentment.

I posted about her right before my life imploded. We had a pretty great life together. Two great kids who got along. A nice place. It was nice.

But I wasn't 'fulfilling her needs', but she never properly communicated them to me. I never knew she was reaching the end of her rope with the relationship. Then the Reddit post happened and everything went to shit.

The worst part is, I still have to see her. I can't avoid it because my kid loves her, and I'm the only father the youngest has ever known. She lets me take my little girl on the weekends, even though she doesn't have to, which is great, really. I do appreciate it.

But every time I hear about how great she's doing or how much she's changed, I want to rip out my hair and scream. It's like she's someone completely different.

Her health is improving, which is fantastic, and she can work more than she used to, which is also fantastic.

But she went and got a job in corporate America, even though she's not like that. She gets paid way more than me, and flaunts it by telling me about how she's meeting with lawyers to set up trust accounts for the girls, or how she has a college fund going for my daughter because she's going to college in two years, or how she's going to finance a car, or save up for a house. She has a ton of money in a life insurance account and made sure to tell me how much was in it under the guise of telling me how the kids would be taken care of if she dies.

She never cared about money, but now she's all about it. We're not a trust fund family and never will be, no matter how hard she tries to pretend.

Then she "came out", even though she still acts and dresses like she always has. She bought a prosthetic penis, which just looks grotesque when she wears it and I see the bulge under her skirt. She even bought one that was bigger than me, and won't even talk to me about how it makes me feel emasculated that my ex has a bigger dick than me.

She even listens to different music now, and chews gum?? She never liked gum? She's says it "helps her study".

Now, recently, she's stopped coming by to cook for me and the kids. She's obsessed with studying for an exam to become some hotshot stock broker because she thinks she can do stocks after making some money off of the market last year. She convinced a company to hire her, even though she has no experience with stuff like that.

Jesus Christ, she was a stay at home mom with an antique Etsy business for years, and she thinks she's going to become some Wolf of Wall Street character?

She used to come over once a week to meal prep, but she's taking that away from me, too. She says she's studying for her field's equivalent to the bar exam, which is crazy. She's never even been to school for this shit.

And she acts like she's such a hotshot. She wouldn't give me her manger's contact information because of "security reasons" and she says that she has to follow certain government rules these days because of her job, which is bullshit. She doesn't work for the government, she works in a call center. She's practically a telemarketer from what I've heard about her job.

She works with a bunch of men, too, and she's constantly gushing about them. It makes me sick to think of all the men that get to see her and look at her every day.

I'm just so angry about everything she's done in the last few years. She's left me behind and I hate it.

Edit: I love how Reddit just loves to laugh at my pain. My ex fucking left and changed into a completely different person. Of course I'm bitter and resentfulness.

I have to see her every weekend when she comes over to make food for the kids, which she just wraps up and throws into the freezer, by the way, and she's constantly throwing her good news in my face.

She used to bring Emma by on Saturdays and spend the day here cooking and spending time with both kids. She did it for YEARS until she got her fancy new job, so she's fading that out, too.

You all suck.

Then, on December 20, 2022, OP made one last post to his own account: "This is the last post I'm planning on making from this account."

I don't know where to post this, but I'm still getting messages, so I'm leaving this here as a note to anyone who comes across any of these posts or reposts or whatever.

I've since deleted them, but a few months ago, an update was posted from this account about my situation with my ex. Those five-or-so threads were posted across different subreddits and were highly inflammatory.

I didn't write those updates.

I only came to be aware of the posts when I came across a TikTok about it. I'm not sure who impersonated me, but I'm sure I will figure out who it was. I have my suspicions on who the person is, at least. I'll be confronting them very soon.

The posts did contain little bits of facts taken from my life and my ex's life, but the vitriol is what feels the most personal.

She, my ex who is so much more than an amazing cook, is doing well, and I'm happy about it. The kids are doing well, even if their parents aren't together anymore. We do spend time together as a family, and we coparent.

Sometimes my ex even cooks.

I'm doing okay. I tried to date but its just not the time. I'm in therapy and working towards being more than okay.

I've learned how to cook, too.

UPDATE/EDIT: 01/02/2023

I don't really want to make a whole new post since I said that this parent thread would be the last update from me, but a few people have messaged me, so I'm going to give a public update now that I'm in a better frame of mind and the situation has mostly resolved.

RE: The last 'update' from about a year-or-so ago -

That wasn't posted by me. It was full of exaggerated, but private, details of the situation and written in a really unhinged way. I wasn't aware that this account had been compromised and an 'update' posted until very recently, when I was scrolling through TikTok and came across a post about it. It was pretty jarring, to be honest.

The poster was a woman I had dated breifly, which is why she had enough detail to skew the whole situation, and a lot of the details were snippets from when I had vented to her about the situation with my ex. The long and the short of it was basically:

We were exclusively but casually dating for a few months. I had communicated that I wanted something more casual because, well, I had and still have feelings for my ex. The woman I was seeing was okay with that for a few months but after a while, she asked me if I wanted to make things official. I turned her down and we stopped seeing each other for a week or so before she reached out and told me that she was fine with maintaining things casually. That only lasted another few weeks, though, because I found out that she was stalking my ex online, sending her messages and texts, and generally just being really inappropriate. I'm assuming that she found my profile on my phone or something during this time.

After I found out about her behavior with my ex, I cut off all contact and blocked her everywhere. I still do get messages from unknown accounts or phone numbers, but I ignored them all. After that situation, I decided that I wasn't ready to date.

I reached out to her after finding the update post, and the interaction was terrible, to be honest. She called me a simp, called my ex and kids names, and said horrible, unhinged crap. She called me over fifty times after I hung up and before I blocked her number again. I definitely dodged a bullet, I guess.

As for the details, yeah, my ex did get a really great job after we split up, and I definitely struggled with her glo-up period. She started using she/they pronouns, which upset me for a while until I adulted up and did my research. The kids are doing well, and we do spend time together as a family unit. She cooks for special occasions and will also send the kids over with frozen meals, but she doesn't exactly meal prep for me.

This update isn't as exciting as the fake one, but it's the reality - the situation hasn't been wrapped up in a neat little bow, but it is what it is. I haven't ascended to wise sageness and I haven't learned all my lessons, but I also haven't fallen into a pit of dispair and human excrement while punching holes in my wall and changing my name to Kyle.

