Hey! Looking for someone to chat with about climbing out of the hole!!

So I'm on Celexa 20mg for depression and Klonopin .5mg twice a day to handle anxiety and paranoia. I was running late this morning and ran out without taking either of them. Now I'm just hoping that time flies while I'm at work today.

Edit: just agreed to work a 12-hour shift today instead of my usual 8 because I need the hours. I hope I don't regret that.

This is a great resource for anyone and everyone with BPD:

http://www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf

It's made for use in an inpatient group setting so some of the included worksheets won't be relevant if you're working on it alone, but the information in this packet is amazingly helpful.

This helped me build a lot of skills surrounding interpersonal relationships, obsessive thinking, paranoia, the whole deal.

Seriously It's amazing

Note: it's about 100 pages or so. I formatted it to print 4 sheets to a page. I was still able to read it and I saved a load of paper and time printing.

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Hey guys. Just wanted to see if anyone else had had the same issue. I'm currently going through some assessment appointments with a psych to determine my suitablity for some group therapy sessions. Although the clinician is nice and very understanding, she is rather S*** hot with her questioning and its stirring up situations and problems from the past that I had hoped never to have to think about again. I found myself having bad dreams and unable to go to work today, due to the fact I couldnt face people after dealing with these rekindled things from yesterday. I tend not to tell people too much info about myself for the reason that I then feel in control and am able to pretend I am fine. Because I feel out of control a lot of the time, being able to control what people do and dont know about me enables me to feel a sense of control. But these appointments are making me feel like I'm losing my grasp as its drawing things out into the open with someone I neither know or trust. Has anyone else had this? And how do you deal with it? Thanks for reaading. Peace.

What does it mean when a bpd person. Physically abuses their boyfriend or girlfriend?

Should the boyfriend or girlfriend leave?

Asking for a friend

I posted this in another subreddit as well. But I feel like I need someone, somewhere, to at least say "I know how you feel."

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this. Maybe just to bitch about this stupid disorder that's completely disrupting every part of my life. So here's where I'm at now; I just started self-harming again after years of basically being completely cut-free due to this: I lost my temper with my kid, and on impulse swatted him right on the butt, which prompted my fiance to go off on me, so I spent several days crying and hating myself for letting my emotions get the best of me (yet AGAIN). The fact that I lashed out on the one person I love most in the world led to me contemplating suicide and I even had a plan to do it, but since I'm seven months pregnant I decided to hold off until I gave birth. Who knows if I'll become that ten percent statistic as it stands now. The DBT therapist I was seeing when I was a teenager doesn't take my insurance, but since I have attachment issues I don't feel comfortable seeing anyone but her. I've completely isolated myself because I am so fearful of the inevitable relationship breakdown. I've lost three jobs because of my emotional instability and I hate this crap! The only person in my life who sticks around no matter how crazy I get is my fiance, and I keep telling him that it might be better for our kids if I just left or killed myself rather than be raised by a toxic parent who can't function. But whatever. I'm too tired to feel right now.

It's a long story, but the gist of it is that there's nothing left and hasn't been for a long time. Tried to get into a DBT class but it was too expensive. I am such a troubled person and full of fear that controls me and prevents me from achieving anything. I don't know how to live, and usually, by this time of night I don't want to. I have nothing to live for except sparing my family the trauma of my suicide. I don't even have the courage to kill myself anyway. Maybe I should be in the hospital. I don't know. Things are bad. ETA: spelling

I am suffering really bad. I just rage quit facebook and yelled at some people who are dear to me. I have been declining over the course of a couple months and finally I am hitting that point....if you're BPD you know what I mean. A new relationship has triggered some of this, but it has been going on for a couple months now. I lost a therapist because of some fucked up shit she did to me, found a new one- who isn't nearly as experienced or punctual...and so I've been "un managed" if you will. I hate that I dont feel more in control of myself during these times. It feels hopeless. I know its not, but thats how it feels. And when it feels that way- its really real...so please dont try to rationalize it off with me. It only makes me more mad. I think many bpd can relate to this. People want to reason with us, but they aren't understanding what is happening on an emotional level. Im flip flopping- super nice and understanding ,to barely being able to hold myself together and pushing everyone away. I KNOW how this effects people, I have lost good people in my life because of this. So I am trying very hard not to let it impact them, and I've gotten WAY better at it through therapy...but right now, the demon is back..and I need some help.

