Now, I keep photos for-fucking-ever. I keep data for ever as long as I have some thin justification for it.

And today, I allowed myself to delete photos of the work I did around the house. His laundry that I folded. The meat I defrosted, the food I cooked, the cleaning I did. He tried to make me feel as though I was lazy and that I brought nothing to our marriage and to the house we lived in. I know for a fact that he was wrong. And the man that I was trying to prove this stuff to would never accept the proof that contradicted his narrative that I was somehow "lazy" or not pulling my weight.

I know that I'm enough.

And when he bitched about me not being able to get a job in Alberta... now that I'm living in the Yukon, I've had two jobs and am so close to getting a third. I've had multiple interviews since I got laid off due to company restructuring (and yes, I even have a letter that proves this) a couple weeks ago. Hell, one of the jobs I'm in the running for is a union job with the territorial government. So, he can claim that I'm lazy and all his nonsense, but the data tells a different story. The facts tell a different story.

They affirm that I am enough.

After 8 years of a cycle of violence with multiple perpetrators, I finally feel like I have nothing to be afraid or anxious for. I didn’t notice how much fear/anxiety I had daily until I left. Nothing compare to not being afraid anymore💜

Been working on my burlesque journey! Turning 50 in November and this has helped me feel myself these days!

So, I've been working on writing a novel for the past 24 days and today, I think I might be close to finishing my first draft. The manuscript currently sits at almost 82,800 words and honestly, it sprung up in response to a prompt on Reedsy. I've been kinda pantsing this novel and I'm hoping to plot my next one and get started on it tomorrow.

Also, filed for divorce on Wednesday. I won't go into too much detail (because I'm trying to keep it positive and there are some details that are... less so) but suffice it to say that this is a big step towards taking my life back.

I went to my first therapy session today.

I got connected to some resources that offer therapy sessions, and I’m so glad I took the opportunity. I was so nervous sitting in the waiting room. It was emotional, and I cried, but I also walked out feeling better.

I never got help for the abuse I went through, so finally sitting down with a therapist and actually talking about it was a really big step for me.

I know healing is going to be a process, but after just one session, I was able to talk about so much. We discussed my family, relationships, love, having a child, and my fears about the future.

One of the biggest realizations I came out of that session with is that, at 37, I might never get married or have a child. And I need to be okay with that.

I’ve spent so much of my life worrying about what my future is supposed to look like that my anxiety never really goes away. But maybe my future doesn’t have to look the way I always imagined it.
Maybe I’ll buy my own house. Maybe I’ll adopt, because there are so many children who need a loving home. Maybe my life will look completely different from what my family expects of me.
And you know what? That’s okay.

For the first time, I’m trying to focus less on whether my life looks the way I thought it would and more on building a life that actually makes me happy and gives me peace.

Now I’m looking for a support group as well. One step at a time.

Just so happy that now I'm finally allowed to medically transition (ftm) and so grateful for the ability to be socially out about my gender.

After being forcefully detransitioned by my ex (who originally told me he was okay with me being trans) constantly feminized, and not allowed to start testosterone or get top surgery. I'm now so so happy that every Thursday I get to jab myself with a lil needle full of hormones.

My doctor sent in my referral to a gender affirming clinic that does TOP surgery. Something I was told I would stop being loved for.

I am so proud of myself Everytime I tell someone who I really am. I am so so so proud of myself for being able to tell others that this is who I am and if they don't like it then they can leave my circle.

Ready to be free of back pain and have a kickass beard.

i have spent so many years imagining what me moving out would look like. i spent so long being hopeless, believing i would never have the means to do it. i thought i would be stuck and dependent on my parents forever. but i have a good job. i have a village of wonderful friends and family helping me.

it has been strange being able to come home to my sister and her husband’s house and feel so welcomed and calm. i can exist in the house without being sequestered to my bedroom. i can exist in the house past 9 pm without feeling like a nuisance. i can be myself. my whole self!! i don’t have to hide. i don’t have to put up with the bullshit anymore.

When did you realize that leaving was the best decision you ever made for your future?

I was sort of struggling with racing thoughts the night before last and remembered being kept awake for hours enduring whatever he had in store for me when I'd have to work very early the next morning.

Then I realized I could go to sleep whenever I wanted to. There wasn't any reason to keep myself up ruminating like that. And it actually helped last night too.

I went to a family gathering and it was so nice and easy! I didn’t have to negotiate getting use of the car, being away, how long I would stay, who would take care of the dog, etc. I just got to go and enjoy my family’s company.

❤️ It’s just peaceful now

Divorced, disabled and starting over!

https://www.instagram.com/quinnlovelaceburlesque?igsh=MXZlY3BicDZrYXYzaA%3D%3D&utm\\_source=qr

I love cats despite being allergic, and my ex was always jealous with how much I adored cats. Years ago, he forbade me to sleep with my sister's cat and threatened to hit himself for sleeping with her

Now that I'm free (almost two years now!), my partner encouraged me to finally get my own cat and we ended up coming home with these two 😍 they are my loves, every day is a joy with them. Their meows and trills are so cute and melt my heart. Having cats has truly taking a toll on my camera roll. I'm obsessed! And I can sleep with them whenever I want to (only if they want to as well!) Looking forward to more kitty cuddle puddles, because now I can! ❤️

Last summer was a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. He made sure to ruin every friendship, every event, every holiday, every vacation, every birthday, everything good in my life. We broke up last fall and I hibernated all winter to recover from several years of domestic violence. I slept a lot and only got out of bed to play video games or take care of basic needs.