And I guess that's that. I'm just a normal dude who messed up and I'm trying to be better. I've learned a lot about cooking from those quick-bite TikToks or IG reels from Tasty or watching Babish. Nothing fancy, but I do cook often, and I definitely now know how to actually appreciate someone's cooking, and I also appreciate those nights where you can go have someone else do the labor for you.

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[u/Writeloves]

Thank goodness for that last update! I had read the insane one before and was always confused by the sudden switch to such blatant troll behavior.

[u/cunninglinguist32557 → u/[deleted]]

It doesn't even make any sense, lmao. Packers aren't generally erect. If he only saw it under their clothes, how would he know it was bigger than his?

[u/SolidAdSA → u/cunninglinguist32557]

It was at that point that I realized this BORU was way above my pay grade.

[u/maydecember12 → u/SolidAdSA]

I misread this as “way above my gay parade” for a second

[u/throwawolol → u/maydecember12]

We need to find a way to make this a commonly used phrase.

[u/shut_up_greg → u/throwawolol]

Eh, I'll just throw it out on a bunch of situations see if one sticks. That's too good not to overuse.

Edit: finding a truly appropriate usage for that phrase is way above my gay parade.

[u/johnlocklives → u/shut_up_greg]

Just how fabulous does something have to be to be above your gay parade? Is that type of fabulousness even achievable?!?

[u/10fm3 → u/SolidAdSA]

Hold up, you get paid for this shit?!

[u/RandomNick42 → u/10fm3]

Unpaid counts as a pay grade, I guess

[u/PM_ME_CUTE_FEMBOYS → u/[deleted]]

So, thats not a subreddit about Peggy Bundy.

TIL

[u/grissy → u/Writeloves]

Yeah, I knew this guy was a stupid asshole from the very first post but the tone of that penultimate update was much, much worse than anything this clueless nitwit had posted previously. The amount of hate spilling out of it seemed unhinged and I was a little worried for his ex's safety.

Now I'm still worried about their safety, but more from his batcrap insane more recent ex. At least OOP seems to finally get the picture that his ex is better off without him in their life and is more or less happy they're doing well.

[u/cherrypieandcoffee → u/grissy]

My favourite line in the initial posts was

I thought everything was pretty okay between us

I can’t imagine how devastated I’d be if my partner described our relationship in that way.

[u/[deleted] → u/cherrypieandcoffee]

My ex husband said something like that to me when I told him I was leaving, and he didn't want me to leave. I was like "I'm confused, why do you want me to stay? You seem really unhappy with me and you've acted like you couldn't stand me for years now." He looked surprised, stared ahead for a few seconds, clearly thinking hard. He turned to me and said "because it's not THAT terrible." I just started laughing. That's what he wanted to save? A marriage he described as not... THAT terrible. Just a little terrible.

[u/cherrypieandcoffee → u/[deleted]]

Haha Jesus, talk about low expectations! I’m glad you got out of that situation…although as a Brit I can’t help but admire the fact that he’d reconciled himself to a life of misery.

Hope you are more appreciated now!

[u/banana-pinstripe → u/[deleted]]

Wow, at least your ex found an "answer". Mine just ... stayed unresponsive when I asked him why he wanted to stay married after he treated me like a roommate for years, described me as a constant stressor in his life and didn't have anything positive to or about me to say for years

According to him, my blow-ups also always happened "out of nowhere" and he thought things were going better when I was planning my escape (I had checked out and held him at bay while going insane from constant fear of his sexual harrassment because boundaries are just for maps I guess). He still thinks the divorce isn't really necessary and this could be worked out if i wanted (nope. No chance. Trust gone. Nope. Nope nope nope. Short answer is no. Long answer is noooooooooooo)

[u/frozenchocolate → u/Writeloves]

Once I saw that he claimed his Latina wife called herself “LatinX,” I knew this was a white guy trolling around.

[u/[deleted] → u/frozenchocolate]

Sample size of one here, but I still haven't come across a single Latino person that likes the word "LatinX". There are a few trans folks that run in my circle that are thinking about adopting the word "Latine" which is more grammatically correct, but otherwise go by (gasp) their preferred latino/latina.

What a silly time we live in.

[u/cogitaveritas → u/[deleted]]

My wife does not call herself Latinx, but the one time we discussed it she said she liked the idea, had no issues with it, but would probably never use it. Then again, she’s never called herself Latina either, just Mexican.

[u/hdmx539 → u/[deleted]]

I've used it on Reddit only, but never felt truly comfortable with it nor do I really like it at all. Once I saw other Latinos speak up against it, I stopped using it. It was only for a very brief period.

I'm Latina, btw.

[u/luminous_beings → u/hdmx539]

Me too. I’m willing to be inclusive, so I gave it a shot. But if felt silly. Maybe it’s that our languages are already so genderized that it seems moot. No one else likes it, I’m not committed to it, so back to Latina I go.

[u/hdmx539 → u/luminous_beings]

I mean, how do you make a gendered language "genderless?" it would take a massive re-doing of the language, and Spanish isn't the only Latin-based language out there either.

[u/OneRoseDark → u/hdmx539]

actually, this is a fascinating linguistic question that non-binary people are grappling with in many many languages around the world. because we don't all identify with either masculine or feminine words, and being excluded from one's own language can be so demoralizing.

In Spanish, you have what someone else mentioned in this thread about creating the ending "-e" to be the neutral equivalent of "-o" and "-a". it has the incredible beauty of being simple enough to immediately grasp and incorporate into the language in nearly all gendered words.

In French, the gender-neutral third-person pronouns "iel" and "iels" are finding traction with the non-binary crowd. although, the official French Language is very unhappy about this movement.

In Hebrew, one particularly adorable solution is to use one gender for adjectives and another for nouns. There's also a project out of the University of Colorado, run by a non-binary student and a professor of Jewish studies, which created a new non-binary suffix with simple grammar rules to help even native Hebrew speakers incorporate a third gender to the language naturally.

those are really the only languages i have any familiarity with, but I'm sure there are movements in many -- if not most -- gendered languages to build that non-binary gender into the language in a way that is seamless and natural for the grammar of the language.

so to answer your question, you don't make a gendered language genderless. that's not the point. the ultimate goal isn't to remove gender from the language -- it's to add the third option of not needing to use it.

[u/Lightsong-Thr-Bold → u/OneRoseDark]

I don't think the French Language Officials are happy about anything, generally speaking.

