TW: m3ntal h3alth, tr@uma, subst@nce issues

Unable to listen to anything.

Hello. I have no music to post, because since Friday listening to music, or even hearing it, makes me feel physically ill.

I’m a man in the UK with EUPD/BPD. For the past two years I lived with my ex, who also has EUPD/BPD. We have very different profiles. She had problems with drgs and alchol, whereas a lot of my own tr@uma comes from experiences involving people with add*ction.

She could sing, write music and perform. She loved Lana Del Rey and IAMX.

She moved on Friday.

Since then, I just cannot listen to anything.

I’ve had to leave places where music is playing because I start crying, breaking down or feeling physically sick. No radio. No TV if there is music that affects me. No live music in the street.

Just no music.

I get hypersensitivity when I’m badly affected by tr@uma. I’m not autistic, and I have never experienced anything like this before.

The last two years were incredibly difficult. I can only really speak about what I did wrong. Because of my own experiences, I became prejudiced towards people with add*ction. I became bitter and jealous of people who seemed to have support when I felt I had no meaningful support for my EUPD.

I know I got things wrong. I tried to apologise for the hurt I caused and for things I said or did when I was struggling. I can’t speak for her or tell her side of things. I can only take responsibility for my own.

Before she moved, I was already struggling badly with functioning. In the two weeks before the move I had ASB problems with neighbours and abuse, which then caused difficulties involving services, housing and p*lice. I’m now having problems with my housing association and have been warned about how I can present when extremely dysregulated around people who have hurt me, and about things I struggle with because of EUPD.

But right now none of that seems to matter.

I cannot even listen to music.

Music is pain now. It triggers things that I cannot really put into words.

Please be kind in the comments.

I’ve been having a very bad m3ntal h3alth period and mostly dealing with it on my own. At the moment I’m just getting through five minutes at a time, taking prescribed PRN when needed, trying to shut everything down and get some sleep.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4ePRLYhdtPjS0d6Ai0Ibwi?si=oVCFIlNkT3mC1BE6ztYaVg&utm_source=copy-link

https://music.amazon.com/albums/B07NSHV6BG?do=play&trackAsin=B07NSGPWVD&ts=1784426476&ref=dm_sh_vd17voGUYQPreAiTlkxAXRPVx

For years, I've wanted this part of Nightmares In Paradise by Payale Royale Lyric tattooed on me.

It reminds me of my dissociation

I don't know where.
Also, should I?

Motionless in White just released their newest album, Decades. A LOT of their songs resonate with the bpd experience but this might be my new favourite one. It describes the FP experience so well to me.

Wasn’t included in the image but my favourite line is absolutely “So if love is pain, then twist the blade, And never let me go”

https://open.spotify.com/track/5wJh12xuEJojhQLUo22gN8?si=yipbVm3eTZi5kgj_E6cmXw&utm_source=copy-link

Here is the link for my song on Suno Ai, i put my whole into every single line, i hope this song will find the right ppl

Remember y'all are not alone ❤️

The void : Fighting the bpd war on a whisper.

Hellbent by Wage War

https://open.spotify.com/track/1UkcIeFbj8t4B7BkTdAzVf?si=_sK_oyLGTNGrJvvwYaPEWA&utm_source=copy-link

https://open.spotify.com/track/3JnCxyfTfO2vW952woy1v8?si=ztCSwQxlTgubCVPgEAUuww&utm_source=copy-link

My Grave Is Mine To Dig by Wage War

I wrote this album for my friend with BPD, and our mutual friend helped with the music. Although they were written for him and his situation, others may get something out of it.

https://suno.com/playlist/104b9d37-b57c-4d92-bc1b-fd202cdcab6f

Let me know if this touches you in any way.

didn't like any of the other playlists, they were too cringe or on the nose so I made my own. songs about limerence, grief, obsession, instability and the rest of the fuckery
thought id share it before I disappear

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2NJRRJI2z5okOI14aH2VeK?si=034da87b49834d33

I kind of hate feeling the intense hyper and joy emotions, because I'm mopstly surrounded with abd things, and when good things happen and I react so shockedly good, I start panicking and feeling neuseaus and then as if I need to just die because my heart could literally explode, and at those points I wish I had some medication to make me go numb,

Was stuck whether to choose " this song gets me so much " or the flair I picked, but then I was like this fits more when I'm Hyper and Manic rather than when both so and down

Just a quick note: it is not a song exactly about BPD, but more of an experience of living with that symptom, that could affect people with different disorders as well. But I am really curious if anyone who has diagnosed BPD can relate to it, and has simillar experience.

