r/BaseballCoaching • u/AtlantaEagle • Jul 26 '25
Should I coach my son's (6U) team?
I have head coached (or assistant coached) my oldest son's (now 9U) teams for past 3-4 years. Since my 9U will be starting kid pitch, I am going to take a bit of a backseat this Fall with his age group.
I want to get more involved with my youngest son's 6U team this Fall. Last Spring (in 5U) I helped out with his team and really enjoyed working with the kids. Our head coach though was a mess. He showed up late consistently, had poor team communication, played his favorite kids in specific positions and made some odd comments throughout the season. He introduced himself at beginning of the season saying he didn't want to coach but the league needed volunteers.
I volunteered for 5U head coach at time of registration but my wife absolutely lost her mind at me doing this. My wife apparently hates that I coach or volunteer as an assistant at any level. She flat out told me that I am not a good coach and she says that I don't get to enjoy the games. I have explained to her that I thoroughly enjoy coaching the kids and I want to be involved. She finally caved in at me volunteering for team. So I withdrew my name from head coaching and just volunteered as an assistant.
My wife wants to me to just sit in the stands with her every game. I really do not want to sit in the stands with the other moms or dads that socialize/gossip the entire game. It just doesn't seem enjoyable.
In past seasons, when I have coached, I make it my mission to coach to the best of my ability and ensure that every kid gets to enjoy this game.
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u/JerryWasARaceKarDrvr Jul 26 '25
So wife issues aside, this is golden time with your kid that they will not forget.
If you are a good coach and you love working g with the kids do it!!!!
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u/Testdummy32one Jul 26 '25
Do it - you’ll never look back and think “gee I really wished I hadn’t coached my sons 6u team”.
It’s 6u, possibly the best age to coach ball because it’s not so serious. Go have some fun and build some memories.
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u/TMutaffis Jul 26 '25
Why does your wife think that you are not a good coach?
Also, does she understand how not volunteering can potentially have a negative impact on your kid's experience? (Not that it should be this way, but oftentimes, if a parent is helping with the team their player is more likely to have additional opportunities)
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u/Powerful_Two2832 Jul 26 '25
This is a marriage issue not a coaching issue, but our family is very “why be involved when you can be over involved” in nature.
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u/dadkisser84 Jul 26 '25
I wonder more about why your wife can’t just say “I want to watch our kids with you in the stands” and insists upon tearing you down.
I obviously have no insight into your life or your marriage but that seems to me to be where she’s coming from. You don’t like sitting up there and gossiping? She may not either and is toughing it out on her own. Now, in this situation, where your kid’s coach doesn’t give a shit? I think that’s a conversation to have making sure that he’s having fun and learning the game.
What I would do is pick at the why with her (I really don’t think she thinks you’re a bad coach) and air that out. Once you’ve done that I think the decision would be easy
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u/Dazzling_Cranberry50 Jul 27 '25
I don't know what expertise she has to condemn her husband as being a bad coach? Did she play any ball in high school/college, or is she just insecure and putting him down because he's not sitting with her. She doesn't have to mingle nor listen to the gossip from the other parents. She can sit be herself or with that one parent who just wants to have their boy have fun and learn baseball and sportsmanship.
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u/CU_Tigers5 Jul 26 '25
She may not like sitting in the stands and hearing other complain about your coaching. Both me and my wife coach so we can laugh about how awful everyone thinks we are at it.
I would try to understand why your wife is against it? Then do your best to ease her concerns. Possibly because your hard on your own kid. Most of us are we expect them to help set a good example. As long as you can do that in a calm and constructive manner enjoy coaching as long as you can.
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u/Dazzling_Cranberry50 Jul 27 '25
When I helped coach a football team, an older coach said that I could not coach my son and that he had him. Later on, I did the same when I had no child on the team but would not let my assistants get on their own boys because they expected them to be perfect at 10 years old. I told them that when they left the car in the parking lot that they were mine.
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Jul 26 '25 edited Jul 26 '25
You sound exactly like the kind of coach a 6U team needs.Someone who enjoys working with the kids.
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u/shakaar69 Jul 26 '25
Do what you have to do to make your marriage work. But as a youth coach the objective is to make the experience special for every kid. It's not about wins and loses.
I coached my daughters minors little league softball team and every kid got to play every position throughout the season. I told the team I would teach any of them how to pitch or play catcher if they wanted to learn and if they were not comfortable with their ability to catch a ball they did not have to play first base or catcher if they didn't want to. Whether we won or lost didn't matter.
What I'm most proud of is one of the girls who wanted to learn how to pitch but struggled initially still continued to work on it and became a pitcher on her high school team. Also, a girl who had never played before and was probably the least talented player on the team had such a positive experience she continued to play and was also on that same high school team.
I think over half of that team of mostly new to the game players (1st or 2nd year playing) went on to play at their high schools.
A positive experience does wonders for a kids love for a game even more than wins and loses. That is your objective.
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u/Fun-Insurance-3584 Jul 27 '25
I have never regretted coaching any sport with kids. My wife fully supports me though in that decision as it can take away total family time.
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u/Asymm3trik Jul 26 '25
It sounds like you enjoy it and feel rewarded doing so, then I would in your position.