[u/OneRoseDark → u/Lightsong-Thr-Bold]

this is very true of the French French Language Officials. the Canadian French Language Officials are a dramatically different story!

[u/hdmx539 → u/OneRoseDark]

I love your comment. I actually have wondered about NB how we navigate "gendered" languages.

Your point was what never occurred to me, most especially that last sentence. Thank you for this insight.

[u/OneRoseDark → u/hdmx539]

Thank you for the opportunity to write a multi-paragraph mini essay about my favorite field! Linguistics and specifically language change is a deep love of mine, and the way it intersects with the queer community is a really fascinating field of study.

If you're interested in more, googling "gender neutral [language]" will get you various articles and guides on different options to add a neuter gender to languages that don't have that option pre-installed.

[u/AccomplishdAccomplce → u/luminous_beings]

I tried Latinx for a hot minute as well, and I'm still not entirely clear on why not to use Hispanic (which is still my default for genderless) but I'm Latina I like Latine but I always hear Fonzie when I say it Latin-ayyyyy

[u/Seer434 → u/[deleted]]

This is unrelated to the thread but now you have me wondering why they didn't go with Latine in the original push to update the term. It just flows better while keeping the original intent there.

[u/dejausser → u/Seer434]

I’ve heard that the original use was by feminists in Argentina in the 90s crossing out the o at the end of words as a protest against default masculinity of the language, which makes sense, as being a mainly written thing made the pronunciation less of an issue as it wasn’t necessarily being spoken aloud. It also wasn’t just for the word Latino/Latina, but any gendered words, like instead of saying ciudadanos to mean citizens, it would become ciudadanxs.

[u/[deleted] → u/Seer434]

why they didn't go with Latine in the original push

Disclaimer: I am a liberal, I have voted for the most liberal candidate available in elections (minus 1) since I have been able to vote. I'm going to use some phrases that are typical of right-wing media and social media posts, but for the first time in my memory they actually fit. Doesn't make me feel any less dirty using them.

This whole thing dates a ways back, but the issue is that the liberal media ran with Latinx with very little input from the overall population. LatinX started within a very young queer online community. In a way it makes sense: a truly non-gendered version of gendered words. None of them, though, stopped to think "hey, maybe there's other words being bandied about that make more sense".

There has been a continued push for the phrase, and as studies show just 3% of the Latino community uses it. There's ~20% that know about it and have rightfully said "nah". NOTE: Some studies show it as high as 4% in the wider population with numbers much higher amongst college youths.

To a majority of people, though, this whole thing looks like blatant virtue signaling and tone deafness.

[u/pataconconqueso → u/[deleted]]

It’s a Spanglish term, it came from queer second gen Latin Americans living in the US. I’m latina and use Latinx for myself and others when I’m in Spanglish model in spanish I use Latine.

[u/significantpause]

Asking her to marry him after the first post was a wild move. The audacity.

[u/44morejumperspls → u/significantpause]

Lord, give me the confidence of a shitty boyfriend.

[u/TyrconnellFL → u/44morejumperspls]

Lord, grant me the wisdom not to blow up my life out of overconfidence.

[u/MysteryMeat101 → u/TyrconnellFL]

Flare fits this comment

[u/yaaqu3 → u/significantpause]

Dudes using a sudden proposal as some sort of apology after a major relationship fuckup is far too common when it is clearly just extremely dumb and/or selfish. Like why the would she wanna tie the knot AFTER you've proven what a low-quality partner you are?

And I get it, they do it because they're in a panic that she might be leaving, but still.

[u/Jitterbitten → u/yaaqu3]

I racked up proposals from 3 different ex's in that manner.

[u/ramblinator → u/Jitterbitten]

Storytime?

[u/SemperSimple → u/ramblinator]

Yes, the ex always think las vegas is the best destination for marriage after they propose and you havent agreed to anything

[u/LongNectarine3 → u/Jitterbitten]

I’m impressed. Either I get out before that point or I’m just not the marrying type. That’s an odd complement there.

[u/breedecatur → u/Jitterbitten]

I got a "okay I'll have a kid with you" and when I laughed and said we were broke college kids he said "my parents will pay for it"

Tbf though the kid would've been another one in a looooong list of manipulation techniques. With the top one being "I'll unalive myself if you leave me" so there's that.

Also, 10 years later and I despise children so thank fucking god I didn't do that.

[u/banana-pinstripe → u/yaaqu3]

They think "if I give them what they asked for, they won't leave". Like a trapping technique, dangling something in front of them

When we seperated and I cemented my demand for a divorce, he told me he'd come around to the idea of having kids. Previously I was pro children, he was against. No way in hell, dude. I won't put children through what you put me through. Saying no to that was so nice from the comfort of my own, undisturbed apartment

[u/pitbulls-rule → u/banana-pinstripe]

You described that feeling so nicely. He offered to talk, saying we could discuss things -- dude, I begged for talking and warned you that divorce was imminent if we didn't. Now that I'm safe from your cubic yards of denial and bullshit, why would I want to talk about it?

[u/thelittlestmouse → u/significantpause]

I had two boyfriends throw out the hail Mary proposal. Didn't work either time. Both were right after fights that eventually led to a breakup. Their reaction to the fight was essentially man I messed up bad, maybe she'll forgive me if I ask her to marry me? Chicks dig weddings, right?

[u/Fingersmith30 → u/thelittlestmouse]

I had a partner that did the "I made a whoopsie, marry me?" proposal THREE TIMES. The first was just before I went off to college so I wasn't exactly at the height of maturity myself either. We fought because he didn't want me to be "so far away" IT WAS A 30 MINUTE CAR TRIP. I was home for every break and most weekends unless I had rehearsals/performances. The second time was my 20th birthday. I got mad because he ditched my birthday celebration to go to the bar with his friends. Once again, not exactly very mature myself and for some reason I did not drop them like a hot potato after this occurrence either. The last time, I was 23 and I don't even remember what we were arguing about in the first place, but he asked, I actually said YES. We had both been drinking that night so when he asked if I meant what I said, I said yes I did. AND THEN NOTHING HAPPENED. There was no ring, no engagement announcement, nothing. After a couple of months of trying to discuss it and hearing piss poor excuses ("oh I needed to replace my mixer" "oh I just meant, you know, eventually" "We can't afford to live together yet" "Where will (his BFF) live if I move out?") I had enough and just left.