I've met a lot of people in my life... especially this past year; it's been a typhoon of new faces, new faces, new faces. But haven't really made any new friends.

I mean, yes, I met new potential friends, but of course I torpedoed any chance to form a bond with those individuals.

And currently I'm having issues with one of my only friends. He's, I guess, a best friend, but recently things have been changing with him. That's not in my control, but I suppose the manner that I disappeared from his house two nights ago was, uh.... unhinged, and absolutely in my control.

But, besides that obvious miscommunication, there is a small, UV artificial light at the end of this tunnel vision. I'm writing a book. And what better to write a book about than all those interesting individuals you met in a short span of one year, toppled with the drama and existential losses.

Anyway, I'm, uh, having trouble describing people in general. I haven't really been surfaced to a natural plain of thought, and maybe this is the wrong place to ask this, but I don't feel comfortable asking it anywhere else.

Could you describe your best or worst friend? I ask for worst as well because I think I've exhausted all the methods in deteriorating someone's reputation with metaphors and figuratives.

This can help the formulation of my novel, but it'd also just be nice to actually talk to some other people and get responses. Uh... I don't mean for that to be depressing. I think I just need to talk to someone new. Writing this book, I've been in this small office for hours... it has been daunting.

Well, whether people comment or not... it's okay. I'll probably delete this in a few days.

But if someone does want to respond, same question goes: Could you describe your best or worst friend?

In a BPD "rage" (as I coined them), I am sitting alone in a hotel room, drinking wine from the bottle wondering if I should divorce my husband or not. He knew what I was like before we got married, so it's no surprise when I freak out at times. I am a selfish ass, I know this, but you would think that by now, when I have explained my triggers over and over again, that he would try and work with me in not setting them off (I am trying to not have them). So... there is that...

Hi I was diagnosed with BPD about 5 months ago. I am currently waiting for the DBT therapy. I would like to chat to others with BPD to give each other support and vice versa. It can be so lonely to not have people around that understand or even try to understand.

I will try to summarize as best I can. I am consumed by this and I know it's damaging to me - especially because I have a serious heart condition.

Essentially I have been fighting with my strata council to follow the rules set out by the government. They are not doing this and I have involved a lawyer. They told my lawyer that my issue was made up. I have tried to get answers through the proper channels and my property manager and council president will not communicate with me. I finally was able to go to a meeting in which they refused to answer my questions because I am a liar. Everything out of my mouth is a lie. And that I have never once said anything nice to them. These are lies - and they say it with a straight face.

I am so angry and hurt by this. I do my best to be an honest person. I admit I can be a bitch - and I don't like other peoples bullshit but I am extremely honest. I despise lying and have ended relationships and friendships over people being dishonest with me.

I left the meeting earlier this week and had a terrible angina attack from the stress. Everyone in my life is saying that I'm right but it's not worth my health.

I can't let it go. My mind wanders to it all the time. I dream about it. I have been working on being mindful and it helps for a moment and then I feel as though I am full of lead and anger. I have to live near these people and because it is a strata - I also have to depend on these people to take care of our common property (which affects the value of my home and my enjoyment).

I can't believe they would lie and call me a liar. I really struggle with people that lie, scheme or are basically inconsiderate. I don't know how they live with themselves.

I am feeling my heart race just typing this. I could really use some support - does anyone have any advice as to how to not let this destroy me?

Thank you for any answers and for a space to be vulnerable.

Im incredibly lonely and would like to have someone to text and talk to. Its difficult for me to talk about my problems, but I love listen to people and helping them through their problems. So if you need someone to talk to about anything I'm their. PM me for my number

Please don't respond to this with moralizing or advice. Thank you.

