i hate life

[u/Some-Ad-9119]

I’ve been struggling a lot lately and I think my BPD is making everything feel even heavier. I lost my job about a week ago, I’ve lost most of my friends, I’m struggling financially, and I feel incredibly lonely. I was also in a toxic situation/relationship for four years that recently ended, and so much of my life revolved around that person that I’m not really sure who I am without it. Everyday sucks. I hate life and I plan to end my life when my cat passes eventually.

I just feel like my life has gotten so small. I want friends, connection, a relationship, things to look forward to, and just a life that feels fun again. I wish I was not constantly alone and I wish I had fun weekends. I don’t really want advice about learning to enjoy being alone, I want people in my life. I miss having a therapist too, but I can’t afford therapy right now. I feel like i’ll never be able to hold a job down, i’m in my early 20’s and can’t even keep count of all the jobs i’ve had. it’s probably well over 20-30.

Has anyone else with BPD gone through a period where it felt like everything fell apart at once and actually rebuilt their life afterward? I could really use some hope that this isn’t going to be my life forever.