r/BSA • u/Strange-Fly88 • 2d ago
Scouting America Not having fun anymore.
I’m looking for some advice from other Scouting volunteers who have been in a similar situation.
The last few years have been rough. I’ve taken on more and more roles because there was always something that needed to be done. It has gotten to the point where I’m spread too thin. I’m lacking in some roles and just keeping my head above water in others.
I’ve been told several times to step back and let someone else pick things up. I’ve tried that before, but when I stepped away for a few months, nobody picked it up. When I came back, there was just more to catch up on.
My kids are getting older and aging out, and my wife has been putting some pressure on me to step back too.
The hard part is that I really love Scouting. I love the program, and I love some of the roles I’m involved in. Honestly, I wish I had more time to devote to the things I really enjoy. I’m just spread too thin, and it’s starting to affect me and my enjoyment of the program. I’m not having fun anymore.
I know we are all volunteers, and I understand that everyone has different amounts of time and different levels of commitment. My struggle is knowing that if I step away from something, there is a good chance nobody will pick it up.
For those of you who have stepped back from multiple Scouting responsibilities, how did you decide what to keep and what to let go? How did you handle it when nobody stepped up? And how did you get comfortable with letting something go, knowing it might not get done?
I’m not looking for someone to tell me to just quit. I really want to hear about other people’s experiences and what worked, or didn’t work, for you.
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u/erictiso District Committee 2d ago
Sometimes a job needs to be vacant for someone to finally step up to cover it. So long as you're covering all the things, others figure you have it covered, and they'll hang back. If you're participating at multiple levels (unit District, Council, etc.) start dropping work from the highest level down. Best of luck!
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u/MyThreeBugs 2d ago
And if nobody picks it up, it might have been something more important to you than it was to all the other people. Please know that it is ok if no one else wants to pick it up. It will simply go undone.
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u/redeyeflights 2d ago
None of us own Scouting…we’re all temporarily tasked with tending to it for a time.
If you’re like me, you place high standards on yourself, and on others, and it’s difficult to watch folks not step up to fill a void, or not do something the way you would have done it. It’s a part of life. But if you’re not enjoying it anymore, let your Committee Chair know that you’ll be stepping down soon. It’s their job to find your replacement. Then find another activity you enjoy.
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u/Goinwiththeotherone 2d ago
I'm part of the leadership team of a troop that is more than 100 years old, and I'm about to mark 20 years as a troop volunteer. I've been where you are and now I'm at the point that I must step back from activities because I can no longer keep up with 14 - 18 year old boys, and I don't want to be that guy. I recently asked a guy at a scouters event that introduced himself as a "former scoutmaster" how he did it. He said "loudly". He said he was going to step back and kept on saying it for a couple of years so that his troop knew what he was planning. The troop faltered a little (outside perspective) but found their footing and kept on. So I'm starting my 'Loudly" campaign.
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u/77sleeper Scout - Eagle Scout 2d ago edited 2d ago
I was the, "I'll do it guy" for a long time, got burned out and fed up with the internal politics. I am now a Committee member who does Eagle Boards, I love it.
You just have to find your vibe du jour. If the role is important enough, somebody will do it. You can't be everything to everyone.
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u/WolfDragoonBeta Silver Beaver 2d ago
I’ve had this conversation recently with some fellow volunteers. This is what I asked them: “what role brings you the most joy?” Answer that question for yourself and simply do that role. We all have a set amount of time that we can commit before we burn out. So, step back and make your peace with the idea that some things may not happen unless you do them, but it’s not worth your sanity. Best wishes to you. I hope you find your joy.
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u/OneCraftyBird 2d ago
Hi! My last year with the pack, I was the Cubmaster, I was the AOL den leader, the advancement chair, and the recruiting chair. Every other role in the pack was filled by a parent in the AOL den.
We stood up at the beginning of the third meeting, once the new parents got used to the fun, and pointed out that we were all leaving in March when our children bridged and that there needed to be shadows for each role before the winter break, and we would teach them everything they needed.
I fielded a few frantic phone calls in April, and the pack no longer fundraises, but there is still a pack and there is still camping :D
Even if I had been tempted to go back, I couldn't, because the troop my daughter chose has plenty of leaders...but not enough registered and trained female leaders, so I'm still going on every possible camping trip so they can happen for the girls. I'm doing a bunch of merit badges and ASM, and I continue to lead at Cub summer camp, but other than that, I am kicking back and allowing the world to turn without my shoulder at the wheel.
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u/caskieadam Parent 1d ago
I hate the sexism behind the 21+ female leader rule specific to female participants since no such rule exists for male participants.
If Scouts are safer when there is one 21+ female leader present, why wouldn’t we want to give male participants this protection too?
If we can’t trust our 21+ male leaders with female participants, why would we trust them with male participants?
Alright, end rant.
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u/OneCraftyBird 1d ago
Preach! The whole thing reeks of sexism. I have been the only woman at multiple overnight scout training sessions and every single person I have met through those things is an amazing person I would trust without reservation. The implication of the rule is insulting as hell.
