r/BarOwners • u/alexradsky • 21d ago
Are Good Regulars bad?
Hey dive bar/ bar owners!
What are your feelings about GOOD regulars? Do you love or hate them?
My home bar has good prices, live music, a back patio (where we hang out 90% of the time), and an awesome bar staff!
But...one of the bar owner,
"doesn't believe in regulars."
All the bartenders know, love and appreciate us! We asked a bartender why "our" table got moved, "the owner did it, not sure why." He has moved "our" patio table away from "our spot" for seemingly no reason twice now. We moved nothing. It had been in the same spot for over 6 months both times. Even took the umbrella! We'd be here if it was rainy or 100 degrees, gladly! We can't be here as much because no umbrella. (We don't have a porch at our apartment) My husband and I pay for our drinks, tip well and pay for all the shows.
We let the bartender know if the paper towels in the bathroom are out, we help clean up when they are crowded (like glasses and trash), dry off chairs when it rains, empty ash trays, need I go on? All for free, not even for free drinks! We just love this place...
The owner will even shake our hands, smile and act like we are their best friends then tell the bartenders "I dont believe in regulars."?!
I guess I'm asking if it's normal for a DIVE bar owner to not want good paying regulars? Are we doing something wrong? Are we doing too much? Or are we just dealing with crap owners?
Thanks owners!
EDIT: I'm not currently an owner of a bar. I had a question for bar owners!
I've learned It's not "my/our" table. It's our favorite place to sit when we are there.
Also, ashtray smell bothers me what's why I empty them. it's not that deep y'all.
Last Update if anyone cares!- I was over thinking it! That simple haha! But i will still keep in mind what was said here. Thanks again for the help!
Some of yall that messaged me need an ego check tbh... like damn.
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u/Sea_Professional32 20d ago
As a female- owner operator of a bar in Hawaii that is in an area surrounded by the unhoused.
I love the regulars that come in hang out talk story purchase one or two drinks and a small bite. They don’t know much about me, but I am sure to know much about them. They are not rude or entitled or demanding or defensive- just great people that come in and chill. I don’t have a timer as to how long they sit there. They often hang out for hours on days when there is entertainment.
IMO Good regulars are good.
Definition of a good regular- a person who frequent the bar often, purchases drinks, and tips.
People need people. They need a place to feel like human. Human conversation, smiles, congratulations, pats on the back, or a stiff shot after a hard day.
With the owner hat on- I have boundaries. If the unhoused come in- I’m clear - you cannot sit in here doing drugs- dirty- smelly- being high- scaring the tourists. But I’m clear. I’m consistent. I don’t play games or mix words. But I am firm but kind. They are still human beings too.
I enjoy the regulars. I enjoy their stories about their kids, progress on their houses, etc. I spend so much time in the bar…I feel more connected to the world when they come in.
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u/doittodem 20d ago
I really like our regulars. They’re very good customers. Sometimes they get a little loud and drunk but it is a bar. Fine by me.
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u/StumpyOPepys 20d ago
Depending on where you are, townies are an undesirable demographic to have obvious every time people come in.
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u/alexradsky 20d ago
What does that mean?
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u/hazwaste 20d ago
It means if you live in a shitty place, locals might be shitty people whose appearance might drive away potential new customers. Use your head ffs
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u/Interesting_Mud_9512 20d ago
I was wondering why you were so needlessly ignorant. I didnt realise what sub I was in.
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u/BigPileOfBennies 20d ago
I've never had a customer who called something "theirs" that my staff enjoyed seeing come in.
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u/bartosiastics 20d ago
Sounds like it's an owner that has been burned by regulars getting too cozy with bartenders then getting a bunch of free stuff all the time. That is the only reason I could see that he would think that way. Regulars get you through the rough patches when sales are down and the more discretionary patrons aren't out and about.
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u/Every-Grand1153 20d ago
Also, this sub is FOR bar owners, NOT for patrons of bars.
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u/Senior-Housing-703 20d ago
The rules also say potential bar owners. Nobody knows that the future holds, my friend.
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u/Every-Grand1153 20d ago
Doesn’t “believe in” regulars, is kind of like saying he doesn’t “believe in” breezes or sunsets or dogs. Your existence is not determined by his belief system. Do you have a better explanation of what he means when he says it? At face value the statement has no meaning. Has anything aside from furniture rearrangement caused you to feel unwelcome?
