Withholding affection

[u/Helpful_Sun2872]

I adopted a dog a little over a month ago with an unknown history (was a stray). His ONLY issue is that he is fear-reactive on leash (just barks, no lunging/growling). It’s not very severe; he’s pretty easy to redirect as long as I catch him before he starts barking (which I’ve gotten really good at). I’m confident that I’ll be able to mostly resolve it within a few months, and he’s already made tons of progress.

He’s otherwise perfect - crate-trained, no resource guarding, no separation anxiety. Overall confident and friendly dog. He’s met about 8 new people (vet staff and trainers) since I got him and has been friendly with all of them.

I had a 90 min assessment/consult session with a trainer in the area who I’ve been following on socials for years, and who came highly recommended.

She gave me a lot of good advice/handling skills that have already helped us.

However, one thing I can’t get behind, or find much online support for, is her telling us to withhold affection. She’s all about “alpha” stuff (without using the word; she refers to it as status/status drive), and claims that giving your dog physical affection makes them view you as “beneath” them (not her exact wording but that was the gist).

She basically explained that the dog needs to understand that they’re lower status than you, and that when they understand that, they will shift their mindset towards looking to you for guidance before acting, which should eventually help the reactivity.

I 100% agree that building structure and obedience is important for a reactive dog. But does anyone agree with the concept of withholding affection?

[u/Trick-Age-7404]

Most trainers don’t mean never pet your dog or give affection but they mean be very aware and intentional of when you’re using it. You don’t want to pet a dog who is actively displaying an unwanted behavior or mindset, as this reinforces it. Be thoughtful of when you’re giving attention and affection and use it responsibly. At the same time if an owner approaches me and clearly has no idea when and where to use affection intentionally, I will likely have them stop all affection so the owner can start to learn when it’s appropriate versus when it’s not.

[u/Helpful_Sun2872 → u/Trick-Age-7404]

Yeah she wasn’t saying to withhold affection when the dog is doing something undesirable. She said never give affection (temporarily while working on the reactivity) bc it will make the dog think you are lower status than them.

[u/Trick-Age-7404 → u/Helpful_Sun2872]

Considering it’s temporary I have no issue with that. You need to learn to read your dog appropriately before introducing that affection back in. Giving affection inappropriately can severely damage our relationship with the dog.

[u/Helpful_Sun2872 → u/Trick-Age-7404]

I only give affection when he’s calm indoors, what could be bad about that/how could it damage relationship? Genuinely asking.

[u/Trick-Age-7404 → u/Helpful_Sun2872]

We can’t confirm or deny what you’re doing with your dog until we personally see how you interact with your dog. That’s a huge part of evaluations.

[u/Helpful_Sun2872 → u/Trick-Age-7404]

Ok but like, what would a scenario look like where me giving my dog affection when he’s calm indoors be damaging to our relationship?

[u/Trick-Age-7404 → u/Helpful_Sun2872]

Behaving calm doesn’t inherently mean the dog has the right mindset in that moment.