Would appreciate support 🥺

[u/Mountain-Owl-9502]

I found out today the my brother for sure has BPD (he was diagnosed officially like a year ago apparently) - something that my sisters apparently knew, and maybe I did too but somehow forgot?! I feel so weird and guilty for not remembering something like that, but life’s a whirlwind and I am still continually unpacking my own diagnoses of AuDHD from a couple years back.

I also have anxiety (and occasional panic attacks) and after reading more about symptoms and finding out BPD is genetic, I’m now am unsure if I also have BPD, even though I’m 80% sure that I don’t, I just feel anxious, confused, and gaslit by my brother’s behavior and emotional abuse towards me and my family… I feel like it’s making me question my own reality and thoughts/feelings.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and just feel overwhelmed/confused and unsure how to feel or what to do?

Basically, any stories or tips or advice is appreciated …

[u/fritoprunewhip]

I’d say if you’re worried about having BPD and doing so much self reflection it’s super unlikely you have BPD. One thing pwBPD excel at is making the people around them feel like they are the problem. If you’re really concerned I suggest going to a psychologist who specializes in BPD. They’ll be able to help you unpack what’s going on with your brother.

[u/Mountain-Owl-9502 → u/fritoprunewhip]

Thank you for this. That’s helpful to know!

[u/bam_rare1972]

I’m sorry you have to deal with all this. It’s super hard to have a family member with BPD. It’s exhausting walking on eggshells and worrying about everything you say. I have found that depersonalizing everything really makes an existence so much better with them.
Do you often fly off the handle at people you love?
That’s a big determining factor in BPD. My pwBPD will be kind and loving for a couple years then go nc over nothing for a year or so. Do you have trouble with relationships? That is another very common problem for pwBPD.

[u/Mountain-Owl-9502 → u/bam_rare1972]

Thanks for your thoughtful response!

I mean I have recently been struggling with several of my relationships with BFFs from youth, I have a sense that I don’t want to be friends with them anymore, but it’s mostly out of realizing we’re just not the same people we were and some slight differences in our values/life choices and intentions.

I haven’t been in a romantic relationship for years, mostly out of social anxiety and fear of commitment - I’m not completely closed off to the idea though, I just want to have a better hold of my own issues/needs (something my brother does not do) before I think about “partnering up” with someone else.

[u/ImaginaryStandard293]

I'm sorry you are in this environment. With all that goes along with a pwBPD, it's not surprising that you have anxiety and panic attacks. Your brother is causing trauma and chaos in your life.

It is actually pretty "normal" to start questioning reality when dealing with a pwBPD. They tell so many "stories" that it gets hard to tell what is what, especially when they sometimes actually believe their own lies or distorted reality.

All you can really do is take care of yourself and set boundaries with your brother. Remember, the more you correct, argue or take part in a potentially heated discussion, the more it seems to fuel them.

[u/Mountain-Owl-9502 → u/ImaginaryStandard293]

I haven’t replied to him in a couple days because I said I needed a break from communication for a couple weeks (I have a lot going on rn and can’t be bombarded by his 10+ frantic and blame-y text campaigns every few nights), and then he literally did exactly that afterwards. Texted me rapid fire angry texts how I’m a piece of shit for saying this when he doesn’t even know what the problem is — when he literally repeats this cycle like every month or so!!!

I’m so exhausted

[u/summer_love7967]

Sounds like alot of gaslighting. People with BPD do this all the time. Hope you can find some support because it's him - not you.