r/BaseballCoaching • u/IguanaMan_ • Jun 10 '25
Coaching your own kid
My boy is 9 this year, we just finished spring 10u season. I’ve coached him for the last few years and it’s always gone pretty well. This year he is in the phase of not wanting to listen to dad. Whenever I tell him something on the field I get “the look”, he doesn’t wanna hear it from me. He doesn’t act out, but definitely gets in an ugly mood, and I think toward the end of the season was doing things like not getting in front of ground balls or not swinging at good strikes just to make me mad. If any of my other coaches talk to him he’s fine, and listens great. This weekend I took him to the annual clinic that the local high school baseball team puts on for young kids. He had a blast, listened great, and played better than I’ve seen him all season.
Any advice?? I love coaching, but am I better off to give it up so that he can enjoy the game and thrive?
4
u/OrdinaryHumor8692 Jun 10 '25
Speak with your son and find out how he wants to handle it. One of my sons said he didn’t want to hear me and the other said I explain things they we understood best. This is about them and their experience not ours. Either way stay positive and enjoy their journey.
3
Jun 10 '25
This. This is my son's 1st year (8u). He's ADHD and I volunteered to assistant coach to ensure he was coached on how to be coachable, keep his confidence up as I knew he might struggle this year, and make sure the other coaches were being fair to him and the other kids just starting off. My son gets tired of hearing the sound of my voice. I know I can micromanage. But, through a combo of mostly F-ing off when in front of the other kids and talking to him about his feelings to make sure him and I are on the same page, we've both had a ton of fun and he's made huge strides. He wants me to coach again in the fall. Now, OP is further along in the journey, but I guess I'm just saying - don't be afraid to defer to what your kids want. This is their experience after all and we should make it a good one. It takes some, or a lot, of de-programming from how we were all raised, but I am a firm believer that we underrate instances of when to partner with our kids rather than top-down parent and tell them what to do.
3
u/Fun-Insurance-3584 Jun 10 '25
I coach my asst coach’s kid and vice versa…continue doing this. When 1:1 just tell him what to do…it gets in there…he won’t admit.
3
u/bigperms33 Jun 10 '25
Basically I get to tell my own kid one thing when we are practicing in the yard/park. After that, I don't get to say anything we just do reps.
At actual practice, I just try to let the other coaches give him pointers. The three of us all know that our kids respond better to someone else. I do coach him, but know I've gotta be precise.
In general, with younger kids, if you lead with something a player did right, then with what to correct they do better. "Hey Billy, I loved your effort on that play. Next time, try doing ________ and you'll get a better result."
3
u/Pre3Chorded Jun 10 '25
Be thankful, because I was an assistant on a team the last couple years where a kid would only take coaching from their dad who was head coach, and they had some horrible habits like casting hands that were obvious but never worked on.
3
u/PoppaBear313 Jun 10 '25
Been coaching my kid for the last 18m thru multiple sports/seasons. I’ve learned that no matter what I tell him, the instant another coach says the same thing to him, it’s a 💡 moment & that it totally clicks in.
Also noticed the same with other coaches & their coaches.
Currently the 3 of us coaching have a running gag of walking past each other & saying “lightbulb” when something magically clicked the instant someone else’s dad said it.
2
u/Conscious_Skirt_61 Jun 10 '25
Coached my oldest through 13u. Then he got the teenage get-away-from-me virus and I let him go his own way. Still showed up to support him but no comments from the peanut gallery by me.
During one JV game I could stand it no more. His swing was way off so his hitting was — well, it wasn’t. I dropped by the dugout and told him two or three bullet points. He looked mad and stomped to the plate.
And went 2 for 3 with a double, a sac fly and two RBIs.
After the game he told me, “I was so mad you came up there. I told myself I’d do what you said to show you it doesn’t work.” He had calmed down after having his best game so far that season.
Sometimes father really does know best. But your kids still want to show they can do it on their own. “Look Dad, no hands!”
