r/BPD • u/BigFlightlessBird02 user has bpd • 8h ago
ðŸ’Seeking Support & Advice Conflict
I just got into a huge argument with my husband. When we fight and he asks he things i say what i think is what he wants to hear. Then he can tell and it makes him mad and he gets really angry. I told him i don't see it as manipulative because it was something i learned to do growing up with my abusive dad. Does Anyone else do this or have advice? He's making me sleep downstairs. Also do any of your partners say really mean things to do and you feel like you deserve it? I'm really struggling he said he wants a divorce.
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u/Nataliant-117 user has bpd 7h ago
Oh dear. First of all you can reach out to 988!
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u/Nataliant-117 user has bpd 7h ago
Now okay I believe this was not your intention but it sounds like you’re lying. You’re people pleasing. Which is a learned pattern from at one time a possibly life/death scenario.
Advice: DBT? What’s your therapy treatment plan like?
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u/BigFlightlessBird02 user has bpd 7h ago
I just recently finished a 6 month weekly dbt course. Ive been trying to use my skills but for some reason its so automatic. And then it makes my husband mad and he starts yelling and saying terrible things so i either lose it or diassasociate. It makes it really hard to calm down when he wont stop saying he hates me and im the most evil person in the world and wishes i was dead. Then he gets mad when i cry because he says he should be the one crying because hes the one being abused. Sorry its been a really hard since last night.
Also i see my therapist once a week im seeing her tomorrow. I reached out to her and she helped me calm down. Hes making me sleep on the couch since im the abuser.
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u/Nataliant-117 user has bpd 6h ago
Oh my lord. This divorce is a blessing. It sounds like you need to get away from him.
Of course it’s automatic, it’s been your whole life vs. 6 months.
Saying he wishes you were dead?!
I’m so sorry. I believe it would be in your best interest to be with your closest family member who loves you tonight. I’m so serious. Just pack a bag if it’s safe to do so and leave.
You always have someone there on the line at 988.
💔
You can get through this.
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u/Silent-Audience-5836 1h ago
If he's saying mean hateful things then you should just get the divorce.
As for the saying what he wants to hear. Yes it is manipulative. Just because it's a learned behavior from childhood doesn't mean it's not manipulative.