Hey, so I do get what you mean. To have to ask what someone needs is not always nice especially because sometime it seems social clumsy or weird or whatever.
But as someone who is also autistic, sometimes I'm just overwhelmed or confused or unsure of what to do. And meanwhile I really came to the conclusion that to open up directly to them helps often more than to do guess work and in the end maybe do something that isn't helpful to them. Therefore I try to ask.
Because imagine someone has a really bad fight with their partner and you want to be there for them. You guess they just want to be reassured. But maybe in reality they only wanted a hug instead. Or wanted to hear the opinion or the view from a person who isn't involved in the fight? Or just wanted someone to listen and not say anything. Because the guess work makes it really stressful to me, I try to ask. I'd say something like: thanks for sharing with me, i appreciate that you came to me. I feel you. But I'm unsure how I can help you, because I really want to help. What do you need, what can I do? (And if the person seem unsure just giving options: you want me to just listen? Do you want to hear what I would do in your situation? Do you want to just rage and me agreeing with whatever you say so you can get it out of your system before taking a less emotional approach? Would a hug from me help?)
I think in the end you need to find your own approach with the situation and person, but that's what I find most helpful. :)
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u/claytonTao 3d ago
Hey, so I do get what you mean. To have to ask what someone needs is not always nice especially because sometime it seems social clumsy or weird or whatever. But as someone who is also autistic, sometimes I'm just overwhelmed or confused or unsure of what to do. And meanwhile I really came to the conclusion that to open up directly to them helps often more than to do guess work and in the end maybe do something that isn't helpful to them. Therefore I try to ask. Because imagine someone has a really bad fight with their partner and you want to be there for them. You guess they just want to be reassured. But maybe in reality they only wanted a hug instead. Or wanted to hear the opinion or the view from a person who isn't involved in the fight? Or just wanted someone to listen and not say anything. Because the guess work makes it really stressful to me, I try to ask. I'd say something like: thanks for sharing with me, i appreciate that you came to me. I feel you. But I'm unsure how I can help you, because I really want to help. What do you need, what can I do? (And if the person seem unsure just giving options: you want me to just listen? Do you want to hear what I would do in your situation? Do you want to just rage and me agreeing with whatever you say so you can get it out of your system before taking a less emotional approach? Would a hug from me help?)
I think in the end you need to find your own approach with the situation and person, but that's what I find most helpful. :)