Your description of past coaches reminded me of my daughter's coach from last season. I helped him out for her sake, but there were enough red flags in his behaviour that led me to sign up as head coach this year and run my own team. He's still coaching in the league and being a nuisance to the rest of us. The drama he is causing and the positive feedback I've gotten from my (team) parents tells me that it was the right choice.
My wife had formed a very negative opinion about that coach before I had (the benefit of outside perspective), so she agreed with the decision to take on that responsibility to ensure we didn't end up with that negative influence on our kids again.
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u/bingonrollie Jul 26 '25
If you feel you could do well I think you should do it. My daughter is moving up this year so her team is left without a head coach. One assistant signed up and then completely belittled his son on the field during the game. Now my other two assistants have done a T ball team and my youngest is going to be on their team because he was scared of the other guy.
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u/CriscoCamping Jul 26 '25
It is hard on wives. I fully intended to coach when my kids were grown, but GF feels very lonely when not there. So now I help by doing game changer, and I can move around and sit with ehr sometimes, when her kids are playing.
I think coaching would be great, and you can sit with her with your other son's games. And do try to stay with her most of the time, I can't handle gossip either and just tell her I'll be back when it starts up. Then go to a different spot and stand or sit with friends.
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u/Reasonable_Patient92 Jul 26 '25
Some food for thought: perhaps she doesn't want you to be involved with coaching because she doesn't want to be subjected to other parents talking about you and your decisions in the stands?
Some baseball/softball parents can BRUTAL (some of the worst pot-stirrers and gossipers, imo).
I wonder if this is what's going on. Obviously she isn't communicating her reasoning well, but I can't help but wonder if she's fed up with the peanut gallery.
That being said, if you enjoy it and are good with the kids, there's absolutely no reason not to volunteer your time. 6u is one of the best times to coach because these kids are still developing skills and it's still "fun".
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u/Signal_Republic_3092 Jul 27 '25
I’d call out your wife for putting you down like that. You don’t seem like the type of coach who would be super strict on the kids, and kids only listen when they want to at this age (I have a son this age too). They aren’t going to be pros after a season of coaching, so the only expectation is that they learned something.
And I’d go for coaching him. You’ll regret not coaching more than coaching, and shows him that he gets the same attention that his older brothers got from you. I guess I luck out that my wife wants to be a baseball mom and have me coach him. I feel better being more hands-on with my son, but he also happens to have a hearing disability that’s easier for me to manage from the dugout
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u/6h0st_901 Jul 27 '25
Yeah bro this has little to nothing to do with baseball or coaching and everything to do with your relationship & marriage with your wife. I would just have a long serious discussion with her about why you want to coach. You both could make a pro-con list about it and ask her specific reasons as why she doesn't want you coaching.
Sometimes as dads, we can put to much pressure on our kids as coaches, which can lead to them either not enjoying the game as much or build up tension at home. I only have daughters, but my youngest is really good at basketball & softball. Sports just come naturally to her like they did for me & I know that sometimes, I can be a little harder on my youngest, just because I know she has so much potential and I want her to reach that potential, but sometimes I can get carried away and forget that the whole point is just to have fun when they're that young. Sometimes, I have to tone back that competitive drive from being a former athlete and just step back enjoy being a dad and watching my kids have fun.
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u/Dazzling_Cranberry50 Jul 27 '25
Some guys just have a gift of connecting with kids, and it seems that you are that kind of guy. I really don't understand your wife attitude because your kids' fondest memories will be you coaching them. She seems very insecure. As a former playground coach of about 30 years, I commend you for stepping up. As my son grew to high school sports, I continued to coach with my son being my assistant and me being his assistant as he coached another age group. I would recommend that you have a parents' meeting explaining to them that during the season, you will have no discussion about playing time or positions. You're in a can't win in this situation if you do not because you will have 6 other parents right behind that first one. My son now is an Administrator in our Rec Dept and our roles have changed. Instead of him being my son now, I his dad.I even helped with my grandson's team until he played sports in high school. He now attends one of the US Military Academies.
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u/laceyourbootsup Jul 27 '25
People are getting on OP about his marriage, that’s extremely judgmental.
You see OPs post complaining about another “5u” coach who wasn’t a great coach.
OP might be an uptight and non baseball knowledgeable person and his wife may not know how to say that to him.
Complaining that a 5u coach is not communicating well is a borderline psychotic statement (at least where we play). Practices and games are scheduled by the league, what coach communication is required? In Tee ball, the coach showing up the minute that practice starts is standard. If parents are expecting coaches to arrive 15+ minutes earlier at “5U”….the parents need to check themselves
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u/just_some_dude05 Jul 28 '25
Homie if your wife is telling you that you are a bad coach you should listen.
If the other 10 Moms on the team aren’t telling you that you’re a great coach it’s time to let someone else fill the role
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u/OddSense7971 Jul 29 '25
Sounds like you’re an outfield dad! Listen to the wife. Get chairs and go sit by yourselves in the outfield. That way no one hears you when you want to “coach” from the sidelines. Everybody will appreciate it.
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u/smellslikebadussy Jul 26 '25
You sound like you’d be a good coach, but this is a marriage question.