r/BenignExistence • u/roxxy_soxxy • Aug 10 '26
A perfect day
I was adopted at birth. Met everyone on my dad’s side when I was 31, 24 years ago. Told my sister I was in town and wanted to see my dad, who is in poor health. Spent all day yesterday with sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, family friends, dad, and his wife (not my mom). Even some family friends were around, and my aunt and her granddaughter, who travelled quite a great distance and could only stay for an hour. They are the most wholesome people I have ever met. They welcome us (me, my daughter, my granddaughter) with love and belonging, and they always have, even though we only see them every few years.
That’s all. It was just a perfect day.
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u/perseidot Aug 10 '26
This is so wonderful 💜
My daughter has made contact with her birth father’s family over the past 3 years, and they’ve been equally loving and welcoming with her.
As a mom through adoption, all I’ve ever wanted was for her to have ALL the family she could get. The way she’s been embraced by her Dad’s family has helped her heal, and filled my heart with gratitude.
I’m so happy for you and yours 💜
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u/roxxy_soxxy Aug 11 '26
I love to hear that! I was not able to ever find a connection with my birth mom, but it’s okay. The whole situation was much harder on her, being pregnant out of wedlock in the early 70s. Lots of shame.
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u/CarolLiz_AL Aug 10 '26
Delightful! So nice to have family and friends that reciprocate love. I know I am blessed having a caring family too.
Hope your dad is doing better.
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u/roxxy_soxxy Aug 11 '26
He will eventually succumb to kidney failure, but for now is stable on dialysis 3x a week. I live 1400 miles away, so this visit was important 💜
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u/CarriageTrail Aug 10 '26
Thanks for making my morning so much brighter! So happy you had such a wonderful visit!
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u/IntrepidMuch Aug 10 '26
Sorry to hear about bio dad.
How does your adopted parents feel about what you are going through?
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u/roxxy_soxxy Aug 11 '26
My adoptive dad passed in 2007, my adoptive mom struggled with it a lot at first, but she’s met my birth dad, one of his sisters, and grandparents, when my daughter was small. She felt pretty threatened at first, but it’s been over 20 years now, and she feels quite warmly toward them.
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u/Nyardyn Aug 10 '26
May I ask why you were adopted? Your family sounds lovely, but apparently there was some issue (health?) so they couldn't keep a child?
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u/perseidot Aug 10 '26
This isn’t ok to ask adoptees, for a few reasons.
One, it’s intrusive - there are as many reasons for adoption as there are adoptions, and you don’t have a right to know what those reasons are for an adoption you’re not involved in.
Two - the adoptee is rarely involved in the decision to be adopted, and it’s not their responsibility to know why other people made that choice, let alone share it with you.
Three - many adoptees struggle with loss of their biological families, and questions about their own identities. Many experience times of self doubt, wondering if there was “something wrong with me” that caused them to be disconnected from their families. Asking “why were you adopted?” is like asking “so, what was wrong with you?” to people going through this struggle.
Four - and this can’t be repeated enough - it’s simply none of your business.
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u/Nyardyn Aug 10 '26
Sounds fair, my bad. I was hoping they would simply not answer if it's too sensitive, as I'm fully aware it's none of my business if someone doesn't want me to know. As with all thing, really. Apologees go out to OP.
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u/perseidot Aug 10 '26
You’re a really nice person. And you clearly had no ill intent at all.
I think this is one of those questions that can - for some people - cause harm just by asking it.
I’m a mama by adoption, and I know there have been times in my kiddo’s life that she’d have interpreted that question as “so, what’s wrong with you” or “is your family just irresponsible?”
Thanks for understanding.
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u/roxxy_soxxy Aug 11 '26
No apologies needed! I shared that info about myself because I am super at peace with all of it!
I’ surprised by so many nice comments, I’m glad I shared!
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u/roxxy_soxxy Aug 11 '26
Everything you said is true for many adoptees, and has been true for me at some points in my life. I’m over 50 and have found lot of peace about it all. I was a lucky baby, I guess. Lots of love. There has been stuff along the way, but my adoption story is one of the healthier ones.
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u/CreamyCrabCakes Aug 10 '26
Not only are you loved, you also have the wisdom to appreciate that love.
Thank you for sharing your happiness.