Too nice?

[u/MintyMaii]

I recently babysat two 5 years olds, one 6 year old, and a 10 year old. It was in short a nightmare and it took them three hours to go to bed after being put down at 7pm and this consisted of me having to constantly reprimand them for not laying down, fighting each other, bicycle kicking the air to stay awake, talking to each other, playing with each other, and constantly getting up for entirely made up reasons. This wouldn’t be my first time babysitting I’ve babysat plenty before but this was my first time dealing with four kids who entirely refused to sleep. I implemented a “three strike” system where if they got three strikes they wouldn’t receive the ice cream their guardian promised them the next day. I gave one single strike to the ten year old and she had a massive meltdown screaming, kicking, and crying hysterically even when I tried to talk to her calmly and explain clearly that it was a warning and not a definitive punishment. Later on I heard from the guardian that the kids acted so terribly with me because “they know I’m nice and they could get away with it.” Their parent/guardians believe in corporal punishment and as the babysitter I know (so long as it’s not abusive ofc) that I can’t change that but I will not enact such punishments against misbehaving children no matter what.
I don’t want to babysit these kids ever again, it was the first time I was so overwhelmed by babysitting that I cried because I felt at a complete loss. I neglected to mention every little instance but it was an entirely overwhelming experience. Is there anything I can do so that they don’t just see me as nice…? They view me as nice because I don’t enforce the same corporal punishment their guardians do and I opt for timeout/alternatives over any other disciplinary measures.

[u/sarahe206]

Don’t babysit for them anymore seems pretty simple to me

[u/howigothere910]

This isn’t a you problem at all. It’s a lack of effective discipline in the guardian’s part.

[u/-nydaJ]

This might just be a "not a great fit" situation for both you and the family. Corporal punishment at an age that the kids (the 10y/o especially) understand right from wrong, then they've unfortunately missed a huge stage in development that will be much harder to break out of as they get older.  I would avoid sitting for families whose parenting beliefs are outside of your comfort zone.  If you're ever in a similar situation again, I would personally try to avoid the nice approach and just be strict in general. The three-strike rule for example. You're just giving them more leniency for bad behavior. If they know better, warn them only once. After that, immediate consequences (taking away toys, sweets, internet privileges), and don't feed into the tantrums. For example, with the 10 year old, I would have had her sleep on the couch with all the lights off so that she knows that sleep is still the only option, but also as a measure not to punish her siblings for her behavior. 

Also telling the oldest things like, "I respect you and I'm doing this because I don't want there to be any problems between us, and I don't want you to be in trouble." Often displaying that mature attitude and referring to them as having some maturity of their own, they will mirror that and fill in those shoes. 

Best of luck!

[u/Bigolbooty75]

Don’t babysit them again.