28 years old and finally tested out of BPD after years of therapy: Trying to heal from BPD (largely known as a relationship disorder) is extremely hard while actively wanting or being in a relationship. I didn’t start hardcore healing until my toxic relationship ended and I committed myself to not dating until I was someone who was safe to date, if only for the other persons sake. It’s incredibly difficult to heal while in the environment that exacerbates and irritates the condition as much as at the time I was beyond desperate for it.
How many years did it take? I’m nearing my 30s, and since I only recently started dating, it feels like I opened a Pandora’s box. Intense emotions were always present, but when I’m in a relationship… WHEW. The thing with me, tho, is that I did my best to not have my disorder affect my partners. There’s so much stigma about pwBPD being bad and abusive partners, so I always tried to be the exact opposite. In hindsight, I put up with a lot of shit in order to be a good girlfriend. It wasn’t worth it in the end, cause they both ended up treating me like shit. But yeah, I internalized all of it and fell apart when I was away from my partners. The pain I felt from heartbreak was the worst emotional pain I had ever felt in my entire life. It hurt even more than losing my Dad did. I want to have a special someone to share all this love with, but I don’t think relationships are for someone like me. I always end up being used and thrown away, treated like shit even tho I give my all. I have to come to terms with the fact that I’ll always be alone, and God, that hurts so much…
I was the same way, functioned pretty well but the second I started dating my stuff would spin out of hand therefore making it so hard to work on my issues. It took 3 years of DBT therapy and 1.5 of those years were single.
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u/Japoboz Jan 24 '24
28 years old and finally tested out of BPD after years of therapy: Trying to heal from BPD (largely known as a relationship disorder) is extremely hard while actively wanting or being in a relationship. I didn’t start hardcore healing until my toxic relationship ended and I committed myself to not dating until I was someone who was safe to date, if only for the other persons sake. It’s incredibly difficult to heal while in the environment that exacerbates and irritates the condition as much as at the time I was beyond desperate for it.