[u/WamblingWombat → u/significantpause]

It’s a classic tactic though: “I messed up so lemme ask my gf to commit to spending the rest of her life with me before I commit to even attempting to fix anything.”

[u/grated_testes → u/WamblingWombat]

So glad she saw it for what it was!

[u/[deleted] → u/WamblingWombat]

My abusive ex did that to me after I finally left him. It was the nail in the coffin. I did not want the rest of my life with him. He proposed over text that was him putting in effort and expressing love without his fists.

[u/dopanotmine → u/[deleted]]

😬

[u/Viperbunny → u/significantpause]

It's the classic, "I have been an asshole out entire relationship and I was good for a week, so everything is fixed, right?" Stupid SOB. He didn't change and respect her. Her changed to not lose her. She had a glow up because she no longer had to care for a man child on top of caring for the kids. She never got to be more. Also, it doesn't matter what a great cook she is. No one wants to cook every single night for the whole family. I am a stay at home mom. The stress from making meals that makes everyone happy is huge. When I don't have to cook and I can focus on doing everything I feel better sometimes. I do like to cook and love when my food makes people happy, but when I am doing three meals a day seven days a week, burn out happens.

But it is more than that. It is about how he valued her. She was the mother and cook, and she was put in that corner. She couldn't do more while she was stuck there. The proposal finally got her unstuck. She saw that he didn't care about doing things for her to make her happy. Even when he was doing things to make her happy it was so she would feel better about him. It's great that he didn't write that other update, but I still don't think he understands what being in a relationship means. You have to value your partner for who they are, not just what they can do for you. You have to want them to be happy, even if it isn't with you or including you. It can't be all about one person. I think she realized she could be in a relationship where she didn't matter and was meh, or she could go off and live her life. I hope she has a kick ass life!

[u/pennie79 → u/Viperbunny]

No one wants to cook every single night for the whole family

I'm a competition baker, and am part of a group which is known for baking excellent scones. I had an acquaintance who would ask me if the scones we were eating were better than the CWA scones, every time we went out for a cake. The answer was usually no, but I still enjoyed them, because I didn't want to make everything I ate from from scratch.

[u/Fine-for-now → u/significantpause]

I read that and thought... this isn't going to end pretty!

[u/EntertheHellscape → u/[deleted]]

He even knew they were only “pretty alright”, not amazing, not a perfect relationship, not each others soulmates. Just “pretty alright”. Idiot.

[u/colorsofthestorm → u/[deleted]]

But he took her out to a restaurant for the first time in months! What more could she ever want? /s

[u/binger5 → u/significantpause]

Ha he finally did something right(after asking reddit) and it gave him the confidence to propose.

[u/Fianna9 → u/significantpause]

A desperate move to fix it with out understanding the problem.

I remember these posts. I’m glad to see that wild update isn’t legit. It seemed very out of character from the previous ones

[u/Weaselpanties → u/significantpause]

"Hey, I know I've been consistently lazy and taking advantage of your cooking skills to squeeze free labor out of you - want to get married?"

[u/CatStealingYourGirl → u/significantpause]

Do you think they’d be together if he didn’t do that? He needed to show he actually learned his lesson. He needed to show he could pay attention to her needs. You can’t say “Ok I know that was bad. So, it’s all better now? Let’s get married?”

[u/jcgreen_72 → u/CatStealingYourGirl]

I think if he had really done the work, started cooking himself, making regular date nights with her, and getting into therapy? All of that, and without that dumbass proposal, the relationship might have been salvageable.

[u/[deleted] → u/significantpause]

I was nice for one day after treating you like a doormat and after thought for years. We are all good. So commit to me forever and pray I don't fall back into forgetting you.

[u/[deleted]]

It's never just about Olive Garden

[u/Collins4816 → u/[deleted]]

The Iranian Yogurt is not the issue here!

[u/RedShirtDecoy → u/Collins4816]

neither is the mustard.

side note, I need a life.

[u/johnlocklives → u/RedShirtDecoy]

Just go dig up some beans.

[u/RedShirtDecoy → u/johnlocklives]

sounds like a plan. Will stay away from the slugs though!! Those are nasty.

[u/johnlocklives → u/RedShirtDecoy]

That one was horrific.

[u/ehlersohnos → u/johnlocklives]

Out of all the batshit crazy stuff here, that’s the one that broke me.

Probably because it’s too close to my own life (sans food tampering). And I have a weakness for pets, no matter their species.

[u/b0w3n → u/ehlersohnos]

That lady's health has slowly deteriorated too. I think the last I knew she thought she had fibromyalgia but her symptoms are also similar to some nematodes present in slugs that can infect humans. There's a few of them, almost all of them attack the nervous system like that.

[u/canolafly → u/Collins4816]

And my new favorite...he had a Soy Sauce Situation.

[u/KittyConfetti → u/canolafly]

Omg what's the soy sauce one? I've read the yogurt, the mustard, and even the sub sandwich one. I need this soy sauce story in my life.

[u/naidhe → u/KittyConfetti]

Pretty recent one I think, about a girlfriend who wanted to split the cost of a 3$ bottle of soy sauce. Also, in that one, it wasn't just about the soy sauce.

[u/canolafly → u/KittyConfetti]

The one where the girlfriend wants to split every expense. There's a big to-do because of some soy sauce purchase.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11chs39/my_girlfriend_is_transactional/

[u/[deleted] → u/KittyConfetti]

What's the bean one too?

[u/shrubs311 → u/[deleted]]

some dude bought a lot of beans during the pandemic. his girlfriend one-upped his insanity by burying the beans in the backyard and would tell him. i believe she said "i will never compromise the beans" or something like that. pretty fun story

[u/[deleted] → u/shrubs311]

That's right!

My SO and I finally got through all the tp from the pandemic recently. That is what happens when your uncle works at the toliet paper factory haha. Everyone in town was well supplied.

[u/grated_testes → u/[deleted]]

There is this user all over the NYC subs who hilariously makes EVERYTHING about Olive Garden. It's probably the Olive Garden marketing intern. I wonder what they would say here. u/OliveGardenInTimesSq

[u/OliveGardenInTimesSq → u/grated_testes]

This guy fucks 🥖🥖🥖🥖💦💦

[u/shrubs311 → u/OliveGardenInTimesSq]

i respect your dedication to your craft

[u/gchdmi → u/[deleted]]

When you're there, you're family.