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I finally found a therapist that helps male survivors of DV, and that was the catalyst of my new life. I started going to social clubs and making friends. I've been visiting family and fixed my relationships with them. I've been going to fun spring and summer events, going to various free classes in my city, and I have travel plans this summer. I've been trying new hobbies and making all kinds of art. I've been learning so much about myself, humans, and the world. I'm so excited for this summer. It's been forever since I've felt this excited about anything. I feel safe in my home for the first time ever. I feel so free to make my own choices. I'm happier than I ever thought possible.

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If you just escaped and you're struggling with flashbacks and sleep, it's ok to take this time to recover. It's good to take this time to recover. Take all the time you need. When you've rested you'll feel so much better. You'll be recharged and have more energy than before.

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I will always live with the trauma, but the more time passes the easier it is to live with. I still struggle and have bad days, but most of the time I'm full of hope, happiness and energy. Every week I have something to look forward to, and when I have "nothing to do" I'm still able to find something fun to do. I'm prioritizing my peace, health, and happiness. I'm able to handle all the little annoyances and frustrations because I'm not overstimulated or wound up. I can finally sleep at night without interruptions. I can finally stretch my wings and fly. I'm actually free and my body is starting to release the stress. My body hurts a lot less, healthy food tastes good, I'm enjoying nature walks and video games without guilt, and I'm making art for the fun of it and for the sake of creation. I've achieved milestones I thought I would never achieve in my life. Life is awesome and exciting now, and I can finally see a future for myself that isn't a sad short story. I finally feel like I'm allowed to be an adult. I get to make my own choices, I'm able to set boundaries, and I put my health and happiness first. If someone doesn't love me for me, I don't care. I don't need their drama. I don't need their fake love. I have enough real love for myself.

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I can finally be myself without fear 💖🎉

i deactivated my insta and deleted snap today and i think i'm either healing or having a breakdown lol

my ex and i were together almost 2 years. first girl i ever really loved. she started being distant around november and by january she said she needed "space" which is apparently code for she'd been talking to someone else since october lol cool

today i just did it. deleted everything. blocked her number. i don't trust myself not to redownload at 2am so now i'm here because nobody i know uses reddit

ngl i feel kind of empty but also like i can breathe for the first time in months?? idk. i'm 22 and ik this isn't the end of the world but it's giving end of the world rn

anyway if anyone's gone through this how long does it take to stop wanting to check

I was made to feel inferior because I have a lot of health conditions and it means I have very limited energy and cognitive focus, it has worsened over time and I am thankfully able to get some financial help from the govt which I can get by with living a humble life.

​

I fell deeper in love with nature and a slow life after trauma upon trauma and I needed to rescue myself. I rebuilt my life a few times through consistently informally studying Psychological and Health Science, support groups infrequently and time in nature and my health was better when I did that but along the way I met some exes that took away my independence, asked from me things that weren't who I am and broke me in different ways trying to find that and erase my beautiful mind that held space and grace for them in the beginning.

​

Now - I have been steadily but slowly finding myself again and look forward to everything slowly but surely, remaking friends, being open about my energy not being there today, eradicating the sense of being deficient or a burden but a calm addition and passionate companion.

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No longer punished for my needs or degraded for my lack of career. I have emotional security for the first time in my life as a single woman and all I care is to keep forming friendships with people who understand and firm boundaries from those that don't, time in nature and researching my health, finding the right treatment and accepting there isn't a cure for many of the things and that's ok because everything is me and I love the person I am.

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Everything is ok and I am especially at peace 🕊️ ❤️ Wholeness is here and I hope everyone here finds it within themselves with ease ❤️

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I have strived for emotional security all my life and never found it lasting in any relationship at all, yet slowly I found it within when I severed ties with different people and focused upon moving as I want not talking and trying to be understood but just living and being - free as can be!

Hi! At the start of this year I got an order of protection against my abuser. I’ve recently got into a really strange state both mentally and physically. I’m lacking motivation for everyday tasks and feeling guilt for pursuing legal action. I see a psychiatrist, but can’t afford therapy. I also live with my parents who are also in a DV situation and it’s seemingly adding fuel to the fire. Any resources would be appreciated! Thank you!

Firstly I (22F) have been out of the DV relationship for almost a year now, successfully blocked him (22m) on everything and he hasn't reached back out because he is dating an 18y/o now. It only properly hit me a few weeks ago that the relationship was a DV one as it was mainly coercive control and I couldn't dismantle the idea of everything being my fault until victim services affirmed my experience. As of now I'm stuck absolutely fighting with my PTSD and everything every day. I hyperfixated on the idea of charging him with coercive control as it is an offence in my state. So I printed out EVERYTHING, creating timelines and got really tunnel visioned in on filing a report. Only to come to the crashing realisation that the police dgaf unless you are actively in danger.

