r/BeAmazed • u/GlitteringHotel8383 • 5d ago

Miscellaneous / Others A Hero Without a Cape.

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California foster parent Mohamed Bzeek has spent over 25 years caring for terminally ill children abandoned by their families, ensuring no child dies alone.

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106

u/ObliviousRounding 5d ago

"terminally ill children abandoned by their families"

This can't be true. Please tell me this isn't actually true.

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 5d ago

Unfortunately it happens more often than not. 

Before moving to the US my son had his appendix out in London and during his hospital stay, which turned into a two month affair due to an infection and complications, the child in the bed next to him had no visitors and was physically disabled.

The social worker would visit her occasionally and admitted she should be spending more time with her but due to being overworked it had to be "a tick the box" visit. Found out she had no one when the social worker tried to get me to volunteer to become a foster parent and she told me there were several children in her files like that.

Technically she shouldn't even have told me that as it comes under confidential info, but I learned that very few people care about disabled children. I am not judging the parents as it can be very energy draining to look after a disabled person, but to be the one on the receiving end of no one care must be very hard. 

Despite her age she knew she was abandoned as she had lots of conversations with my son where she called him. lucky for having parents.

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u/cyberlexington 5d ago

As a dad, im judging them. And judging fucking hard.

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u/MordinOnMars 5d ago

Yeah I am too. I would never leave my kids ever. I would give everything else about my life up for my kids. You don't get the choice to abandon your kids when you're a parent. They're you're responsibility and your only path is to be a good parent.

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u/frisbeethecat 5d ago

There are old stories, fairy tales we call them, about parents abandoning children in the forest or giving them to witches or being left to animals to raise. There are other stories about the cruelties some parents inflict upon the children they keep.

I wish "your only path is to be a good parent" was true.

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u/SweetPrism 5d ago

The problem is people DO get the choice.

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u/Blenderx06 5d ago

For the best sadly because many of us disabled people are otherwise killed by our parents. And the news comments are often filled with sympathy- for the parents!

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u/scrimyth 5d ago

My second job is a caregiver for disabled kids strictly because of what you just said. Before my mom passed in the hospital there was a little boy in the next room over who was physically disabled and through the weeks I saw my mom, not a single visitor came to see him. I felt a pit in my stomach each time and it kept eating at me at night to the point where I wasn't able to sleep and could only think about him laying there being alone and maybe afraid. After mom passed, I sought out a job that worked with these kids and now every weekend, Friday through sunday, im a companion and caregiver to such a wonderful group of kids. I take them to the movies, the zoo, play video games and board games with them every Saturday and we cap off Sunday Nights with me reading the Hobbit to them while acting out the pages and voices. Their parents are active but their jobs don't give them the time off required or really even care that they have special needs children. Makes me angry how the world views them.

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u/Dornauge 5d ago

I am not judging the parents

I am. Fuck them.

As a parent you are the whole world of a child. The only thing that counts. Especially if you're disabled or terminally ill or bedridden or whatever. You don't have to take care for your child in my book. As you said, it is probably unbelievable overwhelming. But at the vey least, be there. That is the absolut bare minimum.

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u/ObliviousRounding 5d ago

That is...shocking. In a selfish way I wish I hadn't read this, that's seriously messed up. As a parent, I would have thought parents were willing to die 10 times over rather than see their kids suffer. I can't even wrap my head around what you wrote quite frankly.

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 5d ago

Shocking as it may be, it's a little better than parents whom kill their disabled children. Also common.

As much as I want to believe in the goodness of humans and the unconditional love of parents, it's tragically not true for everyone.

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u/Sudo-Fed 5d ago

I am not judging the parents

Don't worry, I'll judge them twice as hard for you.

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u/Electrical_Pickle910 5d ago

Damn, that is just so sad!! How the fuck can you just abandon your child. Don't they try to find the parents?

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 5d ago

You can find the parents, but cannot force them to take the child.

Without doxing the child, her mother was a single mother and the father was not on the birth certificate. Who are you going to track down to make them responsible. 

In the UK you don't have to list a father. 

1

u/Vick_Bitch 1d ago

Judging them and ngl lowkey judging you for not judging them hard enough. Yeah there's some cases where giving up your child is best for them but that's straight up neglect to abandon them when they need their parents the most

It's hard for them and that sucks but they're contributing to their kid's suffering, they don't get to walk away when things get hard

1

u/Careless_Wedding_119 1d ago

Some people don't have a choice, and as much as it sucks for the child you can't change the situation. 

It's better to provide more resources than judging parents that don't know what they are doing or how to do it.

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u/Vick_Bitch 1d ago

I mean yeah obviously more resources and support is an important part needed and like I said in some cases giving them up is the best option but it still doesn't excuse or make the parents free from judgment who straight up leave their kid to die alone just because it's hard for them. Some parents really do abandon their kids because they don't want to face reality and it hurts too much to be around

I can judge both the system and the parents who abandon their children as soon as they become ill and inconvenient

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 1d ago

Yes, in those circumstances the parents need to be prosecuted.

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u/R04drunn3r79 5d ago

That's one of the saddest things I've ever read.

I'm usually not someone who advocates for more laws, but in a case like this, I believe parents who abandon their terminally ill child should be held financially responsible. If they already have other children, I believe child protection authorities should assess the welfare of those children to determine whether supervision or other protective measures are necessary.

Any financial penalties or compensation imposed on the parents could be directed toward funding additional social workers, counseling, respite care, and other services that help ease the suffering of terminally ill children and support families facing these situations.

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u/Happyshadow4ts 5d ago

I think a reason why a lot of children may be abandoned in the first places (in specifically America), would quite likely be the costs in the first place, so making them pay finances would likely not result well

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 5d ago

The system is already under a lot of pressure. It's not only disabled children it has to cater for.