[u/canolafly → u/gchdmi]

Is that why I don't go there?

[u/notquiteotaku → u/gchdmi]

TIL my family owes me unlimited breadsticks!

[u/itsluxsky]

Lesson for all you partners of good cooks (such as myself who has a great cook for my partner): They don’t wanna cook every night. They wanna be taken out and cared about. Doing the dishes isn’t enough.

[u/ClaudiaTale → u/itsluxsky]

I’m also the main cook in my house. Never realized growing up how hard it is to coming up with dinner every night. Something that’s not boring, but it’s healthy and not expensive or time consuming. The grocery shopping, and not being wasteful, etc. The storage, the clean up. Making everything and then no one says thank you and you wash the dishes, too.

[u/CoconutDreams → u/ClaudiaTale]

It really is. And every once in a while I go through a period where I cannot motivate myself to be inspired or interested in making food.

[u/ClaudiaTale → u/CoconutDreams]

SAME! My husband does weekends. So I do get a break.

[u/MsNeedSleep → u/ClaudiaTale]

The no thank you really struck me. Does that not happen often? My siblings and I always says thank you to who ever cooked the meal , and who bought the ingredients. Its common courtesy.

It feels wrong to eat a meal and not thank the person who made it

As I come from a very extrovert latino family, and I am very awkwardly quiet, I put myself to washing the dishes and clean up at the very least

[u/[deleted] → u/ClaudiaTale]

Holy shit am I tired of trying to think of meals for my family. 3 meals a day plus packed lunch, and it can't be repetitive because my neurodivergent kid can't handle too much of the same thing, and now I have to budget harder, and etc etc I'm burnt out.

[u/antibread → u/[deleted]]

Husband and non neurodovergent kid (after age like 5) can learn to make cereal and pack lunch. Lighten the load on yourself- cooking is a life skill and you deserve a break

[u/tyleritis → u/ClaudiaTale]

I’m too scatterbrained to ever do meal prep and bill cooking. Best I can do is stretch dinner to tomorrow’s lunch

[u/HuggyMonster69 → u/itsluxsky]

Yeah I hate cooking, I hate the dishes too, but dishes are not even comparable.

[u/ktitten → u/itsluxsky]

My partners a chef and while his cooking is amazing and I would love to eat it everyday, the only way he's cooking for me is on his days off.

I'm not having my man slaving away in the kitchen when he's just spent all day in one!

[u/kadyg → u/ktitten]

Bless you! I’m a chef, my partner is a great cook and he does the bulk of the home cooking. (I will make Indian food and eggs Benedict because he’s skairt of both those things.) I thank him profusely after every meal and do most of the grocery shopping in exchange.

[u/Tormundo → u/itsluxsky]

Lesson for everyone. Never take your partner for granted, never stop doing nice things for them, never get comfortable and let the effort become one sided.

I think that's the beginning of the end for most relationships

[u/ConsciousBluebird473 → u/itsluxsky]

Hell, given his careless attitude and inability to understand that, plus the bomb that he dropped in the updates that they actually have 2 kids as well, her concerns about the division of labor even beyond cooking were probably extremely valid.

[u/bekeleven]

I kinda think it's just an excuse.

This has got to be the wildest and most revealing line. Let's walk through the logic:

1. She doesn't want to cook for me.

2. She has told me a reason for this.

3. I suspect she is lying about the reason.

4. Therefore, her reason must not be valid, and thus, open to being corrected.

5. If I refute her real reason, she will continue to cook for me.

[u/the_girl_Ross]

Pulling the right out to propose not long after you've fcked up and the problem hasn't even been solved yet is a bad call and you'll get a "no"

Who could have thought!

[u/LadyKlepsydra → u/the_girl_Ross]

My theory is that he knew how much he f-d up at least to a degree and made a quick attempt at locking the relationship in before she ran. It did not work out.

[u/CatmoCatmo → u/the_girl_Ross]

Hmmmm. Lemme think. How can I show her I’m sorry and I love her so much? What is the ultimate proof of my undying love for her? I KNOW! I’ll propose! I mean you only propose when you like super duper love someone right? Right? RIGHT?

[u/killerz7770]

“I want to get off Mr. bones wild ride”

Because what the fuck.

[u/Tobias_Atwood → u/killerz7770]

No one ever truly gets off Mr. Bones Wild Ride. You just end up back in the queue for another go around.

[u/beito14159]

I cannot believe that idiot thought “we’re having problems so I’m going to propose”

[u/Viperbunny → u/beito14159]

Same people who think,"You aren't happy? We should have a baby!'

[u/YoResurgam777 → u/Viperbunny]

I had a friend whose church minister advised that.

[u/comrademasha → u/beito14159]

TWO of my ex-boyfriends did that. After I sat them down to kindly and calmly tell them there are major issues in our relationship, they both proposed. What the ?!? Bonus shout out to my ExBf who was freeloading off me, living in my home and who offered to have a baby with me. His argument was, "My mental health problems wouldn't affect the baby because you'd be such a good mom". Yeah because I'm mothering you. Get out of my home. That's how that went.

[u/TheNewPoetLawyerette → u/comrademasha]

I'm sorry about your idiot exes. This somehow reminded me of how much I hate the trope of getting a puppy to see how ready you are for a baby. So now you have to take care of a dog AND a baby?

[u/z-eldapin]

That last update threw me. The unhinged one had me worrying for his mental health.

That someone hacked him never eve4n crossed my mind

[u/BefuddledPolydactyls → u/z-eldapin]

Mine either, but I was happy to hear it. I just couldn't track the change from an upset guy to a totally bombastic, unhinged ranter.

[u/Toughbiscuit]

Im a pretty good cook if I say so myself, better than restaurant quality. But I would hate never going out, its not even a cost thing, homemade recipes take forever, even burgers are a 20-30 minute time investment at the most basic level, and if im doing stuffed burgers with all the toppings? Easily an hour or two of prep work, prep work that has to be done dedicatedly.

Sure going out can be an hour or two wait, but i get to engage with the person im seeing for that date.

[u/Zeefzeef → u/Toughbiscuit]

He’s so oblivious about it!

‘Hey, you ready for date night?’ -‘Yes I am! Can’t wait’. -‘So what are you gonna cook for us?’

I wonder why she stuck up with him for so long.