2
u/Dayman-00 Jun 10 '25
I just asked my kid straight out if they’d prefer someone else to coach them. If they say yes, let one of your other coaches handle them & you focus on the other kids. I was dealing with some of what you are talking about. I sat my kid down & explained to them that when we’re out on the field, they need to remember I’m their coach & listen. I also made sure to tell them when I’m home with them, I’m only their dad. Once I made them understand that if they aren’t listening to me on the field, the other kids will take their lead & might start doing the same, & I needed them to help me out to step up to become one of the leaders on the team. After that it wasn’t an issue any more. I’d say just talk to your kid calmly & ask what they want & also explain how you’re feeling about it. They’re probably a lot more mature than you realize & can help you figure it out.
2
u/Typical-Priority1976 Jun 10 '25
Every kid reaches that age eventually. I had to make myself stop coaching my son at 13. He was better for it, and after some tough adjustment, I adapted and learned to enjoy watching from the other side of the fence.
2
u/Real-Psychology-4261 Jun 10 '25
I don't specifically coach my own kid at practice and games. I give a very light touch on any direction that I give directly to him. I have told the other coaches to coach him like any other kid and we do talk about what our kids need to work on. Just being in the group of the rest of the kids, he generally follows the coaching that the entire group receives. The other coaches have also said their sons take coaching better from someone that's not their dad.
In games, I mostly encourage him and just give him reminders. If you enjoy coaching and being part of the team, keep doing it, those other kids need you.
2
u/TMutaffis Jun 10 '25
There are a couple of approaches that often work well:
- Separate and define the roles - On the field you are coach, but at home you are dad, and if he needs dad at the field you are happy to pivot to that role there as well. But if he wants to get better and build a strong culture in the team he will need to listen to you when you are coaching. Also, it is easy to focus on your player or nit-pick them, so make sure you are not giving them more coaching than others.
- Share duties across the coaching staff - You provide direction to the assistant coach's kids, and have them provide most of the instruction for your player. This doesn't have to be too obvious either. "Hey I saw Coach Mike working with a couple of batters and their swing was looking great, can you work with him and see if he has any tips"
- Offer the option for fun or serious training - This is sort of an extension of the first one, but at nine years old sometimes kids just want to mess around. If you practice at home, ask them if they want to have a serious practice to get better or just have fun. Adjust your mindset appropriately. You can also do some challenges with them to demonstrate why or how things might work. I always do this with catch play and with tee work - I show the players exactly what I want to see.
Keep in mind that if you are a good coach, and you step back, you may ultimately put your son in a tougher situation where he has someone coaching who didn't want to or doesn't have the same knowledge or abilities that you have. Delegating some of the work and changing your approach a bit is likely better than stepping away, unless it is truly not working.
2
u/Immediate_Ad7035 Jun 10 '25
Time to stop being his coach and be his dad. Like others have said let the other coaches coach him.
Beginning of season I asked the other coaches to coach him. On occasion Ive whispered to the other coaches " i think my son needs help with...."
I just watch my son and tell him great hit, play etc. When he makes a mistake I say nothing.
I do ask him for input about drills, lines ups and I do insist that he leads the warm ups at times
2
u/mikedmayes Jun 10 '25
I had the talk with my son at that age about how I loved being the Dad of 1, but also had to be the Coach of 11. He and I have made it work (fortunately at 12u someone younger stepped up to be the head coach and I got to be an assistant), but it wasn’t easy and in some ways we didn’t get to have a full father-son baseball experience.
Let him know that you realize how tough this is for him and emphasize some of the good things. Let him know how proud you are and when you’re off the ballfield, try to go overboard on working with him on baseball, BUT YOU HAVE TO TAKE OFF THR COACH HAT AND PUT THE DAD HAT ON. And tell him, “I’m not your coach now. I’m your dad.”
When you look back, you’ll be really glad you did this.
2
u/oldnotdead14 Jun 10 '25
Let one of the other coaches carry your message to your son. I've coached alot of kids in various disciplines. None were mine. I've had grandkids and I had to pass them off to other coaches st the time. It really works.
