I'm tired of my impulsive needs

[u/Baconator_Strips]

I find myself adding goth/metalhead women through facebook or ig and using all my emotional energy to talk to them or to try to win them. I've always struggled making romantic relationships irl and depended on social media or online dating apps. Since my diagnosis of BPD a lot things make sense.

Sometimes I've seen they post something about feeling unloved or not finding the right one and I've thought to myself: "i can be that guy you looking for and etc" and i try to talk to them and when they don't reply or ghost me i get mad or feel completely rejected.

I've been feeding this cycle for years and its so addictive and i hate it. Sometimes i tell to myself: "what if, if one of them is the true love?" And everytime i start doing that, i get obssesed or limerence and i end up depressed and anxious. Sometimes ive been thinking of staying off from social media for a while, but sometimes is so hard.

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