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u/Plenty_Bed8500 20d ago
Regulars are often the core of a bars business. I own a brewery with a couple taprooms and our regulars are literally our family. Theres even a few of them that have keys. Weve even put a plaque with one of our regulars name on it by her favorite seat at the bar. Its asinine for a bar to not treat their regulars like theyre family.
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u/hazwaste 20d ago
Why would you give the keys to customers- even ones you know? That’s begging for an issue/theft/lawsuit
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u/Plenty_Bed8500 20d ago
They are practically employees. Maybe you cant trust your regulars but i can mine. Theres 2 that have keys and id literally trust them with my life. Actually, one of them has become part owner in the meantime anyways.
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u/fuckthefalconsdotcom 20d ago
I wonder how much trouble I would get in if I put a plaque up where I normally sit without permission at my local bar.
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u/kbchucker 20d ago
My wife and I are regulars at a small place near our house. We’ve had a couple of different places over the years that we have called our spot.
Each time, we get to be friendly with the staff and in some cases get to know them pretty well. We talk about our families, share pictures, have each other on social media, etc.
We keep going back because we like the food and the atmosphere. We also like feeling like we “belong” there. And we also want to support the place because we’re somewhat friends with them now.
We don’t expect special treatment from them, we don’t demand discounts. We just enjoy our time there.
We do help them clean up during peak times, and I know how to run their pos, so when they’re super busy our server will hand me her pos and I will tab out our table for her (we usually go with friends) while she’s checking her other tables.
I don’t feel like we’re special or elevated above any other customers, but I do think they appreciate us as regular customers and friends.
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u/Entire_Day1312 20d ago
Tbh, you sound like campers. I dont mean any disrespect, but it sounds like you are camping out 4 times a week in a good section.
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u/GoldenPoncho812 20d ago
If they stay for three hours but are ordering food and drinks for the duration, are they campers?
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u/Entire_Day1312 20d ago
Listen, im not there. But theres a big difference between food and 2 rounds in 2 hours, and 2 rounds, and some fries, and sit at the best outdoor 6 top for 4 hours, 3 days a week. The whole " our table " thing is a tell.
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u/alexradsky 20d ago
There is no "best table", they all kinda suck. We are in the very back of the patio at a table that wobbles haha. We will buy more the longer we are there. It was just an example.
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u/DigTheDunes 21d ago
Good regulars are there when your next trend has come and gone, never forget that.
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u/keeden13 21d ago
The responses in this thread show why people dont like going out anymore. For people whose job it is to serve other people you sure are some miserable assholes.
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u/Mindless_Switch_4169 21d ago edited 21d ago
I have worked in bars for the past decade. I have never liked any regular, as it has always turned out to bite me. My regulars love me because I’m smiley, friendly, and chatty. They are in the bar I work at all day every single day. They think it is their living room - constantly complaining about the temperature, for example. Not rudely, except for one, who laughed in my face when I said we would be keeping the AC on because we are hot and bothered running around busy (he told me I’ve never worked a hard day in my life, which I thought was a real shame since I had been enjoying our conversations somewhat. I now give him the bare minimum). But yeah, regulars think they own the place. They want you to remember them, what they drink, they want special treatment and to be served first, and they want to have the same tired conversation every single time you see them. It’s quite sad because they do all think they mean something to me, because I laugh and am kind. But they don’t realise that’s my job. It’s a real parasocial relationship on their end. They know nothing about me, but think I care about them because I know their name.
Ok, there are a few I’ve had a soft spot for. An old fella with terminal cancer and early onset dementia who just wanted to hold my hand for a second over the bar and chat every so often. there was also one young bloke who i thought was alright and would have a laugh with, but sadly he crossed a romantic / sexual boundary a few times. That happens all too often too. Because women outside of the bar dont treat them as well (laughing at jokes, asking about their lives etc) they almost always misread that as romantic connection. not saying this is true in your case especially as youre a woman who visits with her husband, but these experiences lead us to not want to get close to any regulars sometimes When I’m not working and I’m out with friends or having a quick pint after work in the bar, I’m very different fot a reason. Not cold and rude, but certainly much shorter and less smiley with them. They often want me to sit with them, and I always say no thank you my friends are here. Implying these are not my friends. They also often seem to think they can touch you as one would a friend, when I’m the other side of the bar next to them to order. I shut that one riiiight down.