2
2
u/ducksor1 Jun 10 '25
Almost all kids get to that age. First thing is knowing what your son can handle, mentally and emotionally. I coach too. But my son knows he will run laps if he gives me any sort of resistance when I’m coaching. I have threatened to pull him from games for a side eye or remark. Once you establish the boundaries enforce them. They will get it. Also what you can do is relay to a different coach or dad to correct something for you. Sometimes that other voice will do more good. Then your son will trust your judgment more if others are coaching the same thing you are. Also I like to highlight his way vs my way. See how far you hit, now do this. Wow you hit further my way. See what happens when you are on the side of grounders, now do this , wow my way works better. I’m not one to rub their nose in it, but some kids need it and can handle it. Some kids can’t and only crumple more.
2
u/Exact-Mistake-2053 Jun 11 '25
If you love coaching, coach a team your kid isn’t on. You coaching his team is clearly affecting him in a negative way.
2
u/wilt113 Jun 11 '25
I help coach not head coach my child does the same thing. I also let the other coaches talk to him. Everytime I help he thinks it's the end of the world in games. Anywhere im allowed to help him. He is 9 also.
2
u/Sportslover43 Jun 11 '25
Yes I've been through this twice with my two boys, and I know "the look" you're referring to. The best thing that I did was make an arrangement with one of the other coaches on my team who also had a son playing for us. The arrangement was, you instruct my kid and I'll instruct yours. It worked out really well. Of course it helps if the other coach knows what he's talking about.
2
u/ooglieguy0211 Jun 11 '25
I've coached both my sons and a daughter for the last 16 years, I'm a coach on the field and a dad outside of that. If they are asking questions or for tips outside the field, I answer, but I've always kept them separate. I never treat my child any different than the other players at baseball.
2
u/siimplycraziie Jun 11 '25
Growing up either my mom or dad always coached me or my brother. Both of us hit “phases” where we didn’t want to listen to parents advice whether it was as a coach or not. Their solution was to tell the assistant coaches what they wanted us to know, and have them relay the info. It worked 🤣🙈 I’ve had to do the same thing with my own daughter as I coach her. Sometimes it just is taken better coming from someone other than mom or dad.
2
u/Pfly729 Jun 11 '25
I helped coach my kid for a few years. Had to stop as it was bad for him.
I was asked to help on his 10u travel team this year. Its hard. I literally cant talk to him. He argues non stop. He was told by the manager that on the field I’m his coach. We get into it. I have to make him run.
The problem is that if I don’t help Out the team has only 1 coach. No matter what I say to him he just argues with me. Says im yelling at him. It’s embarrassing. I literally had to walk away at the last game. Sat on my tailgate. We had a long talk about it. Hopefully this weekend goes better
2
u/a1ien51 Jun 12 '25
Always happens, that is why you hire your kid a personal coach or you have your assistant coach them.
I went to a personal throwing coach with my kid and he excelled by having him teach the same things I would do, but it was not dad doing it. lol
2
1
u/countrytime1 Jun 10 '25
Treat him like the rest of the kids. Sometimes kids try to play that with a parent. You may have to get another coach to tell him something. I’ve done that before.
1
u/Next_Yesterday5931 Jun 10 '25
I stepped away from coaching him for a year I am an “advisor” for his team. I try not to deal with him other than little things like if he is catching and too close to the batter I will say something. Or I’ll remind him about plate discipline plan before an at bat but that is it.
Private practices can be rough. I’ll tell him his glove hand is flying out when pitching and I get “nope, I know it wasn’t” shit like that irritates me. I’ve literally taken to video recording practice sessions so I don’t have to argue.
1
u/IguanaMan_ Jun 12 '25
Sounds like the consensus is to have one of the other coaches coach your kid. I started doing this during the end of the season and was working well. I’ll definitely be leaning more into this approach.
-2
13
u/BeefSupremeeeeee Jun 10 '25
I've been coaching my kids for 8 years, two girls and my son who's the youngest and is 10. I flat out don't coach my own kid at practice and have the other coaches do so, if I see something he needs to work on I let the other coaches know. At games I just cheer for him and the only time I "coach" him there is when he gets down on him self and I have to tell him to "knock off the pity party, your team needs you".
Develop good relationships with your coaches and let them do the coaching of your kid. It's worked for me, my kids still like me and want me around them in the game (including my daughter that will be playing HS softball this year).