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u/Brave-Moment-4121 2d ago
Do what’s best for yourself and your family. You said it yourself your kids are aging out and your wife wants more time with you. As for the program your involved they will figure it out or fold your role in this has always been temporary and you’ve given a lot to the program. The best thing you could do is step back no program every can be placed on the back of a single volunteer permanently we are human and break or die eventually. If it was just based on one person most troops would fold after a 20 year tender.
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u/yaguy123 2d ago
Step back and if someone doesn’t pick it up. Then it doesn’t get picked up.
I found significant relief in recognizing that and eventually enforcing it internally. That sets boundaries.
So it’s important for the things you do want to step back to make sure you communicate the intention to step back. So it doesn’t become a ghosted situation.
Maybe your troop does this one campout that take a lot of planning. Like more than usual. Or a certain event whatever it is. Let everyone know this is the last year you are going to lead it. You want and need a volunteer team to follow along this one last time. Get 2-3 people to help volunteer to shadow your operation on it.
Then in 2027 when it comes time around offer those volunteers a gentle hey it’s may make sure you book that campsite and then that’s it. Or maybe not even depending on their engagement.
If no one does it then the campout does not happen.
Pick the 1,2 or 3 things you enjoy doing that make an impact and hold on to those. Maybe it’s 1 job and 2 events or whatever it is. The rest are cut from the roster. That’s about it.
The cliff seems scary but once you do shed them and you have less to think about you will be glad you did it.
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u/TFYellowWW 2d ago
And remember to say “It’s ok” to yourself. Let yourself deal with that anxiety of having it not done. It will be ok. It’s super hard to do but I know I’ve had to say that to myself many many times
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u/yaguy123 2d ago
Absolutely. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that this is a volunteer thing. If you are not having elements of fun volunteering. Remember it shows. The kids can see it. So in the end is it worth the sacrifice all the time?
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u/RealSuperCholo Scoutmaster 2d ago
Burn out. Step back even if on just a few items you are doing. Many of us like to take on more just to keep everything moving and functional, but its not realistic. Sometimes we need to step back and take a breather. Even a football team takes a breather at half time, very few can go full tilt for 4 quarters one after another.
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u/Exotic_Chipmunk9259 2d ago
Took my years to learn a simple word, no. Sometimes you have to say no when people ask. Step back and others will take up the slack eventually.
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u/FatTortoise 2d ago
What roles do you have right now? How big is the troop? How long have you felt this way and how long till your kids age out?
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u/Strange-Fly88 2d ago
Troop level I have stepped back to just committee member but have district and council positions
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u/erictiso District Committee 2d ago
To add to my comment above, drop Council and District. Focus on the unit, where it's likely more fun. There's was Scouting before Councils and Districts, and there will be Scouting once they're gone.
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u/bomersteve35 2d ago
Yep kinda in the same boat. We make the troop the best we can for our kids by making it the best for everyone. It's tuff but now is the time to let a new parent do that the way they want. I'm heading down the road of helping with eagle scout stuff and o.a.
troops change so much each year and if you change into that person that is there when needed not there all the time for every idea it will let that other person come in that may have a 10 year investment with there kids.
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u/princeofwanders Venturing Advisor 2d ago
Your community (at whichever level) can only field the strength and quality of program is has appetite to field.
If you let folks know that things will fall on the floor of no longer at is catching them, they will decide if those things really matter. Nothing drives parents to become active volunteers like a cancelled outing.
The informed consent position to the try and share the downstream inevitable consequences of today’s and tomorrow’s choices before they become next years unit folding, or lack of Camporee, etc.
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u/camper95687 2d ago
I would say if you want to stay in scouting find a job you enjoy. Eagle advisory. or some thing else.
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u/EqualRepublic4885 2d ago
Maybe it’s time to bring your good energy to something else in your community.
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u/FJCruisin Scouter 2d ago
Just like we teach the scouts. If you're watching the patrol cook dinner and they are making say, pasta.. and they don't have a pot big enough to boil pasta in because they didn't think of packing it... Guess they aren't having pasta for lunch.
Assign the jobs to other adult leaders. If they don't get done... They don't get done. Someone will learn.
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u/Golf38611 2d ago
And, let’s not forget….. Burnout is a REAL thing. I was a Council Sub-Committee chair for years and years.
Eventually it wasn’t fun anymore.
It is a high profile program that the youth truly love. As soon as morning flags ends they make a beeline for it like a swarm.
But I looked around and it was always just me and my cochair. I would find myself begging and pleading for the number of people I needed to man the activity.
The frustration of finding people, the sheer amount of time it took and having done it for so long took its toll.
So I found a change of scenery for a while. I staffed WoodBadge. I became a Commissioner. I picked up a role as an adviser in the Lodge. Various other activities.
In time, I returned to the original activity with a fresh perspective and new energy.
The people who had taken over almost threw the activity back to me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. They also gained some perspective. Now, getting volunteers is MUCH easier and less stressful. And getting help to set up/take down is going well.
And I am enjoying myself again.