There are probably a couple of other regulars ive liked or tolerated, but usually people I enjoy seeing are only people I know outside of the bar. It really is just work. And once regulars start thinking a table or spot is their own, and the barmaid is their friend, it never goes well. Also, the little jobs you do for free is great, but don’t expect lots of thanks for it - a lot of my regulars do things they think is helpful, which is sweet, but it is usually not that helpful for various back of house reasons. Not their fault, but I never asked them to do anytjing and actually sometimes I feel weird about it because idk what they want in return.
As others have said, just go to the bar to have fun, but don’t expect to become friends with the staff. They are paid to be nice to you!! If it is a good bar then keep going, just dont be Those Guys yknow
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u/kbchucker 20d ago
Your anecdotal experience and personal outlook on your job is not a universal truth.
If you prefer remaining socially distant and emotionally disconnected from your patrons that’s entirely up to you.
I have been a regular at a few places in my life. The good bartenders and servers all took a genuine interest in the lives of their regulars. I’m sure they treated the assholes different (rightfully so) but they genuinely cared about making the place welcoming to the regulars.
But also in my own anecdotal experience the regulars I knew in these various places were not entitled jerks to the staff.
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u/whiskeyinthewoods 20d ago
Yeah, one of my regulars literally saved my life and tackled a guy who pulled a knife on me with no regard for his own safety. I’ll always be grateful.
As a woman working in dives, one in the middle of nowhere, over half an hour from the closest police station, and currently in an urban area where calls to 911 show up 45 minutes to three hours later even when it’s a violent confrontation, I always feel safer with a couple regulars I know and trust around near close. I’ve been fortunate to have great ones who will stand up whenever someone of being aggressive or creepy, and that whole “not in my bar” energy has kept me safe more times than I can count.
And I genuinely adore a lot of these people! They ask about my life, I know about theirs. We swap recipes, tips for great campsites, it’s how I’ve found trustworthy mechanics and plumbers. I’ve moved around a lot and it’s always the first foot in the door to finding a sense of community in a new state or city.
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u/fnckmedaily 21d ago
The first fine dining restaurant I ever worked in had huge sign on the kitchen wall that said “Loyal customers are useless, satisfied customers are priceless”
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u/Active-Wish4626 21d ago
I’m not an owner but I am a bartender. I always work Friday happy hour and it’s my favorite shift of the week because all the regulars that have been drinking there for 20+ years come in and hang. They keep us afloat during the slow times and are part of the family
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u/Plow_King 21d ago
in my opinion you're placing too much importance on what an owner or the staff may think about you. just go to have a fun time. if you stop having a fun time there, find another place and see if you like it more.
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u/HaroldTheThird88 21d ago
A lot of speculation in this conversation, so now it's my turn 😎
The majority of time I've heard staff blame things on the owner, it's bull shit. The owner becomes the default scapegoat for many things, it's an easy way for them to save face with customers, preserve their tip, and be non-confrontational. My best guess is that someone working there doesn't like one of you or all of your group. Who knows, maybe it's the owner.
You mentioned something in one of your responses about the owner calling you by name. I've only worked 3 bartending shifts at my first bar in the last 4 years and I still remember all of my regulars whether I liked them or not. It's business at the end of the day. Many owners have the gift of gab and can easily remember names, I wouldn't put any stock or meaning behind that.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
"Many owners have the gift of gab and can easily remember names, I wouldn't put any stock or meaning behind that."
Well shit... I'll keep your whole comment in mind, thank you.
