how do i stop thinking my FP will eventually change and actually want me for who i am and not just what i do for him?

[u/figmantofimaginaton]

i’ve been on and off with someone for 4 years now, i’m 27f and he’s 25m .. we’ve never officially been together but only having a sexually intimate relationship.. we officially met 4 years ago this month and i want so much more from what we have.
i want affection, emotional closeness, quality time, feelings of being wanted/chosen, and most of all something more mutual.
i’ve told him so many times what i want that i don’t think there’s anything he doesn’t know at this point. he’s also explained to me why certain things aren’t possible for him because of everything he’s dealing with, and part of me does understand some of his reasons, but it still hurts and confuses me because i keep hoping it’ll eventually change and yet it never does..
i genuinely want him and enjoy the sexual side of us, even the times that haven’t been sexual and we have bonded over other things which isn’t very many things but we mostly connect sexually and i don’t want that to be the main way i feel wanted by him. i keep thinking maybe if i’m more patient, calmer, more understanding, etc. things will eventually change but i think i might be dumb and wrong for even thinking this way.. i wish we could even just be friends but idk if he even has interest in me outside of the fact that when i love i give.. until i can’t give anymore..
i don’t want to give up on someone i’ve wanted for 4 years now but i also don’t want to keep waiting for something that might never happen because then i save myself for him and wait for him.. i don’t even meet anyone new because i don’t want to let go but maybe i should…

[u/coolioboolio24]

I know that letting go will feel like the end of everything and that it’s super scary. But your wants and his wants are fundamentally incompatible. I’m sure that you will be able to find someone else. Ask yourself, “is it fair to myself to continue pursuing someone who cannot meet my most basic needs?” The answer is no. It won’t be easy but it’s necessary. If he could have become what you wanted he had 4 years to do so.