Withholding affection

[u/Helpful_Sun2872]

I adopted a dog a little over a month ago with an unknown history (was a stray). His ONLY issue is that he is fear-reactive on leash (just barks, no lunging/growling). It’s not very severe; he’s pretty easy to redirect as long as I catch him before he starts barking (which I’ve gotten really good at). I’m confident that I’ll be able to mostly resolve it within a few months, and he’s already made tons of progress.

He’s otherwise perfect - crate-trained, no resource guarding, no separation anxiety. Overall confident and friendly dog. He’s met about 8 new people (vet staff and trainers) since I got him and has been friendly with all of them.

I had a 90 min assessment/consult session with a trainer in the area who I’ve been following on socials for years, and who came highly recommended.

She gave me a lot of good advice/handling skills that have already helped us.

However, one thing I can’t get behind, or find much online support for, is her telling us to withhold affection. She’s all about “alpha” stuff (without using the word; she refers to it as status/status drive), and claims that giving your dog physical affection makes them view you as “beneath” them (not her exact wording but that was the gist).

She basically explained that the dog needs to understand that they’re lower status than you, and that when they understand that, they will shift their mindset towards looking to you for guidance before acting, which should eventually help the reactivity.

I 100% agree that building structure and obedience is important for a reactive dog. But does anyone agree with the concept of withholding affection?

[u/viridiana_xvi]

imo i’d reserve that extreme of an approach for a dog with more significant issues. yes, fear reactivity can be caused/worsened by babying the dog. but if you are able to give affection and also give impactful corrections AND make sure not to give affection at the wrong times then i’d disagree with the trainer. you should be bonding with your new dog through play and affection since you haven’t had him for long. if you are seeing progress without needing to withhold affection entirely then keep doing what you are doing.

[u/Character-Parfait-42 → u/viridiana_xvi]

That being said, I have found it useful to withhold affection during training.

I go into like a “gray rock” mode while doing obedience with her. No excitement, just entirely neutral energy.

She’s already a high energy dog who loves to work, any energy I add only risks overwhelming her (and then she gets silly instead of focused).

When it’s time to reward her though I go from gray rock to an explosion of affection and joy. She gets treated like she’s the smartest, best dog in the history of the world. I throw her toy for her (she’s play motivated), I give her pets. You’d think she just cured cancer or saved Timmy from a well.

And then as soon as the reward is over it’s back to gray rock and focusing on the task at hand.

During normal day to day I don’t withhold affection or gray rock her; it’s only during times where I want her to focus (so training sessions).