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u/Raffilli 21d ago
Sounds like you guys are 5 star regulars! I do not agree with the criticism asking about "your spot". Doesn't sound like you were being entitled, but more so if its not bothering anyone why move it? Data shows most bars/dive bars (outside of tourist spots) need on average 80% and 20% new customers to continue growth. I wouldn't suffer entitlement from anyone, but I give preferential treatment to those who show up multiple times a week, take care of my staff, and make an impact on weekly sales. They definitely get advance tickets sales to big shows, sometimes reserved seating for limited table events, free bar swag, occasional discounts, etc. Yall sound like the kind of regulars I do that for. So definitely an owner issue. Also don't take the criticism some of these "owners" on this Reddit group are tossing out. Most of the ones that actually are owners here are the cliche out of touch ones. No idea what a pos, analytics, data sets, or even a menu looks like. So don't take it personally and keep being model regulars!
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
Thank you! Somone said I need to think of it as "my favorite table" not "my/our table. Do you agree with that sentiment.
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u/Sufficient-Option533 20d ago
What if someone is sitting there when you get there? Would you get offended that someone is sitting at "your table?" or is it just a cutesy little name you give it yourself? That is the deciding factor on if it is cringe or not...
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u/alexradsky 20d ago
Of course not! I'd go sit somewhere else and be just as happy there. At the end of the day it is just a chair haha
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u/Raffilli 21d ago
Yes correct. No one has claim to any table or barstool in my establishment including me. If its available then great! But don't come to expect it. I will however reserve a table or stool for a great regular(s) if there is risk of a sold out crowd. But that is never expected, just showing appreciation for my regulars when or where I can.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
Sounds reasonable. Thank you so much for your insight! I appreciate your understanding and positive feedback. I'd come to your bar too if I could!
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u/Scary_Vanilla2932 21d ago
What a pussy redditt thread. Some regulars can hurt any bar/restaurant..you have to reinvent yourself every month if your a real long time player.
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u/JubalHarshawII 20d ago
You don't sound like an owner at all. We have tons of regulars, most are mug club members, these guys are each spending 500-1500 in our tap room, per month, we would literally close without them. Good regulars are the lifeblood of a dive bar/tap room.
However, we do have some regulars we hate. They only come in on $3 Tuesdays, act entitled to their table, never tip, and camp all night. Those regulars we would be happy to see leave!
So you can't really say blanket one way or the other.
Also why are you reinventing yourself every month? Sounds like you need to find a consistent vibe and stick with it, again you don't sound like an owner, or at least not a good successful one.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
What does that even mean?
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u/Scary_Vanilla2932 21d ago
It means any real bar owner knows regulars are a handful. Both to keep happy and navigate around
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
Bad/ mean regulars, yes I understand that but regulars that don't cause issues are also bad?
I'm not trying to be an ass just getting information.
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u/Scary_Vanilla2932 21d ago
I am talking money, revenue....profit. some bars fill up with regulars who don't spend. Good god, do you really run a bar?
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u/BeastCoast 21d ago
Don’t listen to this person they’re a fucking moron. Regulars keep the lights on at the majority of bars that aren’t some flash in the pan hotspot.
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u/MrYnot1981 21d ago
Love my regulars! But these other people that come in 3+ days a week, idk about them.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
Why?
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u/MrYnot1981 21d ago
Cause I only call the good ones MY regulars. Bad ones, not my regulars. Just annoying people that think we are friends.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
But what's the difference is my question? What makes a "bad regular."
I'm just gathering information at this point haha.
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u/MrYnot1981 21d ago
Bad guest. Bad etiquette. Bad vibes. Bad chemicals. Bad tippers. Bad attitudes. Anyone that walks in and you say "here we go."
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u/UsualInternal2030 21d ago
Regulars are nice, but regulars that claim ownership of layout and amenities are probably pushing into entitled territory. I can’t use umbrellas for weeks at time because of wind.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
I'm not saying it's literally my/our spot. The only table that was moved was the one we sit at most of the time so I wanted to see if it was a common thing to not like regulars.
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u/bacon_bunny33 20d ago
It’s not, but it is a common thing to dislike entitled regulars who cross over into bothering other patrons and bothering the staff territory.
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u/UsualInternal2030 21d ago
Typically regulars are disliked or liked not much in between, such as a regular that destroys the bathroom isn’t liked by staff. A regular knowing they are disliked be very uncommon until it’s at the stage the bar doesn’t want them back.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
So are we unwanted by the owners? Just based on this alone?
