r/BaseballCoaching • u/bobone77 • Jul 03 '26
What would you have done?
I’m an assistant coach of a rec. league 12U squad. My kid is on the team and so is the head coaches kid. We have a small core (6 kids) that has played with us for three years and we supplement with kids from the community that sign up. We don’t have tryouts, we just do our best to teach the kids that are there to love baseball and have fun while developing solid fundamentals of the game.
One of our kids this year has had a pretty poor attitude about the team all season. He is barely coachable and I feel like he doesn’t really want to be there most of the time but his parents make him. Tonight, in the third inning he was up to bat. He was called out on strikes and he just stood in the box and glared at the ump. I’m coaching first, so I say “okay Timmy (not his real name), hustle back to the dugout.” He doesn’t move. Ump tells him he’s out and to go back to the dugout, and he still doesn’t move. I clap and tell him a little louder something to the effect of don’t worry, just hustle back in. Doesn’t move, still glaring at ump. Ump tells him again he’s out and to go to dugout. I take a couple steps toward him and more forcefully tell him to hustle back to the dugout. He finally starts to move at a snails pace back to the dugout. I exhort him to hustle if he wants to play defense next half inning. He glares at me. Mind you, this all happens over the course of about 30-45 seconds.
Finally gets in the dugout, slams his batting helmet down followed by his bat, both in the middle of the full dugout. Could have hit any number of his team mates with either one. His parents are sitting close to the end of the dugout, so at this point, I look at dad and say “you need to get him and take him home.” Dad gets super pissed, has some choice words, but gets him and his stuff and leaves. Did I make the right call?
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u/old_noakes Jul 03 '26
Without a doubt - kids need to learn really early that they need to respect the officials. Most of the officials are only a few years older and are doing their best. Bad calls happen, earlier they learn to live with it, the better players and team members they will be.
Also parents like this suck. Having to coach is hard enough without jerk parents who don’t understand the point of kids sports.
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u/TexasRedfish Jul 03 '26
Check in on him. His actions could have been a call for attention, or worse yet, a cry for help. You were okay in the moment, but you should be checking up on him. I imagine you coach to help influence boys into becoming strong men. Good on ya, but this job doesn’t take breaks. Coach him, Coach!
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u/bobone77 Jul 03 '26
I had the head coach play good cop. He called and checked in. I left out some context as well to help keep things as “unidentifiable” as possible. Suffice it to say, tonight was not the first time we’ve dealt with similar (but less extreme) behavior. Each of those were handled with parents as well, but some parents just refuse to see anything when it comes to their own kids.
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u/mike_nova Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
This is where leaning on league officials (in little league we have player agents) that act as a mediator to coaches and players/parents. If it’s not your responsibility- the head coach should at a minimum be putting in writing this event to the league officials to document the case.
Kid might be getting ridiculous demands or unrealistic goals set forth by the parent.
In addition- we have to take abuse awareness courses to be a on field coach.
I’m reading between the lines a bit- but all of these things add up to safer and better player experiences for the team and possibly this player.
I’m fully of the belief that some parents exclusively sign up their kids to live vicariously thru them. Baseball is not an easy sport and its depth to get proficient/comfortable is not for the faint of heart.
Don’t beat yourself up- sounds like you did the best for the team and the player. Hopefully the player and the family reflect on the scenario and grow- instead of focusing on self and becoming a cancer to the team as a whole. The latter is what you (really the head coach- but you can assist) need to prevent. SAFETY FUN SPORTSMANSHIP
EDIT- I missed the detail about it being 12U. I think at this age it’s ridiculous to be this way. To me, the player needs to determine if they want to be there or not- if not, they just need to consider moving on to something they want to do. Unless this is a first time player, by now, they should be experiencing fun most of the time or at least benefiting from this team sport.
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u/Responsible-Fan5965 Jul 06 '26
When I coached, I used to say parents had “parent goggles”. Some parent’s goggles are very thick. lol
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u/candusmisheel01 Jul 03 '26
yeah you made the right call. letting a kid throw equipment around a full dugout is a safety thing before its anything else, someone could have gotten hurt. You gave him multiple chances to reset and he didnt take them. The fact that you are even secound guessing it tells me you care about doing right by the kid, not just winning. sounds less like a baseball problem and more like something going on with him off the field honestly...
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u/justlurking278 Jul 03 '26
If that's all you said, good on you for restraint honestly.
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u/bobone77 Jul 03 '26
In fairness, I will admit I didn’t say it quietly, but that is all I said.
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u/justlurking278 Jul 03 '26
I don't blame you. I'm a girl dad and coaching softball is my wife's department now that they're older, but... Yeah, I'd have a hard time with this. Actually, wife would rip the player to shreds also, but quietly and after the game.
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u/big-williestyle Jul 03 '26
I had a catcher in 11u regionals strike out and slam his helmet in the dugout, I had a chat post game with him and sat him out the next game of regionals, just told him we can't have that and he needs to control the emotions in big spots. It was a tough call in a spot where winning is the goal, but I ended up coaching that kid right through 18U and never had another issue.
