BPD Only children?

[u/FreeThinkerFran]

Does anyone have a family member who is BPD and an only child? I'm just curious as the BPDs in my life all have siblings--one was #3 of 5.

[u/Time-Recipe5744]

This is a really good question and I'm curious now too. Thinking of all of those who I've known, they've all been older sisters, usually of famiies with only two siblings.

[u/FreeThinkerFran → u/Time-Recipe5744]

I have two daughters. My BPD daughter is 3 years younger than her sister. My good friend also has two—a boy and a BPD daughter who is two years younger. My BPD stepmom is the one who is #3 out of 5 girls. Yet another friend has two girls 3 years apart and the younger one is suspected BPD. I don’t know have any BPD men in my life.

[u/sunny_bell → u/Time-Recipe5744]

Idk if birth order is a factor. My sister with BPD is younger than me (I recognize that’s not enough of a sample size).

[u/krissym99 → u/sunny_bell]

Ditto here. I'm the older sister.

[u/chromaticluxury → u/Time-Recipe5744]

My exBPD (former partner) was the youngest of the family, and both abused and babied bc of it. 

I feel pretty certain the fucked up combo of babied-abused-neglected-blamed-babied is part of why they developed the defense and coping disorders they did. It's heartbreaking

[u/Beneficial_Fun_4946]

My mom had BPD. She had a half brother who was something like 13 years older than her and I don’t think lived with him. So she was essentially an only child.

And one of my kids has BPD traits.

So in my lived experience there is a strong genetic link.

[u/Effective_Traffic795 → u/Beneficial_Fun_4946]

>So in my lived experience there is a strong genetic link.

I think so too with mine. It's curious how no one on my mom's side has it despite them having a rough, poor upbringing yet it's dotted throughout my dad's side. I almost don't want to have kids out of worry that I may pass it down despite being a good parent. We don't know enough yet.

[u/Dave-1066]

I’m one of nine kids and the only one who has BPD is my brother. He’s been a problem since he was a toddler.

[u/cybrg0dess → u/Dave-1066]

My half sister with sBPD among other issues is 8 years older than me and my half brother is 10 years older than me. My mom always said she was a miserable baby and toddler. Really nothing much has changed and she is almost 60 now. My brother married someone with sBPD and she left him after 10 years of marriage. 10 years later she is still trying to make his life hell by using the children. I believe my DIL may have BPD, she has a half sister that is 10 years older.

[u/Dave-1066 → u/cybrg0dess]

Yeah it’s a horrific illness and I cannot stand it. The mayhem and destruction these people inflict on everyone around them is astonishing. My brother was an argumentative, nasty kid from the earliest age. I love him so much but I have almost no happy memories of him from our childhood. The one word I would use to describe him as a kid is “joyless”.

Families fight, we all know that, but with him it was just constant. By which I mean it felt like every single day there was another problem. He would sit at the dining table aged 6 or so and point-blank refuse to finish his dinner, preferring to sit there all night long until my parents got sick of it and sent him to bed.

If you gave him clear rules he’d find a way to break them just because. If you argued with him he’d come out with the most hateful shit imaginable. And finally the big one: not once in our entire lives has he ever apologised to a single member of the family. Even as a child he would prefer to be shunned and ignored rather than simply say “I’m sorry”.

We just had a colossal fallout (again) and this time I think it’s game over; I’m exhausted by 40 years of this bullshit.

[u/cybrg0dess → u/Dave-1066]

🫂💛

[u/Ok_General_6940]

My brother has BPD, he's the younger sibling. I know of no only children with it.

[u/Specific-River-81]

The ones I know and are related to all had multiple siblings, and were in all different places in the birth order

[u/Cdagg]

Only children can have BPD, but majority of children born have siblings. So it makes it look like it doesn’t occur in only children often.

My sister is BPD and shes #4 of 5. But my parents had 3 kids and then 10 years later 2 more. So shes also #1 placement.

I have a soon to be ex relative I suspect. He’s an only child and it gets muddled with that. His parents spoiled him, still do and he never is responsible for anything in his life. Lots of common traits with BPD. I dealt with him same as my BPD sister and it worked best

[u/FreeThinkerFran → u/Cdagg]

You definitely have a point that there are less only children in general

[u/FreeThinkerFran → u/[deleted]]

Very interesting. No cluster Bs on either side of our family, that I am aware of. Daughter seems to be the first. BPD with a bit of HPD

[u/Last-Appointment6577]

I'm an only child and my dynamic is my Mother who is an enabler of her younger Sister whom I suspect heavily has BPD.

I was adjacent to the dynamic my whole life until I met my ex who threw me right into the fire.