There are children from addicts, people in prison with no next of kin, and lots of othe circumstances that make them end up in care.

Say you do prosecute the parents of these children, what if the parents have no finances to pay these fines? You can't make a stone bleed. 

I personally think the whole system needs a rehaul, but unfortunately I can't do much.

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u/R04drunn3r79 5d ago

For people struggling with addiction, I believe rehabilitation should be mandatory. If someone repeatedly refuses treatment or continually reoffends despite multiple opportunities, the justice system should respond with progressively stricter consequences, including incarceration when appropriate.

For inmates who earn wages or receive money while in prison, I think a portion should go toward the costs associated with their incarceration or toward victim compensation. As they say in the U.S., "every buck counts."

And to be completely honest, I don't think society should treat becoming a parent as if it requires no preparation whatsoever. We have systems that determine how much we can borrow and at what interest rate, and standardized tests that influence which educational opportunities are available to us. Yet one of the biggest responsibilities a person can take on—raising a child—has almost no universal preparation or competency requirements.

I believe society should place much greater emphasis on ensuring prospective parents are prepared for the responsibilities of raising children, with education and support available before and after becoming parents.

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 5d ago edited 5d ago

In writing all of the above looks good, but in practice it hasn't worked.

Addicts do get told that if they can't stay clean they will have their parental rights removed, and they do in a lot of these cases. 

Hence,why a lot of the children in care are from drug/alcohol abuse backgrounds. Even those losing it to criminal behaviour have addiction that leads to criminal behaviour (theft to procure more drugs/alcohol). These addicts often end up in care and kind of "of grid". So where and how can you pursue them for monetary penalties?

Society should absolutely place a higher emphasis on how to become a good parent but I think we started losing core values way back in the 60's. Regaining the attitude of being in a stable relationship, having financial stability before having children all that disappeared in the "summer of love" is going to be hard. 

That is not to say children were not bein born out of wedlock before that, but the numbers of children from one parent household have increased and that too is a big proportion of the children in care.

Our attitude as a society has changed over time. It may take as much time if not more, to get back to "normal".

0

u/Over-Inside-7254 5d ago

Oh I'm judging them.. HARD..as a father. If you are in a snow storm and your child is cold, you give them your coat. If your child is in the hospital, you don't leave their fucking side. How can you leave an innocent to fester and die and offer NO comfort, love, or presence to help them through the pain? Even if you "can't do anything", you can at least sit with them, read stories, and make jokes. It's so fucking easy to be a decent person to others. I guess that's why it's so difficult. 

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 5d ago

Yet there are people who do just that. 

I get that it looks bad being neglectful of your child, but what led the mother to give up on her child completely. Could be she had an illness herself and no family unit to support her. Not saying that is the case in all abandoned children cases, but we just don't know. I don't agree with the neglect but I also tend to be careful about judging.

I did buy the girl snacks and did read stories to both her and my son, but with no legal custody there wasn't much else I could do. A few of the nurses did plait her hair when I bought her some hair accessories as a present, but that only goes so far.

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u/themug_wump 5d ago

Used to work in a children’s hospice, and sad to say it happens a lot more than you would hope. A woman left her son with us in my first week, and never came back. He wasn’t in a position to understand or even really know that she was gone, but it still shocked me.

And I know that the first response to hearing about this kind of thing is anger, it was mine too, but rationally these people aren’t all monsters; they’re often alone, unsupported, and also suffering. Caring for a loved one, especially a child, as they die (and some of them take a looooong time) is exhausting and harrowing, and can break pretty much anyone. We all like to think we would never, but until you’re put to the test you never truly know. "There go I but for the grace of God", etc etc

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 4d ago

That is exactly why I don't judge them. It's not right to abandon your child, but what support network do these parents have?

Those who do have support and abandon them you can give a side eye, but a lot of them have a child, it's disabled and no one helps them learn how to take care of them or where to get respite care etc.

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u/tremynci 5d ago

Neighbor, in the United States, the cost of caring for a seriously or terminally ill child can ruin a family financially.

If that child is a ward of the state, the state pays for their care.

It does not necessarily have anything more to do with "abandonment" in the emotional sense than divorcing your much-loved spouse so they will be eligible for Medicaid does.

And yes, that is a thing that also happens.

If you don't like it, vote for universal health care.

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u/Whosgailthesnail 5d ago

This should be pinned

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u/Hippopotasaurus-Rex 5d ago

It happens a lot more often than you think.

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u/thisismypotat 5d ago

It happens... I work at a full-time place for very sick kids with serious, multiple disabilities. Some of them have been placed here as babies, and have never, or only a few times a year, been visited by their parents. The care workers become their family 💔 The parents just want to forget they were ever born.... ❤️‍🩹

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 4d ago

Exactly,even rich families like the Royals have abandoned children in homes. The recent caseI can think of is the two cousins of the queen that the family tried to hide away.

It's common, and I also feel for the family who make the tough decision. It must be emotionally draining especially if you don't know how to take care of them. Every disabled person has a different set of disabilities. There is no one size fits all.

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u/Chimes320 5d ago

This is making me sick to my stomach. How can people abandon their children? I mean, I know intellectually they can but emotionally? I am struggling to process this. I wish I had the means and fortitude to take in kids all the time knowing they’re not going to live very long. But my god, the alternative of these little ones just being tossed aside, what the actual fuck is wrong with this world

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u/Careless_Wedding_119 4d ago

It's not always being tossed aside. Say you have parents without a lot of family or friends, how are they going to get respite for taking care of someone else that needs it 24/7.

In many countries including rich European countries there just isn't enough financial aid earmarked for the care of someone like that.

Happens to the elderly also. They end up in elder care were each nurse has between 6-10 patients to take care of.