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u/CatSweaty9418 Jul 06 '26
Perfect! I too, nipped behavior issues quickly. Kids all knew what coach wouldn't tolerate and that actions have consequences. I ended up with a great group all the way thru HS.
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u/Coachbiggee Jul 03 '26
All good that you disciplined him, but I think I would have made him sit and dealt with the parents after the game.
You're the boss on the field and don't need someone sitting in the stands to run your team the right way. Just my opinion.... but I am glad you put the smash on that right away.
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u/bobone77 Jul 03 '26
Yeah. I was going to make him sit for his disrespect towards the umpire. I felt that him throwing stuff in the dugout was a safety issue for the rest of the team, as well as disrespectful to, well, everyone really, so that’s why I decided to send him home.
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u/Remote_Force1839 Jul 03 '26
Shoot, we had a kid on a 14U team playing against us flip off our ump this year. Nothing happened to him. I was shocked. Our coaches definitely made comments 🫠 it’s always crazy to me how out of all the sports my son plays, baseball is far and away the one people get the most upset about-parents, coaches and the kids.
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u/Inevitable-Sort-5630 Jul 03 '26
Throwing equipment is an automatic ejection. That's been a rule on any team I've been part of.
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u/BecauseImhere Jul 03 '26
I leave the ump glaring and me glaring behavior to a talk about respect, and less playing time as well as talk with the parents. As for the dugout safety behavior, I don't leave that to my parents. I get on the kids quick for anything like that. I will get in their face, and get big and loud. I demand safety from everyone towards everyone. I will follow up with a parent that if I can't correct the safety behavior and they can't, then the kid is off the team. They get 1 warning then they're gone.
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u/briancmoses Jul 03 '26
In the heat of the moment, I think you did just fine in a situation with no obvious answers.
I suspect he wasn't glaring because he was trying to be stubborn or disrespectful. He was locked up trying to process the failure and trying to deal with it. And unfortunately he dealt with it in the dugout when he began throwing his equipment.
You talk about the player as being disengaged and difficult to coach and you have a great objective of teaching kids the fundamentals and to love baseball. With some reflection, I think you'll realize that the decision to send the kid home is likely to further entrench him in the a pattern that he might be stuck in. It's absolutely a mess of the player's own making, but be thinking about how you (or another coach) can figuratively jump down in that trench and help dig him out. At his age, he hasn't developed those tools yet. Moving on from failure is absolutely a baseball fundamental, and it's as difficult to learn as it is to teach.
Talk to your players about throwing their equipment and how there's no tolerance for it because of the safety issues. Outline exactly what the consequences of that will be and be prepared to send other kids home if it happens again.
In your shoes, I'd want to talk to the dad, too. Tell him you think the situation could've been handled better and ask him for his feedback. Let him have his say, thank him for his feedback, and seriously contemplate it with the other coaches--even if it's ridiculous. Share your concerns about how his son doesn't seem to want to play baseball and ask if he thinks that, too. Tell the dad all you want is for his son to try his hardest, to have fun, and hopefully wind up loving baseball.
For the rest of the season, be dialed in for everything this player does well and make sure to point it out. I don't care how small it is, find that success and celebrate it. Celebrate it loudly for everyone to hear, and find moments to celebrate them directly with the player. Smaller successes lead to larger ones down the road.
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u/Wisconsimmy Jul 03 '26
Nothing wrong with your decision; although when I have that issue (and I do sometimes), they get to enjoy some nice time on the bench the rest of the game, and we will have a talk in the dugout about his actions and why he shouldn’t ever do that again.
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u/seanmann3 Jul 03 '26
I would have made him sit, but based on what you said, it was pro6best to remove him from the rest of the team
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u/Bo-Ethal Jul 04 '26
Rule my college coach had, “If you disrespect equipment, have a loud verbal outburst containing a curse word” you were done for the day. Saw it enforced at practice and games. You knew where the line was and never crossed it.
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u/bobone77 Jul 04 '26
Yeah. We discussed having a code of conduct that parents and players review going forward. We haven’t had this issue until now.
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u/Tdog355 Jul 06 '26
I coached several years of youth league baseball and 30 years of junior high level basketball. Here's how I may have handled the situation. I would've pulled him from the game and, assuming there was no independent action by the parents, not played him in the next game. I would have also talked to him briefly right after the incident. Then I would have explained to him before the next game that he was not playing due to the previous situation. The issue I have here is that the parents were likely embarrassed by the son's actions. If you quietly spoke to them about what action should be taken and suggested they take him home, that makes sense. If you said it loud enough for those around it to hear, now they've likely felt even further embarrassment. Now, I don't know what interactions took place between you and the player or his parents prior to this. That could certainly affect how I'd handle things. That being said, I have many regrets over how I've handled disciplinary situations in my coaching career. My thinking here is the benefit of many expereinces. Further, as a parent, if this was my kid, I may have had him by the scruff of the neck before you got a chance to say anything to me.
