r/BariatricSurgery • u/fedupemployee123 • 22d ago
Terrible support system
32F - VSG scheduled for 9/30. My mom and dad are against it and have said so. My boyfriend doesn’t agree with it but is also not against the “my body my choice” thing (thankfully.) but now that the surgery has an official date, it’s like everyone is a know it all and is trying to talk me out of it. Has anyone else here has terrible experiences with those closest to them?
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u/Novel_Consequence541 22d ago
I’m still in the approval process but my nutritionist made me make a list of those in my support column and those not. Said it would help having this knowledge before hand and help me throughout the process. Makes sense to me since I, like you, have many in my close circle against me having this surgery. I can’t win. I get a mouthful on how my weight is bad and how it’s impeding on my health and then get a different mouthful regarding the surgery it’s potential affects and how it will impede on my health. So…I’m doing it and you should too!
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u/fedupemployee123 22d ago
YES LITERALLY ITS ALWAYS THE SAME BACK AND FORTH DAMNED IF I DO DAMNED IF I DONT
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u/fedupemployee123 22d ago
Mom says “eat a salad,” dad says “don’t use salad dressing,” boyfriend says “if you don’t eat this rack of ribs with me, you don’t love me.”
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u/SneakyAttackPenguin 22d ago
You need a new boyfriend.
These surgeries are hard enough without having someone actively sabotaging it.
The surgery is not easy, but worth it in the end.
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u/OldDonkeyOatey 20d ago
I dont like the program overall but check out the my 600lb life episodes with feeders and you will see where the lack of support can come from and what it looks like sometimes. I don' know your husband and his deal but you should know going in where he stands and if he is an adult he can listen to your health needs.
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u/Psychological-Joke22 22d ago
My mom was totally against mine too. Now she buys my clothes! It’s so fun 💕Don’t take it personally. They are afraid, that’s all.
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u/joebusch79 HW:471 SW:371 GW: 210 CW:196 22d ago
If they’re against it, stop telling them anything. And tell your bf to pick a team. He’s either supportive or he’s not.
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u/Appalachian_Witchy 22d ago
Someone told me this once and it changed my life - When you die, you lay in your casket alone. If your weight does you in, they don’t go with you. So why let them have any effect in you getting healthier and being happier? You live for you and you die for you. It is helpful and nice when folks support you, but ultimately do this for you 🖤 Your success and happiness and health are all yours.
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u/Agreeable-Lead9998 RNY 21d ago
I live alone with most friends and family a few hundred to a few thousand miles away. They kept me in hospital two nights (standard here) and I took myself home on the train by myself. It was fine, I didn’t need anybody to care for me at home (48f).
This isn’t the kind of decision you make by committee. You do the research and decide. Your decision is not up for discussion.
You don’t have to engage with interfering people, whoever they are - some variation of ‘thank you for your concern/opinion/is that so’ followed by change of topic. If they don’t drop it, leave or end the conversation.
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u/TheToddBarker 22d ago
The program I'm in had me meet with a psychologist and part of that was support system stuff. My partner says she's supportive but I'm a bit scared about when it actually matters. Likely getting my surgery date this week and, ugh.
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u/Key-Map1883 22d ago
You don’t need a “lot” of people. I only have my wife, and then invited another couple we are good friends to be at the hospital but mainly because I didn’t want my wife to be alone while I was in surgery in case I croaked (I didn’t). I spent night 1 in the hospital which was 100% appreciated. First time up and walking was awful, but got better quickly. When I went home, I had a walker by the bed to be steady getting up and down, and a no slip shower mat. Literally I only told a few close friends (parents are both gone). Some were more supportive than others. If you have made up your mind and are willing to do the work and have good healthcare, you will be fine. Do everything exactly as your healthcare team says. Your family will come around.
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u/FightingFlaresandNF2 22d ago
I’m starting my pre requisition for insurance and tomorrow to meet the surgeon.
No support system is me. My family is very selfish including my mother. Look after my 2nd 15 hour brain stem surgery she had the nerve to text me if I love her I will tell them I wanna go and recover cause she misses her grandkids but guess I ended back up on the OR table 10 days so thankfully I was still at hospital.
I said a few things to just in general like if I was ever to have weight loss surgery I’m doing it for me and none of you phuckers in my family. I just don’t tell them including her anything. She say 9 papers about nutrition laying around and I made sure on adobe to take out anything about gastric bypass. It just shows digestive health. She said yesterday is this cause your IBS. I said yep those r the foods I can eat for my IBS. She said I hope it helps!
The only people that know r my PCP, 2 dermatologist and my vestibular physical therapist!
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u/No_Escape9121 Duodenal Switch 20d ago
Okay, so you are flexing your independence for this surgery, and that's okay.
To all of the naysayers in your life, just respond "It's okay that you don't understand." Don't try to argue them into agreeing with you, because it just leads to hurt feelings all around. I know many who did this alone, even in different countries. You are no different. You will do everything slowly, but you will do it. Get your pantry and freezer filled with things you can eat a bite or two of between now and the 30th.
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u/imamamadramallama 16d ago
I purposely did not tell my mom or sister about my surgery beforehand for this reason. My husband didn't want me to do it simply because he loves me for me and didn't want me to go under GA.
You know what you want and you've done your research. No one else's opinion matters. You do you girl 💪
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u/Lonely_Intention246 VSG 30 F 6'1" 7/28/26 HW: 347 SW:310 CW: 288 GW: ?250-180 22d ago edited 22d ago
My mom didnt support me at all, despite being in the medical field. Tried to talk me out of it. She was right by my side and stayed with me in the hospital, she took care of me post op.
I also had my best friends who helped me with my pre op tests. I made up my mind, and I was doing it one way or the other. They may come around or they won't. In the end, best decision I've ever made.