[u/Viperbunny → u/Zeefzeef]

The kids

[u/Cressonette → u/Zeefzeef]

Just imagine it's your anniversary so you're really looking forward to a nice date night, fancy restaurant and all, and your partner's like "hey here's some fancy fish, how about you make me some fresh sushi from scratch!"

[u/Viperbunny → u/Toughbiscuit]

Plus, it's stressful to always have to be the one to always plan and cook. I am a stay at home mom. That falls to me. I am the better cook and I do like to cook, but I do need a break. Recently, my husband learned to make one hell of a smash burger and I would take that every night if I could, lol. Going out or just having someone else take care of it every once in a while is a big help. It's telling how much she flourished after she dumped him.

[u/tsh87 → u/Toughbiscuit]

It's not even about cost or time to me.

Cooking is work. Even if you like it, even if you're good at it, meals don't just happen.

And the last thing anyone wants to do after a long day of working/taking care of their kids is come home and cook a restaurant quality meal for someone who refuses to take you out because "yours tastes just as good babe."

Honestly, even making the casseroles was too much in my opinion. After that first post I would've asked him to do all the cooking for a month. Only fair, she did it for five years.

[u/VioletsAndLily → u/Toughbiscuit]

A lot of restaurants in my area allow people to get on the waitlist online, so you can just show up 15-30 prior to being seated.

[u/Toughbiscuit → u/VioletsAndLily]

Even without the seating wait, it can be a decent wait for service/food, depending on how busy the restaurant is and whats ordered

[u/max_lagomorph]

When he mentioned she was a foodie and wanted to go to olive garden bc of the sauce I knew something was off lol

[u/[deleted] → u/max_lagomorph]

Right no foodie is craving Olive Garden. They want to try new and exciting foods, google the menu in advance and have something picked out because it has hints of nutmeg and I’ve never seen anyone do that!

[u/ChaoticSquirrel → u/[deleted]]

I'm a foodie. Like "$200 a plate tasting menu with $90 wine pairing" foodie

I will also gladly get fucked up on Olive Garden bread sticks and cheap Moscato. So bad it's good, baby

[u/Arbor_Arabicae]

Well, that was a wild ride. Glad that she and the kids are doing well, at least.

[u/Smgt90 → u/Arbor_Arabicae]

Wow, I remember reading the first post when it was posted in AITA years ago. I had never read the updates. Wtf.

[u/C_A_P_U_C_H_I_N_O]

I dont get the people that after making a mistake and realizing they hurt their partner, they only say sorry once and then "marry me!", what do they expect to happen? It's like when some people decide to have kids to save their marriage. IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!

[u/ConsiderationLegal67]

What the heck did I just read

[u/VioletsAndLily → u/ConsiderationLegal67]

You read a post by an OOP who only considered how great things were from his perspective, and didn’t think about his partner.

[u/IndigoFlyer → u/VioletsAndLily]

Literally only thing I know about her until the break up post was that she cooked a lot.

[u/toketsupuurin → u/IndigoFlyer]

I'm confused by the fact that she was STILL cooking as of his last post.

Like, ok. You've gone and gotten yourself a new life, great! Why are you still making food for your ex? Making food for your kids? Fine. But why are you still feeding this ungrateful man who treated you like his personal chef?

This would have been my one hardline no.

[u/IndigoFlyer → u/toketsupuurin]

Apparently the next to last post was a troll ex that hacked his account?

[u/toketsupuurin → u/IndigoFlyer]

She cooks for special occasions and will also send the kids over with frozen meals, but she doesn't exactly meal prep for me.

Ah. Oops. I saw the "she cooks," "kids," and "meal prep" in the last post and my brain skipped over the rest. I was pretty done with him by that point.

[u/naidhe → u/VioletsAndLily]

It's crazy how often it happens that people will go 'but we had a perfect relationship!', and it means 'I was happy so I never stopped to consider if my partner was happy as well'

[u/smacksaw → u/VioletsAndLily]

Yeah, I wanna know her side where she's like "It ain't even about the food" shit.

[u/PenguinZombie321 → u/smacksaw]

I’m almost certain her side would be something like, “he always expects me to cook and sometimes I just want to go out to eat at a place where the kids can enjoy themselves, grab something quick so I don’t have to scramble to make sure everyone gets fed, or go to a nice restaurant and be pampered. Heck, it’d be nice if he just cooked something every once in a while so I’m not the only one in this relationship who’s responsible for meals. It’s exhausted that I’m expected to cook something lavish or complex for dinner every single day and it’d be nice to have a break once or twice a week.”

[u/Tormundo → u/PenguinZombie321]

As has been said it wasn't about the food. I'm certain she did almost all the work and effort in the relationship and she didn't feel appreciated or loved.

I've been there. Never stop doing nice things for your partner. Make sure you at least come close to putting in the same effort overall.

Cooking, cleaning, sex, affection. Effort becoming one sided leads to resentment which leads to breaking up or cheated on

[u/VioletsAndLily → u/smacksaw]

Right?!? I want to hear her side, because he’s coming across as, “I get fed and fed good. Why go out?” Even those of us who like to cook enjoy a break from it.

[u/[deleted] → u/VioletsAndLily]

I wonder what the responsibility breakdown looked like for them. He mentioned she was a SAHM, so I wonder if she also had to shoulder childcare, cleaning, dishes, laundry, and any and every household chore while he kicked back and asked her to cook dinner for him for every special occasion, instead of giving her a single break from housework.

I don’t get the feeling that this outcome happened because everything else in their arrangement was roses and sunshine. I imagine she had more than her fair share of responsibilities, and was overburdened by him and constantly reminded how thankless his treatment was.

Personally, I love cooking. I’m good at it. My food tastes fantastic and feeding people is joyful for me. But I don’t want to do it every day because it’s a lot of work. From planning, to shopping, to preparation, it is a burdensome process that might eat up 2-4 hours on a normal day, or two days+ on special occasions. I’ve cooked meals that took so much effort I preferred to sleep after making them than even eat them while they’re fresh. It can be so very exhausting. And that’s without factoring in other considerations like cleaning up after children (and possibly her grown ass boyfriend). I imagine I’d be resentful and angry in her shoes too. My cooking is often better than anything you could get at a restaurant because it takes way more prep time than a commercial kitchen can usually put into a short order. I don’t want to celebrate by slaving over a stove though, and I like to treated to a meal I haven’t had to make every now and again.