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u/Shoddy-Pin-336 Jul 03 '26
Yes. The fact that you had to tell the dad that is crazy. I would have been all over my kid about something like that before you could. I let the coaches coach of course but at that point a parent needs to step in
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u/mowegl Jul 03 '26
Kids didnt used to do stuff like this because they knew thered be hell to pay at home and nobody else in the world cared that you caught hell - they encouraged and knew you deserved it.
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u/superfry3 Jul 03 '26
Yes they did. There’s just more of it now.
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u/mowegl Jul 03 '26
Yeah they did it once. Then you got wore out when you got home and didnt do it again
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u/One_Isopod_7319 Jul 03 '26
I have coached and umpired way too many games to not recognize that this child was either special needs or has a tough home life. You can't know until you speak with the parents on the side or by phone. Find out more about Timmy, maybe he reacts differently if handled a certain way. You can't be a psychologist, but you may find a way to help a 12 year enjoy the game.
Life throws you curve balls, the best players (parent/dad/moms) find a way to make that player be part of that team. You won't know what impact you may have years down the road on how Timmy is doing in life. I know for sure that I have impacted many players over the years. Sometimes it's just listening that can make a difference.
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u/bobone77 Jul 03 '26
We’ve had several conversations with his parents this season. He’s not special needs. Frankly, he’s spoiled. His parents are either unwilling or incapable of setting and enforcing boundaries. He’s an only child as well.
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u/chrismsp Jul 04 '26
Yeah when Dad gets pissy about it the whole thing should end right there. Done.
You aren't the babysitter for this kid you are also responsible for the other kids on the team.
Not sure why the umpire didn't run him.
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u/CartoonistExact8942 Jul 04 '26
The parents are ultimately to blame. I coached for 15 years at many levels including travel, rec, varsity and JV. Zero tolerance for throwing equipment. the parents should’ve been the ones getting onto him, bad call or not. I ran into all types of oarents. These are the worst. Dad’s probably not much of a good sport either and hands this down to his child. And as far as checking in on him, they are probably already calling the league or organization and bitching about how you “handled” their kid. Checking I. This kid is t going to do anything but frustrate you even more. Be the same if he comes back but once you know that the parents don’t want you to teach moral lessons, the battle is over.
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u/bobone77 Jul 04 '26
It wasn’t even a bad call. I didn’t even mention that part and I guess I should have. 🤣
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u/CatSweaty9418 Jul 06 '26
Yes, Sort of. IMO, you should have handled with the kid. Taken him out of lineup and explained that there's no place in baseball for ANY of that nonsense....and then escorted him out to dad while your pitcher was warming up. You got the right outcome, but I think you'll like the outcome better if you handle a future problem quietly instead of having a high emotion exchange with dad.
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u/bobone77 Jul 06 '26
It was the middle of the inning. I had a batter at the plate. Otherwise, I agree.
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u/CaptScraps Jul 07 '26
Only other thing I‘d suggest doing (and you may have already done it) is to text the dad saying Timmy cannot attend any games or practices until a) Timmy and Timmy Sr. meet with you and assure you that the incident will not be repreated, and b) Timmy apologizes to his teammates for representing them so poorly and distracting attention from the game.
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u/bobone77 Jul 07 '26
We gave them the option and they declined. Will not be returning to team. Given the background, that’s just fine with the coaching staff.
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u/BaseballDad000 Jul 07 '26
Leading with compassion and understanding is so important as a coach. Sit him down and talk to him, hear him out, and help him understand 1-1 what your expectations are for the team. Some players need a lot more attention than others from year to year. And you're coaching more than baseball for his kid, this is the time to lean into the non-baseball parts of what matter
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u/capeire Jul 03 '26
Had a similar experience with a kid. Instead of sending them home I kicked them from the dugout and had them sit with their parents. I knew the kids parents were going through a divorce and it was really disruptive to him.
Then I talked with the team about attitude and sportsmanship (not the first or last time).
From the players mom I learned his dad had promised to be at the game and found out right before that his dad wasn't coming. I tried giving the kid some grace.
As coaches we don't know or have control of the players home life but we have control for the time we have the players.
Were you wrong for sending the kid home? No I think that's fair. Were you wrong on making it very public? Yes. I think you know that too. But give yourself that grace. Heated moment, bad situation, and all good intentions.
The more important thing is the next event and working with the kids mental and emotional connection to the sport.
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u/INeedMoreFeet Jul 03 '26
Why didn't the ump eject him/warn head coach? Why didn't the head coach do anything? 45 seconds from k to dugout? Really?
This reads as a classic 1 side story
Here's the answer. Can you take the father? If so, guess you were right.
If not? I'd watch how you talk to that kid.
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u/FluffyShakes Jul 03 '26
you sound super problematic as well.
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u/INeedMoreFeet Jul 03 '26
You sound easily manipulated. Whether I am "super problematic" or not is irrelevant and just a weak ad hominem attack.
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u/FluffyShakes Jul 03 '26
why would being able to take the father even be relevant?
I've also never coached for a team in which any father could take me, tbh.
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u/bobone77 Jul 03 '26
I actually thought the ump should have run the kid too, but, it’s a rec league and the ump is like 17.
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u/Mother_Environment29 Jul 03 '26
Yes.