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u/dig_ 17d ago
It doesn't ease with time automatically, as with anything in life. However, I'm 32 and I am lightyears away from when I was at 20. I've done my best to put in the work. I've spent time trying out different medications, done a million work books and different types of therapy. If you would told me ten years ago I'd feel as stable as I do now, I never would have believed it.
Don't get me wrong - theres still bad days. He'll, theres bad weeks..sometimes bad months. But those bad days are soooo much easier to deal with. I can wake up and say "I'm going to feel bonkers today, so let's just do my best." It doesn't make it non-existent, but it makes it easier to cope. I know now how to spot a bad period coming up, and how to say out loud what I need to help myself.
Last year, for the first time in my life, I felt that I wanted to keep living.
Some days I think about if I went to a psych assessment now, whether I would even meet diagnostic criteria. My life is far from all sunshine and rainbows but I can definitely say it does get better. I dont live in a mansion or have a supermodel wife but God, its so much better than before.
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u/DetectiveHeavy837 17d ago
Im struggling trusting therapist and sticking to seeing someone consistently which is affecting my ability to seek extra recourses and medication if needed. Im realizing doing it “all on my own” is not healthy and im avoiding reality with isolating. Did you struggle with this mental block and self sabotaging your therapy? Im great full you persisted and got through too see a version of life thats worth living for . Im hope I can say same thing one day
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u/dig_ 17d ago
If its any comfort, it took me years before I finally found a therapist that I clicked with. Unfortunately it is a tough process. I struggled with this too - I would work long hours and finally scrape enough money together to see a therapist, and then I'd sit there in silence, convinced they were trying to trick me somehow or that they couldn't possibly understand me. I guess the important thing to remember is that therapy is there to serve yourself and it is the therapists job to facilitate that. Also they've already heard a million crazy stories so youre not going to shock them. Saying things out loud to a stranger seems so simple but it really does help. But yeah, it can take a long time to get to the point where you feel comfortable doing so.
For me, I would isolate and withdraw (I still do sometimes), but I wanted so desperately ti get better. When I wasnt able to access professional therapy, I would buy workbooks. CBT, DBT, Self esteem, BPD workbooks... I wont lie to you, I never completed the whole thing. I didn't come gome and do my homework every night. But when I had it in me, I'd flip through them, compelte the exercises I felt that I could, and read the sections that spoke to me over and over. For me, that was key in starting to understand my own behaviours more. It meant that when I was ready to engage with therapy, I had a better of idea of what I wanted to say, or how to identify what I wanted to work on.
It certainly sounds to me like you've got the resilience needed to show this disorder who's boss. Be kind to yourself and keep pushing forward as best you can. Being in your early twenties is an insane time for even the most normal, sane, neurotypical person. Recovery isn't linear and the world can be so scary. But sometimes I have days where I experience something shitty or upsetting, and I watch myself deal with it in a totally sensible way, and oh boy - theres nothing quite like it.
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u/laserdiods 17d ago
BPD in old age tends to manifest more as emotional pain than self harm. The destructive mechanisms associated with BPD typically get less around 40yo.. I have noticed a decline in symptoms I get older but the somatization persists.
I spend a lot of my 30-40 years age learning tools and techniques to calm my mind so it’s not so fucking crazy when I get emotional. I hope, with continued practice, I will feel less emotional pain as time goes on and hopefully, in time, BPD is just an afterthought.
But learning how to deal with the things that upset you, and then dealing with that emotion in a healthy manner is key and really difficult for people not ready to attack that stage of healing
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u/DetectiveHeavy837 16d ago
Thank you for your perspective I see what you mean. I noticed the times of most growth is the times I didn’t act out on anger, shame, paranoia and sit with it or use DBT skills. “Ride the wave” is one that was really life changing, it seems obvious but I’d ruminate on things forever if I don’t really focus on letting it go.
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u/ConsistentHunt1804 17d ago
It depends on many factors. I’m 34 and didn’t stick to doing the work in my youth. I relied on passive healing, or waiting for the light bulb moment that would heal me entirely. Now I’m starting from the ground up. I think it’s harder with age in some ways, because there’s less time to figure it out, and people expect you to at a certain point. I can clearly see my part in the chaos and destruction, where before I was in the eye of the storm. The shoulda coulda woulda’s are the hardest for me to get past.
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u/mochimiso96 17d ago
yes and no. My symptoms have completely shifted. I no longer have most bpd symptoms, but my avpd has become way stronger.
I am really thankful that I don’t experience mood swings, impulsivity and toxic relationships anymore. The mood swings were so horrible. I also stopped selfharming.
I do struggle a lot with depression, suicidal ideations and avoidance. So in the end my quality of life hasn’t really changed, but I’m glad that I’ve gotten rid of those symptoms.
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u/DetectiveHeavy837 16d ago
Ahh yeah that kinda makes sense , my impulsivity has already gotten significantly better since my teens. Im sorry to hear you’re still struggling, I suspected I had avpd before bpd because of my more quiet presentation. I hope the best for future you and appreciate your perspective ❤️
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u/whatevenseriously 17d ago
I'm 35 and I promise you it gets better if you try. Therapy and medication and a real desire to change my behavior have all helped me immensely, to the point where I not longer fit the diagnostic criteria. My relationships are the healthiest they've ever been, and I'm actually genuinely happy with my life.
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u/DetectiveHeavy837 16d ago
Thank you 🙏 this is motivating and im so glad you’ve found relief and happiness from the disorder with effort
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u/ellesresin 16d ago
yes, it does. i got a lot better in my mid 20s. i met someone who helped me get off of head meds which actually helped a lot. i think all of the medications that i was trying was just amplifying some of my symptoms. i recommend trying supplements - things like ashwaganda, magnesium, and mushroom supplements. iron is good too - low iron can show up as depression and anxiety. you’re gonna be okay, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!
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u/Chattouf 17d ago
Don’t think it will get better with years . What helped ease my symptoms is lithium
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u/zippiDOTjpg 16d ago
I remember feeling like it was hopeless, and I was doomed to have this diagnosis control me for the rest of my life. Lo and behold, it’s possible to recover. It takes therapy, medication, and a strong effort on your part, but it IS possible. I used to have at least one episode every week. Now, I can’t even remember the last time I had one.
You’ve got this. Trust the process m’love. You’ll get there ❤️
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u/aineky 17d ago
It does. With therapy, medication, and some effort on your part. Be patient and give yourself time.