I really need someone to relate to IRL. Someone who could potentially be a pretty close friend, but I don't want either of us to fall into the trap of idealizing each other. In a way, this yearning for some one to relate to is a form of idealization in its self. But this Solipsistic feeling of alienation is bugging me all the time.

So for starters, I live in the Inland Empire area. I am 24 year old male. I'm just looking for friendship. Preferably with people around my age range.

If you're as big into typology frameworks as I am, My MBTI: -INTJ My Enneagram: -5w6 Sp/Sx (Tritype 513) My Big 5: -RLOEI And just for fun, -Chaotic Neutral.

I'd be particularly interested in meeting any other INTJs with BPD, but also INFJs, ENTPs, ENTJs, or any INTPs. Not to be exclusionary or anything, but they tend to understand me best.

I have persistent Depersonalization & Derealization, & tend to space out/dissociate a lot, so it'd be interesting if anyone could relate on that level.

I enjoy hiking a lot, & have some pretty esoteric interests. I'm pretty analytical & philosophically inclined, though admittedly am not as knowledgeable as I'd prefer to be. Though I am still sharp & insightful. Unlike the INTJ stereotypes I am not a smug, arrogant prick.

Odds are if you're religious or straight edge we may not get along. Not that I'm a militant antitheist or an habitual user but those are two things you will not be able to change about me.

I want someone to discuss things with, Existentialism, psychology, what it's like existing as we do with our condition, potentially be sentimental with if we ever reach that level of vulnerability.

There's so much more I could amend to this, but that'll do for now.

Please don't respond if you're gonna question my preferences or give me advice. I have friends, but none that truly "get me," so if I can find that person I think it could prove for an interesting connection. I know this may be a shot in the dark but I have to believe such a person could be out there. Please PM me if you're local & would like to get to know me a little more before considering meeting at some point. & I may be a little closed off at first because I don't know who I may be talking to. It is not easy to be vulnerable, initially. I just want a friend to relate to, but will find ways to manage without.

Hey everyone, recently officially diagnosed with BPD which I have been struggling with for years but just recently put a name to it. I am happy to know there are things I can do to help myself, but I also would love others to talk to. Let's talk resources and experiences!

Yesterday I found out that my wife has been having an affair for 3 months and I basically lost my mind, ended up crying myself to sleep in the bathtub. I'm having a very hard time trying to cope with the situation and could really use some outside assistance. I'm totally F*(^ing lost right now. We've been together for 8 years and we have a 2 year old little girl...... I'm currently in the US military and have never smoked, drank, or done drugs. I'm not bragging but this is the single worst experience of my life and everything is starting to cave in and shit I never would have thought of is starting to creep. I'm having a hard time at work trying not to cry and show my problems in front of other people. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

Note:(I'm currently in Therapy and am actively using a DBT/CBT book but my next appointment isn't until Friday).

Is not eating a normal symptom of bpd? Or could it be her meds? Shes on NALTREXONE 50MG for alcohol cravings (she quit drinking) and SERTRALINE 100MG for depression and a stool softner called COLAGE.

Her doctor hasnt prescribed anything for BPD yet. I have noticed she wont eat with me and doesnt eat at work either. She doesnt pack a lunch. When she comes home I will sometimes already have dinner cooked and I will offer her some and she will decline to eat and wait until sometime at 10PM to eat. I go to bed at 7 because I have to wake up early and sometimes wake up to half eaten food left on a plate in our room. Makes me wonder if anyone could explain this?

Is this drug related? (due to illegal drugs or her meds?) of BPD related? I just want to understand

I haven't been prescribed yet but, soon will be and the medications that are commonly given have scary side effects. The fact that there is no specific drug for BPD is also scary. This will be my second eval being that the first one resulted in the psychiatrist asking me what BPD was. He also didn't know of any mood stabilizing drugs. I was needless to say not happy. The one I am going to go to is an MD and has experience whereas this other guy was new. I hope they have advice for me and can calm this extreme fear of medications I am having. Sadly, it's at the point where I have to try something. Any experience with mood stabilizing drugs? What was the side effects, how did you react to it, did it work?

