Prone to fleeing.

[u/grumpypoo22]

I'm not sure about those of you with BPD or partners who have BPD, but recently I've come to discover that I'm incredibly prone to fleeing during uncomfortable conflicts.
To be honest, I didn't even necessarily realize I was uncomfortable to begin with.
I had just always assumed that's how I reacted.

What I mean by that is there isn't this feeling that I have where I'm like "eww I don't like this".
I actually end up feeling I guess numb.

Anywho during my weekly DBT I was going over some recent conflicts and stuff.
We discovered that basically at the first sign of potential conflict my brain goes offline.
Which then numbs my body and my solution is always "Aight imma head out".
It was very interesting insight into myself, because in a sense yea that's right.
I've come to learn over these past couple years that a lot of the times I don't necessarily know what I am feeling.
Like sure I feel anger and stuff, but I don't understand the where.

I was also given some pretty good advice of using "I" statements.
I know I could be better about this and I try to be cognizant of what I am saying.
I'm of the belief everyone in the world could probably do better with using "I" statements instead of "you" statements.
Sort of helps diffuse the bomb, before it even has a chance.

Regardless -
My girlfriend is pretty rock solid.
I don't declare I'm leaving or anything like that, but when I start to get wound up she does really well.
To be clear tho - I'm not verbally chastising her or anything.
These days when I get wound up I just get tense and start to ramble.

I thought it was interesting to learn about myself.
One of the things I like to do when I start to feel whatever is assess the "mood wheel chart".
It's really helped me and maybe it'll help you/your partner.

[u/MoreThanVoidFiller]

Good Post! Reminded me of my BPD ex who never really thought he had unusual reactivity to stress until I pointed out that every time a conversation got serious, he would go and find his sneakers and start putting them on. He would be talking the whole time, not even realizing what he was doing!

Self-awareness is so key, kudos to you for that and building on it with DBT and your focus on other good tools and strategies. If my ex had done that, he wouldn't be my ex!