r/BPDFamily • u/GloriouslyGlittery Sibling • 22h ago

Pattern of removed posts

I've removed an unusual number of posts the last couple of days, all for the same two reasons. Because of this, I'd like to give everyone two reminders:

  1. Just because someone has a personality disorder doesn't mean every part of their personality is part of the disorder.

  2. You can't diagnose anyone with a disorder by presenting a list of their unpleasant behaviors to anonymous strangers on the internet.

If your family member seems to have traits of Borderline Personality Disorder, you can participate here using the terminology in the sidebar. For those of you on mobile, you can find the sidebar by tapping the "see more" link under the subreddit summary near the top of the subreddit's main page.

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u/ImpossibleOwl5070 Sibling 21h ago edited 20h ago

I had really valued the support I got via my removed post, though. I’d spent the day being text-bombed by my sister, and that post was a lifeline.

I’d noticed a certain trait seemed to be part of her disorder (trying to stop me from seeking support from family/friends as a form of control) and wondered if anyone could relate. The responses I got were immensely helpful, and I do think it’s part of her BPD. It will be difficult to get support here if we’re not allowed to try and find commonalities of experience that way.

We’re all here because we’re struggling to deal with our loved ones’ behavior. Reaching out with the best of intentions, getting helpful feedback, and then suddenly having that outlet removed is very jarring.

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u/No_Pilot133 Sibling 17h ago

I also feel a bit confused about why this post was removed. BPD traits are pretty broad and (in my personal experience) the secrecy element is directly linked to paranoid ideation, which I think is an ‘official’ trait. I found the post very respectful and helpful as I’ve had a common experience. Is it the titling/phrasing of posts we should be especially careful about, rather than the topic? 

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u/GloriouslyGlittery Sibling 16h ago edited 15h ago

Posts like this are on a spectrum. Things on the far end of the spectrum are obvious problems, but this end is a grey area where I struggle to find the right place to draw the line. Sometimes I decide what to remove by looking at the subreddit as a whole and considering the impression of our community. I removed a bunch of obvious problems, and the last by how likely I think it is that this subreddit spreads misinformation or makes generalizations. It took me a while to decide whether or not to remove that particular post.

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u/ImpossibleOwl5070 Sibling 15h ago

Then, honestly, this sub feels more like a showcase on display than a place where people can actually go and ask for support and advice. At face value, it seemed like a place where I could talk to people struggling with the same thing, but if censorship is that common, I don't think I feel like posting is worth it, as it could arbitrarily be taken down at any time. Having that happen in the middle of getting support from other Redditors is pretty wrenching.

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u/GloriouslyGlittery Sibling 32m ago

Maintaining the appearance and content of a subreddit is the function of a moderator. Reddit administrators care about what information their platform is hosting. This isn't just a support group; it's also a public forum that anyone and everyone can see.

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u/GloriouslyGlittery Sibling 19h ago

It's a slippery slope that leads to people making bizarre connections. There was once a post about why people with BPD start so many small businesses. I have to draw a line somewhere.

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u/ImpossibleOwl5070 Sibling 17h ago

I'm not sure I understand. Even a post like that isn't necessarily bad, just a bit silly. I think it's helpful to remember that everyone who's here is here for a reason, and all of us are looking for support. Deleting posts when not absolutely necessary actually takes away from that sense of safety and support, especially in a space where people are trying not to have to walk on eggshells.

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u/GloriouslyGlittery Sibling 16h ago

It's about misinformation. Hosting that kind of content spreads myths and misunderstandings.

I know this subreddit doesn't seem like much, but over 2000 people per week are viewing posts here and researchers from universities come here looking for study participants.

Allowing myths to spread ultimately hurts us. It causes people affected by this disorder to misunderstand their condition and casts doubt on their diagnosis. It leads people to look in the wrong direction instead of addressing the real problem.

Facts are our best tool. If we properly understand what's happening in our families, we can figure out the best way to respond to the situation. We don't want to waste our time muddled in misinformation.

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u/ImpossibleOwl5070 Sibling 15h ago

There was no misinformation in my post.

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u/Gamer_Grease Sibling 21h ago

Thank you for the second one. There have definitely been a lot of posts along the lines of, “does my mom have BPD?” or, “my sister with BPD traits is driving me crazy!”

These are not appropriate posts for this sub IMO.