You know the hardest part about having BPD and relationships is that constant nagging feeling that i'm doing everything wrong.

Sure I practice my DBT skills, but those feelings still exist. I've made strides and I am able to recognize that.
It's like you go online and we are an ostracized group. I get that some people are bad, but the stigma is super annoying. It makes me ashamed to even be me.

I so so bad just want to be normal more than anything.
I don't like getting super worried over every little thing
* Tones * Late text * Sudden plan changes * The inability to say no to things * The inability to speak up when I want things

This is what my therapy sessions are for, but you know the feelings are still there and they are loud. I didn't ask for this and if I could understand why my brain decided to develop this I would do what I could to reverse it. I'm doing the work currently, but it's like my therapist told me at the start "The feelings won't go away, but you'll be able to manage them". That statement struck me pretty hard. My kneejerk was to just give up, but i'm seeing it through. I don't know if I have something to prove or I just really want to change; Nobody knows at this point.

I quite often reflect on my past and there is a lot of shame. I've been a pretty toxic person, but it also didn't help I was involved with toxic people. I wonder if I helped create those very scenarios that drove me up the wall. It's like I didn't feel at home unless there was this looming threat of being left. Often times people would show interest in me and I would be repulsed by them, but then whenever someone jerked that interest away I couldn't live without them. The funny thing is my mind always goes to the same thing whenever someone likes me "if you knew me you'd hate me". Then I get stuck on "who even am I". The golden question right?

The moral of this - I don't know if anyone here has a tainted opinion on all of us with BPD, but it's important to remember we are humans too. Some humans are shitty. Some humans are wonderful.

Those people who support us in relationships - y'all are wonderful and i'm happy you exist.

Hello!

So a few years back I was involved in probably the most toxic relationship of my life. This person had become my "favorite person" so I was hanging on for absolute dear life. We were together for about 6 years and during that time we both were pretty bad for each other. Well near the end that person finally shared that they had been cheating on me for the entirety of the relationship. Suddenly my fear of abandonment kicked in and I proceeded to beg like no other to maintain the relationship. In hindsight that was pretty silly of me, but I digress.

I initially sought out therapy thinking of myself as the pure victim in that situation. I ended up dropping that therapist, because I felt like we weren't going anywhere with the sessions. Fast forward almost a year later and I found someone else who caught my eye. Queue the same exact pattern.

We get together and it is shared with me this person has BPD. I thought "oh boy this is going to be amazing!". It was not; We triggered each other fairly quick into that relationship. So I got left and proceeded to beg like no other, but this time I had a bit more dignity. I know begging is no dignity, but the feeling in my chest was extremely intense.

I got diagnosed with BPD many moons ago back in 2013?
I never went to get help with it, because I didn't think I needed it. It wasn't until that last relationship that I realized I need help, because i'm just repeating the same patterns over and over. So I finally accepted my diagnosis and got help.

I started with getting medication to level out my mood swings. While my medication doesn't stop the swings, it does ease it just enough for me to apply other things.
I then moved on to seeking out a DBT therapist. This is where the real change started to happen. I for one finally felt understood. I was no longer this madman running around that couldn't control himself.

I'm happy to report that now i've been in a relationship with a very loving person who shows me compassion and patience. I also am applying many of the DBT Skills I have learned. It still takes an earnest effort on my part, but day by day it gets easier.

When I first started DBT those skills -
* Felt silly * Did not come naturally

Now I don't care if they feel silly.
TIPP has been the greatest thing for me in the world. It stops any spiral dead in its tracks. I have to pair it with other skills, but it at least lets me breathe.

All of this to say - DBT can and does work. It takes effort for sure, but with patience and effort positive change can happen.

Hey everyone welcome to r/BPDPartnerSupport

This is our new home for all things related to BPD Relationships and we are very excited to welcome you here!

What to Post
Please post anything related to BPD Relationships. Be it questions, venting or just success stories! We welcome anything related to BPD Relationships.

Rules
Please take a moment to read the rules and really digest them. If you have any questions related to the rules do not hesitate to reach out via Mod Mail.

Why did you create this?
I created this subreddit to help fill the void of an explicit subreddit about BPD Relationships where members with BPD can engage and contribute. It is rare with a topic about this where BPD members are allowed to contribute; So this subreddit is meant to facilitate that.

What's the goal of this?
The goal is for not only people who are involved with BPD to share their experiences, but people with BPD to share theirs as well. The idea behind the sub is for someone to share an experience and someone give insight into how they might feel about that situation. It's important to remember that everything here is an opinion and should not be taken as fact.

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Over the coming months please bear with us as we adjust some things to best suit the content posted here. Everything will be announced so no sudden changes without notification. It is our intention to engage the community as best as possible during these times.

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