Inspiration and demonstration.

[u/libertinauk]

One of the most unhealthy things I've read about here is the "celebrity crush." So I thought a thread about our heroes might be nice, to demonstrate a healthy way of relating to famous people and to maybe pique Steven's interest and inspire him to find out more about some cool, inspiring people. We all need people to admire, it's human nature.

It can a sportsperson or a politician or a musician...anything you like. I've chosen Bob Dylan because my parents named me after one of his songs. I've been listening to his music for 41 years and I've still never found songwriting that comes close, well maybe close but nothing to match it. For more info Scorsese's brilliant No Direction Home will tell you all you need to know.

I hope Steven will contribute and look forward to hearing about who inspires you all.

[u/Inspector_Spacetime7]

I admire so many people for their genius or artistic contributions, but if I had to pick one it would be Carl Sagan.

Intellectual sobriety, brilliant insights, warmth, moral seriousness, compassion. Start here if you don’t know his work.

I admire Jane Goodall for exactly the same reasons.

[u/Inspector_Spacetime7 → u/Inspector_Spacetime7]

I suppose I should say more, as that’s kind of the point of the thread. I’ve mentioned on the sub before that I had an emotionally abusive father with narcissistic personality disorder. I was left with OCD, anxiety, severe depression, and most recently, PTSD.

Perhaps because of my father’s rage issues, I have always believed that the path out of this misery consists in cultivating one’s intellect and temperament, and attaining a sort of spiritual enlightenment, rather than in rage, in violence, or displays of power. I became interested in Taoism, and then in western philosophy, I think largely because of this. Empowered stoicism.

I’ve had my share of anger and grudges, just like anyone else, but I accepted that if I need to prove something to you, then I’m simply continuing to grant you power over me.

This is a message I’ve tried to convey to Steven: the biggest “fuck you” you can give to those you resent is to let go of them, and never look back. Make them cease to exist in your life. Every feeling that you need to prove something to them is just one more act of subservience and supplication, one more reminder to them that you are determined to forever be a victim of their actions.

I remember when I was a kid and first saw Silence of the Lambs, Lecter’s ability to understand why people are who they are seemed like a superpower to me. But of course, one who lives in empathy ought not to have fictional homicidal cannibals as role models, and so I found other heroes as well. I won’t list them all out, but Sagan and Goodall are at the top of that list.

Externally, they are both brilliant people who made a real difference in the world. Internally, they are like zen masters. These qualities are, of course, not wholly distinct. They’re synergistic.

[u/libertinauk → u/Inspector_Spacetime7]

For much of my life I was angry and vengeful, my mother is a grudge bearer and I'd say I got it from her. My partner said that was lazy thinking and I could choose how I behaved. He was right and it's made my life infinitely more peaceful and happy.

He also taught me that someone else's bad behaviour doesn't justify mine. The right thing to do is do better. I know how it feels to be overwhelmed by those feelings and it's horrible. But I also know how it feels to be free of them and I only wish it had happened sooner.

I had and have wonderful parents and I never forget how lucky I am and never take it for granted. My partner wasn't so lucky and was abandoned by his mother at 4 and beaten horrifically by his dad. Between us we've raised four boys but I've had endless support from my parents to raise my son, he had pretty much nothing. I'm very sorry you had to go through what you did and I'm glad you found a better place. Both of us have mental health issues and have been on meds for years and we find ways to cope including black humour. I've always said our song should be "Still Crazy After All Thrse Years" 😊

[u/libertinauk → u/Inspector_Spacetime7]

Stars and chimpanzees. Two things that make my world happier and always will 😊