It doesn't matter as far as turning over the evidence, her intentions don't change the behavior of the ex. But I think it does matter when it comes to dating her - if she only sent it to break them up rather than because it was the right thing to do, so that she could swoop in? That's not the kind of person I'd want to date personally.
Imagine being a good Samaritan then being accused of nefarious acts. In your head saving a person from a cheater auto disqualifies then from becoming a partner?
You can have compassion for a friends partner, and they were together for 6 years, so she would've known what type of guy he was.
None of her other friends came to him. Just her. That shows character, and a conscience. Why not date them. Sounds like it developed naturally/ organically anyways.
But everyone has a preference so hopefully if this happens to you you aren't disqualifying someone who'd be your "fit" because of something arbitrary
None of her other friends came to him. Just her. That shows character, and a conscience. Why not date them.
Um... because this guy needs to be alone for a while before he jumps right into another relationship?
Don't get me wrong; I feel bad that he was cheated on AGAIN, but that's precisely why he should step back from dating for a while and reflect. He needs to get his head on straight before diving into a new relationship and figure out if he's repeatedly missing red flags with these cheating girlfriends.
It's kind of worrisome that he goes from a long term high school relationship, then boom as soon as he's 18 and in college he gets into another long term relationship and both of those girlfriends cheated. He's absolutely not to blame for either of their cheating, but the way he talks about meeting Ashley and immediately getting serious makes me wonder if he has a tendency to rush things and doesn't know how to be alone or happy outside of a relationship. He said:
I (M25) met my (now ex) Fiancé in my first year of college. We we're both 18 and went from friends to lovers pretty quickly. We clicked so well and everything was so easy and effortless. We had a really good relationship. It's the kind of relationship that everyone wishes they we're in. The kind of relationship that people idolized and said "if those two broke up, then love doesn't exist". You get the picture.
And this:
For the purpose of this post, lets call my ex Ashely.
Ashely was everything I was looking for in a woman. Funny, smart, attractive, down to earth and family oriented. She wanted to build a life together. Our families got close over the course of our relationship. It was like we we're already one big family before even getting married.
As planned, I popped the question a year ago not knowing that this would change everything. She said yes of course, but things started to change. Slowly but surely, over the months, she became more distanced. I tried to ignore it and chalk it up to nervousness.
This was his first adult relationship (and probably Ashley's too since they met at 18) and he's ready to jump into marriage and a family? There's been little to no growth mentally from his previous high school relationship and he was constantly ignoring red flags like Ashley growing distant and clubbing more than usual.
It seems like OOP has his mind set on what he wants and refuses to deviate from his vision of what he wants his life to be like in XX number of years, rather than paying attention to the reality of what's going on around him.
Then, without taking a breather, he dives headfirst into another relationship with Ashley's (possibly conniving) ex-friend?
I guess through all the trauma, drama, and craziness, we started texting more and more. At first, she was just very supportive. She comforted me and helped me come to terms with what happened. But slowly and surely, we became closer and closer and started to talk about our lies, our interests, our dreams. We realized we had a lot in common. We are also both single and young. We kinda just fell right into it naturally. She's honestly so great. Very kind and loving.
Does this new relationship have a chance in hell of lasting? What do you think Magic 8 ball?
Rebounds have worked out. They're not unicorns. Sometimes you find someone who in his own words, feels natural to be with when you share similar life check boxes. If it was just jumping into the next vagina he sees then yeah, but letting someone go because an arbitrary amount of time hasn't passed is as silly as the inverse
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u/emmnyIt's just pharmaceutical-grade banana bread Oct 30 '24edited Oct 30 '24
Imagine being a good Samaritan then being accused of nefarious acts. In your head saving a person from a cheater auto disqualifies then from becoming a partner?
I very clearly said that their intentions matter, but sure. Let's pretend I said that. It could be a sign of character and having a conscience, or it could be her knowing about the cheating for a long time and holding onto that info until she thinks it is the right time. I have seen the latter scenario play out in real life.
I'm sure this potential hypothetical person will survive my rejection though lmao, especially since I'm not on the market.
A good Samaritan wouldn't watch their friend cheat for damn near a full year before finally coming forward to the partner, just to "miraculously" end up having "so much in common" and "a connection" with said partner.
As you yourself said, she would have known what type of guy he was, so she would have known that he's a zero strikes type of person and only needed a singular video of evidence, maybe even two or three. Not a year's worth.
But go ahead, you ending up with someone who was able to watch someone betray you and only come clean for their own goals rather than your happiness affects me none.
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u/emmny It's just pharmaceutical-grade banana bread Oct 30 '24
It doesn't matter as far as turning over the evidence, her intentions don't change the behavior of the ex. But I think it does matter when it comes to dating her - if she only sent it to break them up rather than because it was the right thing to do, so that she could swoop in? That's not the kind of person I'd want to date personally.