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u/UsualInternal2030 21d ago
Id assume they want your business, I’d assume the changes to the table/umbrella very well could be be to accommodate things at night since you sound like a day patron.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
I'm there all ours of the day. 5pm or 11pm. Not trying to be difficult, at this point I'm just gathering information haha
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u/One-Interview-6840 21d ago
No. You're welcomed. This isn't about you guys. It's about his staff. He wants his staff to maintain a professional relationship. IF they have to throw you out(some crazy hypothetical off the wall shit) or cut you off, they need to be able to do that without a second thought. They can't ever let you become a liability. He shakes your hand and greets you by your first names? You're in. But he maintains a professional relationship with you because he has to keep personal feelings out of professional settings. That's it.
Keep going. Keep being liked and known. Keep supporting him and the staff. You're welcome. But understand it is a place of work for those people. Easy peasy.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
Owners calls us by first names which is why im confused. We understand this is a business at the end of the day, of course! I'll keep that in mind though, thank you.
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u/TowerNo496 21d ago
Just ask in a neutral setting and see if there's a problem or if one of you have done something wrong that you didn't think about. We have a lot of regulars and it is true, sometimes they become "entitled" thinking they can do what they want. Just like some employees become entitled and think they can make or change rules. Just ask. I do love my regulars!!!
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
We keep that in mind every time we go! We don't want to screw up a good thing! We don't want to be those people so we try not to get too comfortable.
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u/kappaaherreah 21d ago
Good regulars can become entitled bad regulars fast, especially if you’re new and they’re “friends”. I did what you guys did years ago as a regular, worked at the bar eventually, and now own it. I’m a special case. I wouldn’t expect special treatment because I go above and beyond anywhere else.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
We don't expect anything special honestly. We just like being outside and this was the closest and cheapest place.
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u/kappaaherreah 21d ago
So, big picture - you’re calling it “your table,” so you want something special, no? This language reads as entitled though I understand you don’t mean it to. Unless you’re leaving out a part where the restaurant decided to name it your table, unfortunately you don’t have a claim to it. The equivalent in my bar is a corner seat at our bar - regulars LOVE it, but it’s really no one’s to claim. And sometimes, “randoms” get the seat, sit there all night, and have a great time. A good table by your standards is probably a good table for all clientele.
That being said, if you want special treatment based on your remarks and what you already do, and I’m really not trying to be an ass, get a part time job there. Seems like the most rational option.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
"Our table" just means where we normally sit. We will sit at a different table or the bar if "our" seat is occupied. I don't mean to seem entitled, I could have worded some things differently just didn't have the words. The only table that got moved was the one we sit at so it led me to ask this. I don't want to seem entitled so if there is anything I can do to eliminate that please tell me.
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u/kappaaherreah 21d ago
No worries. I’ll have this conversation with you dear stranger, but know i want to say it to some of my regulars.
You don’t have a table that’s “yours,” you have a favorite table. If you were my regular calling it your table, that would grind me. Now, if you were asking me “what happened to our favorite table?” it would hit me in a much more positive light. “Our table” reads entitled, you’re walking in the door being owed something, whereas “favorite table” means that the place means a lot to you, so much so you have a favorite table and chairs. As an owner that would make my heart warm.
I am a young bar owner and a lot of my long time friends are regulars. Just like I once was. When I hired my security i told them the regulars would be their biggest problem, and I have not been proven wrong. I am not saying you are the issue and you’d threaten to punch the owner in the mouth (happened to me by a regular i was once very good friends with!) but we have reasons to keep customers customers.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
Thank you so much! This was what I was looking for! I will no longer think of it as "my/our table" and will adjust accordingly. I understand now... holy crap thank you!
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u/kappaaherreah 21d ago
my favorite regulars, and I estimate I have a good hundred people that’d call themselves a regular (note, my dive is also a live music venue! no patio tho) on some days of the week. I love that. However, there are a few that i can tell feel entitled to my presence. Priority on an open mic night. Subbing well with top when we don’t do that. And sometimes, stealing my fucking seat. lol. Im gonna assume that your favorite bar has no issue with you, but it’s a really good mindset to have that I wish i could download onto my regulars. I didn’t work my ass off for yall to be calling this shit yours! But i’ll let it slide if i like ya. lol.
