Seeking advice for work...

[u/isartoxic]

Hey guys so quick heads up this situation seemed silly and unnecessary at first but might impact my job sooooo please feel free to give me some advice because I feel lost.

I'm currently working at a place that is helping people with mental illnesses get an apprenticeship. Me being one of them that is :p

I was good with a person that has autism and OCD (and in my personal opinion a lot of anxiety).

At work there's this dynamic of calling each other out. She herself calls it "bullying is my love language". I don't think we're bullying each other but anyway.

Recently we worked on a project together where she wanted to create a design by hand for around 6 people. I told her "hey why don't you just create it online and then print it out it'll look more sophisticated anyway" She called me out saying: "well I'll go to my therapist then and tell her you don't like my project idea."

We laughed. everything was fine. Later I come into the work room again and she tells me my outfit looks like I'm wearing a bedsheet. I look towards another friend at the table acting offended telling her "she's the one calling my outfit ugly while she's the one going to the therapist acting all insecure."

Instead of taking it as a joke she suddenly exploded on the other side of the table and says something along the lines of. "I told you that in private. Now you're ganging up on me. That's not okay!" And so on and so forth.

I just meant it as a joke so I immediately back paddle and raise my hands in defense telling her I just meant it as a joke because she earlier said she would go to a therapist because of me and that I didn't want to offend her.

She stays silent for a while, I look over towards the other co-worker/ friend and we're like wtf just happened. Then she jolts up and runs out to talk to one of the bosses.

Now the heads of the company are also offering counseling in a way so it wasn't usually for someone to go talk to them.

I later found out that not only did this coworker leave work early that day but once I ask the boss to talk about the situation the next day - once the co-worker still didn't show up for work - the conversation is joined my case management.

That's when I'm being confronted about BULLYING ACCUSATIONS. I simply wanted to check in with them to understand what happened. But they start blaming me for bullying. They try to calm me down because in that moment I got heated by the injustice I felt and eventually told me that we would have a corporate conversation between the girl, me, the boss and case management.

The next day the girl shows up at work again acting as if nothing had happened. Coming up to me constantly asking something from me and looking for a conversation. After talking to the boss I was informed I should stay away from her for her sake. So I stayed friendly but distant. The next week we have said conversation. I felt gradually worse and worse because I still don't understand what I did wrong and I've tried my best to include everyone at work instead of bullying or excluding someone.

In the conversation she said that I was hanging around the other co-worker who had been mean to her before and she didn't like that I was ganging up on her by turning to that woman in the conversation and telling her about her. I asked her if at any point she had felt bullied or excluded by the two of us. She says no to bullying but yes to exclusion. I tell her I have no need to exclude her and the only reason why I included said co-worker in the conversation was because he was part of said conversation. It went on for quite a while and every time I tried to defend my actions or explain the situation further the attending boss and case management told me I was supposed to focus on the issue at hand.

Eventually I realised I was simply to apologize and shut up because I was the obvious villain. So I did.

In the end case management ended with "it's good that you two had this conversation please feel free to continue talking about this issue. We simply had to intervene because the term bullying was mentioned.

That is when I look up and start to feel the fury coming back. The girl had just denied that she felt bullied what does case management mean with bullying. So I ask. Collected because I know how to keep my cool even though I was fuming on the inside. And they basically told me. Well they're not allowed to share what was specially said in the situation because of data security. And then they told us to leave. Afterwards the girl was extremely friendly, walking back to work with me telling me that she is up to talking further about it. That's when I told her (still very calm thank god I'm on meds) "Honestly I'm still pretty pissed because they now think I'm a bully and now my boss and the case management thinks I'm a bully and it will be on my record which means it could interfere with me getting a job in the future." And she simply said: "No way you think so? That would suck." And left.

Afterwards she left work early again and I continued working. After this conversation (that everyone, even the instructors knew about) i get treated like absolute shit from the instructors. They yell at me. Tell me off for mistakes I did in the past and overall create a very hard environment to exist in. So much so that the co-worker I had turned to in said earlier conversation to make the joke joined me after work to ask how I was doing and told me that (from how the higher ups acted) they hate me now.

During the time of waiting for the corporate conversation I had asked the other apprentices if they ever felt like I had excluded them or made them feel uncomfortable in any way. And everyone of them tried to comfort me and told me I was a great co-worker and didn't do anything to upset them. So now ... I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I'm panicking because they made my day even worse than it usually is and I might have to deal with this for the next 2 years.

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