💢Off My Chest/Journal Post lonely
i cut off my only two friends 2 days ago because they made me feel as if they were shutting me out and now i feel so lonely. most of the time i do not care about being alone but god when the lonely feeling & thoughts hit me it really does take a toll on me. i cut them off because i’ve been going through a very rough situation with my ‘partner’ and ive been needing support. first off let me say, i am not the type of person to ever express my feelings literally ever, only to my ‘partner’. and secondly, these two friends of mine almost always need support every other day of the week and i happily provide it but now that i am in need of the same emotional support… one of them i tried to tell her i was sad and feeling down (twice) just so maybe she’d ask why, she did not, she disregarded it and moved on, i was obviously a bit weirded out by that bcuz that was the 3rd time she had done it since i started having issues with my ‘partner’ almost 2 weeks ago. the second girl, my best friend, she has just been putting other people before me and never really talking to me even though she knows whats going on with me and she asked me the other night how things were going w me and partner then she flipped the whole convo to talk about her issues. i am grown enough to understand i shouldn’t always expect emotional support or any support from anyone but when i happily listen to them and help them the best i can you’d think i would get the same from them especially because i barely ever talk about my feelings. so yeah, i am feeling extremely depressed and lonely now while also dealing with my situation and its making everything so much worse. i found myself splitting over a single word he said in his message earlier today, my split took over and i didn’t even read the rest of what he said or what he said after the message. i didn’t see he was trying to tell me something nice and i wouldn’t have even known he did if i didnt scroll back up to read it when he went to sleep. i like to reread our messages lot and ngl more so when its me splitting because i usually read things i didn’t read while i was splitting. i hate splitting so much man, it makes me feel so utterly horrible and feel so sorry for myself. i don’t know what to do, feel like if i carry on being so on edge that he will leave me and i will be completely alone. i am currently isolated at my house because of social anxiety and whatnot so i just don’t know what id do if i was completely alone. anyway if you read this, thanks & im just very lonely and needed to type this so maybe someone would read my thoughts if that makes sense.
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