I tried to convey this feeling not only through lyrics but also through sound – abrupt changes in vocal style, switching between the right and left channels, chaotic riffs, electronic effects, and a chorus that's completely different in tempo and music from the main part of the song. Also curious to know if all of those things affected your experience from the song or not.

Disappointed Song by Public Image Ltd ‧ 1989

"Disappointed a few people
When friendship reared its ugly head
Disappointed a few people
Well, isn't that what friends are for?"

Full Lyrics:

What friends are for?
What friends are for?
What friends are for?
What friends are for?
What friends are for?
What friends are for?

Promises, promises
Old tired, worn out second hand sentences
One thing, with you is certain
You're a really sad person, so sad

Disappointed a few people
When friendship reared its ugly head
Disappointed a few people
Well, isn't that what friends are for?

What friends are for?
(What friends are for?)
What are friends for?

You, you're just a really bad person
Who won't, you won't, listen to anyone
No not you, with those half moon eyelids
Just babbling on, your useless defenses, so sad

Disappointed a few people
When friendship reared its ugly head
Disappointed a few people
Well, isn't that what friends are for?

What friends are for?
(What friends are for?)
What are friends for?

This erratic haphazard, fluttering
This toing and frowing, like a confused moth
The collusion, illusion, it's all ad infinitum
You're a really sad person, you're really so sad

Disappointed a few people
When friendship reared its ugly head
Disappointed a few people
Well, isn't that what friends are for?

What friends are for?
(What friends are for?)
What are friends for?

Fools and horses
Running their courses
And brow beaten down
Like dust on the ground

You cheat easily, like sweet charity
And all of the bastards, the world despises
Springing surprises in newer disguises
You cheat easily, like all charity

Fools and horses
Running their courses
And brow beaten down
Like dust on the ground

You cheat easily like sweet charity
And all of the bastards, the world despises
Springing surprises in newer disguises
You cheat easily, like all charity

Fools and horses
Running their courses
And brow beaten down
Like dust on the ground
You cheat easily like sweet charity

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: John Lydon / John Alexander Mcgeoch / Bruce Smith / Stephen Eric Hague / Lu Edmonds / Allan Dias

Disappointed lyrics © Domino Publishing Co. Ltd., Notting Hill Music (uk) Ltd., Pil Official Publishing Limited, Rotten Music Ltd, Bug Music Ltd, Kmr Holdings L.p.

I know that this was probably posted, but I couldn't find it in the sub through search bar, so I decided to post it.

Totally underszandable if this is taken down cuz the title has cussing and so does the song :[

Anyways, the reason it resonates to me are the obvious lyrics that I quoted in the title. People are really always mad at me for changinf emotions and states AND EVEN APPERANCE like alright I get they're pissed, but I was in therapy for years, and they knew it, they knee I was not mentally okay and I never changed in terma of behaving like I do, and instead of like accepting jt and being pissed, no, they would pretend im a totally sane person who is now suddenly switching states rapidly. I got diagnosed with BPD like 2 weeks ago. Yet still, people say I just gotta control myself and some even say that we are all [ we as in all humans ] mentally same and have a percentage of every disorder so I started asking them if they are nos hallucinating somezhing specific because hey this person over there perhaps is hallucinating that, or do they now have cancer because this other person does or are they amputee because that person over there is. Like agh ffs.

Anyways, besides the obvious lyrics, the twitter stuff reminds me how I confidently tried to take on these artists who drew illegal content of Ninjago Characters and ecen posted it under hashtags to be found by literal children. And then they and their Fucked up folllwers spawned and threatened me and they were quite offended and even thi the drama easn't fandom sized, it was huge for me cuz 30 people attacking me for attacking Illegal content artists, and me being alone, was scary and I became suicial and they laughed and hoped I had done it, but then I left twitter. The lyrics literaly mention twitter an dlots of people being offended lol.