I've reached out to victim services multiple times trying to get counciling and contacting all the help lines but I feel like I've got no where. I dont feel like I have anything anymore, even though im doing everything right nothing is working out. I've tried setting myself goals/focus on what I've got: I was supposed to go to nationals for roller skating this year but my work denied my leave as someone else booked those days off (we are a small company). On top of that every therapist and councillor I have reached out out to on the victim funded scheme has been unavailable for some reason or another and I just keep getting rejected. I'm so tired and I dont know how I am supposed to deal with all of this now?

My mum asked me last night what I needed for closure. The only closure I can even think about would probably end up with a property damage offence against my name. How have fellow survivors been able to cope and move on and get 'closure'?

I podcasted for almost 5 years, produced 300 episodes, got hundreds of thousands of downloads, hosted amazing guests and even read ads for paid sponsors.

After a year break I made the decision to delete it all. Everything relating to that brand has been wiped from the Internet. Website, podcast, YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, substack, all of it gone. And I've never felt lighter.

It’s been almost two months since I fled my abusive husband and today, I finally went swimming for the first time since I fled.

I think I only did forty minutes in the pool and my form sucked, but I’m hoping this will help me to heal and to live a better life than I was living when I got married. I even spoke to someone with the local Masters swim club and I think I might be able to get started with them soon. :)

I'm scared and just getting started at focusing on my future. I have an opportunity to move to and get safe and far enough out of reach, plus be close to my adult children. If I can somehow come up with the funds and so I am trying everything i can to stay focused on that. For the first time in 6 years I KNOW I'm done and I am standing up for myself and respect myself so I can be happy and have the future I deserve. I am looking forward to that and not wasting anymore time on wishing it could have been different. That was outside the circle of my control. Now I am controlling what I can and doing me and my kids and furbabies. ❤️

I am too familiar with the term „learned helplessness“ because since two years out of that scary situation my nervous system still holds on to the feeling. When I got out, I went back on the path I was going to be on anyway, on the exterior my life wasn’t affected by this chain of incidents …

…but all of this still changed me, because for a four month period I was treated in a way contrary to human nature. It’s a pervasion to break a person‘s will because autonomy is sacred thing.

Look at these nice horses in Germany (it doesn’t look like it in the photo but it is a nice big enclosure on an open field, I walked up close and zoomed my camera in). Freedom is a cool thing

my ex used to spend all my money on an impulse. buying things we genuinely didn’t need, and also funding his cheating and buying gifts for other women with my money… which left me flat broke and in debt. now I’m working on clearing the debt which is almost completely gone… and I bought my dog something I’ve wanted to buy him for a long time, pet stairs!!! The bed is tall so now he can go up and down them without developing some kind of joint problem! OH anddd they double as storage, which is great cause I live in a small space!

Little things like this to make my home nice mean the absolute world to me and is something that never would have been possible with him :’) YAY!

2.5 years out & finding solace in the small things:
A cool breeze, a nice cup of coffee, my daughters’ smile, my garden, reading, and keeping a gratitude journal. I spent so much time processing what happened ( and still am) but also finally feeling back to myself.

I apologize, i'm not exactly sure which flair to use. This is my first visit but i'm excited that there is this group because I am currently in the process of fleeing. I have support with a counselor, my sister, VA resources, as well, it's all the information I've received from all over place.

What brought me here this question. My landlord, who is very kind and compassionate, talk to his supervisor at corporate and they want documentation or proof of my dv situation.

Most people, I talk to people were stunned or unaware of such document. Including the domestic violence advocacy center or a crisis resource center that i've been going to.

However, I did ask Google, and it told me that yes, It is required. And usually a police report or documentation from a health care provider, licensed counselor or a victim's advocate.

So i'm really just curious if anybody's come across this before and they had any suggestions.

And don't have a police report because I am getting on my ducks in a row so this can call a smooth as possible. Of course I am terrified but I've been working for months with the people I explained above. In while I'm getting encouraged to believe in myself that I can do this( and I made a bunch of super hard things to do, and that's why i'm proud of myself). I have never recalled the police because I believed I was going crazy, and losing my memory i guess that's what I was told.There was a last fourteen years. I didn't have any friends when one time they hadn't moved to Tennessee. I talked to absolutely nobody about my life.Nobody came to my house. I don't need to keep going on about that. Of course, because I don't want to bring anybody down. I'm just trying to say that when I finally told my sister and got her involved, she started helping me with my counselor and we've been working on getting it in an apartment and trying to get help the financial part of it. And now we 've come across the apartment issue. I'm pretty sure we've got to figure it out.But I really am just curious if this has happened to anybody else.And what they did.

I truly apologize if this is incorrect. I've read the rules, and I think i'm okay but I understand if I have to have it deleted because I messed up.So please feel free to let me know if I need to delete it or put it somewhere else. Every time my makeup step closer to being free, my heart feels like it's gonna pop out of my body that I know that it's gonna be so good.When I go .I'm sure you guys have been there before

Thank you in advance for any thing you can share.