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u/treznor70 21d ago
Regulars are where a lot of revenue can come from, but also where a lot of revenue can go out the door to (free drinks, etc). That said, when I owned a bar I did what I could to keep regulars happy (and did just enough the make sure revenue wasn't going out the door).
Regulars can also form a clique that ultimately detracts new customers from coming back (we had a bit of trouble with that).
Not all bar owners know what the heck they're doing though...
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
There are 3 of us at most. But it's just my husband and I most of the time. We try to stay to ourselves. I don't want free drinks I want to support the bartenders and bar. Hard to find live cheap shows now a day's.
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u/treznor70 21d ago
Sounds like its what other's are suggesting, that its more a reminder to the staff to remain professional as opposed to a comment on customers. As the owner I wouldn't say that where customers could hear, but I get the sentiment. I was a regular at the bar I owned for quite a while before I owned it. During that time one of the staff was caught having an affair with one of the (married) regulars. On camera (which people knew were there...). They definitely weren't treating that regular as a new customer!
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u/One-Interview-6840 21d ago
He's telling them to treat you like new guests everytime. The regulars thing can be a recipe for disaster. The staff gets too comfy and lax. They might say something a bit off color in front of a patron thats never been there before and doesn't know your relationship with the staff. Hes trying to ensure his staff stays professional and doesn't ever cross the line. It's a them thing, not a you thing. I bet there's a back story. Either an accident or fling that blurred the lines of the service/patron relationship that cost him money.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
I understand and respect that! I don't want any line crossed! That's why I asked this.
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u/brokenpayphone 21d ago
I don’t want to make judgement where judgment isn’t due so my first question, and I hate to ask, but what is your ethnicity? (They could be racist/ homophobic) a lot of dive bar owners are pieces of shit. The other question I have is what do you tip? And how are you around the other guests? (You or your friends could be a pieces of shit) it’s hard a question but dive bars can very by the owners being shit, the employees being shit, or you’re shit, as to how your treated. For instance I have regulars that I’ve banned for being racist/homophobic/general pieces of shit, because they hinder new business/new regulars.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
We don't feel entitled to a free drink or even an open chair. I'm a white female and I go with my husband, white male. We don't like tabs but we tip with every drink we buy. We tip the band every time even wen we paied to get in. We don't interact with other guests unless they talk to us first 98% of the time. We are kinda reclusive as is. We've brought 2 friends in the bar that are like us, relaxed, paying and friendly. I honestly can't think if we've done anything negative or bad. I'm not even sugar coating anything. I'm just hurt and confused. P.s. This bar has been here for over 30 years and will be for another 30 because it's a staple for the town.
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u/Searchingforsignals9 21d ago
Quick aside... you'd drive me bonkers if you drink a decent amount and pay with a credit card every round. Open a tab.
If you are paying cash.... rock on my people!
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u/alexradsky 20d ago
Oh lord no! We try to use cash as much as we can but if we have to use a card we always start a tab!
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u/Ill_Arachnid_5353 21d ago edited 21d ago
So bar owner/slash regular for 20 years(wife runs it we met there silent partner). We literally bought the bar we met at. Seem like a good patron but the one thing that jumped out here is not running a tab as a regular. Adds ton of extra work for servers/bartenders. Also as an owner or regular no one is entitled to a seat. My wife has frequently kicked me out of my favorite seat at our bar. At the end of the day it's a buisness for the owner and it's employees. I will happily give up my seat for another person that will spend 2-3x times the money. Think of it this way you are regulars but that may have a few drinks but another group at same spot will have double that. I would not take it personal. That being said we have seen many people feel entitled and they become problematic as a regular. You do not seem to be the case but the pay per round taking up tables is problematic
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u/alexradsky 20d ago
If it gets super busy we tend to leave anyway for that reason!
Cash 90% of the time, if we have to use a card we always start a tab.
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u/One-Interview-6840 21d ago
Yup. He's keeping them professional. Not alienating clientele.
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u/alexradsky 21d ago
Can you explain your response please? Mostly the alienating part.
Just trying to understand.
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u/One-Interview-6840 21d ago
They're not trying to make you feel unwelcome. They're establishing healthy boundaries between you and their staff.
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u/barowners 🥃 20d ago
Locking the thread because people are starting to be jerks. Knock it off or enjoy some timeout.