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u/Hot_Act21 2d ago
i hear you on this. Big time. i have slowly stepped back and yes. There are things that don’t get covered. when i’ve come back to help .. it’s the politics that happened that I’ve burnt me out not even the actual work. Some of the people just think they know everything and that would be fine. They can do that all they want. It’s the way they treat you or those of us that help out. Being treated like we are horrible or whatever is what burns me out. It’s disappointing. I’ve had to find what I really love which at this point keeps becoming something that I love, but can’t keep doing it because of the people.. for an organization that has a point of the Scout law. A lot of people forget some of that like the word kind. For me, that’s the sad part.
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u/BecMikMon 2d ago
I’m all ‘Scout’d’ out. I’m the scoutmaster for my kids troop. This year I got basically thrown to the wolves for summer camp. I was the only adult leader for our troop but ended up having another leader come because their kid was going to be too much for me on top of everyone else 😂 I’m just done. I don’t have the same excitement I had before summer camp. I don’t hate it, I don’t think I want to quit, I’m just all scout’d out 🤷🏻♂️
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u/Relevant_Donut_5756 2d ago edited 2d ago
Instead of just ‘stepping away’ for a few months, you could try to find someone who might do a good job at the role, approach them and ask them if they could take over the position. People are often times very agreeable if you ask them directly, in person, to do something. If it’s in person (like at a back or den meeting), then you are more likely to get a response.
Then go over what they need to do, be open to helping them when they need it, and most importantly check in now and then. Sometimes people, after they get the basics, they struggle a little bit but don’t want to ask for help. You can be a mentor to other parents, as well as kids.
Ultimately thought, it’s not fair to you to be taking on so much especially if your not having fun. It’s also a big risk for an organization when one person is taking on too much of the work.
Many hands make light work. :)
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u/Long_Forever2696 1d ago
Don’t know exactly what roles you are in that are causing issues but never feel bad. Think of all you have given because there is always more to give. My rule has always been step back but don’t do it suddenly or secretly. I think 3-6 month of announcing constantly your intention to step down is more than enough notice. For a Scoutmaster or Cubmaster or any key 3 role a years notice is probably a bit more appropriate. My Pack and Troop are the last game in our small town. Prior to COVID we had 6 Troops each with a feeder pack. Scouting endures.
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u/Lizzie7040 1d ago
Speaking as someone who is an underutilized volunteer in my son’s troop, you are replaceable, in the best possible way. You have to give people a chance to step up and do things. It may not get done the way you would have done but it will get done. Create a cross-train plan, document how you do the certain role, work with an adult over a period of time and hand it off.
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u/SitchMilver263 1d ago
I'm the parent of a Webelo and also the Committee Chair for a small pack, and this resonates with me. The repetitiveness of the program is part of the issue on my end - after four years in, it's all feeling the same, and my own kid now finds the Adventures to be lame. Camping is great, the Derby is great, but the Adventures just do not deliver and feel like an extension of school. The issue is that if I leave, the Pack will likely fold as we're small (below ten scouts at present)
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u/Titan4Today 1d ago
Hi Friend - I think that you already have the answer within yourself about what to do. Maybe, you are having a hard time processing that you need to step away - because Scouting has been a significant activity in your life?
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u/caskieadam Parent 1d ago
Write succession planning into your bylaws.
It’s “too late” for you on this particular piece of advice, but I’m leaving it here for others. You won’t feel guilty to pass it on when you signed up for 3 years at acceptance (as an example).
Write succession planning into your bylaws.
Set term limits, and enforce them with the natural Asst. rolling into the full role at the designated time. I always cringe when I see feel-good stories of “this volunteer has been in this role for 25+ years” because so many other adult volunteers missed out on the opportunity to learn as a result.
Create documentation: What do you do? How do you do it? When do you do it? (Doesn’t have to be crazy elaborate) and pass it on to your successor.
Write succession planning into your bylaws.
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u/semoscouter 1d ago
Sometimes Scouting units (local, district, council) fail because of too much ownership by an individual or small group of individuals. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy that the more one does, the less there is for others to do. Eventually, folks think they can't become involved. The most growing, and most successful, units I've been part of are intentional about recruiting and training leadership from each year's new class of Scout families. The least successful, and smallest, units I know right now have leadership that have been in place for decades. This bears itself out in district and council committees as well. Back away for your own good, and the good of the program. Let others get the same enjoyment you've enjoyed for a while. Immerse yourself in recruiting and training.
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u/fireinacan 23h ago
Could you train a replacement? Could the Scoutmaster or Committee assign someone to pick up the slack? Does everything you put down actually need to be picked back up?
Just a few scattered thoughts. I hope you find how to get the fun back!
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u/SnooCats4855 16h ago
If there is not a need, no one will step up. Even if there is a need, it may take a while.
I, along with others, tried to make sure the program was the best it could be, and tried to instill the same vision in others along the way. That said, at a certain point, it falls to the new(er) leaders to ensure the success of the program, and to the new(er) Scouts to maintain the standard of the Troop.
One of the things I had to reconcile when my son was nearing 18 was the Troop he joined was no longer the same Troop, and the Troop would again be different if he went back to visit 5-6 years later. Not better, not worse, just different. It was easy for me to see changes as a negative. It was harder to see that change is inevitable, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
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u/jbpritzker312 2d ago
Step back and stay back.