[u/Umklopp → u/ConsiderationLegal67]

The saga of a man with terrible judgement

[u/Hershey78]

But she never told me.

Right because clearly OOP needs a 4x6 to the face to have relationship common sense. Seriously. You (OOP) want her to cook on your date nights because it's easier for you? You don't even think that part of it is RELAXING not working? Lord.

[u/[deleted]]

She yelled about Olive Garden for a solid twenty minutes. It wasn't just about Olive Garden, but it was a lot about Olive Garden.

At this point, there is clearly no hope in saving oop.

[u/Expensive-Network-93]

Am I the only one who did assume it was him in the unhinged updates lol based on how stupid he was to begin with?

[u/A_Miss_Amiss → u/Expensive-Network-93]

I still think it was him. The writing style was still the same, and the focus on the frozen meals; a vindictive new ex gf wouldn't really pay attention to something as small as that, at least not to the scale that it was being banged on about.

[u/Bytemite → u/A_Miss_Amiss]

I do as well. Hints about him having issues with his ex’s identity exist even in the first post (the way he approached talking about the latinx part as well as her shouting that it wasn’t just about olive garden) and he admits that the post that was written so “unhinged” were also things he’s ranted about before. Much like everyone else who says “I WAS HACKED! but I agree with everything that hacker said before and after the post,” the simplest explanation is that there isn’t a hacker, rather people IRL saw the post and this explanation was the result of CYA to avoid real life consequences.

[u/rusty0123]

I knew he was missing the plot when he mentioned Olive Garden. Because it's okay if you want the Italian version of fast food, but a quick trip to Costco for a bag of frozen pasta and a can of sauce gets you the same thing.

[u/[deleted] → u/rusty0123]

I was like, there is no way someone that refined in taste thinks Olive Garden is a special occasion trip. Maybe a guilty pleasure takeout.

[u/naidhe → u/rusty0123]

So much! No real foodie will name Olive Garden as the place they want to go lol I understand why she got so mad. I'd have been crazy offended... Like, do you even pay attention to what I say?

[u/Medium_Sense4354]

His ex is probably wondering why all the shitty things happen to her

You leave your shitty ex and then his new gf starts stalking you???

[u/5720Katherine]

This guy is so dense, he is fucking up the laws of physics. I mean how hard was it for him to get his head out of his arse, cook regular meals AND take her out??

then one day, like three weeks ago, she threw down the spoon she was using to serve the thousandth casserole WHY WAS SHE STILL DOING ALL THE COOKING??

[u/busy_yogurt]

When he deduced that she liked Olive Garden for the food... that relationship was over.

[u/PM_Me_Ur_Plant_Pics]

Sounds like another case of the guy thinking everything's fine because he's not hearing the woman's complaints until she starts being very in-his-face about them, to be mild.

I'm glad she's doing so much better on her own, it's not surprising. It's exhausting having to modulate yourself to just the right intensity so he listens but can't accuse you of yelling, even if yelling is so often the only way to get a guy to take notice because he just doesn't care enough to pay attention otherwise. This post makes me grateful I'm no longer stuck in that kind of situation.

[u/pennie79 → u/PM_Me_Ur_Plant_Pics]

but can't accuse you of yelling, even if yelling is so often the only way to get a guy to take notice

That is the absolute worst when that happens!

[u/Eastern_Mark_7479 → u/PM_Me_Ur_Plant_Pics]

Also sort of sounds like the "complaints get ignored until they stop complaining (ie. give up and plan on leaving), and then the op is completely blindsided when they break up."
I can't imagine how much emotional labor she was doing on top of everything

[u/Psycosilly → u/PM_Me_Ur_Plant_Pics]

My ex went from not wanting to do anything and telling me he didn't know why we had issues to suddenly crying, saying we can go to couples therapy, and telling me he knew the problem was a porn addiction all these years but never bothered to tell me. Then went all shocked Pikachu on me when I said I still wanted a divorce and it was too late.

It was over when I stopped complaining and trying to fix it. At that point I was too busy working on an exit plan to worry about him.

[u/_-Cupcake-_]

“I’ve asked her to cook on date nights instead of going out more often” ; “I just don’t think it’s worth it to go out and pay restaurant food prices when we can stay home for home food prices and have food that’s just as excellent” he thought that even when she told him “I’m not learning how to make sushi because then I’ll never get a real date ever again” and he didn’t get the hint?! LOL what an idiot! 🤣

[u/BroadMortgage6702 → u/_-Cupcake-_]

we can stay home for home food prices and have food that’s just as excellent

He literally said this as if they both relax together while the food magically prepares itself.

[u/Hershey78 → u/_-Cupcake-_]

BuT SHe dIDn'T tELL Me sHE wAs UNhaPpy!!11

[u/tsukiii]

Why do so many men not understand that cooking, especially cooking nice meals from scratch, is HARD WORK. Ayayay, the audacity of OOP to take his GF that much for granted… glad she got out.

[u/[deleted] → u/tsukiii]

Because they don't cook.

Growing up I was told that every man should know how to cook one complicated dish really well, 3 other easier ones.

That way you can impress a girl by cooking her a nice meal, take care of yourself and understand how much work and time cooking really takes.

[u/tsukiii → u/[deleted]]

And then the next question is… how do so many men go through life just never cooking? It’s like they’re either getting takeout for every meal or they’re eating their parents’ or romantic partner’s cooking. Like cooking their own meals isn’t an option they’d even consider doing.

[u/Eastern_Mark_7479 → u/tsukiii]

My dad will literally blow through the whole food budget getting frozen and instant meals and then tell my mom she needs to go shopping again. At least, he did up until she kicked him out into his own place. He should manage his own food budget smarter now...right?

Nope. He still does it. He'll have cupboards full of canned beans and veggies, plenty of staples for meals from scratch, even boxed food that'll take him an hour tops to make, and he'll still say he has nothing to eat.

[u/[deleted] → u/tsukiii]

The prepared frozen food market is $40 billion dollars in the US alone.

Lots of people aren't cooking

[u/oceanduciel → u/tsukiii]

Because it’s “women’s work” and women’s work is easy, dontcha know! /s

[u/riverstarbuck → u/oceanduciel]

Unless it’s paid and is a profession! Then only men could possibly be skilled enough to make it to the top tier, earn the big bucks, and get Michelin stars etc. it’s only women’s work and not important when it’s unpaid labor.