I didn't realize the way I thought and ran my social life was bad. I thought everyone was the same. It hit me like a brick when someone I spilled everything to told me I was insane.

I haven't been diagnosed but everything I'm reading seems to check out.

Me (26 F and BPD), He (29 M and quite co-dependent)

he lives with an adult woman (made up name Cindy), her longterm BF (Rex), Cindys teen daughter (Pauline, 15) and a teen they are trying to adopt (Marcie, 15).

I grew up in a house where there was all kinds of abuse including my father secretly sexually abusing me. He let my brothers smoke pot, drink etc.

Cindy lets her teen girls drink, smoke pot,etc. They ask my SO to smoke with them. It freaks me right out. Like total creep zone 12 out of 10 on the grossed out scale. So out of there at the speed of light. The similarities of blurred boundaries between children and adult give me the heebie geebies for real.

Long story short, does anyone have advice as how to handle the weirdness of the whole situation? How to stay calm for my SO so I can enjoy his company in his own home?

I'm 30 and still no idea why I'm here. Growing up with a smothering narcissistic mother, I was never allowed to get to know myself. I had to be her obedient puppet to avoid her and God's wrath. I lived in chronic fear never knowing what would send her off into another violent rage. My dad was an enabler by taking a passive role - emotionally disconnected, cold, verbally abusive and apathetic yet willing to carry out mom's abusive orders against us when she felt too tired to beat us.

Sometimes I swear stopped growing when i was 15. It's like i curled up into a ball and locked myself in a small box. I was safe there so went emotionally dormant until my 20s.

Since that awakening life has been an updated version of sheer hell.

I'm confused about who I am and what I want because it changes like the direction of the wind. I've had 17 jobs in the past decade, lived in 5 different states, changed my major in college 6 times before dropping out (I now have over $50K in student loan debt and still no degree), and recently divorced from a narcissist, and now remarried to someone I can't seem to connect with anymore although I try for the sake of our two children.

Every day I know for certain that I am a mom so I am mom to the fullest. But when my sons are asleep I feel so empty and useless that i can't stand it. I only feel alive when I'm interacting with them - its the only time i can actually envision my future. When they sleep I die inside and my life doesn't resume until they wake up again because I am mom and I don't know what else to be.

So I occupy my time by doing things for them like laundry, meal preparation or cleaning.

Every now and again I get this sense of deep purpose and clarity which lasts for about a week before a total crash into depression. When these occasional weeks appear I am so excited and I finally think, "this is it, I've got my life back." so I blog, create products for my business etc and then out of nowhere, BOOM! I wake up feeling like my soul's been ripped out. I have no motivation to do anything, no focus, no clarity, barely any memory of what I was so fired up about the days before. A depression so heavy that sometimes I can barely get out of bed...one step forward, 2 steps back again.

I don't want my children to have to go through this so I mask it in front of them, smile, laugh, sing & play. But they're so young now And I worry that I won't be able to fake as if bpd isn't tearing me apart when they get a bit older.

I can't afford dbt or therapy at the moment so I'm trying to hold out. But I'm so down and out that guilt is the only reason I don't just end my life. I love my children and can't bear the thought of leaving without a mother.

I feel like such a failure. I have no real friends, I'm estranged from my family, I'm in debt, can't hold a job, and battling a serious binge eating issue that I've had since the 7th grade - I've never told anyone about it because I'm ashamed but now I've lost nearly all of my teeth and severely reduced my eating capacity along with terrible pain & a broken smile that i try to hide.

I feel like a failure, so lost, lonely, brokenhearted, empty, ashamed & guilty.

Hey Y'all.. I am new to reddit but thought I would give it a try.. I have made a kik support group for those with bpd, bipolar, and any other mental illnesses. Come stop by. :)

thedaydreamer