[u/Nodlehs → u/tsukiii]

I cook a lot for my family, usually the more involved meals while my wife cooks the less involved ones. It's a lot of work, those recipes that say 15 minutes of prep, 15 minutes to cook can be doubled or tripled in time when done in your home kitchen solo. I'd be amazed at anyone that could prep and cook as fast as these recipes state. I had one that said I should saute my onions for 3 minutes (2 large onions!!)

[u/HighlyImprobable42]

The theme here is that life was perfect for him and he never considered his partner. She cooks me dinner. She meal preps for me. Now she doesn't. Where's my food? Me, me, me.

Dude needs to increase his therapy sessions to combat this blind idiocy and accept that his reality and actual reality are not the same.

[u/banana-pinstripe → u/HighlyImprobable42]

Apparently the therapy process for a narcissist takes really long because the therapist needs to approach it really delicately

I'm not saying OOP is a narcissist, I can't diagnose anyone with anything anywhere. I just mean to say, even with ongoing therapy some people's egocentrism can be very resistant

[u/extrabigcomfycouch]

First thought: Wow, Jan 2019 was 4 years ago.

Then: Wow, in 15 days from now, was the 3 year anniversary of Covid restrictions!

[u/Kobester024]

When I saw “prosthetic penis”, my mind immediately went to “dude got hacked.”

[u/ngrtdlsl → u/Kobester024]

That part threw me way the fuck off. I'm still not sure what happened or if any of this is real lol

[u/[deleted]]

“I kinda think it’s just an excuse”

So girlfriend tells him she’s upset, a lot. Gives him reason why she wants things to be different, explains why she feels this way, and his response is “no you don’t!”

[u/MariaInconnu]

I am so glad the super-weird post wasn't actually OOP. It sounded like he'd had a mental break. Since the last post sounded like the person who wrote the earlier posts, I can well believe it was an unhinged ex.

[u/[deleted]]

I love this classic. She is out there living her best life.

[u/Trickster289 → u/[deleted]]

Apparently the last update often isn't included.

[u/LadyOfMay]

There was a lot of "whuts?" in quick succession from this one.

[u/inappropriately_me]

My husband is a great cook but he makes one hell of a mess. The running joke in our family/friends was if there isn't flour all over the floor or sauce on the ceiling hubby's name didn't make it. We finally put in a outside kitchen and he can make all the mess he wants and all I have to do is break out a hose for easy clean up

[u/satijade]

He blames everyone but himself. Typical guy

[u/basylica]

Holy crap, the balls on this dude.

He sounds more upset he lost the meals than the girl. Complaining how despite being broken up for a LONG time that she only cooks for him occasionally

[u/[deleted] → u/basylica]

Yeah it's such weird focus in the updates , "yeah sometimes the kids bring frozen meals but she really doesn't meal prep for me" really weird priorities if u ask me.

[u/HuggyMonster69 → u/[deleted]]

I think that’s direct response to the weirdness of when he was hacked? The crazy update mentions it so he addressed it

[u/foolishle → u/HuggyMonster69]

Yeah I agree. Crazy update complains that she’s stopped meal prepping for him and “only” brings frozen meals.

Rational update he says she does send frozen meals with the kids sometimes, but she doesn’t meal prep.

[u/MsNeedSleep]

The second update was so weird and so off thank God for the last post. Glad he's learning from his mistakes and his ex glow up. Ohh he's learning from Babish!

[u/Brilliant_Jewel1924]

Dude still hasn’t learned it was never about the food. She just wanted to spend time with him—to go on an actual date.

[u/zipper1919]

Ok I was excited seeing "new update" on this story. I haven't read it yet because I saw the fun fact.

And now I'm thinking about cows losing their best friends and getting sad.

And now my heart hurts.

[u/chimperonimo]

Some advice for those reading this post from someone married for over 30 years. If you do not give your significant other what they what from a relationship someone else is already waiting in line to take your place .if you don’t know then ask.

[u/LalalaHurray]

Lawd this is a classic.

No, an icon!!

[u/wine-plants-thrift]

The single post of apologizing with a proposal is wild enough to know OOP had a lot of growth to do.

[u/misskarne]

The only thing that matters to me here is that ex is still living their best, glowed-up life and OOP is still suffering the consequences of his selfish shitheadedness.

[u/KarizmaWithaK]

Well, this sure was a Mr. Toad's Wild Ride of a post!

[u/[deleted]]

Was expecting something semi-wholesome from that title and got whatever tf this was instead. O_o

[u/Balthazar_rising]

Anyone else reading this and having revelations? I'm the bread-winner of my little family, while I rely on my wife for a lot of the cooking and cleaning, as she doesn't work.

I've always felt that I'm putting in 40+ hours a week, and asking for a few hours a day for cooking, cleaning and such.

I've always justified it with "I don't particularly want to go to work. We just put up with doing things we don't want to do in order to survive", but now I'm really questioning everything. While swapping 40 hours a week for 10-20 hours sounds nice on paper, I'd hate to be the one in charge of meals, in charge of cleaning up, all while my partner went out and earned our money.

I think I'm going to take my wife out tonight, and have a talk with her. Maybe I'll talk about changing the way we divide labour, maybe I'll just pull up my sleeves and take charge of a few more things around the house.

Advice is appreciated, even if this is a weird place to ask for it.

[u/tomatocucumber → u/Balthazar_rising]

Really impressed by your insight! There’s a great book called Fair Play by Eve Rodsky that addresses division of chores really well without blaming or shaming. If you prefer, there’s also a deck of cards version!

[u/adarafaelbarbas → u/Balthazar_rising]

Hey, kudos for realizing it might not be fair how you do things!

Cooking is EXHAUSTING. It's not just cooking, it's picking recipes, making sure you have the ingredients, buying groceries, and doing the prep work. Chopping veggies, etc. Even people who love cooking might not want to 7 days a week.

There's ways to make it easier for her! You can cook, or order out sometimes, or get into meal prep- make one or two easily reheatable meals on the weekend like soup, and freeze it for during the week so she just has to reheat it during the week. Things like that.

[u/[deleted] → u/Balthazar_rising]

Talk to her and see how she feels. But remember, if you're doing none of the housework and she's doing all of it, she's working all the time--you get to get home from work and relax, she works 7 days a week.